The Word XXXX - 2

"L-Let's go back to work, okay? If we don't work on the costumes, we won't make it in time for the culture festival."

I honestly wanted to stay like that a bit longer, and if possible, I wanted her to get a bit more sleep. But, I still forced myself to face the sewing machine again…If we had stayed like that, I might have done something irreversible.

Ahh, I can't take it anymore. My face is scorching hot, and my heart is racing. I was able to talk with her just fine, so what is going on?

I didn't want to accept it. But, I think I have to accept the truth. When we first talked, I was shocked to know that she was so straightforward, unfazed by the people around her. After that, we ended up talking more in that public park, we decided on that stage play, and I saw her kindness, and hardworking spirit.

—I want to help her. I want to see her smile. I want to hear her true feelings. I'm happy when she relies on me. I want to be with her even after all of this is done. Just because she calls me by my name, and seeing that gentle expression her face makes me want to cry. I've been bottling up these feelings inside of me but I can't resist it anymore.

Towards Aotsuki-san, I— "Yafune~"

"Woah."

On Monday, after practice for the stage play ended, Namiki-senpai called out to me in the hallway, and clung to my back.

"Senpai, what are you doing?"

"I'm tired, you know~ When I saw you, I just thought I might as well, you know. I'm a member of the culture festival execution committee, right? I've been staying behind this late to get work done, so praise me."

"That's amazing~ And I really mean that. You're even working part-time, I admire that."

"Well, I am tired, but being busy is fun as well, you know? It's fulfilling, I guess." Senpai finally freed me, and showed a joyful smile.

There, I realized that he was carrying some sort of notebook. "What are these notes for, Senpai?"

"Ah, these? I was tired, so I needed some motivation. These are the comments and impressions from last year's culture festival visitors. At the entrance gate, they could write something if they felt like it. I was in the executive committee last year as well, so I get energy back by reading that. Wanna take a look?"

Since Senpai handed me the notes, I thought I might as well check through it. I saw comments like 'It was the best!' or 'This will be a great memory', and I could see how this could help in motivating you.

"Reading these gives me energy. Not to mention that Sae's stopping by with friends, so I want her to have fun."

Sae is the name of Senpai's girlfriend. Seems like they're still on good terms.

"You are lovey-dovey. Glad to see your love hasn't died out." I tried my best to not make it sound cynical.

"Well, we're not always happy. We do fight a lot, and since we're at different schools, it kind of feels like a long-distance relationship? Then again, our houses are pretty close, so I can meet her whenever I want."

"Oh, right. But, don't you get worried not being able to meet her for a few days?"

"Rather than worried, it's just lonely. But, it can't be helped. She's got her own plans for the future, which is why she chose a different school. Not to mention that our bonds can't get ruined just because we end up at different schools…or something like that." He must have felt a bit embarrassed blurting out such a cheesy line, as he scratched his cheek.

"That's amazing…When you decided to confess back then, were you never

worried that she might reject…or even hate you?"

Thinking that this kind of question wouldn't be too out of place in this context, I wanted to ask the question that was always on my mind, especially now.

"What, you got the hots for a girl, Yafune? Gonna confess?" The corners of Namiki-senpai's mouth moved up to form a grin.

Crap, I was trying to play it off cool, but sometimes he can be really sharp.

"No no no, I just felt like asking that question right now. I don't have someone like that."

I am thankful that he helped me become the culture festival hero, but this and that are different. I can't tell anybody that I actually have feelings for Aotsuki-san. I myself am unsure of how to handle my feelings after all.

"Wait, aren't you preparing for the culture festival with that girl? Is that possibly…"

"Not at all, not at all. I just couldn't watch her do it all on her own. Not to mention that, since we're in the same class, it'd be really awkward if we broke up, right. If anything, I want her to hate me."

This ain't good, I was too desperate in denying it that it might sound suspicious now. But, back when we first really talked, it was like that. Not to mention that I told her not to act affectionate towards me.

"So you wanting to be hated basically means that you don't want to be hated, right?"

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, you're a good guy, Yafune. But, you're really conscious of other people's evaluations of you. It's like you're afraid that people will think badly of you."

...I didn't even say anything like that, and yet he saw right through me?

Well, I doubt he knows that I'm a closet otaku.

"Since you're scared of being disillusioned when it comes to being liked, you just don't want to be liked in the first place, right? In the end, it just means that you like the other person."

To keep up my appearance, I had to deny Senpai's words, but…it felt like he was right.

"Well, telling someone about your feelings is a scary thing. But, if it's someone really important to you, I suggest you don't hesitate…I can't even describe how blissful it is to have the person you like accept your feelings."

I was always afraid of getting my hopes up only to be betrayed in the end, so I put up a defense wall around myself. But in reality, I want Aotsuki-san to like me. And, I want to tell her of my feelings. In order to break apart this relationship we have, which can't even be called friendship.

"What are you getting all silent for? Did I hit bullseye?" Senpai's comment pulled me back into reality.

"Ah, I'm sorry. I was just organizing my thoughts…Um…thank you very much."

"Hm? Oh, sure! Well, this is youth, so do your best~"

Oh crap, I basically didn't edny anything. His beaming smile just makes me feel embarrassed.

"M-More importantly, these notes are amazing. There's even those with illustrations…"

I might not have been blushing, but I still felt flustered, so I dropped my gaze on the notes again, going through some more pages when—

"—Hm!?"

I stopped at a certain page, and stared at it in disbelief.

"Oh? Something wrong?"

"No, um…I just found some familiar handwriting…" "Huh, someone you know?"

"Not exactly…"

Written on one page of the guest book was a small passage with the exact handwriting of the owner of that diary.

The culture festival this year was enjoyable as always. The theme this year around was 'Let's all grant our wishes and become happy!', and it really felt like the execution committee tried its best to grant the students' wishes, which made watching it very interesting.

Seeing the students stand on stage, saying 'Please grant my love', and confess to the people they like had me tear up many times. I want to meet the person I love as well. I want to tell them of my feelings. These are the thoughts I got.

This turned out pretty long, but I will definitely come back next year to enjoy the culture festival again.

It said that they would come by next year—which means this year, so I guess they really held true to their word. Although it wasn't anything groundbreaking, it at least told me that the chances of the person seeing our play and understanding what we're trying to do isn't zero, and it made my heart race with excitement. With this, we might really be able to grant Aotsuki-san's wish of finding the owner of those notes.

Just by envisioning her delighted face, I felt my face grow hot, and I couldn't even put down the notes. Ah, crap. My chest is full of Aotsuki-san, I can't bear it.

"Alright, then let's do this."

"You sure are motivated, Aotsuki-san."

"Of course I am! Now that we know that the owner of the diary definitely comes to the culture festival every year…!"

I told her about what I had learned this morning, which had Aotsuki-san really motivated. Today's classes already ended, and most people had already left the classroom which should have allowed us to practice…However.

"Hey, Yafune."

Gami suddenly walked in, and called out to me. Not to mention that her mood seemed not the greatest, which gave me a really bad premonition.

"Gami? Weren't you supposed to have gone home already?"

"Was talking with some friends from another class. So, we're all going for some karaoke right now. Since you're not giving me any attention, you're coming with me. This is an order."

Honestly speaking, since Aotsuki-san is this motivated, I'd rather not. But, if I prioritize Aotsuki-san, Gami will just get angry at me. That anger will eventually be directed towards Aotsuki-san, and it'll just trouble her more.

And, I don't want that.

"Well, yeah. But, the preparations for the culture festival are also really important, so could you just go ahead? I'll join you later."

There's not many days left for the culture festival, so we need to do some final checks, and basically everything else as well.

"…You better be coming. I won't forgive you if you lie to me."

"Come on now, of course I'll join you later~ I wanna have some fun with you as well once in a while. Let's have a great party, Gami~"

A rush of self-loathing filled my head as I was saying these words in front of Aotsuki-san, but even so, my smile did not break apart. Is this really the right thing to do? But, if I say no here, it'll only harm Aotsuki-san…Even though I don't want to say this. Aotsuki-san is much more important, and I want to be with her.

"Hmpf. Alright then, I'll be going ahead, so you don't take too long." Gami didn't seem too satisfied, but at least left without much complaining.

"…Sorry, Aotsuki-san, but I think that not making Gami angry would be a better choice here…"

"..." Aotsuki-san stayed silent, grasping her hand in front of her chest.

If I wasn't completely off-mark, it seemed like she was troubled by something.

"Well, you know, we both remember our phrases, so it's only a small few details that we have to…"

I moved to the front of the classroom, where we had set up the stage like it would be on the day of the stage play…Only to feel like something is pulling at me from behind.

"…Eh?"

Aotsuki-san was grabbing a part of my uniform. "Aotsuki-san…?"

"Ah…"

Only now did she realize what she had been doing, and frantically pulled back her hand.

"Y-You're wrong…! I didn't do it on purpose…!" She started blushing furiously, which was as cute as always.

It almost felt like she was telling me not to leave. Even though she didn't say that out loud, I keep getting my hopes up.

"So, um…I'm sorry, I must be… a bother, right…" "Eh, no, not at all…"

I don't want to go either. I want to always prioritize Aotsuki-san. Since— "I like Aotsuki-san after all…"

...

...…

......Hm? What did I just say? I feel like I just blurted out something incredibly bad. Did I just use the word 'like'…!? I frantically covered my mouth, but it was already too late. What am I doing? It's true that I wanted to tell her, but not in such a way. Not such a boring and misplaced confession…

Panic and shame had me sweat buckets. My heart was beating loud enough I was worried it would explode. What should I do? I need to say something quickly. 'Just joking', maybe? But, isn't that just rude? The urge to run away grew stronger, leaving me unable to directly look at Aotsuki-san's face.

"Eh…wha…Ah, I…I…!"

Oh no, what is she going to say?

"I >despise< you. >Don't ever get close to me again<."

—For a second, everything in front of my eyes turned black. But, that makes sense. What was I hoping for just because she was acting like a decent human being towards me. Not once did Aotsuki-san show any signs of positive affection towards me. I just got my hopes up like the creep I was.

"Sorry." "Ah…No, wait…"

"I was just joking, so forget about it."

I can't even look at her face. But, I still tried my best to smile. I'm not keeping up a face like I always do. I know that I messed up, and that we can't go back to how we were before, but I at least don't want to bother her any more than this.

"Gami's waiting for me, so I'll be going." I rushed out of the classroom. "…Yafune-kun…Ah!"

Aotsuki-san seemed to follow me, but bumped into a student on the way out, scattering all the pamphlets they carried in the process. I used that chance to dash to the shoe lockers…Still, I wonder what Aotsuki-san was about to say there. Maybe she wanted me to quit helping her for the play?

I don't even know the reason why Aotsuki-san is so desperate to get this play to work. Maybe she just put up with my presence all in order to find the owner of that diary? Before, she said something like 'I'd be bad if you couldn't participate in the play', but maybe she was just being considerate as always.

…I really am useless. "…Haaa…"

On the way to the train station, I felt exhausted from all the running, so I stopped my feet. Of course, I was still feeling as crappy as before, despite letting out all my frustration while running…I really messed up.

Subconsciously blurting out these words was the worst I could have done.

—But, I really like her. I did say them on accident, but they were my honest feelings. I know it's pathetic of me, but this urge to cry grew stronger and stronger, when—

"Yafune-kun…!"

Someone screamed my name with a loud voice. "!"

When I turned around, I saw Aotsuki-san dashing towards me, completely out of breath. Eh…she chased me all the way out here? Why? I don't get it.

"..."

This surprised left me bewildered even more, and I reflexively ran away again. My feelings of embarrassment grew even stronger, and since I didn't want her to see my shameful expression, I sped up even further.

"…Don't you…dare run…away…!"

Despite frantically gasping for air, Aotsuki-san raised her speed even further. That's why I sped up myself. I mean, should I really be running away? She clearly came after me with a proper reason…With a moment's hesitation, I turned around while dropping my speed—-And Aotsuki-san didn't miss out on that, tackling me.

"Woah!?"

We both fell to the ground. I hit my back on the ground, feeling a sharp pain assault me.

"Ouch…Aotsuki-san, what are you…" I opened my eyes, only to gasp.

We ended up in a position where Aotsuki-san looked like she was pushing me down. And, large drops of tears ran down her eyes.

"I >hate< you…"

—Is that something you would say while crying? Would you really say that after chasing me all the way here?

">Hate< >hate< >hate< >hate<…I >absolutely hate< you!"

I was the one who said that she shouldn't act affectionate towards me. Yet, ironically enough, I fell in love with her. Despite wanting her to hate me, I also want her to like me. I must be a real pain in the ass of a man with how much of a contradicting mess this is. So, why is she crying for my sake now?

"You're wrong…This isn't what I…!" Her tears sparkled like jewels.

They aren't tears that were meant as an appeal to forgive her, nor that she can use it as a means of escaping something. Instead, it looked like a child was simply crying out of pure sadness, shedding innocent tears.