Painful Truths

Chapter Twenty-Eight | Painful Truths

Have you ever had a moment in time last a lifetime? Did you ever feel time stop just for you? Everything around you continued to function, moving and carrying on with their task that, in the moment, is completely menial compared to what you're going through?

This place was where Amanda found herself.

Parker's question loomed in the air to the point they felt tangible. Her heart clenched. She'd run out of tie. She should have told him sooner, and now she was confronted with the worst case scenario.

Oh yes…

The world continued to spin, and Amanda could do nothing about it.

She stared into the angered gaze of the boy she would do anything for – the one she called son for so long – and felt herself shatter.

All of those feelings from the first day she found Parker came flooding back. Her lungs constricted. Any coherent thought was lost. Nothing in this moment could make everything right.

Amanda knew it was time – well past it in fact.

Amanda's throat clenched. She knew this conversation was going to happen, but not like this. She looked into Parker's soft brown eyes and saw he was clinging onto the last threads of hope. It was part of that desperation she saw earlier.

And she had no lifeline to give him.

"Well?!" Parker's voice cracked as tears welled up in his eyes. He looked to be on the verge of collapse.

Amanda bit back her own emotions as they constricted her throat. A bottomless void opened in Amanda's heart.

"Parker… you are my son. I've always been your mom," said Amanda. Parker couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was she serious? Or was she lying. The tether he thought he was receiving was just within grasp. Maybe this was all just a bad dream.

Her next words shattered him.

"But I'm not your only mom. Someone… some beautiful, wonderful woman gave birth to you." Amanda's cheeks were etched with tears at this point. With the last bit of her strength, she choked out, "I love you, Parker, as if you came from me… but you're right. You are not mine."

In that moment, Parker felt himself fracture. He couldn't believe it. How could he be such an idiot? Holding out hope for something he knew was a lie was crushing him from the inside out, but not as much as the thought that the person who raised him – who professed to love him – could feed him the lie that she was his mother.

Parker fell to his knees, giving into the shuddering force that he had been desperately fighting this whole time. His insides lurched and the last spurt of bile that had been building in the back of his throat erupted out of him. His hands instinctually reached up to the tattered cloak that was around his shoulders, and he pulled at the edges of it.

It felt nice for whatever reason for his fingers to grasp at something. The rough fabric was grounding. It reminded Parker that this was real – that he was real.

He rubbed his lips clean with the back of his hand but stayed focused on a small seam in the floor that came in and out of focus during every other blink. Parker felt the acid burning his throat, but it was far from making everything alright.

There were too many thoughts bouncing around the teen's head.

Everything hurt.

Nothing felt real.

If Parker didn't know better, he would've thought he was going into some kind of shock. He wanted to crawl away and hide, but something else kept him rooted to the spot; and that was the desire to know more.

Who was he?

How much did his so-called mom know?

Amanda, on the other hand, watched helplessly as Parker fell to his knees and vomited onto the ground before wrapping himself tighter in the odd clothing piece he found. She crouched onto her hands and knees, desperate to reach out and comfort Parker while also terrified to make the wrong move in this moment.

Her entire world was in the balance and there was practically nothing she could do. It was like watching a mirror spiderweb into crack after crack until the perfect image was split beyond recognition.

Amanda doubled over and sucked in a breath as she tried to gather some semblance of thought. The urge to say something – anything – overcame the panicking mom.

"Parker… Parker, please. Please, listen to me. Sweetheart, I… I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted any of this to happen." Every word was barely forced out of her. Parker didn't even register that he heard her. He simply stayed there kneeling on the ground in a crumpled heap. It was a punch to the gut, but Amanda forced herself to continue.

"I… I wanted to say something sooner. I wanted to tell you everything. It… it just never felt like… the right time. I wanted to tell you once we moved here… but… I was too late." Amanda was practically sobbing out each word now. Parker's lack of response was so uncharacteristic that she feared she was beyond the point of reaching him. "Please! Parker. I'll answer any questions you have. I swear I'll tell you everything. Just talk to me."

Amanda's dread was starting to completely cripple her when she saw Parker blink slowly and look up at her. The look in his eyes was the same as before. There was obvious hurt and pain, both of which Amanda knew she directly caused. There was also an anger that, like a science fair volcano, was bubbling up and ready to erupt at any moment.

"Convenient that you were going to say something after the move," Parker muttered. That bubbling frustration was manifesting itself and making him feel emboldened to ask the tough questions.

"Parker…"

"No! Just… stop!" choked out Parker. Immediately, Amanda pinched her lips shut as she looked down at him.

It felt condescending.

It made him feel small.

It was something he wasn't used to – and he hated it.

Parker swallowed again, the rawness in his throat feeling like sandpaper. His mind was drawing a blank. He wanted to know everything, but the last thing he wanted to do was talk to the person who was angering him. How could she lie to him like this for so long?

Questions began manifesting in his mind and he began putting together what was most important for him to ask. Honestly, there was too much going on. What was most important, in his mind, was hearing how it actually happened. It was then that something occurred to him. It wasn't even that amusing, but he found himself scoffing disbelievingly at how the events paralleled.

"You… both said the same thing. That it never felt like the right time," mumbled Parker as he kept shaking his head back and forth. It was like he could shake himself awake or clear away the feelings in his head if he shook them away. Sadly, the sensation was more like a snow globe. The more he shook, the more everything seemed to swirl and kick up more thoughts.

"W-who?" Amanda dared to ask as she looked at her son. When met with his scoff again, Amanda prompted him again. "Parker? Who said that? Did… you talk to someone else?"

Parker glared at his mom, pausing his head shaking only now, and ground his teeth together. "Yes, I did; and they were a lot more helpful than you."

"They?"

"Yes! Kers and the others! They! There are others like me!" shouted Parker. The force of his voice, despite his size, made Amanda flinch away. "And, unlike you, they told me everything. They told me what I was – who I was – and explained everything I've had questions about for years. My balance. My senses. Ha! You know what they told me? You wanna guess? They thought I was captured. They thought I was your pet! And I'm starting to think they were right!"

Amanda's heart clenched. She wanted to run and hide. This was truly a misery of her making, and it was worse than she could have imagined. It made her question every decision she had made with Parker, but she wasn't going to back away. She couldn't. Parker needed her despite his anger.

She had to believe that.

"Parker, I…"

"You what? You didn't want to tell me? You didn't know? You didn't know so you decided to lie instead of just telling me you didn't know? What happened? How did you get me? Where did I come from? Did you know my real parents?" demanded Parker. He pushed himself to his feet boldly. His heart was hammering a hole directly through his ribs.

Amanda felt gutted. Hearing the term "real parents" made her feel sick. Parker was asking every hard question all at once, and it was obvious he was losing patience with her. She didn't know the answers, and it was apparent based on her stunned silence.

After those few seconds, Parker had enough.

It was his right to know. His hyperventilation intensified and, finally, the bubbling volcano erupted inside of him.

"Tell me!"

The desperation in his voice snapped Amanda out of her stunned trance and, finally, her thoughts came back to her. Tears dripping down her cheeks, she found the words from that first day she found Parker.

"Parker… I found you…." Amanda swallowed dryly and nodded a few times, as if the motion would help force the words out. "You were hiding under a bench in the park where I used to take you back in our apartment. I… had just gotten divorced from my husband and was completely lost…. I didn't know what I was going to do. I wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out.

"And then I heard you. I… couldn't believe it. You were so small and so young. I didn't think you were real. I thought you might've just been some kind of stress dream or hallucination, but then it got dark out. I couldn't just leave you out there, Parker. You looked sick. You hadn't eaten. I… I wouldn't leave you.

"So, I held out my hand and told you that you were safe and that I would take care of you. I made you a promise, and you came with me. I brought you home and gave you something to eat and a warm bath. I had my friend Mel come over and give you a check-up and… well… that's pretty much everything. She helped me get some papers for you so I could register your birth and put you in school and then we… I… decided to tell you that your size was genetic."

Parker's jaw flexed as he ground his teeth together.

"So, you did lie about my 'condition'?" he spat bitterly. Amanda winced and forced a nod. The motion felt impossible, but Amanda couldn't lose her composure now. She promised she would tell Parker anything he wanted to know. She promised the truth, and this was the cost.

"Yes, because I didn't know what else to tell you," mumbled Amanda. "I read about some things online, but none of them seemed right. It didn't fit you."

"Things? What things?" demanded Parker.

Amanda's mind scrambled. She hadn't thought about these things in years, and being put on the spot wasn't helping. "I… just… things. There was a book series about l-little people… Parker… please…"

"What book series? You mean there are books out there about people like me!" Parker shouted, ignoring the way his mom choked up as she explained herself. Her heart felt like it was about to explode, but Amanda dipped her head in shame as she nodded.

"Y-yes. It's about Littles. They have m-m-mouse t-tails and call us 'human beans' and live in the walls with im-improvised tools," explained Amanda.

Parker felt confused. He'd dared to look up "little people" before on his computer, but nothing really came up. It had been a long time ago when he first got his computer, and the subject never really interested him anyway. He thought he had the answers after all.

"But… why couldn't I fi-." Then Parker thought of something, which only made him more infuriated. There was something that would keep him from searching it, and now he knew his mom was devious enough to do it. "Did you block my searches on my computer? Did… you keep me from finding out?"

The look on his mom's face told him everything he needed to know. Parker clenched his fists as he heaved in breath after breath. "You did!" He roared.

"Parker… please… I… I did add a few blocked searches at first. I just…"

"Just what?" demanded Parker.

"I just wanted to protect you! I didn't think you were ready for that information yet and didn't want you to find out by yourself. I wanted you to come and talk to me if you had questions. Please, Parker, you have to believe me. I never meant to hurt you," pleaded Amanda.

Parker scoffed and choked back the sob threatening to come out of him.

"Well, you failed. You hid the truth to keep me here as your… little… plaything!" Parker shouted. He began pacing back and forth before running his fingers through his hair, anxiousness compressing his chest.

"Parker, that's not true, and that's not fair. I never treated you like that, and you know it," retorted Amanda.

"Yes! It is true! It explains everything. Why you never wanted me to go out on my own. Why you never let any of my friends come over. You didn't want anyone to know that I'm a Borrower and not a normal human boy!"

The word took Amanda off guard as did Parker's behavior. This wasn't like him. This wasn't like her son at all.

He was hurt. He was really and truly hurt, and the only thing he could do was let out his frustrations and anger. Surely, Parker didn't mean it; right?

"A… what?"

"A Borrower! Live in the walls. Improvised weapons. Borrowing for survival. Trying to keep away from humans to avoid being captured and turned into pets who live in cute little houses and cages," snarled Parker.

It was a new term Amanda hadn't heard of or, if she did, it hadn't made a lasting impression. If this is what this "Kers" guy said Parker was, then it was probably true. Nothing else that Parker said made sense, but it hurt all the same. Amanda had only tried to keep Parker safe, and keeping others away was the only way she could think to do this.

Amanda had considered she might be isolating her son, but he had friends who he met online. She thought this might be enough, despite Parker asking to meet some of his friends in person.

Desperate, she tried to reel the conversation back into the point. "Parker, I never wanted you to feel like you were being treated any different than a normal kid. I promise. I just wanted to keep you safe. I wanted us to be a family – I wanted to give you a family," explained Amanda. "I am so so so sorry that I waited so long. I just… I didn't see it. I didn't see how fast you were growing up. You have to believe me, sweetheart."

"Believe you? Believe you! After everything?" Parker couldn't believe what he was hearing. "After you kept all of this a secret, you want me to believe that you were doing it all for me? How do I know you didn't take my real parents away? How do I know you just 'found' me?"

Amanda flinched away. Her shirt was little more than a soaking rag, just like how she felt, as she wiped her eyes on the collar of her shirt.

"Parker, I swear it's true. If I could do it all over again, I know what I would do differently. I would've told you everything I knew from the start. I would've told you sooner. You have to believe me."

There was an agonizing silence as Amanda stared longingly into Parker's once understanding brown eyes. Where she once saw an intuitive, kind innocence, Amanda now saw frustrated rage looming beneath the surface. It took that one look to know it.

She wasn't getting through to him anytime soon.

"Well, hindsight's twenty twenty, isn't it," growled Parker as he backed away toward the door.

"Parker… please. I'm so sorry," Amanda pleaded as she leaned forward and offered her hand. She had done it a million times before when she or Parker wanted to console one another with a hug. Parker violently flinched away, and his arms raised to shrug her off.

"Don't touch me! Just… leave me alone!" roared Parker. Amanda bristled as she scooted across the floor toward Parker.

"Parker…"

"No! You're not my mom, so just leave me alone!"

That shot was what did it. Amanda had been able to endure the onslaught of practically everything else, but hearing Parker snap at her like this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Amanda watched as Parker stormed out of the kitchen and headed toward his room, climbing the stairs one at a time as she collapsed onto the kitchen floor. The sobs that wracked her body shook her to her core.

She knew she needed to address Parker's disrespectful behavior and every other thing that was said, but she couldn't do it. Amanda felt completely and utterly broken. The only thing that could make any of this right was Parker's forgiveness, and he wasn't about to give that tonight.

So, she laid there on the floor and sobbed. She wept until her body refused to shudder. This was meant to be a happy occasion, moving to a new home, and turning a new page in their lives, and it was splitting at the seams right in front of her. By the end of the night, her head was also splitting with a headache. She barely registered making it to her bed, and she barely acknowledged the fact that she went into Parker's room and tried to talk to him again.

She got no response and saw the shadows die out as soon as she came into the room.

Amanda had to make this right, but she couldn't do it now.

Both of them needed the night to reflect.

So, with a "Goodnight Parker, I love you so much," Amanda shuffled off to bed where her tears sealed her eyes closed.

Parker, on the other hand, stormed up to his space and collapsed on his bed. He only remembered crying this hard one before when he thought he had broken his arm. The pain was in his chest and in his soul. It made his entire body ache in a way that crippled him completely.

Over and over, the same thoughts tormented him.

Why didn't his mom tell him?

Where were his real parents?

Didn't his mom trust him?

After all of this time, didn't he deserve the truth?

She hid it! She hid the truth from him – on purpose.

The more he thought about it, the more he felt himself festering over everything.

At one point, he heard his mom come in and tell him goodnight, but he didn't reciprocate. He couldn't stand to talk to her, let alone look at her.

The young teen wasn't sure how long he laid there on his bed mulling things over and over again, but at some point the thoughts of the unknown mixed with his frustrations compelled him to act.

Parker decided he needed to learn more. He pushed himself up out of bed and got to work. There were too many unknowns and there was only one thing to do to find the truth. He felt like he couldn't trust his so-called "mom."

No.

There was only one thing to do.