Chapter Twenty Eight - A sleepless night

No matter how hard I tried I couldn't fall asleep, so I got out of bed and gave up. I tucked Eiran in and pressed a kiss on his forehead. He was just too precious.Of course, he had his own room and we never slept in the same bed before, but after the conversation with Euli, we didn't want to leave each other's side.I quickly slipped out of my room and went to the garden. I rarely visited the part of the area where I wanted to go. There was a little pond in the middle and I always avoided it before. I didn't know why but I wished to go there. However, as I got closer I saw a silhouette.„Father?" I was gobsmacked. He should be in bed, sleeping. It's dangerous for him to be alone in his condition. ' What are you doing here?" I hurried to his side.„Liri." He greeted me and patted the empty seat next to him on the bench. „I couldn't sleep so I came here to reminisce. We spent a lot of time here when your mother wasn't feeling well. She sat here staring into nothing while you and I picked flowers for her." Did we? I remember trying to find the prettiest flower, but being here... I am not sure.„Do you wanna collect flowers for her?" I raised an eyebrow and he laughed a little.„Then she would discover I came here without her knowledge. Keep it a secret, okay?" He winked at me and I sighed. He was still a charming man and I always was weak against him. „In return, I will listen to your troubles."„Why do you think I have problems?" I looked at him curiously, although it was hard to see his features in the dark.„You couldn't fall asleep and came here, and you resemble me so it's obvious."„Then you can start it."„I think my concerns are clear, but I am not sure about yours. Are you worried about me or are you having trouble with your boyfriend?" Coming out of his mouth it sounded a little hesitant, a little bitter. I smiled wryly.„Would you do anything to be with Mother?" I asked, but continued without giving him a chance to answer. „Sometimes I'm afraid that... he loves me too much," I admitted with great difficulty.„Loving too much doesn't mean he's so weak he can't live without you, it's just means he is not willing if he can help it." He remained silent for a while. „And... not being so intense doesn't mean your feelings are not as strong as his."„Were you afraid to be with Mother?" I know she could be fierce and intense and I read the book so I was aware of a lot of things.„At the beginning of our marriage." His gaze drifted away, seeing something I couldn't. „I wanted to love her the way she wanted and deserved, but I didn't know how to do it. I was afraid she would feel like I didn't love her enough and that I simply got together with her out of pity or something ridiculous like that. „ His frustrated sigh indicated that it had happened at some point. „And I was scared she would be dissatisfied with my love and leave me." A faint smile appeared on his lips. „But she had her own troubles. She thought that I would feel her too much, too clingy and after getting fed up with her I would regret the marriage. It wasn't easy and we had misunderstandings, but we learnt about each other's type of love and learned to appreciate it." I looked up at the sky.I thought it would be easier to talk about this with my mother but I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. Maybe because I resembled my father more in terms of personality. He could understand me better and give more solid advice.„I am not really... I think we can handle everything as long as we are together." It was a side of him I've never seen before, but we will probably discover new things about each other in the future and we will go through changes, but... He may change and I may change, but our love won't. I firmly believe in it. „I worry about what will happen if we get separated or if I die. I don't want to become the centre of his world or have him become too reliant and dependent on me. I want him to be happy no matter what, even if I am no longer with him. What if he lose me and get lost in his grief or..." What if he can't give up searching for me in another world?„I once worried that your mother couldn't go on without me, but I was too egotistical." He laughed. „If I leave first, she will be sad and lonely and never forget me, but life will go on. She will go out to have fun with her friends, she will go out to ride her horse, she will continue to collect beautifully embroidered handkerchiefs and so on. Your mother is strong enough to live on her own and I am sure you chose a strong person too. Right?" He suddenly turned around and glared at something in the darkness.„I can't seem to hide my presence from you, sir." Eiran appeared and put his hand on my shoulder.„Of course you can't. I have a lot more experience." He was clearly smug about it.„You suddenly disappeared from bed, so I was worried." He squeezed my shoulder as he spoke. I felt a cold aura envelop my father hearing this, but before he could say anything another voice rang out.„You took the word out of my mouth." My mother looked very rigid and angry as she was illuminated by the moon. Uh-huh, someone is in trouble.„Darling." Father wasn't surprised as he stood up.„Damren." Despite her anger, she went and supported him. „Let's go back." She turned back after a few steps. „I trust you so I don't mind if you sleep in the same room." Then they disappeared into the night.„I think your father would mind it." He scratched his head awkwardly. „But I want to be by your side tonight. Can I?" He looked like a sad puppy, so how could I say no? I sighed and took his hand in mine.„Sure. Let's go back."