I have Two Pasts [Part 3]

The winters on Mount Emei were harsh, with snow-covered landscapes that painted the surroundings in an infinite white. The chill in the air penetrated through layers of clothing, and the crunch of snow beneath each step echoed in the quiet mountain solitude. The orphanage, nestled on the mountain slopes like a single pixel on a 4k screen.

"This is our fifth winter here, Jin-Sung. Still, look how carelessly the snow covers this land."

Jin-Sung and I were now friends. Even though Jin-Sung still kept her friend circle very female-gendered specific, it was by chance that she and I had become friends. It was not a very grand coincidence. Only Jin-Sung suffered from acrophobia; the fear of heights. Since the orphanage was built on top of the mountain, and to go down to the village required climbing down steep stairs built by ropes, Jin-Sung hadn't gone down once to the village even after turning 14. One day Jin-Sung was left behind when all the girls were taken to the village by the nuns for shopping. Jin-Sung had simply relayed her preferences to her friends and requested them to handle her shopping for her. That is when she couldn't take it and had decided to overcome her fear. In a moment of bravery, she decided to climb down the steep slope herself, but like a cat stuck in a tree, she was stuck in the middle of the stairs, sitting down with a weak trembling body that had no courage to go further in any direction. As I was returning from the village below, I wrapped my shirt around her eyes, and held her by the arms, climbing back up with her. It was embarrassing for both of us, so I decided to let her know it would be a secret between us.

"I can help you with your fear, Jin-Sung. Let me help you."

"I can't. I just can't, Hasumi-San."

"Nooooo. Why is my queen using Japanese honorifics to address me? Thank god she has no idea of the bro-zone trend, otherwise I'd be a goner!"

"You know, Jin-Sung, I actually used to have a fear of heights as well. Do you know what I did to overcome it? I used to climb down the stairs one step at a time. Every night I would climb down and back up the number of steps and increase one when I felt ready. You'll do it too."

"Unlike you, I'm not strong. I know neither magic, nor science. I do not know much about the world beyond this sanctuary. Do you think I like it, being trapped on this mountain? I want to see the world too, I want to experience the things my friends tell me about. But… tch. I'm not strong enough."

I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, "Well, I'm not as strong as you think. I may know a bit of magic, but it's nothing compared to the magic of conquering your own fears. Strength is not just about muscles or knowledge; it's about facing what scares us the most."

I gazed at the vast expanse of the snow-covered mountain, the winter wind sweeping through the air. "You see, Jin-Sung, strength is in overcoming the things that hold us back. I used to be scared too, scared of not belonging, scared of the unknown. But I realized that the only way to truly experience the world is to face our fears, step by step."

Jin-Sung remained silent, her eyes reflecting a mixture of longing and hesitation.

"Jin-Sung," I continued, choosing my words carefully, "the world is vast, and you deserve to explore it. You have the strength within you, just waiting to be awakened. Let me be your guide, your support, as you take those steps. We'll face the fear together. You're not alone in this, and you're stronger than you think."

A pause lingered in the chilly air, and then Jin-Sung spoke softly, "Hasumi-San, you're different. You're not just talking about overcoming fear; you're offering to help me do it. Why? What makes you want to help me?"

I met her gaze with sincerity.

"Because you're not just anyone, Jin-Sung. You're my friend, and friends help each other grow. I've seen your strength, your kindness, and I believe in you. Let's conquer this fear together, step by step, and open a door to the world beyond this mountain. What do you say?"

"And because I absolutely want to marry you!!. God please don't wake me up from this dream yet I'm actually talking to her. Oh, and she's looking so cute right now tooooo!"

Jin-Sung's eyes softened, and a small smile played on her lips. 

"Hasumi-San, you're not like anyone else here. Maybe... maybe I can trust you to help me."

"Great job Hasumiiii. The fish has now taken the bait. This definitely looks like a dream."

Jin-Sung's smile widened, and a mischievous glint sparkled in her eyes. 

"But Hasumi, there's one thing you can't hide from me."

I furrowed my brows, puzzled. 

"What do you mean? I'm not hiding anything."

She playfully tapped the side of her head. 

"Remember those late-night trips to the village with your friend Hadria? Sneaking in like stealthy ninjas to bring back forbidden sweets for everyone?"

A flush of embarrassment crept up my cheeks.

 "Uh, well, that's not exactly—"

"You see, if you can conquer the treacherous path to satisfy our sweet cravings, you can definitely conquer a mountain slope. You can't lie to someone who knows your secrets, Hasumi."

Her grin and her grip on past events caught me off guard, and I chuckled nervously. 

"Okay, fine, you got me. But that was different. Sweets are irresistible, and heights... Well, they're just a bit intimidating."

Jin-Sung laughed, her laughter echoing in the quiet mountain air. 

"Oh, Hasumi-San, you're a funny one. But thanks for being honest. Now, let's see if you're as good at overcoming fears as you are at sneaking around for sweets."

That is how Jin-Sung and I became friends. And today was the first time we had both gone down to the village, and had come back all the way up, through the night. Right. Today I will confess my love to Jin-Sung.

The air was crisp, and breaths turned into frosty clouds that dissipated into the silent night. The moon hung low in the sky, casting an enchanted glow on the snow-covered landscape.

Jin-Sung stood before me, her presence illuminating the winter night. Her eyes, deep and mysterious, reflected the moonlight, and her breath formed a delicate mist in the cold air. Time itself had slowed down as if to tease me on the impossible endeavor I had planned for myself. Still, if Jin-Sung had overcome her fear of the mountain, who was I to be afraid of confessing my feelings to her.

I took a deep breath, the winter air sharp in my lungs, and mustered the courage to confess my feelings. The words hung in the frozen air, hesitant yet determined.

"Jin-Sung, there's something I've been wanting to tell you."

She looked at me, curiosity and warmth in her eyes, inviting me to continue.

"I... I care about you, more than just a friend. There's something about you that draws me in, something I can't explain. I know we've been through a lot together, and I value our friendship, but there's this feeling inside me that goes beyond that."

The moonlight seemed to intensify as I spoke, casting a gentle glow on Jin-Sung's face. The quietness of the winter night embraced our words, and the snowflakes fell like silent witnesses to the confession.

Jin-Sung's eyes softened, and a small smile played on her lips. She took a step closer, and the distance between us seemed to vanish.

"Hasumi, I value our friendship as well, and I've been waiting for you to say this. Thankyou Hasumi, for helping me confront not one but two of my greatest fears."

Jin-Sung's eyes welled up with tears, and in that cold night, only embracing her was the right thing to do. A flame none other than the one that had sparked between us was deserving of the night.

A warmth enveloped us, eating, scaring away the winter cold. The snowflakes continued their graceful descent, but for the first time, I felt that the winter bothered me. I felt the wind around me a little bit gentler. I felt the winter smiling down on our little orphanage.

As I reached out to hold her hand, the church bell tolled in the distance, breaking the stillness of the night. The sound echoed through the mountains, and a thin ray of light emerged from behind the white curtain.

"I'm glad I finally told you," I admitted, a sense of relief washing over me.

"Me too," Jin-Sung replied, her eyes conveying a depth of emotion that words couldn't capture.

We stood there, hand in hand, beneath the winter moon, as the snowflakes continued to dance around us.

And then that day, before anyone else could find out about my union with Jin-Sung, a girl came running into the dining hall while everyone ate their breakfast.

"Hurry everyone. The bridge that takes us down the village. It's gone."

Everyone panicked and the older of us rushed outside to the edge of the mountain to see how much the information was true.The bridge was still intact from our side, but lay hanging helplessly as if it were severed from the other ends.. The head priest too joined us, and we made way for him. He closely examined the scene.

"I'm afraid but the metal rods that secure the bridge to the mountain seem to have fallen.."

I quickly pushed my way towards the priest.

"Old man. We should call for rescue immediately, otherwise we'll be stuck here."

"Yes Hasumi. Go quickly and phone the village post office."

I rushed back into the orphanage, almost stumbling on the narrow gate that led into the courtyard. Rushing to the priest's room for the first time in six years. Nothing much had changed. I slowed down as my mind went through all the memories I had made at the orphanage, and smiled. I don't know what happened to the bridge but when this little problem is fixed, I'll take Jin-Sung to the village and marry her. I can't imagine the face Minghua and Hadria would make."

"Hello Mr Tao Liu. This is Me speaking, Hasumi. I'm calling because the -"

"The phone was disconnected? Ok then I'll try again."

"Hello Mr Tao, the phone got disconnected. I apologize. Actually I called bec-"

"Hey Hasumi. Forget any help from the villagers."

What?? This voice doesn't belong to Mr Tao. But it's a very familiar voice."

"Oye oye this isn't the time for games, so since you know the problem we're facing, please send someone to fix it. We have children here."

"Hasumi, forget it. Stop acting like you care for the children. The villagers have discovered the evil practices of magic and murder taking place in the orphanage. You were all an accomplice to the priest in his filthy schemes. Oh how you were getting ready to wage war upon this tiny village thinking the people here were oblivious to your deeds. But no more. I have told them about everything, and showed them evidence of the things that go on here. Die and rot in hell."

"Had..Hadria? Are you speaking?"

"Yes, this is Hadria. A fool who was tricked into believing you were my best friend. However, the village has blessed me for I have now broken free of this spell you had burdened upon me."

"Hadria..? Oh god, you bastard."

I began laughing, and laughed and laughed endlessly. But my laugh, even though genuine, had a certain tightness to it.

"Hasumi. Hasumi calms down, everyone here in the village can hear your evil laugh. We all know how powerful your magic is, and to be honest, I want to run. But, I will not leave the people here alone. I will assist them in bringing you down."

"Hadria you idiot! Are you a fool, you traitor? Stop this lie and come back here. If you have a problem with me, then face me one on one. But don't think I'll forgive you if anything happens to the little children."

I heard Hardia on the phone, speak in a loud voice as if he was addressing a large crowd.

"Did you hear that, everyone? This isn't the first time these monsters used children to blackmail others. The nuns and the children, devastated by war, are brainwashed by the priest and brought here, and then these monsters enjoy the evil schemes, until the children and the nuns have been defiled by magic and have become as sinful as the priest himself. We need to starve the evil out of them. Death to the devil!!"

A loud chorus roared after him.

"Death be to the devil!!"

"Why..?"

I asked, turning silent now, reality setting into my mind, seeping into the cracks in my heart.

He answered, in a hushed up, cold voice, his breath now an element of hatred and sadness.

"Because no matter how great science is, as long as magic exists, people will flock around it and ignore science."

"Oh. Jealousy then. I suppose it's an illness neither magic nor science can cure."

Then he disconnected the phone.

I slowly turned around, and was surprised to see Minghua standing right outside the priest's office. Tears flowed down her eyes, but her face was expressionless and hard.

As I walked closer to her, she rushed and gave me a hug, and broke into sobs. I knew these sobs had anything to do with the bridge.

"Hasumi, who's the bastard behind this?"

"I didn't… couldn't recognise his voice. Someone from the village."

"Let's call Hadria. He went to the village yesterday, he'll help us."

"My body reacted by itself as the grip around Minghua's shoulders tightened."

"Ouch- Hasu-"

"Hadria's dead. The villagers killed him. But we need to think of a solution before food runs out."

I stepped outside and my worst fear took form.

"The priest says the climbing ropes are missing. They aren't in the store where they usually are."

It was Jin-Sung. She was breathless, as she had run to tell me.

"Hasumi, I have a feeling this isn't an accident."

As she stepped closer to me, I gave her a hug. This one had a different energy than the one I had exchanged with my friend, Minghua. Minghua was the first person I had talked to amongst the orphanage children, while Jin-Sung was the first woman I had loved.

"What? Jin-Sung? Hasumi? Ehhhhh?!"

Minghua began smiling and crying at the same time. I couldn't blame her, for having to go through the news of Hadria's death and my union with Jin-Sung at the same time.

I quickly detached myself from Jin-Sung, and rushed to the edge of the mountain. Then I realized we really were stuck.

Meanwhile Minghua and the other girls escorted the children to their rooms, giving them hope that help was on the way. I confided in Jin-Sung the reality of the situation.

"We'll have to rationalize our food."

I still remember Jin-Sung's eyes, staring into the distance. I knew what she was thinking. When she had done so much to see the outside world, the outside world too had felt obliged to show her, itself.

Slowly our rations began to run out, and one day the priest, who was eating the least, fell on the floor, and passed away. More deaths followed one by one, and the scene became a horrendous one. The kids who initially questioned their friends who had fallen asleep, began perceiving and understanding the nature of death. No matter how much I called the village post office, they would ignore the call. In the end, Minghua, Jin-Sung, Nun Emi and I remained. 6 Weeks had passed, and the food had long run out. Whatever shreds of grass we could pluck, we would feel full but even grass was scarce in the cold winters.

I had no choice but to rack my brain for a way to save the only remaining people who I considered a family to me. "I have barely any energy left, and I might have only a few more spells before I run dry."

"Guys, I'll try using wind magic to create an air cushion around you and levitate you to a lower land. I'm sure the villagers will understand once you tell them of our situation."

"But why won't they help us? What did we ever do to make them hate us?"

Minghua, still oblivious of the situation, along with the nun were very confused. This was all the more reason I had decided to send Jin-Sung first, because for one, I wanted her to land the safest and had comparatively more energy now than the following spells, and secondly because Jin-Sung would be able to clarify everything to the villagers. As for myself, I didn't go because if I was the actual enemy in the eyes of the villagers, I would only end up creating more hatred, and then any hope for these three would be lost. 

"Minghua dragged herself closer to me, and put her arms around my neck.

"Send Jin-Sung first."

"Hmm." I nodded.

"Jin-Sung, will you please allow me to perform this magic on you, so you can convey our thoughts to the villagers?"

Jin-Sung however was frozen in her tracks, and her already pale skin turned blue. It was understood, because conquering the fear of heights and climbing down steps, along with the person she loved was one thing, but levitating in air, without anything to grab onto, and a spell that could also disconnect was a different challenge.

I walked to Jin-Sung and brought my eyes directly into hers. Our gaze filled each other's hearts with courage.

"Jin-Sung. When all of this is over, please marry me."

Jin-Sung gave multiple deep nods, her shoulders moving upwards as she pushed herself in my arms. Her fragrant hair touched my nose, creating a slight irritation on my nose. The discomfort from that irritation was proof that Jin-Sung was so close to me, and I closed my eyes without scratching the sensation away, absorbing it in my mind, as clearly as I could, so much so that no other irritation would feel the way this one did. Then I kissed her forehead. Then I kissed her on her eyes, and then on her nose.

I drew in a deep breath.

"Zephyr of the Skies, Aeromancy's Grace: I invoke you! Sylph Seraphiel"

A gush of warm wind gentry enveloped Jin-Sung, and slowly she began to rise upwards. She had her eyes closed and her fists closed tightly, and I slowly began to push her towards the direction of the village. I recalled my master, the priest's teachings regarding wind magic, "Always remember, direction comes before accuracy." He made me say it a thousand times to ingrain it within me. At first it seemed as if everything was going to be alright, and slowly the muscles of my face began to ease down. However, when I was halfway there, however… halfway before reaching the village below-"

"It's ok, you don't have to go on."

Yuri had woken me up from the traumatizing experience of recalling my past. A stream of tears flowed down my eyes, and beads of sweat gently flowed down my eyebrows, my flesh trembling against the bones. I realized where I was again, a thousand years in the future.

And then I realized that even though I was a thousand years apart from Jin-Sung, she was always right behind me, always.

As Yuki grabbed my hands and moved towards the levitating bed, to sit next to me, both of us cried silently for some time after that.

"Sorry Jin-Sung. If you've been looking over me, I'm sorry I became the person who I promised to defeat. I'll change it all. If I can, I'll change it all, and if I can't, I'll change it still. This time, I will not mess this up."

 And about this cruelty of time, which your gaze kept at bay,

like golden sands sparkling, soft and ancient,

 fate has many enemies and twisted friends,

that do fates bidding to meet its ends.

 Yet our love did transcend it all, so we jumped as one an endless fall,

but fate in itself was a mere thing of God,

 it seemed we had won, but it seems we forgot,

But Jin-Sung, there is something I'll never forget,

 To live on your behalf and have no regrets.