3

Coming home had been the hardest part of going through the rift again. I had been gone for almost five years, considered missing. Lucifer and I had been walking down the side of the highway outside the state park I'd once worked for when we'd gotten stopped by a police officer. One look at us and he had us get into the back of his car, no questions asked. 

That first night had been spent in the county jail, filling out paperwork and telling the police the same cover story again and again. I thanked the time we had for giving us at least long enough to figure that out. It was a simple "I had decided to runaway and explore the country and fell in love along the way" story. It was enough to convince the cops and soon enough I was waiting for a ride home.

That was the worst part. I would have much rather stayed in jail with Lucifer than have to ride home in a car I no longer knew with a mother who thought I'd been dead. She had been hysterical when she'd seen me, though I'm sure the fact I was wearing torn clothes, unwashed, bruised, and bloodied, and didn't look five years older than I had been when I'd disappeared didn't help. She hadn't been happy to meet Lucifer, or Luci as I had introduced him to her.

It was pretty safe to say I would be grounded until I could go back to university, though I was pretty sure there was no going back to normal for me. Not after what I had experienced in the other world. There was no normal anymore. Not that I wanted to even try to go back to normal. 

I barely registered my mother as we drove home, her nagging dragging to drive out for much longer than it needed to be.

"You're right, I should have called," I muttered again, my arms folded over my chest. I glanced into the side view mirror and stared back at the reflection I had come to know. My long blonde hair was a tangled mess, the clothes I had borrowed from Alex were torn, and dirt covered my face.

"I'm just happy that you're alive." Mom continued, "What the Hell did you do to end up looking like that?"

"You wouldn't believe me even if I tried to explain it," I replied, trying to give her a soft smile. But she looked over at me with a disgusted look on her face, and my smile fell. "I was killing angels."

"Enough of that!" Her tone was sharp with me, "I will hear no such stories. And get your feet off the dash." I lowered my feet from where I'd had them, a place Alex had never seemed to mine them being. Dean, on the other hand, probably would have had the same fit my mother had. I smiled at the thought. "You should call the university in the morning."

"Mom," I groaned, rolling my eyes. "I don't want ot think about school right now."

"Well, you're certainly not going to go out with that boy you were gallivanting around with. What did you call him? Lucy? What kind of hippy parents…"

"Mom, I wasn't gallivanting" I laughed, "I just needed a break. A breath of fresh air. And his parents weren't…" I trailed off, "Well, I guess you could call his dad a hippy."

My mom sighed heavily as we pulled into the driveway. "Go get cleaned up. Tomorrow we're going to have a long chat about what you've done. And don't think I didn't notice that little blemish." She gestured to my wrist where the demon ward lay.

I nodded, rolling my eyes again and I left the car. I stepped into the house and looked around. It hadn't changed since I had left. None of it. Not a hair out of place from when I'd left. But it didn't feel like home anymore. Like I didn't belong here anymore. It wasn't a cheap motel room or my room at the bunker.

I made my way up the stairs, passing framed pictures of the family I only knew by blood now as I went to the bathroom. There I showered, the dirt and blood falling from my skin and mixing in the drain. I looked in the mirror after, examining the cuts and bruises. I had a split lip, and a deep yellow bruise along my cheek. I tried to smile at the image, but couldn't make myself do it.

I made my way to my bedroom next. The door creaked open to the same room I had left all those years ago. I walked past the bed that was still made and went to the closet I knew hadn't been picked through. There were only summery things here, bright colorful dresses or flowery shirts. I pushed them aside and dug until I found an old, plain black T-shirt that I had stolen from a concert. I pulled it on before finding an old pair of jeans that had holes worn into the knees. I looked in my mirror again after that, and almost felt normal. I picked up Dean's jacket from the bathroom floor and put it back on, the sleeves hanging just past my fingertips. 

My bed was soft and welcoming when I lay on it, but at the same time I felt dejected by it. I didn't belong here anymore. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to fix that. Was there any fixing it? I stared up at the ceiling and sighed before getting up and finding my phone on the dresser. I opened the music folder and found the playlist Sam and Dean had made for me. Dreams by Fleetwood Mac started to play from the speakers and I inhaled deeply. 

I sat on the edge of my bed, tears suddenly coming to my eyes. There was something wrong. A sudden heaviness in my chest. That was the only way to describe it at first. Something clutching at my heart and then tearing it into pieces. I crumpled forward and fought not to scream as something inside of me died. I clutched my chest, falling forward and onto my knees as the pain grew sharp and hot. Was this how I died? After all the adventures and finally making it home, I was going to die alone in my room. It held nothing but pain and darkness in my chest. And then just as soon as it had arrived, it ebbed and was gone, leaving me with a screaming emptiness.

"Alex…" I whispered. I immediately knew that was what had happened. I shouldn't have left. Lucifer should have let me stay. He shouldn't have pulled me through that damn rift. But what was done was done now.

I got to my feet and grabbed my phone from where I'd left it on the dresser, the end of the song came and went. I turned the music off and shoved it into my pocket before grabbing an old backpack from my closet. I paced through the room, packing. I knew I couldn't stay here anymore. I needed more than this normal life. And if she was gone, then I needed something to fill the void that was left in my chest. 

I swung the bag over my shoulder and left the room. I could hear the TV on downstairs and my mom talking. On the phone with a friend probably. I walked quietly into her room and went to the closet, easily finding the safe my father had left behind. Mom had never been able to get rid of his things, and for once I was grateful for that.

I found his old combat boots and pulled the spare safe key from the right one, quietly using it to open the safe. I reached into the back and pulled the old revolver to me, along with several clips and a couple of boxes of ammo. I shoved them into the bag and slid the gun into the waistline of my jeans. The last thing I took from the safe was the envelope I knew had a bit of cash in it. It would be enough to get started. It went into my bag with everything else and I left the closet.

I looked around the room with a deep breath. I knew this wouldn't be fair to my mom. We had lost my dad several years ago now, even longer for her than it had been for me, and I was going to just leave again after she had just gotten me back. She had been so worried too. I couldn't just walk out again. But this wasn't the life I wanted anymore, I couldn't just be normal. I was tired of letting other people control me.

I found a scrap piece of paper and scrolled across it, letting her know I was leaving again, but that I loved her. I also promised to call from now on but told her I couldn't stay. I just didn't belong anymore. 

With that settled, I made my way quietly down the stairs, stopping at the foot of them. Mom had her back to me as she washed the dishes, the phone held to her ear with her shoulder. I smiled, giving her a silent apology as I walked passed her and to the front door.

The night air was cold as I walked to my car. I looked it over, the sleek black car feeling too new now. I would have to trade it in for something else. Something I could add my own stories to. Something classic. Maybe I would find an old 1970 Dodge Charger, now that I knew Alex's would sit in that garage collecting dust with nobody to love it anymore, it felt right.

I slid in behind the wheel and started my car, quickly pulling away from the curb and whipping the dust off the dashboard. I followed the road back to the jail, where Lucifer would undoubtedly be waiting. I saw him as I pulled up, waiting on a bench for destiny to come calling as it always did.

I pulled up along the curb and rolled down the passenger window. I looked over the younger version of the devil as he approached the car. His blonde hair was fuller, brighter, and more sandy-colored than platinum blonde. He wore the same cocky smile on his face, though it was much younger and had seen much less of Hell than the original had. His eyes were a much younger, brighter blue now, but still dazzled me as they looked me over. His old clothes hung loosely on this smaller, better-built frame. The Prince of Darkness leaned into the window with a smile on his face, as if he had expected me to show up with a "get in" expression on my face.

"Where to, Sunbeam?" Lucifer asked. I'd have to get used to the new voice too. It was somehow deeper and warmer than the last had been. Almost unfitting for the man I had known him as.

"Not sure yet. Somewhere far away from here. I miss Kansas." I said with a smile.

"Lucifer opened the door and climbed into the passenger seat. "I was expecting a dress after what you told me about yourself."

"Never truly liked them. The only dress you'll see me in now will be on my wedding day." I looked back down the road as he put his seatbelt on.

"You always say such tempting things, Sunbeam." He chuckled, taking my hand gently as I started driving again, "I hope it's our wedding day."

"Never pictured you as the marrying type." I laughed.

Lucifer chuckled again, a sweet sound.

"I think Alex died," I whispered after a few moments of silence.

"I'm…I'm sorry." He said, squeezing my hand. "Are you sure?"

"Ya…I feel so empty now." I said, numb.

"You know what?" Lucifer said, "I have an idea that might be better than Kansas."

"Ya?" I mumbled, "What's that?" I pulled onto the freeway and slammed the gas.

"I think some rogue rifts opened up when we came home." He looked at me with a bright smile on his face. "And I think some things got through them before they closed."

"What? How?" I glanced at him.

"There was a lot of talking going around the station after you left." Lucifer sounded excited now. "Something about people dying in Texas. Their hearts were ripped from their chests and missing. What does that sound like from you?"

"Werewolves." A smile came to my face. "You think it could be?"

"Only one way to find out, Sunbeam."

I smiled more. He would help me fix this. He would always know how to make things better.

"Better make sure your seatbelt is on right. I have a full tank of gas and I'm not stopping until I absolutely have to."