9 Years Ago Part 2

9 Years Ago Part 2

"Hey Kid, what did you wanna have from the store today?… Kid?" I jolt upwards, eyes wide from Dan's words as they penetrate my brain stem in surprise. I open my mouth and then close it, like a dying fish out of water, then realising what he asked me, shaking my head in denial of need. I don't need it, I don't. Dan frowns at me before sighing, moving around the gym to the people that survive here, that because of me are at risk. This is the least I can do.

I hold my stomach, feeling the familiar gnawing itch, the painful anger that seems to lash out from inside me. I hasten around the Gym, moving equipment around, cleaning seats, the walls, the kitchen. Constantly moving, constantly working, I need to keep this space, this is a safe space… I don't like the streets, It's too easy to be a monster out there. My stomach gurgles in pain. In recognition of my thoughts.

Jesse walks through the door, just in time to catch Dan on the way out, his eyes have sunken slightly into his skull, his beard is spotted as if distracted while shaving. He's so tired… trying to find money to keep this place running … I need to try harder, I need to push more… is there some way I can help… I sigh and think of that night.

A week prior, trying to banish the bad thoughts from my mind, the clinking of those… things. He would have thrown them away, he must be working elsewhere, without sleep. Full of anxiety, like my own. In pain for not being able to do anything… Yes, I know that pain so well… Jesse is a good man, no one who would take me in could be a bad person.

I stand Idle at the ring, taking in the movements of Bruno and Tas, the professional boxers of the gym… at least they used to be. There doesn't seem to be much use for it anymore. Their belts were hung up on the walls, cleaned everyday with my own hands. They shine in the light, full of false pride.

"Hey Kid, you want next round?" Tas's voice, deep and haunting like a horror radio host's, reaches me at the side of the ring. Bruno's follows with eagerness. "Yes! Let's get the Kid some wind in his sails! I've seen you pick up those machines with ease, you've already got the muscle. Just need the sting! the bang! the gu-gu-gunnnss!" Bruno, with every intoned word jacks his muscles up in the air in excitement. Tas sighs and pulls up one of the ropes, putting his hand through, stretched out to my own.

I hesitate, looking to Jesse in recognition, he then huffs before turning around, leaving with a tired gait. I feel a muscled hand grip mine tight and pull me up, stumbling through the open ropes, then press against me as I slide my best through. A forceful pull and I'm in. In the arena that I've been watching while I work, seeing how the strong beat the strong. How all it takes is one punch and the human form can crumble like a rag doll.

Gloves are pushed into my chest as I stagger backwards slightly in surprise. "Go easy on the kid would you" I hear from the kitchen, Jesse poking his exhausted face out from the kitchen, hand in pocket seeming to fidget around for something before going back inside. I feel a hand on my shoulder, "You heard the boss, gotta go easy on em, show em the ropes, with that kinda innate strength we gotta make this kid a… Champioonnn~" Bruno ending the sentence in a sing-song voice as he raises one of my arms. I quickly pull it down in embarrassment, earning a grin for my efforts.

I pull the gloves around my hands, they feel big and bulky, top heavy, like I'm holding a squishy mallet with an anchor on the end. I try to jab a few times, after each on Tas and Bruno start moving my body around, discomfort growing as they touch my sides, feet and shoulders. I push it all down knowing that they are just instructing. I don't like people touching me, fingers feeling like scalpels on my skin. Hands feeling like saws as I'm cut open, piece by piece.

I follow along with their movements. Gait wider. Shoulders down. Legs more apart. No, not that far apart. A machine for the movement of others I slowly follow along. Construction of a human as I move along the axis, where they want me to move. Earned smiles of recognition of efforts.

I throw a punch and they guide my blows, slowly, assuredly. "You know… I think this kid's got it… damn." Pride wells up in my stomach as does the hunger. I must get stronger. Maybe this is the right way to be stronger. Not through the way the voice tells me to.

"You might be right hah. Alright, time for a real match kid!" Tas taps me in the center of the chest, then moves back to the other side of the arena. Bruno gets in behind me, arms around mine, pulling up my gloves to my face. "Alright kid this is it, you keep your stance, remember, move with rhythm, always have vision, never let your opponent disappear. Once you can't see their actions you lose. Protect your face. Don't want that pretty thing to start looking like me and Tas here!"

Tas yells over from the other side of the arena, "Hey I heard that! I'm plenty pretty!" Bruno laughs back, shaking his head. He moves into the middle between us. I feel the adrenaline pumping through my ears, feel my veins contracting, my heart beating to the sound of a thousand drums. Bruno pulls his hand up, then down. His words, drowned out by my internal screaming.

Tas moves quickly, more than I thought watching below, he isn't small by any means, having a foot of height on me and easily a hundred kilos. His feet sweep left and right towards me, his actions purposeful, he is showing me exactly how he is stepping without any fancy footwork. I can see the muscles from his thighs contract with every movement.

I mimic it as I move forwards, I need to keep moving forwards. This is a path for me to survive. Within range he seems to stop, the sound of his fist contracting, the bones creaking against each other loud in my ears, the internal screaming becoming that of eerie silence.

He lunges forwards, aiming directly at my head, I throw myself to the side as it narrowly misses, my gloves barely deflecting the blow as it travels past me, I wince as the wind travels past my ear, a sharp melody of power. Power that I crave so badly.

"Nice dodge kid!" He seems to say gleefully, it just feels like mocking deep inside. Jumping on the balls of his feet he seems to tell me that he's coming. This time it feels faster, with intent to harm. It sails towards my face as I bring my hands up to block. Gripping the gloves from the inside tightly, bracing my head against the blow.

The punch never comes.

Endless pain erupts from my stomach, my legs giving way as I fall to the ground, I gag and feel only bile come up as I gasp for air. Panicked voices come around me as I pass out. Out of breath and out of mind.

…

"Hey you awake kido?!" Jesse's voice. He sounds… tired, angry, annoyed? Oh no… the match, I passed out… fuck they are going to be so disappointed in me… I'm useless. "You really did a number on Tas, are you on any drugs or anything?" I open my eyes, back in the storage room, it's dark, moonlight streaming in from the small opening that could be called a window. He looks down at me, tired, so tired. I look up In confusion, moving my head to the left then right in denial, my neck feels sore. He sighs before getting up. I try to speak but feel… blood in my mouth? my whole body slowly recognises the feeling of being on fire, like all my muscles have been working overtime for days on end. Unable to move I just lay there in the dark as the disappointment that is Jesse leaves, muttering to himself as he goes.

What is happening to me… Tas destroyed me, knocked me out in one punch. What does he mean on drugs? Did I do something to Tas after I went unconscious. D-do I need to apologize to Tas, would he hate me?!

I remember looking into his eyes when he hit me, it wasn't in anger, he looked panicked as I fell over, he looked like he thought he fucked up. Shit…

…

I wake up before everyone else gets in, cleaning and trying to make the place spotless. There's blood in the arena, dried overnight. Did I do that? I must have bled some from that hit… but… it covers the mat, bits and pieces all over it, parts of it stepped on and slid around. I check my feet and see that the bottom is coated in dried blood. Groaning all I can think about is having a shower, looking back and forth from it and to the Arena. I really should clean it up… but then I will miss my chance to use the showers alone. Fuck. I get on my knees and start scrubbing, and scrubbing, and scrubbing. What feels like hours trying to get it all off, every piece of dried blood, not wanting the revelation of the day before to be left in this safe place.

I jolt in alarm at the voice next to me, being fully absorbed in cleaning. "Covering up your crimes will not do you any good Kid!" I throw myself away from them, falling awkwardly on the mat, looking back up I see a laughing bruno, his stance wide. He tries to look at me with confidence, but I can see a twinge of fear as he looks in my eyes. I try to speak, the words failing to find purchase on my tongue. Bruno steps out and heads to the changing room. Missed my chance to ask about Tas and have a shower.

I move to the kitchen, no Jesse in sight. I pull up my feet and wash them in the sink, desperately hoping no one sees. Cleaning them off with paper towels and feeling much better for it. The blood washed off me like nothing was wrong. The blood off the Arena like I never did anything. I never did anything, I didn't hurt Tas. That couldn't have been me. I would never hurt anyone… right?

The blood tells a different story, one that I don't want to believe.