Chapter Twenty Nine - Our path to death

"Did you manage to solve your problem with your boyfriend?" I looked up when I heard the voice. Someone lent Ealie a dress and did her hair because she looked like a proper lady of this time and age and not like a student.

It was after breakfast. Mother went out to attend to some business as father's substitute, and the men of the house were at the training ground as usual. I didn't feel like accompanying them, so I just came to the pond. I felt surprisingly calm. I guess after jumping in the lake, my initial fear went away.

Ealie sat down next to me and put her feet in the water just like me. A content sigh left her lips. It was a very hot day.

„He knows what I think and I know what he thinks. We are aware of each other's opinion and thought process, so there is nothing to talk about. We won't change our minds with just talk, not now. Perhaps we will change over time and one day come to the same conclusion. Until then, I have to do my best to stay by his side and make sure he is happy." I replied after thinking about it for a while.

Last night after we went back to my room we just embraced each other and didn't talk at all. And it was fine. It was what we needed.

„There are many things we cannot control."

„That's right, but there is nothing eIse I can do. Right now I can't stop worrying and overthinking and he can't stop being afraid of losing me. We reunited after more than 15 years, so we probably need some time to settle down.„ I believe in time.

„Now that you mention it..." She turned to me. „I wanted to ask yesterday but I missed the chance, how did you die?" It was an unexpected question, but it wasn't a problem to talk about it.

„An accident. It was an accident. I was on a cruise with my family and my boyfriend, but there was something wrong with the ship, so it started to sink and many people fell into the water. One moment I was sinking, I think I saw him swimming towards me, but I am not sure, and the next I was in the body of a baby." Come to think of it, it's an absurd story, but the person next to me experienced something similar so... Maybe it's not so strange. „You were executed, weren't you?" Was I being insensitive with this question? But I was curious.

„Yes, they offered me poison, but I refused to drink it." Her smile was wistful, a little sad. „I committed treason and conspired against my country, so I felt I deserved the worst kind of death."

„Did you regret what you did?" I asked with interest.

„It wasn't regret... I felt bad for hurting my family and people, but they hurt me too so..." She seemed to be struggling to find the right words. „I was angry at them for not appreciating my efforts and hard work, for rejecting me... But I realized that what I had done was wrong, so I wanted to face the people who wanted me dead." Uh, I guess she's always been a weird person. I would have been terrified to face those I had hurt.

„And how was it?" Was this an inhumane, cruel question?

„It was oddly quiet and calm. The people who gathered to watch didn't shout things like „Death to the villainess!' or 'Hope you rot in Hell.' They just stared at me with cold, unfeeling eyes. As Emperor, my father had no choice but to attend, however my brother wasn't present. But your parents were there. Looking at them, my feelings were stirred and I became very angry." She let out a short, bitter laugh. „I've always done my best, worked hard to be competent and knowledgeable... just to end up here, at the scaffold? And will they continue to live happily ever after?"

For a while, she didn't say anything and I didn't ask any more questions. The silence enveloped us, but it wasn't uncomfortable.

„When I lost my head, when I died... I was full of resentment and anger. And sadness. „She exhaled slowly. „And the next moment I was in the body of a newborn. Flabbergasted doesn't even come close to describing how I felt then." Yeah, I know that kind of surprise.

"And now? How do you feel?" Are you still angry and sad?

"It's been almost 18 years from my point of view. It would have been very harmful to my health if I stayed the way I was. In the first years, when I couldn't really do anything, I thought a lot."

"And?" I nudged her when she didn't continue.

"I decided to live a quiet life in solitude without getting close to anyone. I didn't want to hurt or be hurt anymore, but..."

"It's just impossible." I smiled wryly. After all, people get hurt over the strangest things sometimes.

"Yes, but I never thought I would miss them so much." Ealie murmured looking into the water. Her voice was resigned rather than sad.

„Maybe because you were never apart from them." I brought it up. I never missed Eiran before we died, simply because he was always close to me.

„Well, I've never been attached to my life. I didn't really care." She shrugged. „Everything was egal."

I let the silence deepen between us. I had nothing more to say and she was probably the same. It wasn't unpleasant. I was frustrated, but I was no longer angry at her for not remembering. It was outside of her power, and it was just as bad for her as it was for us.

I haven't been able to sleep well in the past few days, but now in the warm sunshine, the gentle breeze and the chirping of the birds began to lull me to sleep. I saw no reason to fight it, so I pulled my feet out of the water, stood up and leaned my back against a nearby tree.

And then I closed my eyes.I don't know how long I was in that half-dream-like state, but the next thing I noticed was the sound of footsteps.

„Ealudianne!" The voice was so loud that I flinched and almost jumped up. But she remained calm and simply looked in the direction of the noises.