I have Two Pasts [Part 2]

"Happy Birthday, Hasumi. You're a teenager now."

The nun cut my birthday cake, which was actually a small piece of bread, and put a piece in my mouth. Then she proceeded to give a piece to all the children gathered around.

"Wow, Hasumi. Does turning 13 feel strange? Jin-Sung told me that after turning 13, our magic can grow stronger."

"Heh? I'm looking forward to trying it out during practice then! Wanna duel me today, Minghua?"

"There's no point in dueling you, Hasumi. You always win. Why would you ask a maiden to duel you when you can say other things?"

"Heh? Then… Can you help me wash my clothes? So that I can train even more."

Minghua slapped me in frustration and then stomped her feet and left, pouting. I was just wondering what I said wrong when I felt a light kick on my butt. I turned around, very sure who it could be.

"Hey, Hadria, cut it out!"

I kicked my best friend back, and he dashed out of the room with me right behind him. The voices of the other children grew distant as we rushed past the thin hall and out into the courtyard. Hadria stopped and began panting. He, unlike me, had neither an affinity nor interest in magic, so he was becoming a computer programmer. It was odd, as others would say that two students of completely different schools of thought had become best friends, but since when do friends require such formalities? It was common for us to enjoy our differences and learn from each other to become stronger, rather than close our eyes to some while opening them to other realities. Everything that existed mattered in this world, for someone or something, and so such were the things Hadria and I would talk about.

Another year passed, and I soon turned a few days past 14.

I stood in front of the priest who had been my teacher in magic for the last three years. For the first time, as we both stood against each other in a practice duel, he was panting.

"I still don't see you sweating, old man. Tch."

"That is because I still don't see you as someone who is strong."

"Is that so? Then, I'll give you something that I have been preparing for since last year. Something that I've made myself."

"Oooh? Is it one of your homework assignments? Hoho."

The priest made fun of me, but for a second, his eyes widened out of astonishment. I knew he would be surprised that I had created my own spell. Still, he must have had his doubts. The reality was that Hadria and I would often sneak into the priest's room and use his computer to download free pdfs from a website called Y Library. We knew the priest would call it stealing, so we would sneak in only when he went for teachings or during trips to the city.

"I have grown much stronger, old man. Watch!"

"Then come at me, you yapping dog! Hoho."

"Constellation of Mars, Ars Goetia: I summon you! Marquis Barbatos!"

Suddenly, in front of me, a red star appeared, and my body felt brimming with energy and power. I passed through the star and ran towards the priest. Within a second, I jumped across the courtyard that was thirty meters in length and hit the priest with my quarterstaff. The priest fell down and looked at me bewildered, his head bleeding.

"Whoaaa!! Where did you learn that from?"

"I read it from a book and practiced."

"Please, please don't scold me for hitting you too hard."

Wack.

"Are you going to fight this old man in such a way, you useless cheater!"

The priest playfully admonished me, and with both hands humbly clasped behind my back, I couldn't help but feel a swell of pride in my chest. Finally, I had outmaneuvered the wily priest. However, the aftermath of the spell weighed heavily on my body, and a dizzying sensation clouded my mind. Without warning, I crumpled to the ground; my legs, numb and unresponsive, betrayed the toll that the unnatural energy I had harnessed had taken on me.

The potency of magic may enhance one's capabilities, but the frailty of the human body remained unchanged. It was a concept akin to a vessel, a robust container bestowed upon us by nature. This vessel could be filled or emptied with energy as needed, guided by certain markers set by nature to maintain equilibrium. However, there existed limits, both upper and lower, to the amount of energy that could be safely contained. In the realm of the human body, we were only permitted to tap into a fraction, up to 20%, of our actual strength.

The intricacies of this delicate balance became starkly evident in the consequences of my reckless actions. I had pushed beyond the 20% threshold, employing more than a hundred percent of my strength. In doing so, I had ventured into dangerous territory, akin to jeopardizing the very foundation of my muscular structure.

I heard the sound of clapping and turned to see Minghua and Hadria in the hallway. They had been the audience of the match amongst the few other kids. Among them was Jung-Woo, a girl who had been abandoned by her family during the current war. She had joined the orphanage a few days after I had become "aware" as I'd like to think to myself, and was considered the oldest. I was the second oldest among the children in the orphanage. Even though Jung-Woo was friends with Minghua, I had never found the opportunity to exchange dialogue with Jung-Woo because she would prefer to be around girls more. I also found her to be the prettiest girl I had ever seen.

"Damn that Hadria standing meters apart from my queen. I'll summon water on his computer."

I didn't realize until I had begun wanting to move towards my friends that my legs were not responding at all. A jolt of pain was followed by an embarrassing fall, and I then realized the dangers of using a dangerous summoning spell, and why the priest hadn't taught me that.

My friends ran towards me, calling out my name.

"Call nun Emi-San, quickly."

I heard the priest say in an urgent voice to someone. I could lift my head and didn't want to see my friends in such a sad state. The feeling of regret crept over me, as I wished to turn back time and go back to when I still could have chosen to accept defeat again and grow strong at the slow pace of the Priest.

The healer nun came rushing towards us and soon began to enchant my leg. For hours, this continued, and everyone was hopeful, until the nun who had been 

saying chants finally got silent, her lips still.

"I'm sorry, priest, but we can't do anything about it. He may face problems walking."

The nun whispered in the priest's ear but still, I was sure everyone had heard it.

That night, as I lay in my bed listening to the sound of the clock as time pushed onward, I realized that as easy and unstoppable time was to move forward, it was equally as difficult and undoable to move it backward.

"In a sense, I am living the time I may want to come back to in the future."

As the thought cleared away, I heard the bed above me groan. Compared to three years ago, now the boys and the girls had been moved to separate rooms and had been given bunk beds, since we had grown up to a degree.

"Hey Hasumi. Are ya awake?" 

"How can I sleep? I may never be able to walk properly."

"It may be too early to say that you know."

"Really? Why did he say it in such a strange way?"

"Huh. The nun said it was going to be that way, Hadria. Can't deny I heard it, and so did you."

"The nun... well how should I say it, she used magic. There may be a way to heal you... other than healing magic."

"Heh!? What way is there to heal someone other than healing magic, attack magic? Will you beat the hurt out of me?"

"The answer is science, Hasumi. Science is the way to heal your leg injury. I have to admit that magic can make a person stronger, but right now we need science."

I recalled the priest who had taught me between magic and science. During one of the early lectures when I had asked him if there was anything beyond magic, he had replied sternly, "Science and Magic. These are the powers in the world. One is physical, while the other is philosophical."

Our orphanage is located on Mount Emei, Sichuan Province: China. When the whole world was at war, the priest would often go into the disputed territories and smuggle out orphans back to the orphanage. A few kilometers below in the valleys was a small thriving village away from the dispute, with internet, water, and even electricity. That is why Hadria had been more fascinated by science than magic because he would say, "Without science, Hasumi, would learning magic have been so easy for you? But scientists can learn science without magic easily. This is why I think the future will belong to science and not magic. Still, we are both waymakers of each of our fates. Our brotherhood shall remain, even if one of our ideologies does not remain."

Hadria climbed down in my bed slowly, his promise to heal me the only thing that gave me hope. The moonlight stealthily infiltrated the room through the delicate curtains, casting a subtle glow that painted the surroundings in muted hues. Hadria's eyes glowed in the moonlit room with determination, a poetic grace to his touch as he examined my leg, pressing his fingers along my legs to see how much I'd twitch with pain. His watchful gaze darted toward the door, ensuring the procedure was being done in secret.

Hadria quickly moved his hand to his bed above and pulled down a folded blanket. Upon opening it up, I saw he had hidden in between its folds, a laptop, some metallic instruments, and cloth.

Hadria pointed his finger to his lips, hushing me to stay put and not make a sound.

"Is this procedure going to hurt?"

Hadria began using the laptop, violently changing screens, his fingers resonating energy like the legs of a wild horse.

"I've been exploring alternative methods, merging science and homeopathy. I'm no healer, but it's our only shot."

Methodically, he examined my injured leg, his eyes narrowing in concentration. The arsenal at his disposal included a sterilized knife, strips of clean cloth, and a handful of herbs plucked from the modest garden of the orphanage.

"Are you sure about this, Hadria?" I questioned, my voice barely rising above a breath.

He nodded sternly, once and surely. His confidence was an aid in my trust to experience non-magical healing.

"We don't have much choice. Trust me."

With the precision of a surgeon improvising on the spot, Hadria initiated his makeshift procedure. He cleansed the wound, applying herbs with practiced expertise. Then, in a moment of inspiration, he concocted a mixture of warm water and a pinch of salt, soaking a cloth before gently applying it to the injured area.

The room transformed into a tapestry of tension and hope, with the laptop's hum providing an eerie soundtrack. The unspoken understanding lingered in the air—that this endeavor was a gamble, a challenge to the accepted norms of magical healing.

Hadria's focus remained unwavering as he continued the impromptu operation. The sterile blade met flesh, and herbs infused their essence into the wound. His movements were deliberate, guided by a sense of urgency tempered by meticulous care.

"Eeeekh"

"Stay put ok? Here."

He gave me a cloth to stuff in my mouth, in case I let out a scream.

Finally, he secured a makeshift bandage around my leg.

"I don't know if it'll work, but it's worth a shot."

"Hey quit being humble now that you've cut open my leg."

I jokingly said, pain still visible on my face.

"Raise your legs, Hasumi. Try to keep them above your heart."

Hadria placed his hand on my chest to motion the minimum level that my leg needed to be.

"Tch, you baka. Stop making it weird you're doing this on purpose aren't you."

Anger shot up my head, but I was also thankful to Hadria.

"I'll need to check every night now, until it heals. Until then, refrain from letting others know."

I tentatively tested my legs. Surprisingly, the pain had ebbed, replaced by a newfound stability.

Hadria, visibly fatigued from what he had called a "surgery," flashed a triumphant grin.

"Looks like science and a bit of luck did the trick. Who needs magic, huh?"

"Hey, we'll see about that when we're in battle."

A few days and nights passed, and my leg had completely healed. For the first time in my life, a doubt appeared in my mind. The priest had told me that the current books and knowledge of magic were very limited.

"Magic is discipline, primarily." That is what the old man had said. "It is not a weapon nor a means to grow stronger but a reminder; proof of spirituality."

But the science that Hadria claimed equal and greater than my magic, I realized, was nothing abstract. Hadria's science was evidence and embodiment of the very spirit I learned of. Hadrian's science was powerful. So I decided to get even stronger. I began training my body as well as mind and began researching ways to control the influx of borrowed magical energy.

Still, one thing changed after my legs had healed. One thing that kept bothering me more often, even though at that point, it was almost non-existent, something only I could notice. It was the light in Hadria's eyes that had begun to disappear. It felt to me like a certain coldness had begun to creep in.

This was 3 years before I would completely abandoned magic.