Chapter 5

What is it like to stare the devil in the eyes?

I would like if I didn't know, but I see him every time I close my eyes.

Lavender.

Orange.

If I had the chance, if I had one wish, I would never close my eyes again.

____

Lyke wouldn't go to sleep if he didn't have to.

Even if exhaustion took him, it would only take a couple of hours for him to be fully awake. But once again, he acted as if nothing was wrong, as if he wasn't on the brink of collapse. He continued through the weekend like that, keeping himself busy to ignore it.

By the time Monday came around again, Lyke had only slept 10 hours over the three days.

"You're up again already? You did that on Friday, too. Do you even go to bed?" Rain tried to trick him into admitting he couldn't sleep.

"I slept like a log last night. Since I have to wake up early twice a week this semester, I thought it'd be good to get in the habit. I wake up earlier and get ready so I don't make you late."

"Does that make sense to you?"

"Of course, or else I wouldn't do it."

"Let's go. Are you playing today? I think I'd be okay using my hands so I can guard you properly."

"No, the doctor said to wait a week. It has been three days. Three."

"That was a mere suggestion."

"No. I'm not playing if you do."

"So you will play?"

"I guess so. Gotta keep busy."

"Would you want to play with the team? Just a short scrimmage match."

"I am not joining the team if that's what you're thinking again."

"No, I'm not going to ask you that. I just wanted to see if you would actually like to play instead of being 'guarded' by me."

"Okay."

"Really? I didn't think you'd actually agree."

"Should I not?"

"No, that's not what I meant at all. Let's go, quick, quick."

-

"Alright," Rain spoke up, "This is Lyke. He's going to be filling as point guard for today's scrimmage." The players blankly stared at Lyke, some glaring and some snickering with those beside them. "He can probably beat the majority of you so I wouldn't be laughing so much," He shot back at them. "Okay, I am the ref for this game. I am also watching you all play so I can determine who will take Jay's position, so play fairly and with the best of your ability. Lastly, I will be back next week, and the week after that, games will start."

The scrimmage started as expected. One team scored, the other followed, etc. Lyke, who picked up the plays quickly after watching a couple of practices, led the leading team. As it continued, the players surprisingly warmed up to him, even after looking like they wanted to chop off his head before. The other team, however, was growing frustrated, as one would be if someone who wasn't even on the team came and wiped the floor with their bodies. It was all going okay until Lyke noticeably slowed down, so noticeably that Rain called a timeout for them, concerned.

"Are you okay?" He asked and handed him water. Lyke just nodded his head and drank.

"Look at me."

Lyke looked up, but his vision blurred slightly.

"Hm?" Lyke said nonchalantly.

"Look at me. Are you okay?" Rain looked into his eyes. They even looked tired.

"What's wrong?" One of the players asked.

"Nothing, I'm just a little tired. I haven't played like this in a while. It's normal to be tired, right? Let's go."

They quickly began playing again with only five minutes until 'halftime'. When Rain blew the whistle, they all ran over quickly to the bench and plopped down.

"Why doesn't he fill in for Jay?" One player asked Rain.

"Are you stupid? He can't do that, don't you remember-"

"He said he doesn't want to join the team," Rain cut him off and turned around, "And don't bring up things that are in the past."

"Where did he go, anyways?" 

"I'm here," Lyke smiled as he walked toward the group.

"Are you sure you don't want to join the team?" The player asked again.

"Ah. No, it's not for me. I just play sometimes. By the way..." Lyke went on to talk to the players about a play while Rain watched.

"Alright, halftime is almost over. Regroup." He said and glanced over at Lyke once again.

He knew that it was wrong of him to worry so much, but something in the way Lyke smiled at him in the last few days made him feel uneasy. It was as if Lyke thought his smile could make everything disappear, like he was trying to make a big problem smaller under the illusion that because he was smiling, nothing was wrong. 

But it didn't fool Rain. Lyke could try and fool himself. But Rain? He couldn't buy it.

As the game started again, it finally came.

He was so tired. He had no energy left. Lykes vision gradually blurred, but he kept going. He had to keep going. He couldn't close his eyes. He didn't want to descend into his own hell again. He had to keep going. He couldn't let Rain know.

But Rain watched as Lyke ran the ball down the court and collapsed.

"Lyke?" Rain ran forward.

"I'm fine. Sorry," He said plainly.

"What do you mean you're fine? Everyone, go take a break."

"I'm just tired."

"I know. How much have you slept?"

"I'm tired because of the game, not because I don't sleep."

Rain sighed.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He asked.

"No, I'm okay. Am I going to ruin the practice if I sit out?"

"I was going to make you sit anyway. I'll play for the rest. Don't even argue with me, I'll avoid using my bad hand."

Lyke nodded.

___

"Energy drink, huh?"

"Are you going to tell me I'll die if I drink it?

"No, I just think you should sleep instead of drinking it."

"Harmony class is a bore. I needed to stay awake for it, though."

Rain frowned.

"Stop looking at me like that. I enjoy drinking battery acid." Lyke ignored Rain's concerned expression.

"I'm not frowning at the drink, Lyke."

"You want to watch a show when we get home?" Lyke avoided.

"So suddenly?"

"I need something to do."

"Sure," Rain sighed, "Why not?"

"Let's go."

The one who asked to watch the show fell asleep in five minutes, but Rain was happy. He would rather watch a show alone than watch it with someone who was watching for the sake of trying to stay awake.

The light outside gradually grew darker as the hours passed.

"No," Lyke mumbled.

"What?"

Lyke jolted awake, seemingly because of Rain's voice.

"You just said something."

"Oh. I'm sorry. How long did I sleep?" Lyke yawned.

"Only three hours. You should get some sleep in your room."

"No, it's fine," Lyke said as he tried to keep his eyes open.

"Just go to sleep. It's okay."

Lyke shook his head vigorously, trying to wake himself up.

"Why don't you want to sleep, Lyke? Can you tell me?"

"I just slept, how can you say I don't want to?' Lyke rested his head again, "Can I go back to sleep here? I don't want to go back to my room."

"As long as you sleep, it's fine by me." Rain wasn't even sure Lyke stayed awake to hear the end of his sentence. As he looked at him sleeping, he wanted to yell at him, tell him he was stubborn and childish, but he knew that was wrong. He wasn't truly stubborn or childish at all; Lyke was just somebody who valued what others thought of him. He just had things he never wanted to relive, so he never wanted to speak about them to anyone. The less people knew, the more he could ignore it.

So Rain understood. As much as he could, anyway. 

Rain called Olive as Lyke slept.

Rain: "He asked to watch a show with me but hasn't stayed awake for more than five minutes. He went back to bed an hour or so ago, I'm just waiting to see if he wakes up again."

Olive: "How long has he been sleeping?"

Rain: "Like, four hours."

Olive: "Let him sleep. Do you really think he hasn't been sleeping?"

Rain: "I think so, but I have no way to prove that. I'm just glad he's sleeping now."

Olive: "That's what matters. Are you going to go to bed, though?"

Rain: "Yeah, I'm just keeping an eye on him for now. Maybe I'll just sleep in the living room with him."

Olive: "Alright then. I'm going to bed."

Rain stayed there until he himself fell asleep, and when he woke up the next morning, Lyke was still sleeping peacefully. 

"Lyke." He calmly shook him.

"Hm?" Lyke woke up confused, "What time is it?"

"Seven. Sorry, I woke you up late. I wanted you to get some more sleep."

"Hm? I always sleep."

"Okay buddy, whatever you say. Get ready. Up," Rain pulled his arm and pushed him to the stairs, "Wash up and change your clothes quickly."

"Can you microwave a sandwich?"

"On it. Go! Move it." Rain laughed

-

"I slept like a rock last night," Lyke said later at lunch.

The table was empty, with only Lyke and Olive sitting across from each other. The other three were studying for their midterms, leaving the two music students.

"Yeah, Rain told me."

"Does he tell you everything?"

Olive smiled, "He told me he didn't think you were sleeping."

"Yeah, he won't stop telling me that either."

"I won't pry, but I also do want you to talk to me. It's just the two of us. I won't tell anyone."

"Can I even trust that?"

"I don't break promises unless they have to be broken."

"I hate broken promises, so you shouldn't break this one."

"I promise. I'm just worried about you."

"I just haven't been sleeping well. That's really it. I slept well yesterday, so hopefully that's the end of it. Or else I will have to take half a bottle of melatonin."

"Are you trying to put yourself into a coma?"

"Do I need to learn about Mozart if I'm in a coma?" 

"Yes, I will come tell you all about him at your bedside. Be serious, you idiot."

"I'm sorry," Lyke smiled.

"You better start getting some sleep or else I'll have Sana knock you out."

"Sana wouldn't do that even if you paid her."

"Wrong, she'd do it for free."

___

"Do you want to watch something with me?" Lyke said as he threw himself on the couch later that day.

"We just got home and you already want to watch TV?"

"If you don't want to watch then I can watch by myself, no biggy."

"I'm cominggg, don't start it yet."

"Grab food, I'm hungry."

"I already did," Rain finally sat down, "Are you going to fall asleep this time?"

"No, I will stay awake this time. If I don't" He pointed, "don't stay here and wait for me to wake up. Just wake me up or go to sleep in your bed."

"It's my house, I can do what I want, I fear."

"Alright then, break your back on the couch. It's all the same to me."

"What is this?" Rain asked.

"I don't know, a horror show."

"Oh, I've seen this before. You like scary things?"

"Me? Yeah, sure," Lyke replied slowly.

"Yes, it seems so."

"It's probably not even scary. That guy is creepy, though. That one, too. Are there jumpscares? I don't like jumpscares."

"Calm down," Rain lightly laughed, "There's some jumpscares but I can te-"

"AHH" Lyke suddenly yelled.

"-ll... you when they are."

Lyke looked at him silently as if his soul had been taken.

"You're late." He said.

"I forgot that one."

"Can we watch something else? I can't handle this right now, my heart is going to explode."

"I was going to suggest we change it anyways. I get the feeling you and horror don't mix."

"What? Pff..."

"Shall we keep going then?"

"What about a romance? You like a little romance?" Lyke said hurriedly.

...

"The female lead is too dumb," Lyke said.

"What makes you say that?"

"Look at her! He clearly likes her, but she doesn't see it. What man sets up something like that for a girl he hates? She's thinking too much."

"I never thought you'd be so into romance."

"Don't act like you haven't been sitting here with me for three hours."

"What would you do instead if you were her?" Rain suddenly asked.

"Well, if I like him back, then I would tell him." Lyke responded.

"But if you know that your love would be hard, would you still do that? Or would you play dumb like her?"

"It would be better to just say it. Or else he would keep trying to get my attention in stupid ways."

"But if you do it, say it, people will automatically be against you two. Maybe it would be good to just say it, but some people don't have the same courage," Rain said.

"It depends on the situation. If people are going to judge, then keep it between the two. If you love someone, then you love someone. That's all there is. No room for others' opinions."

"I guess you have a point."

"Why did you ask that? Do you like someone?"

"Me?? No, I don't have anyone I like. I just asked cause it popped into my head."

"It's not possible for you not to like anyone. People would crawl on their knees to date you," Lyke teased.

"You're absolutely crazy for saying that. People do not want to date me that bad."

"But they still want to."

"Alright, it's time to go to bed now."

"Nooo, one more episode. Please, please Rain."

"No. Midterms are next week. You can't be doing this staying up late thing. Go, or I will drag you."

"I'm up and walking."

"You're laying down and lying."

"Fine. Good night." Lyke actually got up, "You better watch more with me tomorrow."

Once alone in his room, the thought of going to sleep again consumed him. Even if he had slept well the night before, he knew from experience that that meant nothing. One good night didn't mean he was free, but he had to try anyway. He made a promise he would, even though he knew he probably couldn't. He had people worried about him, so he had to keep their minds at ease.

His mind was like a war zone, though, people pushing and pulling, talking and laughing. It echoed like a cavern, the walls slowly dampening the sounds that were haunting him until it was silent. But even if it was silent, the stares of the people who were just fighting said more than a thousand words, and at the head of them all was the devil. He smiled ever so slightly then walked forward, carrying a cake, the number '17' lighting up his face.

"Happy Birthday... to you."

Lyke smiled.

"Happy Birthday... to.." 

The sound slowly muffled.

"What are you saying?" Lyke laughed, but he could only see Ti's lips moving as he set the cake down in front of him. The eyes around him looked expectantly for him to blow out the candles. As he peered at their faces, he was confused. He still couldn't hear them clearly. It all sounded like mumbles, like someone had their hands over his ears.

Make a wish.

Lyke wished he could be happy with Ti for a long, long time, then blew out the candles.

But that was the last time he was happy. 

"I can't hear you. What are you saying?"

"Come with me."

"Where are we going?"

"Don't you realize...?"

Her lips moved, but no further explanation or answer could be heard.

"What do you mean?"

"Let hi..." 

Lyke turned around to see Ti holding his other hand.

"Ti, what is she saying?" 

The look on his face was pure anger. For the first time, Lyke was scared of him. The two pulled on each of his arms like a rope ready to snap, but in the end, it was Ti who would win. 

Oh.

He would always win in the end.

"Where are we going? Why is it like this?"

"..."

"Hello? Can anyone hear me?" Lyke shouted at the top of his lungs, but people just watched as he was forced to follow Ti, "You can hear me, right? Can someone talk to me?" At that point, multiple people started to stop Ti, seemingly asking what was wrong, but he brushed them off. 

Bang

"Can you hear me now? Huh?"

"Ti, what's going on? Why did you hit me?"

"Because you deserved to be hit."

"What did I do? What's wrong?"

"Why'd you go with her?"

"Huh?"

"Why'd you go with her?"

"Sam? She just grabbed my arm..."

"Are you that easy?"

"What did you just say?"

"Are stupid or just that fucking naive?"

"What? Ti... what?"

"I asked you if you're really that FUCKING NAIVE." Ti kicked Lyke back to the ground.

"Please don't hit me. Please just listen to me."

"Shut up," The kicking continued.

"Please, I love you."

"You love me?" Ti finally stopped, knelt down, and grabbed Lykes tear-covered face, "Well I don't. You disgust me. I feel sick every time I see you. Who would love you?"

"You don't mean it. Please say you don't mean it," Lyke choked.

"You're right. I don't mean it. You're too good; how can I let you go? Nobody else can love you. Nobody else ever will.

Nobody will ever like you."

"Why are you doing this? Are you crazy?"

"What did you just say to me?" Ti looked at him, a crazed look in his eyes.

"You're crazy. I'm leaving until you can calm down. I need to think."

"Did I tell you you could leave?" He said as Lyke stood up.

"What?"

Suddenly, Ti lunged at him, wrestling him to the ground. It was a couple of minutes until Lyke could escape, his vision filled with a mixture of tears and blood. 

"Please, please stop it," Lyke said as he crawled to the door. But when he reached it, he couldn't open it, no matter how much he pulled, banged, or yelled.

"Someone please open the door. Please, someone help me. I'm in here."

"Nobody is going to help you."

Lyke was pulled backward. 

The next thing he could see was his empty ceiling.

The time was 1:05.

The nightmare cut his sleep to a solid three hours.

"Haven't seen that one in a while," He murmured to himself.

Sam.

That's right.

Lyke shot up in his bed.

Sam.

The nurse.

Of course, how could he forget?

He suddenly hated himself for not remembering in the moment, but then again, Sam wouldn't want anything to do with him, even if he did remember. After all, why would she want to speak to him? He had been a bad friend. It was his fault. 

Lyke sighed and laid back down.

It was weird how he could forget the small things, like Sam, but nothing could erase his memories that endlessly replayed in his nightmares. All he could do was close his eyes and hope he wouldn't be visited every night.

__

"Tired?" Rain asked Lyke, who was lying down on the stage.

"No, I'm all good. Are we still watching the show tonight?" 

"Jeez, can we get home before you start talking about it? There's still an hour of practice left." Rain giggled.

"It's so boring. Boring boring."

"Dramatic much?"

"Oh so boring... I want to bite something." Lyke playfully grabbed Rain's arm, which he pulled free easily.

"Aye, no biting. Why would you bite me?"

"You are the root of the problem: Basketball practice."

"One hour. Okay? One."

"Ugh. You make me sad."

"Oh? Is that true?"

"No."

"Oh, so you're a liar."

"No, of course not."

"I have to go, liar. Goodbye, see you in an hour. Only an hour, remember? One. Hour. Bye."

Lyke scrolled through his phone out of boredom, but also curiosity. He was starting to get curious about everything he forgot, having now remembered Sam. It weighed on him greatly, whether he should try and find out or leave it, but now he just thought it was only a matter of time until he remembered again. So he scrolled through his photos, socials, and phone calls, all resulting in nothing. The last thing was his messages. He had a lot of different conversations, some with classmates and the rest with Sana, Lin, Olive, and Rain. There was nothing out of the ordinary except for the unknown number at the very bottom. It hadn't texted him since the beginning of the year, but what was sent still made him reasonably uneasy.

"I shouldn't worry about it," He said to himself, "It looks like it's over."

"What's over?"

"Oh. I was just looking through my messages and found this number. I don't know who it is."

"Oh? Why were they saying?"

"Nonsense. I don't remember it. I was just looking to see if I could remember anything and found it."

"Did you remember something?" Rain stopped packing his bag.

"Oh, just that nurse. Her name is Sam. I knew her in High School."

"Hm." Rain nodded.

"Show time?"

"Alright, alright. Let's go."

...

...

"They are so close to getting together. I can sleep peacefully until they break up." Lyke said later when they got home.

"Why would they break up?" Rain asked.

"Have you never watched a romance? They always break up at the end. Or one of them dies."

"Dies? Why can't they just be happy?"

"Alas, that's not how life works."

"No, I'm sure I've seen plenty of shows that they stay together at the end."

"Of course there are shows that don't end sad, I was just exaggerating. However, I think the dude is going to die," Lyke said.

"Why'd you come to that conclusion?"

"He's hiding something, surely he will."

"That's all?"

"Yuh."

"What an optimist you are," Rain rolled his eyes.

"I am extremely optimistic. He is going to die."

"Stop saying that. I think their love is beautiful."

"Even the most beautiful love is subject to horrible things. Someone might deserve the world but receive very little from it because the world doesn't judge based on whether one deserves pain or not, it just... picks, and sometimes the people who don't deserve it get the worst."

"I chose to believe that even if something bad happens, everything can work out in the end. And if it doesn't, if it were to come to an end, the one left would find peace eventually."

"What if they don't find it? There's no peace in being alone, especially after you've been loved," Lyke said

"There is a really really really bad storm, right?" Rain started suddenly.

Lyke nodded

"And after that storm, the sun comes out, and the sunshine creates a rainbow. I like to think they signify hope, love, happiness, and acceptance."

"And what if that storm lasts for a very, very long time?" Lyke asked softly.

"An end will come. Eventually, you will see the rainbow."

"I don't know if I believe that."

"You, Sunshine, have to overcome yourself first. 

Lyke just looked at Rain and said nothing, but inside, his heart was racing. 

"Okay? You understand?"

"I thought we were talking about the show, not me."

"Well, yes, but your answers about the show were talking about yourself. Right? You were speaking about your life."

"Who said that? I was just speaking in general, you know."

"Well anyways, he isn't going to die. Not if I can help it."

"If you can help it? It's a show, Rain."

"And he will live in the end."

____

"I'm going to cooking today. You have practice, right? Wednesday is... 4-6, right? I'll be done by the time you're finished," Lyke said at lunch the following day.

After talking beforehand, it was decided Olive would join the cooking club to keep an eye on Nicky. In hindsight, they realized they couldn't keep Lyke from going. It was something he enjoyed, but it would be dangerous as Sana wasn't always there. So Olive stepped up because Lin had his own club to attend.

"I can give you a ride back since I'll be there, too," Olive said.

"Nice, thanks. Are you coming, Sana?"

"Sure, I'm tired of studying." She leaned in, "Let's make chocolate cookies."

"We share the same mind." Lyke reached his hand out and high-fived her.

"You guys eat too much sweets." Rain said.

"Would you like a cookie?"

"Yes. I do." He frowned.

"Lin?"

"Cookie."

"Alright, cookies for everyone." Lyke smiled as they walked towards the club entrance.

"Lyke! You finally came!" The club members came to greet Lyke at the door, overjoyed at his return.

"Sorry I was gone. I missed some school and had to make up work. But I'm back now. You guys know Olive, right?" He said as he set down his things.

"Olive!" They all cheered.

"I think I'm the favorite now, Lyke."

"Probably not. You can't cook," Sana denied.

"I'm here to learn, alright?"

"Who wants to make cookies?" Everyone raised their hand.

"Okay, let me talk to Nicky really quick then I'll be right over."

As he walked away, Olive grabbed his arm.

"Hmm?" 

"Let me go, you just stay here," She said

"Why?" He looked around. People seemed confused, but Lyke saw no problem.

"I'll be right back; she's just over there," Lyke reassured Olive.

Sana gently nodded to Olive, "We'll come with you then."

"Alright."

Nicky saw them coming and looked downwards. Perhaps she was scared because Olive and Sana looked like they were ready to shove their fist gently down her throat.

Perchance.

"Nicky, is it okay if we use the kitchen to make cookies today? I brought the ingredients." He smiled at her.

"Uh... yes. You can go ahead and use what you want." She replied

"Are you joining us? We coul-"

"I think she's probably busy," Olive interjected.

"Well, it doesn't se-"

"We shouldn't eat anything she helps make anyway. Let's go."

"Why are you being like that? I didn't even ask her if she was busy." Lyke said firmly, "She is a part of the club too. She can help."

"Hey," Nicky said, "What is your problem? You're pissing me off. Don't act so nice after-"

"Watch it, you wench," Sana yelled, "Why are you only yelling at him? He's the only one being nice to you here."

"It's okay. Let's make cookies."

...

"Who shit in her coffee?" Lyke asked after everyone left.

"I don't know, but it wasn't you so I don't know why she's being such a bitch. Oh wait, she has always been a bitch." Sana got into the car.

"Sana, you shouldn't call people bitches," Lyke scolded.

"Let her. For once, I agree."

"You too, Olive?"

"I would say more but I don't think I would make it to heaven that way." Olive sighed.

"Are you going to heaven?"

"Of course, I did community service."

"Oh, such a good person." Sana praised.

"Hey," Lyke started, "What does it mean if someone calls you 'Sunshine'?"

"What's with the sudden question?" Olive asked, closing the car door.

"I don't know. I was just thinking about it, like, all day."

"Is it a nickname?"

"I guess so. He just called me when we were talking one day. Then he called me it again yesterday... What does that mean?"

"Does this person like you? Who is this person?" Sana asked, a smile creeping onto her face.

"A classmate," Lyke sighed.

"I would ask. It could just be a nickname, but it could be because he likes you," Olive turned to look at Lyke in the backseat. "But I know that he never gives anyone nicknames," She whispered.

"It's not Rain. Don't even say that."

"Rain calling someone Sunshine? Come on, Olive, that's impossible," Sana said, "Besides, he's straight."

"Does giving someone a nickname mean that they like them now?? I never said Rain liked him like that, weirdo."

"Stop fighting, guys, it was a question. Just a question."

...

One

Two...

Inhale

Three...

Four...

Exhale...

One.....

One..

...

"Please help me."

Lyke's voice could barely be heard; the taste of blood was fresh on his tongue.

Ti stepped outside to smoke a cigarette, leaving the barely conscious body sitting on the floor, counting to make sure he could still breathe.

"One, two, inhale..." He inhaled, even though it felt like his lungs were on fire.

"Three, four, exhale..." 

His shaky breath could be heard in the silence of the room. He had to get up right now, or else Ti would be mad, but he couldn't find the strength to. He tried and he tried, but the footsteps he knew so well finally started walking back to the room before he could.

"No"

Ti opened the door.

"No, please don't," Lyke sobbed, now on his knees

"Why are you sitting on the floor? Get up."

Breathe, just breathe

The TV screen flickered in front of him as he woke up.

"Rain? Are you home?"

It was already 9 by the time he woke up, but Rain was nowhere to be seen. After waking up from his nightmare, the fact that Rain wasn't at home made his mental state even worse. He frantically called and was relieved when he finally picked up.

"Hello? Lyke?"

"Where are you?" Lykes voice broke slightly, "Why aren't you home?"

"Is everything okay? Why do you sound like that?"

"Where did you go? Why aren't you home?" He repeated.

"I went out to get some food. I saw you were asleep, so I didn't wake you up. I'm on my way back right now, okay? I'll be home any minute, okay?"

"Okay."

It really only took two minutes for Rain to rush into the house, looking for Lyke. When he found him, he was still sitting on the couch.

"You didn't have to rush home."

"You sounded upset; that's why I rushed. What's wrong?" Rain sat down next to him.

"I had a nightmare."

"A nightmare? About what?"

Rain was met with silence.

"Look here, Lyke."

Lyke looked up, tears rolling down his face.

"You know you can tell me anything, right? It's okay."

"It was just a bad dream. A very bad dream."

"Come here," Rain hugged him tightly. "Don't cry."

"I don't want to cry. It wasn't even that scary."

"It's okay to cry, even if it wasn't scary."

"No, it wasn't scary."

"Are you still tired or do you want to eat?"

"I'm tired. I'm... just tired."

"Go back to sleep and I'll put your food in the fridge. Do you want to go to your room?"

"No, I'll stay here."

"Alright. I'll be back," Rain said, releasing Lyke from the hug gently.

He closed his eyes briefly, but the images were still clear. 

It felt so cold.

"Can't fall asleep?" Rain sat back down.

"Rain?" Lyke whispered.

"Yes?"

"Why do people go through bad things?"

"I don't know. Are you talking about good people or bad people? If you're talking about a bad person, it's what they deserve. It's only natural that bad people get bad things in life."

"You think so?"

"But I think you are talking about a good person." Rain smiled at him. "And something bad happened to them because they were surrounded by a bad person. It's not the good person's fault, but the bad person's. A good person never deserves something bad to happen, but life is a cruel, cruel thing that loves to pick on the people who deserve the most by giving them so little."

"I think the good person isn't always good. They just hide it well."

"You can't judge yourself because you will always think the worst of yourself."

"Who said I was judging myself? I'm judging the good person you were talking about."

"Of course, of course. You should sleep now. I'll be here."

____

"Is it over? Are we done?"

The group of five finally sat all together at the lunch table, smiles across their faces. Midterms were finally done, and the majority couldn't be happier.

"But I failed my Harmony I midterm..." Lyke cried.

"What did you get?"

"A 49."

"Should have seen the tutor," Rain said.

"Look, I'm just a slow worker and didn't finish in time."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"It could be worse. My freshman year, I almost failed that class," Olive said.

"That's where I'm heading."

"Oh, don't say that."

"How did everyone else's go? I'm curious." He asked around.

"Passed."

"Also did."

"Same."

"Barely passed."

"I hate you. I'm not talking to you guys anymore."

"Stop sulking, Lyke. It's not the end of the world."

"You're right, but retaking that class is."

The stress of midterms had momentarily occupied a large portion of Lyke's mind for the past week, but the thoughts of falling asleep were still more stressful. Luckily the use of sleep aids made it easier to sleep and stay that way, at least for a few more hours than usual. But Rain was still keeping a close eye on him. He was caught up on Lyke calling him in a panic that one night, so he now always told Lyke where he was while away from him, even though he didn't have to. He still didn't know what was going on in Lykes mind, which scared him more and more every day, but he remained patient in hopes he would soon know.

For Lyke, Rain could wait an eternity. 

He secretly watched every night to see if he could sleep, which was easy because Lyke rarely slept in his room anymore. No matter how much Rain nagged, he insisted on sleeping on the couch in front of the TV where they would watch movies every night. The odd thing was he never saw any sign Lyke had trouble sleeping. Whenever Rain stayed on the couch with him, he would sleep perfectly fine, but Lyke still seemed exhausted day after day. What was he not seeing when he walked away at night? What happens after he falls asleep and can no longer watch over him? He tried to answer those questions in his head by staying up as long as he could, but he was never able to stay up late. It was just one thing after another that made it harder to piece everything together. 

"I don't understand anything," Rain said later that day.

"About what?"

Olive, Sana, and Rain gathered in Olive's room while Lyke and Lin worked on a project in Lin's.

"Ugh," Rain grumbled, "Nothing."

"Obviously it's something. What's wrong? I can see it on your face."

"Doesn't Lyke seem tired to you?"

"Are you still going on about this?" Olive sighed, "Maybe he just has a hard time sleeping. He said he's been taking meds for it, right?"

"I just don't think that's the only thing going on."

"Why not?" Sana, who was sitting on the bed with her headphones on, said as she moved to the floor.

"Lyke says and asks things. Indirect things. He asked me, 'Why do people go through bad things?' after he had a bad dream. I thought it was a strange question, but I realized that whatever his dream was, it must have been about something that happened to him. He just asked indirectly. Of course, he would never admit it."

"Well, that means he's getting closer to opening up to you."

"You really think so? I thought so too."

"Does he usually say and ask stuff like that?"

One thing that Lyke said popped up in his head right away;

There's no peace in being alone, especially after you've been loved.

"He does it quite often nowadays," Rain disregards his thought, "I usually respond from the point of view that he is talking about himself. Hopefully he finds some comfort in it if he is. It makes me worry."

"I'm sure he will be fine. I think you are the one who is thinking too much. Stop playing with the carpet, Rain, you're going to tear a hole in it," Olive smacked his hand.

"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to distract myself."

"Go stare outside."

"But it's gloomy. There's no sunshine."

"You don't need sunshine. What are you, a plant?"

"But I do need sunshine. I like sunshine," Rain smiled.

"Then stare at the light until Lyke is done."

"Freshmen are so hardworking. You guys should liven up a bit," Rain said, face down on the floor.

"Maybe you should be like us and do some work instead of sulking and overthinking," Sana smiled.

"You always say and do the nastiest things with that smile on your face."

"It's my specialty."

"Ohw, you're annoying, you know that?"

"Go photosynthesize."

"Maybe I will, I won't have to think. I need sunshine," Rain got up.

"Where are you going?" Olive asked.

"To find sunshine," He replied.

"Oh but-"

As he reached for the door, it opened.

"Done!"

Lin and Lyke entered, looking tired but triumphant. Lin sat next to Olive, and Lyke laid down on the floor. Rain laid right back down next to him.

"Weren't you going-" Olive stopped mid-sentence.

"Oh, shut up, Olive," Rain mumbled.

Olive slowly turned to Sana whose mouth hung wide open in realization.

"What are you guys doing?" Rain asked.

"I think they lost it," Lin said.

"They are being delusional," Lyke lifted his head and looked at the two.

"No, no. Not delusional. We aren't being delusional."

"You wanna go home?" Rain turned to Lyke.

"Yeah, let's go. My head hurts from thinking about that project."

"I see. Too much thinking for today?"

"It's a hard project, okay? Very energy consuming."

"Okay, okay, let's go," Rain got up, "Give me your hands."

Lyke reached up without leaving the floor at all, prompting Rain to grab his hands and pull him along the floor sadly.

"Stand up, Lyke, I am trying to help you, not clean the floor with your body."

"I'm comfy."

"Get up."

"As you wish."

"You are the one who wanted to go home!"

"I'm joking around. Don't be grumpy," Lyke said as Rain helped pull him up.

"I'm not grumpy-"

"Lin," Olive said suddenly.

"What?"

"You grab Lyke."

"What are you talk-" 

Before Lin could finish his sentence, Lyke attempted to run out the door but Sana grabbed the hood of his sweatshirt and dragged him back. At the same time, Olive ran forward to grab Rain, but he just stood in confusion.

"What? What's wrong? What's happening? Why do you look like someone just shot your dog?" Lin asked Lyke who was standing like a kid getting scolded by his parents.

"Lin, Rain, stay here. You," Olive pointed at Lyke, "come with us."

"Come on, please don't do thi-"

"Aye aye aye, no speaking." Sana guided Lyke out the door as if he were a prisoner and closed the door behind the three of them. 

"What just happened?"

"I... don't know."

"Can we follow them? Or..."

"No," Lin said seriously, "I can sense this is a girl-talk situation. Very serious. We can't interrupt."

"But they took-"

"They will take off our head. Very serious."

"No, but..."

"I want to know too, but I've learned from experience that we can't interrupt. Lyke must have messed up big time."

The two guided Lyke into Lin's room and closed the door behind them.

"Look, I-" Lyke began.

"Sit," Olive ordered.

"I-"

"Sit down. We aren't going to hurt you," Sana said with a smile on her face.

"No? It looks like you will?"

"Sana, sit down and stop scaring him, would you?"

"You're scaring me, too?"

"Just sit, sit," Olive reassured.

Once they were all seated, there was silence.

"I can-" Lyke tried to speak again.

"No. Silence. We're thinking."

"Are you-"

"Ah ah. No. Shush."

"W-"

"Done," The two nodded, and Olive cleared her throat.

"Explain."

"Well-"

"Wait. I need to collect myself."

"I mean-"

"She's collecting herself," Sana cut him off again.

"OK, I'm ready."

"I di-"

"Oh my god, I can't believe this..."

"Can I speak?? Can I speak please??" Lyke begged as if he was about to go into heart failure from the stress.

"Sorry. Sorry," They giggled.

"I..." He paused.

"Yes???" 

"... have nothing to say."

"Really?"

"Yes. Nothing."

"Not one thing?"

"Mmhm."

"Well then..." Sana looked at Olive and then back to Lyke. "Why did you lie, huh?"

"When did I lie? I never lied."

"Really? I know you heard what Rain said at the door because it was right before you came in. And you also know that he never left to find what he was looking for but instead laid down next to you."

"You guys... really are something else."

"So we're wrong? Are you saying we are wrong?"

"I'm saying that I never lied in the first place."

"Are you not curious what it means? What does he mean when he calls you sunshine?"

"..."

"Someone who's never given a nickname to anyone, not even his best friend since birth..."

"..."

"A person who never takes care of anyone at all...? What does it all mean?" Olive peeked at Lyke to see if her pressure had dealt any damage.

"I don't know why you're asking if you don't even know yourself," Lyke finally spoke.

"Are you still denying? Just admit you lied!" Sana complained.

"I never lied about anything. Can I leave now?"

"If we ask Rain, what would he say?" Sana pressured.

"Don't ask him because he doesn't know anything. If you asked him then he would just be confused."

"Alright, I'll ask him then and see if he really is confused or not."

"Olive, just give up. I'm not telling you anything."

"Yeah, so I'll ask Rain."

"Are you going to keep me here? Can I leave?"

"Are you sure you won't say anything?"

"I was willing to talk until you kept cutting me off. If you guys are smart, you can figure it out by yourselves." Lyke got up. "Rain and I are going home now. Bye-bye!" After the door closed, the two looked at each other.

"Was that a confession?"

"I'm not sure."

His heart felt like it was going to explode. He felt like he should have never said anything to them at all. Whatever Rain meant, it wasn't their business, and even Lyke wasn't sure if it was his business, either. After all, if Rain wanted him to know, he would tell him. Right?

"Let's go," Lyke said as he walked back into Olive's room.

"What was that about?" Rain asked.

"Nothing. I'm tired, let's go."

"Alright, I'm moving."

Back at home, Lyke laid on the couch in thought for a while. The minutes that passed seemed like hours, and there was nothing else to do to pass the time other than to watch TV. But even TV couldn't really distract him. There was too much going on in his head. The only good thing about it was that the situation with Rain made him forget he needed to sleep, for this matter was much more important. He needed to know what Rain thought about it before Olive came and asked him first. As if on cue, Rain walked into the living area, drying his hair with a towel.

"You're still lying there?" He asked, "What are you doing?"

"Thinking, I guess."

"You guess? What are you thinking about? I'm curious."

"Lots of things."

"Oh? Can you tell me?" He sat and looked down at Lyke.

"..."

"Hello? Earth to Lyke."

"..."

"Are you okay?"

"Mm," He responded silently.

"What's wrong?"

"Why did you call me Sunshine?"

"Is that what you're thinking about?"

"Not that I was thinking about it... it just popped into my head."

"Okay," Rain laughed, "You want to know?"

"Mm"

"I think," He paused, "...you are one of the greatest things to ever happen to me. You make me so happy. Your smile is the prettiest I've ever seen. Every day I get to see you, I'm the happiest person in the world. You are my sunshine, Lyke. That's what I mean."

"Aren't you afraid of what people would think if they heard you say that?"

"Why should I be afraid? You are like a second little brother to me. It doesn't matter what others think; as long as I get to be with you, I'm okay."

"I wish I knew how your brain works."

"And I wish I knew what was going on inside your head."

"My head? A lot right now. It's giving me a headache."

"You should go to bed then. Instead of lying out here, why don't you go to your room? It would be comfier. I have to call Olive, then I'll head to bed. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm going to my room tonight."

"Alright then, good night."

"Good night."