Gone

Chapter Twenty-Nine | Gone

Eyes puffy. Nose rubbed red. Emotions cut raw to the bone. Amanda barely registered the sound of her alarm – or the one after that, or the one after that. She hadn't called into work and was already an hour late.

It felt like it didn't matter.

Ultimately, it didn't in the long run.

What mattered was the fact that her son was angry with her and there was almost nothing she could do about it.

Amanda groggily reached for her phone and absent mindedly dialed her boss's number, apologizing profusely and telling everyone there was a personal emergency that prevented her from contacting them sooner.

The team and her superior were understanding, but it was certainly worth a warning, and she went ahead and took off the next few days to prevent it from happening again.

Again, the pressing issue was comforting Parker in his time of distress. She couldn't begin to fathom what it would take to show how sorry she was for keeping the truth a secret from Parker. Words alone wouldn't be enough, and time was quickly running out. Amanda needed to act, and now was just the first step of many.

Amanda shuffled downstairs and hurriedly put together a fun breakfast made of chocolate chip waffles, chocolate milk, and several other of Parker's favorites. She cleaned as she went and made sure everything was cut and set up to the best of her abilities. Though it wasn't different than anything Amanda would do any other day, Amanda made sure she put in the extra effort for Parker's sake.

Everything was presentation ready on the kitchen counter and the scene was spotless. Now it was just a waiting game. Amanda sat there at the counter with her morning tea, without drinking it, and kept a lookout for any sign of Parker. Her fingers clasped the warm mug, heat seeping in through her fingers, as she waited.

Any minute, Amanda knew Parker would be coming down the stairs where she could open a dialogue about everything that happened yesterday. Any second now, she would apologize and though he would be mad Parker would forgive her and they could start moving forward with finding the answers and learning more about him being a "Borrower."

Those seconds turned to minutes, which turned to nearly two hours of waiting.

It was too much for Amanda to bear.

Initially, she wanted to give Parker his space and give him time to process everything from yesterday. She had even dared to go upstairs a few times to listen at the door to see if she could hear anything. In her mind, Parker might be mad enough to not come downstairs to share breakfast, but Amanda didn't hear any sign of her adopted son.

No sound of streaming. No sound of games. No sound of videos or music.

Nothing.

After the end of that second hour, Amanda decided to make the first move. She was far from emotionally prepared, but someone needed to extend the olive branch and it needed to be her. She was his mom, and this was something she needed to make right.

Her feet felt like lead bricks as she hoisted them one after the next up the stairs. Her heart's thrum reminded her she was alive, painfully so. Amanda's hands shook as she raised them and knocked on the door in front of her. The terror of being rejected was the only thing that matched her growing apprehension as she heard no response from the other side of the door.

Amanda's heartbeat quickened. Parker was soft and often quiet, but something was making the hair raise on the back of her neck. She knocked again and, after clearing her throat, decided to call out.

"Parker? Parker, I'm here. I'm… coming in," called Amanda gently. The door squeaked as it attempted to resist being opened. Inside, Amanda could see the interior lights were on. There was no sound inside, but perhaps Parker was just thinking. It wouldn't be the first time he laid in bed and stared at the ceiling contemplating grand questions about life.

When she heard nothing, Amanda decided she needed to take a step further in initiation. She knelt by the exterior wall and breathed as calmly as she could as the words came to her.

"Parker, I… I don't know if you're awake… sweetheart… but… I just wanted to say that I am so sorry again. I wanted to protect you and did so selfishly. I always wanted to be a mom, but… I can't. Well… I can't be a mother, but I could be a mom – to you. You came into my life and gave me purpose. You gave me a love that I never thought I could have for someone else. I was so scared of letting that go. I was terrified that you wouldn't see me as your mom like how I see you as my son.

"I'm still scared. I'm scared my selfishness got in the way of our happiness. I'm scared I hurt you, and I know I did, because I didn't have the answers you deserved. I never wanted to lie to you, but I didn't know what to say. I didn't have anything to say. There were a million times that I could've said something – anything – about how you came into my life but chose not to because I wanted to keep holding onto this little world we had between us.

"All I want is to help you learn more about yourself, Parker. I want to help you figure out about this whole… Borrower… thing. I want to support you and what you want to do going forward. Just… don't shut me out. Let me help you. Let me make it up to you. I… I am so sorry."

Amanda's apology went unanswered, which was heartbreaking. Amanda felt her eyes starting to sting once again. She pushed herself to her feet and turned to leave, but something caught her eyes as she did.

As she stood up, Amanda had a momentary glimpse of Parker's room through one of the exterior windows. While the lights were one, Amanda noticed something immediately.

There was no lump in the bed.

"Parker?" Amanda called. She knew it was prying into his personal space, but something in the back of her mind prompted her maternal instinct to peer inside some of the other windows.

Nothing.

No sign of Parker inside.

"Parker?"

Her heart started to flutter and pound simultaneously. Amanda's fingers trembled as she reached up and pulled at the side of the wall, exposing the interior of the doll house. The lights were on, and the place looked to be in good shape, but there was one thing that was completely out of place that send Amanda's mind reeling.

Right there on Parker's bed was a piece of paper.

Amanda practically launched herself into the doll house as she snagged the paper and pulled it open, and immediately she fell to her knees.

There, in the middle of the page, were eight little words.

"I'm sorry. I need to find the truth."

Amanda felt like her insides completely bottomed out. Something like this could only mean one thing.

Parker was gone.

The word echoed in her mind over and over again.

Gone.

Gone.

Gone.

Gone.

"Parker!" Amanda's shout ripped out of her as she forced herself up and began searching frantically around the ground calling for her son. "Parker? Parker!"

Amanda didn't find him in his room.

He wasn't in the bathroom, and he wasn't in her room.

Under.

Over.

Beside.

Inside.

On top of.

Everywhere she looked wherever she looked, Amanda could find no sign of Parker. The note was now a crumpled mess in her hands as she clutched it close to her chest.

"No! No no no no no no no!" Amanda sobbed as she stumbled into the kitchen. She buried her face in the palms of her hands as she choked on each and every breath she took. Her son was nowhere. He had to be somewhere, but right now he was nowhere.

Had he gone into the walls?

Had he been taken? He mentioned yesterday that the people – these "Borrowers" – in the walls thought he had been abducted and was being kept as a pet.

Had they come and taken him in the middle of the night?

Had he gone with them willingly?

Was yesterday the last time she would ever see her son?

"Parker! Please…" Amanda sobbed as she crumpled into the chair at the counter.

Then, something occurred to her.

If these "Borrowers" in the walls had been watching her and Parker, then they had to be able to hear her too; right? They probably could hear her from where she was sitting there in the kitchen.

It was a long shot, but she needed to know. Amanda was desperate and was ready to try anything and everything. Choked on emotion, she looked around at the walls and the trim and the cabinets.

"Um… h-h-hello? Hello? My name is Amanda. I… I know you're there. Please, my son… Parker…." Just saying his name made her choke up. Her whole body was shaking. She couldn't believe what was happening. Everything had been turned upside down and backwards in a matter of hours.

None of it mattered.

What mattered was finding her son and making sure he was okay. As long as he was safe, that was what mattered.

"I… just want to know if he's safe. Is Parker there? Is he with you? Look… I… I know what it must've looked like, but I swear that I only have Parker's best interest at heart. He's my son. It… it doesn't matter to me if he's a… Borrower. I love him. If… if he wants to stay with you…" Amanda couldn't even get the words out. She couldn't bring herself to say the words, but there was little else she could do.

"Please… I just want to know he's safe. I saw this letter on his bed about finding the truth. I… I don't know if he's with you or if he's run away. I just want to know he's safe. Please! Do you know where he is? Is he okay? I just want to know he's safe. That's all. Please… Please! I just want to find my son. I just want to apologize to him. I… I didn't get to say goodbye. Please, if he's with you… please… just give me that?"

Amanda stared at the ceiling and the walls for what felt like an hour, but nothing came of it. Completely defeated, she slumped down into her seat at the counter, head in her hands, as numbness overwhelmed her.

Did the others hear her?

Were they even listening?

Who else could she go to? The police? How could she explain Parker's size to them? That was going to be a dead end. Her friend Mel couldn't do anything to help out.

She was on her own.

Or was she?