Chapter 6

"What's up? You never ask to call me. Is it about earlier?" Rain asked as Olive picked up the phone.

"Yeah. Is Lyke there?" She asked.

"No, he was just on the couch stressing out. What did you guys do to him? Why would you drag him away like that?"

"We didn't do anything, just asked some questions."

"Like what?"

"Rain," Olive said seriously, "What is going on with you? Seriously, I'm curious."

"What do you mean?"

"What is Lyke to you? Who is he in your life?"

"So suddenly?"

"I've been thinking about it for a while, and it doesn't make sense."

"Huh?"

"I've never seen you care so much. The only things you used to care about were basketball and school. Why is it so different now? A person who has never been one to put in effort for relationships, has never gone anywhere with anyone, has never skipped school, has never given anyone a nickname, but you've done it all for Lyke. You've done every single one."

"Is that what this is about?"

"Yes, it is, Rain. Can you tell me what's going on?"

"What is there to explain? Lyke is like a little brother to me. I want to protect him, I want him to be happy in life. He's just a brother."

"Is that really it? Is that really what you think it is?"

"..."

"I'm being serious here. Is Lyke really just another little brother? Is he someone you can go without seeing every day? Is he someone you can go without texting? You say he's a little brother, but your actions say something different. The way you admire his face when he's not looking, the way you put him above yourself, and even the way you talk about him, is that really it? I'm not here to yell at or scold you, but I want you to figure it out for yourself before you confuse him even more. Don't be someone who ends up hurting him."

"You're overthinking this, majorly. You know better than anyone that I wouldn't hurt him, and you also know that I wouldn't think of Lyke as anything more than a friend and a brother. Okay? Calm down. You've gotten too worked up about this. I can see where you're coming from, but that really isn't it. Also, Olive, you were curious about what I was doing?"

"Yeah..."

"Okay, then that's my problem. You should've asked me, not him. Do you know how long he stayed on the couch staring at the ceiling since we got home? And this is what he was thinking about because you dragged him away to interrogate him for my actions? Seriously, Olive, that's a bad habit. Just ask me; don't stress him out unnecessarily."

"Well, that's not what he talked to him about. It was related, but we never asked him about how you felt."

"Oh? What did you talk about then?"

"Lyke asked what it would mean if someone calls someone else 'Sunshine' and we were trying to figure out who that was."

"Ah. I see. What did you tell him?"

"Nothing much. Forget it. I'm going to sleep. Good night. You stress me out."

"You stress everyone out. Good night."

Rain laid in confusion over the conversation for a while. He didn't really know what she was thinking, but he thought she was definitely wrong. He remembered how he felt with his past girlfriends, how it felt to like someone, how it felt to be in love, and with Lyke it was definitely different. There was no doubt in his mind that it wasn't the same thing. With his girlfriends, he felt most comfortable? Like he could truly be the best version of himself? As he thought about it, did he even know what his feelings were towards them?

He quickly grabbed his laptop from his bedside table.

"What... does... it... feel like... to be in... love," He said out loud to himself as he typed.

"Prioritize their needs, want to learn their interests, think about them a lot, are happy when around them, take special interest," He listed off under his breath.

"I don't think that's it? Oh, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know," Rain flopped down and covered his head with his pillow. "My head hurts. Of course, I felt that way with my girlfriends. Stupid."

___

"Good morning. First game is tomorrow, right?"

"Good morning," Rain smiled, "It is. Are you coming?"

"Of course. I have to see how well you do after all. You seem so sure that I can contend, so I need to start observing you."

"You haven't been observing me? I'm sad now."

"Oh don't be like that. I'm so tired during the morning practices that I can barely comprehend anything."

"You should try coffee again. I remember you said that it made you sick before, but have you tried it recently? It might help you to stop being so sleepy, sleepyhead."

"I don't want to risk it, I think I'm done with coffee for a while. I can't believe you remembered that."

"It's just a small thing. I can remember plenty about you. I know you like dogs, but recently you prefer cats. You also like... flowers." Rain stopped suddenly.

"Why are you being so weird?" Lyke asked.

"I'm not being weird, I just don't remember anything else."

"Okay... Well we are going to be late if we keep talking. Let's move! You have to practice before your game!"

"What's up?" Lyke asked later as the team took a break from their practice. Rain seemed to be getting distracted as he played, leading to him making mistakes over and over again. It was unlike him to be so lost in his thoughts, especially when basketball was something he cared about the most.

"Nothing. Maybe I'm just tired today." Rain responded.

"Are you sure?" Lyke tried to look at his face, but Rain avoided him, "You're being weird, I'm telling you."

"You're right, I am. I'm overthinking things. You have class soon, so make sure you don't fall asleep."

"I won't fall asleep. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing much. Just curious about something."

"What is it?"

"Do you ever think about stuff that happened in the past and whether or not something was really how you thought it was? Like if you thought at one time you were super happy, but when you look back, you aren't sure you were? Those sorts of things."

"Of course I do."

"And what did you find? I mean, when you think like that."

"I found that some of those times I really was happy, but other times I just told myself I was because that's what I wanted to believe. When I thought about it later, I just realized that sometimes we lie to ourselves to make ourselves more comfortable. If that makes sense."

"I see. What if you weren't sure?"

"Well, it depends. If I didn't know, then I would just forget about it, unless it was something important. What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing. I was just curious. I should stop talking and practice, don't you think?"

"Yeah, yeah. Go practice now. I'll see you later."

Lykes answer wasn't what he wanted to hear. As he walked back to the team, his thoughts were even more muddled. Was anything that he knew real? Of course it was. If it wasn't, why would it take so long? Why would it take so long for him to realize?

"Rain."

"Huh?"

"Are you going to stare at the floor forever?" A player asked.

"Oh. Sorry. I got distracted."

"Did he say something to you?" The guy asked, nodding towards Lyke.

"Yeah. Why is he even here? Is he bothering you again?" Another asked, the players all gathering around.

"He comes here every day, but he only stares at you. Maybe he's really trying to get with you, Rain. Like the forum said. Apparently, he's gay."

"Stop it. You're crazy," Rain said, "He's not bothering me. He never has."

"I'm just saying, if you aren't careful, then he'll definitely be all over you."

"What's your problem? You believe that forum? Maybe you should focus on making your shots instead of reading that shit. Even if he was gay, there's nothing wrong with that," Rain said calmly in a slightly joking manner. What they were saying made him want to yell in their faces, but they were the kinds of people to take things and run with it, and Rain knew that if he defended Lyke more, they would assume. What scared Rain more wasn't people having that view of Lyke, but what they would think of the star basketball player defending him. Even with saying as little as he did, the players looked at him weirdly and walked off. He hated it.

"Oh, fuck it all," Rain ruffled his hair in frustration and joined the rest.

"Olive?" Rain asked at lunch later. The group of freshmen hadn't joined yet, so it was just the two.

"What?"

"In your opinion, what kind of boyfriend was I to my girlfriends?"

"Why are you asking that? You haven't had a girlfriend in what feels like forever."

"Just answer the question. You ask too much."

"You weren't a good one, that's for sure. You made me question if you even loved them at all."

"Right? That's what I was thinking," Rain said nonchalantly.

"Huh?" Olive choked on her drink, "What do you mean by that?"

"What was I like in your eyes?" He ignored her question.

"You would smile around them, but you wouldn't ever do anything with them. You would take good care of them, but it never seemed like you were interested in anything else. Like they were just a good friend."

"Of course I was interested. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I didn't say you weren't. I'm just saying you didn't treat them like you would treat a lover. Weren't you ever curious why you would always break up?"

"That wasn't the reason, I know that. You're making me seem cruel."

"I'm just answering your question. Why would you even ask that? Weirdo."

"I was thinking after the call yesterday is all."

"Oh. I see. After yelling at me, you're realizing I'm right."

"You aren't right. Are you able to see in my head? You don't know what I'm thinking, you lunatic."

"I'm just messing with you, okay? You were very serious yesterday. I trust you."

__

"I'm excited to watch your game. Are you excited, Rain?" Lyke asked the next day.

"Of course I am."

"You'll do fine, so don't stress about it. Just focus. Are you okay now? You were completely distracted yesterday."

"Me? I'm completely fine."

"Talk to me then. What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I just have a lot to think about."

"That's okay if you don't want to talk. Forget it. How about we watch that show later, after your game? We haven't watched it in a while."

"Is that your idea of how to un-distract me?" Rain laughed.

"Well, you laughed, so it did something."

"Let's go." He smiled. 

When someone is unsure, many things go through their head. What should I do? How do I know? What am I feeling? Rain didn't know it was possible to be stuck with all those questions, but there he was. In every moment, there was something new to think about, another situation, and another question. What does it mean to love someone? How would you know? He could make up answers for every question to make himself feel better, except for one: How would you know you love someone? That was something he couldn't answer. It was something an internet search couldn't make him understand. After staying up all night thinking, he didn't even know if he had felt love like that before. Because no matter how he looked at it, he couldn't find any time where he loved someone. No. He wasn't sure he ever loved anyone he had dated, at least not more than a friend. Everyone he loved was a friend and family. That was all the love he was able to give in his 21 years of being alive.

Nothing more.

But if he didn't feel that way towards his exes, what did he feel for Lyke? He told himself before that it was different, but he didn't know what different meant in this situation. Maybe deep down he did, but he didn't have the courage to accept it. If he were to love someone, 

why couldn't it be a girl? 

Cheers filled his ears.

The game was almost over now.

All his life, he lived off those cheers.

From the people around him who held such a high image of him, those cheers made him feel loved. If he were to love someone who wasn't a girl, would those cheers stay the same? Would he still hold the image of Rain, the sporty star basketball player, or would he be reduced to an image of someone weak and abnormal? Would he still receive love and acceptance from those people, or would he lose everything he had grown to love? He wouldn't be able to handle the looks of those who expected so much. He was selfish, but that's all he's known.

*Beeeep*

The final buzzer sounded.

Even though they won the game, it felt like he had lost. All alone, by himself. 

Suddenly, in the filled gym, he was all alone.

"Rain! Rain, you did amazing!" Lyke ran towards him without knowing the thoughts going through his head.

"Thank you," He smiled.

"Seriously, I've never seen you play like that before. It was kinda scary."

"I told you he would be impressed," Olive whispered in Rain's ear.

"Do you understand me now? I was telling you guys," Lin finally walked up with Sana.

"Okay, okay, we understand you. Good work, Rain," Sana smiled.

"Thank you, thank you. I'll grab my stuff and be right out. Then we can go home," Rain nodded to Lyke.

"Alright, I'll be over here."

Lyke could tell that whatever was on Rain's mind was still bothering him from the minute he walked up. Although he wasn't always the best at reading his face, there was a certain expression, something between anger and sadness, that he couldn't hide. He tried to hide it with a smile, but such an expression wasn't easy to wipe away. Lyke didn't ask, though. He knew that if Rain wanted to talk, he would. Instead, when they got home, they watched their show together in silence until it got late.

"They were so close to getting together. Why would she act weird now?" Lyke asked.

"She's insecure. Didn't you see the scene where her classmates criticized their relationship?"

"I must have gone to the bathroom during that scene. That makes sense now. But still, she just realized she liked him. Why would she do that now? I wanted them to get together."

"I guess she doesn't want to be looked at badly. Even though there isn't anything wrong with their relationship, she doesn't like the fact that people would look at her differently. I guess she doesn't feel comfortable with herself."

"I understand that. It's normal to be scared, but in the world, there will always be people who support rather than tear down. You love who you love. In the end, love is love," Lyke looked up, "Sorry. I always ramble when we talk after watching. I'm sure you want to sleep."

Rain just stared at Lykes face as he spoke. He wondered if Lyke knew what he was thinking, if he knew the person sitting across from him was being selfish, or if he knew his own eyes were the perfect shade of brown.

"Are you listening?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry," Rain examined his face once more, "Are you sleeping out here tonight?"

"I'm going to my room. It's cold out here."

"Okay. I'm going to call Olive again. Good night."

"Good night."

(Calling Olive)

"Hello?"

"Hey, what's up?" Olive responded.

"I was just thinking about what we talked about the other day."

"What about it?"

"Is that really what you think? Do you really think that?"

"That you like him?"

"Yes."

"Rain. I was just saying that you were different with him. The way you care about him, the way you talk about him, and the way you look at him. There's a certain way that you've changed, Rain, that makes me think it was all for him. It's like you've found a purpose. Like he is your purpose. Truthfully, what do you really think about him?"

"If Lyke were to disappear tomorrow, I don't know if anything would have meaning. When I look at his smile, it makes everything worth it. If he's happy, nothing else matters to me."

"Rain. Even if you hadn't said that, your face says it for you every day. You would do anything for Lyke. When he smiles, you smile. You would hurt yourself before allowing him to be hurt. Rain."

Rain lay there in silence, listening to the words Olive said. They were like a spear to his heart in the way they blindsided him. He had never given anything much thought until Olive spoke up. He tended to live life without thinking in depth, just living in the moment, day by day. As far as he knew, Lyke was someone he loved and wanted to protect, but he never thought any further than that. Before, he never even thought it could be something more, he couldn't even remember when he last spent time thinking about his feelings. When it came down to it, Rain had simply not thought it was possible to feel anything outside of brotherly love for Lyke, so he never gave it any second thought.

"Are you awake?"

"Yeah," Rain replied silently, "I'm just thinking."

"Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"What if..." Rain trailed off.

"Yes?"

"What if... I did feel more for Lyke?" Rains' question was met with silence, "Is there something wrong with me?"

"There's nothing wrong with that. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that."

"But how can Iike a guy?"

"Are you scared?" Olive asked.

"..."

"Hello?"

"I need to think. I need to be alone for a bit."

"Okay, that's okay. Call me if you need me."

"I will."

Rain stared at the ceiling for a long time after hanging up. Suddenly, for the first time in years, he was uncomfortable with himself. He was always a person who never cared what others thought, but he suddenly couldn't bear what they would think if they could see even a glimpse into his mind in that moment. The more he stared and thought, the more he hated himself. Maybe it was the fact that he hated feeling different or the fact that he was so ignorant to his real feelings, but he felt like his head was going to explode. Whatever it was, he couldn't stand to think anymore.

Eventually, he got up to get a glass of water in the kitchen and found Lyke exactly where he had left him. He walked over quietly, trying not to wake him up and looked over the back of the couch at his sleeping face.

"You said you would sleep in your room tonight, you liar," He whispered, "You know, I can never trust you, but still, I always do. No matter how much you lie to me, it's okay, I'll forgive you. I just hope you weren't waiting for me to come back. You shouldn't wait for me anymore. I'm a bad person. A bad, bad person. At the end of the day, I'm just selfish. I told you I wouldn't care what people thought of me, that as long as I was with you, it would be okay, but I'm selfish. I care what people think. I'm scared of what they would think. I'm scared I might not be normal. I'm scared of who I am. I've never in my life felt so guilty about something, and I know it's wrong of me to be scared, but I am. I'm scared of loving you, and that hurts the most."

Tears streamed down Rain's face as his voice slowly broke. He always said he would do anything for Lyke, but now, standing in front of him, he could only admit how selfish he was. Whatever happened to the seemingly untouchable man? What happened to the one who never cared for others' opinions? After looking at Lyke still asleep, he simply walked away and back to his room.

____

"Rain? Do you want to watch that show with me?"

Lyke knocked on Rain's door after not seeing him for the better part of the day. The Wednesday passed excruciatingly slow, slower than the usual he spent with Rain.

"Are you mad about me sleeping on the couch last night? I'm sorry, I was really tired. I wanted to go to my room, but I was worried, so don't be mad."

"..."

"Can you say something? Are you alive in there?"

No matter how much Lyke talked through the door, no matter how much he begged, Rain didn't respond. It was uncharacteristic for him to stay in his room all day. Usually, he would have gone on a walk, run to the store, or at least sat at the window and watched the birds outside, but he did none of those. It was complete radio silence. Lyke ate alone in his room, something he had never done before while living there with Rain. It was déja vu to all the times he spent growing up, all alone in a place he called home. He texted Olive, the only person he knew who knew Rain more than anyone.

Lyke: "Did you talk to Rain?"

Olive: "Yes, I called him last night."

Lyke: "What did you say to him? He hasn't left his room all day."

Olive: "Give him some time."

Lyke: "Olive."

Olive: "Yes?"

Lyke: "What did you say to him?"

Olive: "What we talk about is between us, Lyke."

Lyke: "I don't want to be mad at you, I really don't, but if your conversation ended with this, I can't help but feel angry."

Olive: "He told me he needs some time to think. He's okay. He's strong."

Lyke: "Even the strongest people are weak. It's unfair for you to assume that because he's usually strong, he will always stay strong. But I don't really know. Nobody truly does. All I know is that last night was the first time I've seen him cry."

Olive: "He cried?"

Lyke: "I was asleep, so I didn't hear much, but I want you to know that whatever you talked about, you must have misunderstood how strong Rain really is. But then again, I don't know what you said, so I can't judge you."

Olive: "Okay, I understand. You can stop being passive-aggressive now. I'll talk to him soon, but I still want to give him time. That's what he asked me to do."

Lyke: "Okay, I'm going to bed now, I'll see you in the morning."

Olive: "Good night, and thanks for texting me."

___

Thursday morning was as silent as Wednesday, except Rain was there. He woke at the same time, yet he didn't question why Lyke was up before him as he usually did. He waited for Lyke, but he didn't ask if he'd eaten before they left. The one who was usually a morning person seemed like he would do anything not to be awake. Nothing seemed normal. For the first time since they met, Rain didn't seem to care about Lyke. He just focused on basketball, and apart from his classes, that's all he did. He didn't even sit down at the lunch table with everyone else. Instead went to the gym to eat with the other players. Even though Lyke knew it wasn't Rain's job to care about him, he couldn't help but feel the discomfort that came with his sudden decision to ignore him.

"Should we all go to Rains game tomorrow?" Sana asked cheerfully.

"Of course!" Lin smiled.

"I want to, but I don't think he would want me there." Lyke poked at his food.

"Why not? Of course, he would." Sana looked to Olive, but she just nodded as if telling Sana to leave the matter alone.

"Is he still not speaking to you?" Olive asked.

"No, he's not. He's acting as if I don't exist."

"Oh? Why would he do that?" Lin asked.

"He's probably just focused on basketball right now, Lyke. He missed a lot of practice, so he needs to prepare for the games. He's the captain. He can't mess up when it comes down to it." Olive comforted.

"He always gets like this at the beginning of the season. It must be more stressful, considering he did miss a lot, so you should try to be patient. I don't think it's anything personal," Lin added.

"But I still don't think I should go. If he gets distracted, that would be my fault."

"Why do you say that? Did something happen?"

"I don't know, you would have to ask Olive about that. This time, I don't know."

"Oh?"

"I told you to stop with the passive aggressiveness. It won't do any good to be angry at me. I already told you last night."

"It wasn't supposed to be passive-aggressive; I just genuinely don't know and that upsets me. It doesn't feel good to not know while also being ignored. I feel like I don't know anything at all."

"The only thing to do is honestly ask him if he wants you there. Nobody here can tell you that, the only one who knows is him," Lin said.

"He's right. You should ask him if you want to know," Sana agreed.

"If he'll talk to me, I'll ask him. If he won't, then I won't go. Right now I have a class, so I'll see you all tomorrow."

"Lyke," Olive said as he got up to leave, "It will be okay."

He just nodded and left.

"What was that about?" Sana asked as soon as he was out of range.

"As I told him, what Rain and I talk about is between us. I won't say anything."

"I understand that, but Lyke seemed pretty angry with you. I'm not asking you to tell me what you talked about, just saying. I don't know what you did, but I think you should make it right, whatever happened."

"Okay, alright. I don't need you saying it too. I already feel bad enough, even though I don't really know what I did."

"Well you should figure out."

"Stop it."

The rest of the day went like the morning. Rain didn't answer his text messages, and by the time Lyke's final class ended, he didn't even know if he should bother going to the gym to wait for Rain. At that point, he thought he would rather play basketball than take Lyke back to the house.

"Why don't you go in?" A voice came from behind Lyke as he watched Rain from the gym door.

"Oh. Hey, Nicky," Lyke said after turning around, "He's busy, so I'd rather not bother him too much. I think I'll just get a ride back to his place with Olive."

"His place? Why would you go to his place?"

"I live there now. I'd have to wait until he's done for a ride but he's been practicing all day, so he probably won't end soon."

"Well, why do you live with him now?" She said, trying to smile, but it was obvious on her face that she was far from happy.

"Uh, I don't know, actually. He just told me it would be safer. I don't remember-"

"Lyke?"

"Hey, Olive. I was going to ask if you could give me a ride home since Rain probably won't be done soon."

"Yeah," She said quickly, glancing at Nicky, "Yeah, I'll give you a ride. What were you guys talking about?"

"Nothing. She just asked why I wasn't going in."

"Yeah. Like a normal conversation," Nicky replied sarcastically as if to antagonize Olive, "I'll see you later, Lyke!" She smiled, waved, and walked away.

"What a bitch."

"What did she do?"

"Nothing. Let's go."

As expected, Rain didn't return home until much later. Even though he expected it, Lyke waited. He lay on the couch, waiting for the lock of the door to sound, but after hours of nothing, he gave in and fell asleep.

...

...

... Rain?

It was a dream Lyke had never seen before.

The vast dirt lot in front of his house laid out before him as he stood on his front doorstep. Two people were fighting about 19 feet away from where he stood, but he could only see Rain. The person he was tackling was unclear as if they had been censored from his memory. When he took a step forward-

The lock of the door finally went off.

Lyke sat straight up immediately.

"Are you finally home? It's 10 pm. Why are you coming back so late?" He asked as Rain walked in.

"Sorry. I was practicing and got carried away. Did I wake you up?"

"Yeah, but it's okay. I wanted to stay awake to wait for you, but I fell asleep accidentally."

"Why'd you wait? You should have just slept. There's no point waiting for me."

"That's not true. I wanted to wait for you so we could talk-"

"I'm going to bed now. I need to get sleep before the game since I've been up so long. You should head to bed, too."

With that, he left.

"... Good night."

____

"Still nothing? You couldn't even talk to him last night?"

The four gathered around the lunch table again without Rain. Even if it was a different day, the circumstances were not any different. Rain still didn't speak in the morning and left Lyke to himself so he could spend his time playing basketball.

"All I got to say was that I had waited for him to get home, then he went to bed. It's the same as yesterday. He didn't say anything to me this morning either." Lyke sighed and reluctantly picked at his food.

"So are you going to the game or not? It's not like he can really choose if you go or not."

"I don't want to go. It would just be uncomfortable."

"Oh? Are you backing down now?"

"Why should I go if he doesn't want me there? It's not backing down, it's being respectful."

"But he never said he didn't want you there."

"Why don't you ask him if you want me to go so bad? I'm not doing it," Lyke snapped. "...I'm sorry."

"It's alright. We understand. I can ask if you want me to, though," Olive said.

"It won't change anything anyways. He won't want to talk to you either."

"He doesn't have a choice. He will have to talk to me one way or another."

"I'm leaving. I'll see you later," Lyke got up and left without looking at anyone.

"I'm going to find Rain. I should talk to him," Olive said and got up as well.

"Olive, just be careful. Don't make it worse," Sana warned her.

"I'll try not to."

As she stood at the entrance of the gym, she couldn't help but regret ever calling Rain that day. If she hadn't, if she had never pressured him, they would've been fine. Once again, she only thought about herself, something that happened more than she realized. Her selfishness was the reason. There were many ways to go about asking Rain, but she chose to do it the way she did. She blurted out everything she had been thinking for the past months over the phone and forced him into realizing something like that while he was all alone. She told him he would end up hurting Lyke, which she knew was the thing he wanted the least in his life. She knew Rain would sacrifice himself before hurting Lyke, it was a fact she knew very, very well. But she still said what she said despite that. It was her need to have an answer that caused everything to come down so quickly, and she didn't know how to fix it.

"Olive?"

"?"

Rain stood in front of her, basketball in hand.

"Why are you standing here?" He asked.

"I need to talk to you."

"I'm playing right now."

"I'm going to be selfish again and say you don't have a choice."

"Just say it quickly."

"Let's sit over here where it's a little quieter," Olive pointed down the dimly lit hallway.

"What do you need to say? I need to get back," He said and sat down.

"I want to apologize. I was selfish. I wanted an answer, and that was wrong of me. I was wrong."

"Olive, there's nothing to apologize for."

"Huh?"

"I know you. I've been with you my whole life. You don't have to worry about it."

"But it was unfair for me to say any of that."

"I don't really know if it was or wasn't."

"What do you mean?"

"I'd rather you'd just forget it," Rain looked at her.

"You say that, but your face is telling me that you can't forget."

"I should get back now."

"How long are you going to treat Lyke like that? Until you can forget it? You can hate me. You can hate yourself. But Lyke didn't do anything wrong. You can't keep ignoring him. He has no idea what is going on. He's so scared that you hate him, but he's still trying to respect you, and you wouldn't even talk to him long enough for him to ask if you wanted him to come to your game. Does that sound right? Does it sound right to you? I'm only saying this because you insist on walking away. I'm sorry if I'm overstepping again, but it's for Lyke. He doesn't deserve that."

"Whether he comes tonight or not, it's not my concern."

Rain continued walking without saying anything else. She didn't get to say even half of what she wanted to, but it didn't matter anyway; Rain didn't want to talk, and he certainly didn't want to listen. She didn't know what to do. it felt like everything was crumbling. The least she could do was tell Lyke what Rain said, but that couldn't possibly make anything better. She knew Lyke would be devastated by his response with no clear answer. He was already scared that Rain hated him, that he did something wrong unknowingly, so his words wouldn't be any consolation.

"Did he really say that I could come?" Lyke asked as they entered the larger gym, which was filled with people in the stands.

"He said if you wanted to come, it was up to you," Olive smiled back at him, "Now hurry up. It starts soon."

"Let's sit over there. That's a good spot," Lin pointed.

"Where's Rain?" Sana asked.

"Let's go people! You can find Rain after we've sat down," Olive ushered the three to the spot in the stands Lin pointed out.

"Oh. Is it starting already?" Lyke asked as the players got into position.

"I told you it was starting soon."

"Well I didn't think that it would be that soon."

"He's doing the jump. You see him?"

"Yeah, I see him."

As the ball went up, it found its way into Rain's hand with ease. From the very start, it was obvious that Rains team had the advantage in terms of skill and ability. A quarter felt like a minute. Lyke couldn't take his eyes off Rain as he masterfully moved the ball between his hands, releasing it in a perfect arch and into the net, all of it being done as his concentration never once wavered. He was like a different person; his expression only changed into a smile when his team was able to defend and score. Other than that, he wore a serious expression that could chill anyone to the bone.

"Is he usually that serious or?" Lyke asked.

"Not really, but it might just be because it's the second game. I'm sure he doesn't want to mess up as captain."

"That's true. But we're winning by so much, why doesn't he have fun? There's no point in being so serious all the time."

"Whatever helps him play better. The rest doesn't matter."

Beep

The game ended swiftly.

Luckily, Rain saw them coming, so he was able to separate from the crowd easily to meet them. He walked up with a smile that helped to ease Lykes mind for a minute before he realized everything was still the same. Even after Lyke told him how well he played, the only two words that were said were "Thank you." Rain avoided looking at him and acted like he wasn't even there. Lyke felt invisible even when the others tried to include him. It didn't matter in his mind if he was included if Rain wasn't acknowledging his presence. The car ride home was equally as lonely, if not more, as it was just the two of them in utter silence. There's nothing more suffocating than two people alone, a person who wants nothing to do with the other and a person who wants so desperately to be acknowledged. The car ride was so painful that Lyke barely waited until the car's engine was off before opening the door and leaving Rain sitting there. He just went inside and to his room, hoping that if he went to sleep this time, he would wake up to everything the way it was. It didn't matter if the nightmare that met him along the way was the worst he'd ever seen, just as long as he could wake up with the possibility that the past two days had been the nightmare all along. 

While Lyke left immediately, Rain stayed in his car, staring listlessly at his steering wheel. He had two days alone in his head to think, but he still didn't have any idea what he was supposed to do. If he focused his everything on basketball, it seemed momentarily better. Maybe that was because it didn't allow him to think about anything else. Maybe it was the fact that it made him feel at least a little bit more normal. If he just went back to the way he was before, maybe he would feel better after a while. But now he couldn't even stand to look at Lykes face. He felt so guilty, and it felt so wrong, but he thought that in the long run, it would be better. It would be better if he could just turn his back now.

Right.

Then he would be able to forget.

___

The next morning came around slowly.

Lyke woke up to deafening silence and realized that being awake was just as bad as being asleep. It was just a continuation of the nightmares.

His head rang as he stood up, a blinding pain flashed through his head like knives. Fatigue hung with him as he washed up, put on his uniform, and walked down the stairs.

"What's wrong? You look super pale," Rain asked when he saw him, much to his surprise.

"Nothing."

"Alright," Rain turned away and grabbed his car keys. Even though Lyke didn't expect anything, he wished Rain would question further about what was wrong, like he always did, but instead, they drove in silence. It was sad, but Lyke was at least happy that Rain asked about his well-being. That was the most emotion he had shown towards him in days. 

"Woah, what's wrong? Are you not feeling well? You look sick." Olive asked when they approached the front gate where the group stood every day.

"Oh, it's nothing," Lyke responded, not looking at any of them. He just watched sadly as Rain walked away, never acknowledging anyone. "Are you going to cooking today?"

"Are you? I have a project to do during club time but I can reschedule if you want to go."

"Why would you do that? Do your project, don't come to the club. How about you Sana?"

"Huh?"

"Are you going to cooking today?"

"I have to prepare something for the upcoming basketball tournament, so I can't."

"Alright. I'll see you guys later then. Don't you dare come; you need to work on your own work, Olive," He warned before walking off.

It was the end of the day now, the cooking club had already finished. Now Lyke was just sitting alone in the room because he didn't want to sit listening to the dribbling of basketballs. With his headphones in, he tried to lose himself momentarily in lyrics he felt like he knew all too well. Just when he closed his eyes, he heard a voice.

"What are you still doing here?"

"Oh. Hey Nicky. I'm waiting for Rain to finish practice, then I'll go home."

"Why not go to the gym and wait? Are you scared of it now?"

"Why would I be scared of it? I was just listening to music and needed a quiet spot. It's too noisy in there."

"I see. Would you like to talk for a minute?"

"Sure, I don't see why not," He took out his headphones. "What's up?"

"Is everything okay? I noticed you aren't hanging out with Rain these days. He doesn't seem to talk to you anymore. You also don't look too good... health-wise."

"That's what you want to talk about? Why? I don't think it matters."

"Oh, I'm just asking. I was curious for a while, but I'm sure you realize now."

"Realize what?"

"You know, when he and I used to date-"

"You used to date?" It was like someone had taken a sledgehammer to his heart.

"He hasn't told you about that? I'm the person he's dated for the longest."

"I mean, there was no reason for him to tell me, so no, he hasn't," Lyke laughed.

"Well, as I was saying, when he and I dated, he never ignored me like that."

"Well, we aren't anything, so it's not really the same."

"Oh, of course! Dating and being friends are different. Anyways, I was wondering something else."

"Yeah?"

"Have you thought about taking the club leader position? I was going to leave but then you missed a bunch of days, so I stayed."

"I'm sorry, I must not have remembered us talking about that."

"What do you mean? It wasn't that long ago. How could you forget?" She asked with a smirk starting to spread on her face.

"Oh. I was told something happened, but I can't remember. There are some things missing in my memory. So I'm sorry, I must have forgotten that."

"That's okay. I figured as much."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, I just meant that I figured you forgot about it since some time has passed, not that I figured you lost your memory."

"Oh, I see."

"So you don't remember anything?"

"Not everything, but I do remember some stuff."

"Oh really? Interesting. I wonder how that works."

"Olive said that when something traumatic happens, the brain can respond by blocking those events out. So that's what happened, I guess."

"Traumatic? Wouldn't it be better not to remember those things then?"

"That's why I told Rain and Olive not to tell me what happened. I didn't want to remember if it was something bad."

"Good choice. Ah, I wish I could forget bad things as well. That would be nice."

"Well, it seems convenient, but is it really? I always feel like I'm missing something big. Sometimes, I feel like they look at me differently and treat me like I'm a child. I even had to move in with Rain, and now he ignores me..." Lyke trailed off.

"Rain always has his reasons. I can't really say that he's ever been mean to me, though. Sometimes, it's like we never broke up. Of course, that's because we had to break up because of his family. His mom wants him to marry a more affluent woman, so I simply wouldn't do it," Nicky said while staring at Lyke's face, watching to see how her words would pierce his heart.

"Ah... I see," He simply responded.

"I know he still loves me, though. I think that's what I would forget. How happy we were. But I think one day we'll be together again. Good things work out in the end, right? The bad people will never have their way," She continued.

"Right. Bad people never win. I think I should go now. Rain should be done soon."

"Wait," She grabbed his hand as he stood up.

"I should go though-"

"Lyke?"

Both of their heads turned to the door.

"Rain, are you-"

"What are you doing?" He yelled.

"I was tal-"

Rain ran forward, ripping Lykes arm from Nickys hand.

"What are you doing? How dare you speak to him? How dare you touch him? Did you think for even a second about what you did?" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Rain. Rain, please calm down. Don't yell at her," Lyke pleaded but he didn't stop.

"I guess you've figured it out, huh? Did you enjoy taking advantage of someone who can't remember what the fuck you did? Did you have your fun?"

"Rain, you're hurting me," Lyke said as Rain gripped his arm.

"You know I didn't do anything, Rain," Nicky finally responded.

"The hell you didn't. There's no way that drug made it into his water bottle. There's no way he could have been drugged like that if you didn't give him it. You know it. We all know it."

"Rain," Lyke was violently crying, "Stop it. You're hurting me. Stop it, please."

"Rain, let him go. Just let him go."

"What?"

Rain, finally realizing he was still holding onto Lyke, released him quickly.

"You go out there and call Olive. Now," He demanded.

Lyke ran away as fast as he could.

"You are evil. You are the scum of this earth, Nicky. How could you do this? How could you bring yourself to look him in the eyes? Do you have no concise? Do you have zero empathy? Are you even human?"

The words could faintly be heard as Lyke tried to call Olive with shaking hands.

"Olive?"

"Is everything okay? Why are you crying?"

"Rain is yelling at Nicky, and I don't know why. He grabbed my arm, and he wouldn't let me go, and now he just keeps yelling so loud, so loud, and I don't know what he's saying. Can you come here please? Please can you come and pick me up? I want to go home. I want to go home and lay down in my bed." Lykes words were jumbled together through his sobs and sharp breaths as if he couldn't breathe from how hard he was crying.

"I'm coming to get you. Don't worry, I'll be there in a minute."

"Can you hurry? I'm scared."

"I'm coming."

The voices in the distance didn't seem to stop. They blended into each other as if they were one, the volume rising as time went on. All Lyke could do was press his hands firmly against his head in an attempt to block it out while closing his eyes tightly. He didn't know how much time passed when he felt someone set their hand on his shoulder. When he opened his eyes, Olive stared back at him. He just hugged her tightly while the tears started again.

"Calm down. Breathe for me. You have to breathe."

Lyke nodded his head and pulled away from the hug.

"Where is Rain?" She asked.

"He was in the club room. With Nicky."

"Why don't you stay here? I'll go over and see what's going on."

"Can I go home? I want to go home."

"I'll be right back. I won't be long. After I'm done, I will take you home, okay? Stay here."

She walked over to the club room quickly to find Rain staring at Nicky as if he could tear her apart.

"I'm here. What's going on?"

"Let's go. This garbage isn't worth any more of my time."

With that, Rain simply walked away, and Olive followed.

"Is he okay?" Rain asked, seeing Lyke sitting with his back against the wall.

"Why don't you ask him yourself?"

"I think I've done something really stupid, Olive," Rain turned to look at her. "I've done something really bad, and I don't know if he will forgive that. Take him home for now, I'm staying longer."

"Really? Are you still going to do this?"

"I need to think. I promise I'll pull myself together, but I need more time. I just need more time."

Olive sighed, "I'll take him home, but you have to come back soon. Don't leave him alone."

"I won't.