Some Rest During This Brief Normal Life!
1
"I'd heard the first trial is a riddle," Darkness said dejectedly. The hot tea Megumin had prepared for her seemed to calm her down a bit; she held the cup in her hands and sighed.
"I've heard the same thing. But what could possibly have happened to reduce you, of all people, to such a sorry state? The village's trials are indeed challenging, yet even so, they should be manageable for a team of just two Crimson Magic Clan members. What in the world happened…? If it is something improper, I will be happy to get angry with them on your behalf," Megumin said sweetly, patting Darkness's head like she was comforting a crying child.
"I guess you destroyed so many of their magical riddle–dispensing items, Megumin, that they ran out of them… They said you were sick of riddles, and you wanted to try some other trial—" "So this is your fault!" I interjected, but Megumin refused to look at me.
"So what did they make you do instead, Darkness?"
"They said, 'What the Crimson Magic Clan needs is style! Show us your pose and introduction!' Then Yunyun and I had to strike cool poses and introduce ourselves over and over until they were satisfied…" G-gee, I felt bad for them… With Yuiyui down in the dungeon, that night passed without incident. And then… "Let me handle today, pretty please?"
That unnerving request was the first thing out of Aqua's mouth when Yunyun showed up that day.
"I'm not really comfortable letting you handle anything, but it looks like Darkness is just about useless," I said.
"Urgh… That's not the kind of humiliation I like… That's not the kind I want…" Darkness was still mumbling unhappily to herself, and Yunyun was looking desperately for someone to partner with her.
"If you're looking for Megumin, she was arrested last night for causing all those explosions."
"What's wrong with her?! And, Kazuma, how can you be so calm about it?!"
That's right: There had been yet another explosion out in the forest.
"So she sets off an explosion and gets dragged away by the police—what else is new? More importantly, don't you have your second trial today?"
"Y-yes, I do… I don't think it should be anything like yesterday's…" Yunyun looked at the ground in embarrassment.
"May I ask what pose you ultimately had to do and what you had to say to satisfy them?"
"You absolutely may not," Yunyun said flatly, with none of her usual hesitation. "V-very well, Aqua, let's go!"
"Excellent, just wait till you see what I can do. I didn't sleep much because I spent all night practicing my cool poses and introductions, but that only means I'm going to kill this thing."
"Um, I think the second trial will be something completely different…" Yunyun, still looking thoroughly uncomfortable about this, headed off with Aqua to see what the trials had in store for them.
"All right, how about we go get Megumin?"
"Say, Kazuma, instead of bailing Megumin out of jail every day, maybe we could think of a way for her not to wind up there in the first place?"
2
As we walked through Crimson Magic Village, I saw a guy I thought I recognized.
"Hey, Kazuma, it's your rival," Darkness said. Whatever that was supposed to mean.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I don't have any rivals; I'm undefeated and invincible. But he does look familiar somehow…" "H-hey, you haven't forgotten him, have you? He's—you know—I'm sure it was…uhhh…" "Mitsurugi! To be forgotten even by the daughter of that most stalwart of noble houses, the Dustinesses, is simply too much!"
That's right: It was the Sword Master with the enchanted blade, Mitsurugi himself.
"Hey, it's been a while. How ya doing? Well, we're in a hurry…" Mitsurugi grabbed my hand before I could make my escape. "Hold it right there! Why are you trying to ditch me?"
"Simple: You and I don't really get along, do we? You needle me about every little thing, and it's really annoying."
"E-erm, well, that's true, but… Wait, what are you even doing here? The monsters around the village are too powerful for you, aren't they?"
"A friend of mine is taking the trials to become the next chief. And I'm here to help. Hey, why are you here?" He didn't even seem to have his little girlfriends with him.
"Um, you might think I'm crazy for saying this, but a divine item ran out on me… According to the note, at least, it was going on a journey… Ha-ha… You can feel free to laugh at me now…" I knew that divine item and exactly which journey he was on. But Darkness, who had never met Aigis personally, looked at Mitsurugi mournfully. "You seem pretty tired," she said. "There's a hot spring here. You should take a dip and help yourself feel better. Um, don't overthink things, okay?"
"Ha-ha… Of course, I don't expect you to believe me… To tell the truth, the goddess Lady Eris came to me in a dream. She entrusted me with this precious divine item, asking me to use it to save the world. But then one day, the item left me a note: 'As long as you rely on your enchanted sword for your strength, you won't be worthy of me. There's something I have to do as a divine item.
While I'm doing it, go on a journey and search for me. And let it make you stronger! I'll always be waiting for you. Now, hero, go forth!' …That was all."
I knew what the divine item "had to do." He had to go to Crimson Magic Village to get a load of all the chicks.
"Then I heard there was a brilliant fortune-teller in Crimson Magic Village, so I came here to ask her to help me locate the divine item. But she seemed to think I was making some ridiculous joke. She only teased me, saying, 'It's right over there in that bar, harassing the waitress.'" I could vouch for that fortune.
"But don't worry about me. This is a trial set for me by the divine item granted to me by the goddess. I never expected it to be easy." I was just trying to decide whether to tell Mitsurugi about Aigis when his face got very serious.
"There's something more important that I have to say. Since you're here, let me give you a warning. It seems like the generals of the Demon King are targeting Axel. More like the entire army, in fact. I don't know if they want to destroy the town, or you personally, or if they're after Lady Aqua… But what I do know is that you might want to lay low for a while, maybe here or at the capital." Then Mitsurugi turned to leave. "I'm the one who's going to defeat you. I can't have the Demon King getting to you first. I'll win next time. And then Lady Aqua will be…" There was resolution on his face as he proudly walked away.
"…Hey, Darkness, if he's really after me, that's pretty, you know, main character–like, isn't it?"
"And yet, I can't shake the sense that the guy who just walked away is the more heroic of you two."
We waited until Mitsurugi was out of sight.
"Okay, next stop, Megumin."
But Darkness replied abruptly: "…Hey, um, Kazuma. It's fine, going to get her and everything, but maybe we could take a little walk first? Remember that nice walk we took in Arcanletia?"
"I've got nothing against a walk. But there's no telling what Megumin might do to us if she finds out we left her rotting in jail while we went off on a pleasant constitutional." Besides, surely we could get Megumin first, and then the three of us could go on a walk… "N-no, look, I was just thinking, maybe once in a while we could have a sort of…you know, date…like thing…" Her voice became quieter and quieter as she got to the end of her sentence.
A date. A date, huh…?
"Now that I think about it, I'm not sure I've ever been on a proper date."
"Y-yeah, right?! I mean, I think just walking through town is a date, but I've always had this soft spot for the sort of dates you see in romance novels. You know, getting all dressed up, showing up early…!" Darkness was growing very excited all of a sudden, starting to blush, even though she was the one who had suggested this.
"You really do act like a proper maiden sometimes. If you'd been like this from the moment I met you, maybe I'd be head over heels for you by now."
"What?! Y-you really think so? I always hid this part of myself… I thought maybe it wasn't seemly for the daughter of a noble household to have these girlish fantasies. B-but… I see…" I wasn't talking about her girlish fantasies. I was talking about hiding her bizarre sexual proclivities and acting like a normal person…but whatever.
"H-hey, Kazuma, have you noticed the great weather today?"
"Yeah, I guess the Crimson Magic Clan uses magic so it's sunny and clear all the time around here." Perfect weather for a walk through town. The Crimson Magic Clan really had some impressive spells, even if they did tend to use them in silly ways.
"Look, Kazuma, there's a cat sleeping over there on that fence! This village is so idyllic; I love it!"
"Yeah, apparently, that cat on the fence over there is a Crimson Magic Clan familiar. It watches the village environs constantly," I said, offering the very pleased Darkness a bit of trivia I'd learned.
"And look, there's an old guy just relaxing and fishing, right in a place like that…" "Uh-huh. They use live bait to attract monsters to the river there. That fishing rod is made of steel wire, and Crimson Magic Clansfolk run a current through it with lightning magic to raise their level."
Darkness, who had been so thrilled a moment ago, was looking increasingly despondent.
"…Kazuma, I'm starting to get the feeling this village isn't really ideal for a date…" "What can I say? The Crimson Magic Clan members are fighters. What, you really wanted to go on a date that badly?"
Darkness, walking alongside me, suddenly turned to face me. "Of course I did!
Honestly! You lead me on like this and then can't be bothered to keep it up!"
"Hey, I didn't lead anyone on! I was helping you, and you got this idea that you were in love!" And as it turned out, my knee-jerk response to this attack was right on the money. Judging by Darkness's reaction, I shouldn't have said it.
"I 'got this idea'?! You think it's just my idea?! When I was promised in marriage to Alderp, who came and crashed my wedding?! You even threw all your money down on the ground and declared, right there in public, that you'd bought me! And I'm the one who's 'got this idea'?!"
"H-hey, I can't help it! It's not my fault if everything I do is supercool and totally awesome! Fine, I apologize for being cool and awesome all the time! I know, any normal person would fall head over heels in love with me!" I snapped back.
"Awesome, my ass! Get over yourself! Just about the only people who would fall in love with a worthless lump of a man like you are total weirdos like Megumin and me!"
"So do you love me or do you hate me?! Make up your mind! If you love me so much, then say something nice about me! I have a legitimate fangirl waiting for me back in Axel, don't forget!"
Darkness looked awfully dubious. "Do you really believe that? I'm sure she's just after your money or a few minutes of fame. Maybe I'm not one to talk, but I don't think you have any actual fans."
"S-screw you! I may not work that much, but I'm a great catch!"
"Your refusal to work is your number one flaw!"
As Darkness and I were arguing:
"If Kazuma is no longer working, I shall go labor in the fields or do some such myself to make money."
"Megumin, you're too soft on this guy! That's why he just gets worse and worse!"
"You always said a shiftless loser was your type!"
...… Darkness and I turned around, and there was Megumin. "You two seem to be having quite a pleasant time, despite knowing that your friend is stuck in jail.
Might I join you?"
Darkness and I both bowed our heads… "I kept saying we should go get you, Megumin. But Darkness here—" "Y-you said yourself you'd never been on an actual date! Listen, Megumin, it's not what it looks like. But we're finally back in Crimson Magic Village, and I wanted to do some sightseeing…!"
Megumin was watching us skeptically as we piled on the painful excuses. "So you have never been on an actual date, have you? Then let us go on a date. All three of us. I will introduce you to our very best watering holes."
"That doesn't really feel like a date to… You know what? Never mind."
Darkness and I hadn't actually been doing anything wrong, but somehow we found we didn't have a leg to stand on.
"Let us begin with a meal, then. There's a restaurant I used to work at."
""Sure…"" We ended up trailing around the village after Megumin, who for some reason was suddenly in a very good mood.
"Welcome, welcome! If it isn't Megumin. Long time no see. Learn anything besides Explosion yet?"
"It has been a long time, and no, I have no interest in learning anything else. I once briefly contemplated learning advanced magic, but Kazuma here got ahold of my card and made his own decisions. I believe he said Explosion was the only spell that suited me, and he urged me to continue walking the explosive path…" "I didn't say that. I didn't go that far," I piped up before Megumin could go any further with her stories.
"That's great!" the other Crimson Magic Clan member said. "We were asking ourselves, what would we do if Megumin learned some other spell?!"
"Oh-ho? So my Explosion has become a subject of debate in the village! I suppose it only makes sense. To chase after any other spell would be an adulterous misuse of my skill points!"
"Yeah, we were wondering what we should do about your nickname. Greatest Genius of the Crimson Magic Clan belongs to Thunder Bearer Yunyun now. So we were thinking something along the lines of Greatest Parlor-Trick Practitioner of the Crimson Magic Clan…" Without another word, Megumin attacked him.
"Hey, Megumin, calm down! He's an Arch-wizard; he's got no endurance!
Don't try to strangle him!"
"I am an Arch-wizard as well, and a girl to boot! I will show him what a parlor-trick practitioner can do!"
Various bystanders started getting in on the action.
"Ten thousand eris on the Parlor-Trick Practitioner!"
"Thirty thousand on the Loser Wizard!"
"Fifty thousand on the Explosion Wizard!"
"Hey, I do not mind you betting on me, but I shall have you stop with those nicknames! Although I shall allow 'Explosion Wizard' because it is cool! Very well, you may come at me all at once!!"
"Whatever, just take it outside!"
Having been chased out of the restaurant, we decided to eat at Megumin's house.
"Are you both okay? My goodness, to get into a fight with Crimson Magic Clan members. There's ridiculous, and then there's ridiculous, you understand?"
"You're the one who started that fight. But hey, this isn't so bad every once in a while. It's sort of adventurer-y."
After Megumin decided to go after everyone betting on the fight, Darkness and I agreed that the odds weren't very fair and jumped in on Megumin's side.
"How could a knight stand by while her friend was being called Loser Wizard and Parlor-Trick Practitioner? It would be dishonorable. It was quite a good fight anyway! I really enjoyed myself!"
"The guy you were fighting quit halfway through and begged you to let him go, even if it meant he lost. Don't act like we're masochist freaks like you."
We were all thoroughly bruised, but Megumin giggled. "The word loser can be considered a term of encouragement in the Crimson Magic Clan. For the person so called can be galvanized by it."
"I guess I should have seen that coming by now… But I have to say, sometimes the Crimson Magic Clan's sensibilities really don't make any sense to me."
We were heading back to Megumin's house, chatting along the way, when a familiar female voice called out to us. "Well, if it isn't Megumin. It's been a while."
"Arue, is that you? How unusual to see your normally shut-in self out and about. Are you still living the NEET life under the guise of trying to become an author?"
The voice belonged to a young woman with an eye patch even more prominent than before.
"I—I told you, the word isn't NEET; it's novelist! I put out a Crimson Magic newspaper, and my book was even published recently! I'm making money, which means I'm not a NEET!"
"F-fine, I understand, just please stop pulling on my eye patch! I got this from you, and also, it hurts!"
It was Arue, a troublesome young lady who was currently pulling on Megumin's eye patch in frustration. I still remembered one of her little stories making my life very difficult a while ago.
…Yeah, now it was all coming back to me!
"Hey, Megumin, is this girl the weirdo writer whose stories screwed everything up for us? I haven't forgotten about that."
"And you're the outsider who tore up one of my novels! I haven't forgotten about that!" Arue glared at me, her eyes glowing red.
"The line between a novelist and a NEET is paper-thin, right?"
"Watch it. I'm a member of the Crimson Magic Clan, and if you make me angry, I'll drop some advanced magic on your head!"
"You two hardly know each other. How have you already managed to get in a fight?! Both of you, calm down!" Megumin said, tearing Arue off me when she started to attack me.
"So are you one of Megumin's classmates? My name is Darkness. Megumin and I are in a party together. I look forward to spending a few days in your village." Darkness smiled and held out her hand.
"I'm the greatest novelist in the Crimson Magic Clan. Arue's the name. At least you look halfway sane, lady. That's reassuring. Nice to meet you." She gave a pleasant smile: the exact opposite of the reaction she'd had to me.
"Hey, how come you treat her so differently than you treat me? And is that as dramatic as your introduction gets? Before you call yourself the Crimson Magic Clan's foremost author, tell me how many authors this village has."
"Of course I would treat a friend of Megumin's with a baseline level of respect, wouldn't I? If she doesn't actively seek to harm me, like you do, this is how I act. And the number of authors around here is a secret." The alleged novelist, Arue, clammed up.
"You know, come to think of it, I haven't heard a single really dramatic self-introduction from anyone since we came to this village."
"Yes, the full self-introduction is usually reserved for the first time we meet someone. And incidentally, I'm not going to do it for you. I might just get carried away." She was a sharp one, this Arue. "I'd heard you found a man, Megumin.
Don't tell me—is it this guy? It's not too late to go the Yunyun route, you know."
"Stuff it, you eye patch–wearing witch. Those are fighting words," I told her.
"You said you put out a book? If I ever see it in a bookstore, I'm gonna put another book right in front of it."
Arue's eyebrow twitched. "Megumin, this man is no good! He's absolutely worthless! I'm going to burn him up right here like the trash he is!"
"Oh, you wanna go? My Steal is the real deal. You're gonna lose your eye patch or maybe your underwear!"
"If you are both so eager to fight, then I shall be your opponent! Please do not imagine that two NEETs can stand against a powerful Arch-wizard!"
""I-I'm not a NEET!""
3
That night.
"Waaahhh! Waaaaahhhh! Ahhhh!"
We were relaxing at home when Aqua came back crying. She pounded the floor with both hands.
"What's up?" I said. "Your entire life is one giant disgrace; surely a little bit of embarrassing posing can't get you this upset. What the heck happened?"
On closer inspection, I realized Aqua was covered in mud.
"S-sniff… For today's trial, we were told, 'What the Crimson Magic Clan needs is good fortune. You're going to try this challenge again and again until you both pick the right door.' And then they made us run toward the doors…!"
G-gosh, I felt sort of sorry for her… Maybe it was like one of those game shows on Japanese television, where the wrong door led to a pool of mud or something. And Aqua was the last person you would want on your team for a contest of luck.
"But you passed the trial, right? That's good. Now you can go take a bath.
While you're getting cleaned up, I'll use my Cooking skill to whip you up some first-class snacks."
"…I want something salty…" I watched Aqua, with her common tastes, sulk off to the bath.
"Ahem… Megumin's mother, t-tonight, er…" Darkness kept glancing in my direction for some reason, looking fidgety.
"Oh, don't be so formal. Just call me Yuiyui. What about tonight? You're looking awfully eager, Darkness."
"Eager?! N-no, I just thought, perhaps tonight you might not let Kazuma and Megumin sleep together…" Maybe in the afterglow of our date, she had decided to offer just a modicum of resistance.
"Why would I do that? Looking for the chance to have a little tryst, Darkness?"
"Tryst?! No, perish the thought! It's just, after everything that happened this afternoon, I feel awfully left out, thinking of the two of them together…" She glanced at me again as if hoping I would back her up.
But Megumin cocked her head and said, "Did something happen?"
"Nothing happened; Darkness just got herself all excited."
"What?! Kazuma, after we went on a date and everything, this is really too much…!"
Darkness was obviously out to put an end to Megumin and me, but I saw Yuiyui up behind her, intoning a magic spell… "Whoo-hoo! It's a fourteen-year-old girl's bed!"
"Unbelievable! Why would you say such a thing?!"
I'd made the snacks for Aqua as promised, ignoring the snoozing Darkness while I did so, and then we'd retired promptly to our room.
"Because it is a fourteen-year-old girl's bed, right? Not fifteen, fourteen. It's an important point, so I wanted to make sure to spell it out."
"I don't know what difference you think there is; every girl's bed is the same…" The moment we got into the room, I dove onto Megumin's bed and started rolling around. "Hey, it's all good. If we got into that argument now, we'd still be debating when the sun came up. We can worry about it another time."
"I keep wondering, Kazuma, but you really aren't a lolicon, are you? You don't care for me simply because I'm small, do you?" Megumin asked, eyeing me where I lay on her bed.
"What a thing to say! I like 'em big; don't you worry. A chest about Darkness's size would be ideal."
"I didn't want to hear any concrete examples of your ideal size, but at least you aren't a lolicon… Considering how pleased you were to be the object of Iris's and Komekko's affections, I was getting a bit worried…" Bah, that was because I love little-sister characters, but I'm not attracted to little girls.
"Ah, another war waiting to happen. Let's just worry about that another time."
"I-if you say so… Anyway, very well. We have nothing else to do now, so how about we just go to sleep?" Megumin said, and then she burrowed under the covers on the very edge of the large bed, making sure to keep her distance from me.
...… "Hey, why're you sleeping all the way over there? We've practically slept in each other's arms; why act like strangers now?"
"Yes, we have, and if I cuddle up to you now, it will only mean you having to hold yourself back. I am making your life easier by saving you from having to exercise all that restraint."
Oh, boo… "I have to restrain myself the moment we're sleeping in the same room. It's too late now."
"That really is all a man thinks about, isn't it?! Anyway, we know for a fact that something will interrupt us, so I'm not going to do anything!"
Ah, the infamous Curse of Interruption that I labored under. Aqua swore there was no such curse on me, but I had her cast Sacred Dispel on me a few times just to be sure. If nothing actually changed, that would mean… "Then there's a real possibility that the curse that prevents me from crossing that final frontier is a powerful magic put upon me by the Demon King or someone else who can cast a curse so powerful, even Aqua can't break it."
"How much time do you think the Demon King has on his hands? I almost feel bad for him, with you slandering him this way."
Megumin could say whatever she wanted, but if the king really had cursed me, then it was one more reason not to give up on destroying him.
Just as I was having that thought, I felt something cool and soft wrap around my right hand. Megumin seemed to be holding my hand under the covers.
"I suppose it is safe to at least hold hands? This won't get you all excited, will it?" She smiled shyly. I guess it was nice of her, given how I had complained about her sleeping on the other side of the bed, but… "Of course it will; what the hell are you talking about?"
"What, even this?! I mean, yes, my heart is racing as well, but isn't it somehow comforting?!"
Nothing… She understood nothing!
"I'll go ahead and sleep holding your hand tonight because you get lonely so easily, Megumin, but you'd better be really careful, okay? You do something like this with any guy but me, I guarantee he'll get the wrong idea and attack you."
"I wouldn't be in this situation with any guy but you! Don't act like you're somehow doing me a favor!" In spite of her angry retort, Megumin squeezed my hand.
"Ow-ow-ow, that hurts! Be careful—your level is higher than mine! You're gonna break my poor hand!"
"Level or no level, I know my grip isn't that strong! I think it's about time we raised your level a little, Kazuma. I would be happy to go on a monster hunt with you."
Raise my level, huh? "Easy for you to say. Do you understand how painful it is to see your level go up but your stats stay the same? Lately, my Luck has been the only thing that's increased at all. It's nice to get skill points and everything, but what with my NEET lifestyle, there aren't that many skills I want. Not a lot of motivation for me to raise my level…" "So you've almost reached the stat cap… Um, well, there's an expensive potion that can raise your stats! You could defeat a few monsters, earn some money, and then use that to get stronger…" "Wouldn't it be better to save that sort of thing for someone who's got some real natural talent, instead of wasting it on me? There's only so many of these expensive potions out there, right?"
That set Megumin back on her heels for a second. "W-well, you could at least get better gear…" "Not really. There's only so much gear I can use; I'm not the strongest guy around." Megumin's hand went from holding mine to sort of stroking it, as if she was comforting me. "Hey, you're feeling pity for me right now, aren't you?"
"N-not at all. If there's anything I can do, just say the word, all right? Even if someone is bullying you, okay? If there's ever an adventurer who says you're weak, I'll start a fight with them and beat them up, and then I'll finish by saying they're the weak one…" "Hey, don't do that! Are you the reason adventurers I don't even know keep calling me Kazu-munchkin and teasing me about being protected by a girl?"
Megumin was acting just as nuts as ever, but I wished she would think of my feelings—I was the one who had to deal with the aftermath.
For some reason, this got a smile out of Megumin. "And yet, when I was treated like a loser this afternoon, you and Darkness got angry on my behalf.
Should I alone be excluded from getting upset when someone makes fun of you?"
She almost sounded like she was teasing me herself. But she also sounded like she was kind of enjoying it. True, that stuff had happened just this afternoon, and there wasn't much I could say to that… "When the two of you jumped into my fight, it made me happy—do you know that? Because I would certainly have been defeated by sheer numbers. And if I had lost, I would have had to go around each night to the houses of those who'd teased me to personally thank them…" Geez, good thing we'd decided to get involved.
"So who do you think should be Yunyun's partner tomorrow? The first two trials may have been rather playful in nature, but I assure you the last one will be in earnest. What the Crimson Magic Clan, as augmented humans, needs more than anything is the ability to survive any kind of combat. The last trial is to spend one entire night in Crimson Magic Forest, wherein dwell many dangerous monsters."
"…Suddenly they're out for blood, huh? Darkness can't fight her way out of a wet paper bag, so Yunyun would be in trouble when her magic ran out. And Aqua would probably have them swarmed with undead the entire night…" The first two trials had seemed like bad jokes, but all of a sudden, they were throwing down the gauntlet for real.
"I want to say up front that with the Ninnin in the vicinity, you with your black hair and dark eyes absolutely must not participate, Kazuma."
"…Guess we'd better hit the village and find a Crimson Magic Clanner who can be Yunyun's partner tomorrow, then…" "Don't treat it like some kind of punishment game where the player must become her friend—Yunyun will cry, you know?"
With no other options to speak of, though, it looked like the only choice was for me to go. If I used my Sense Foe skill to keep track of any enemies and Ambush to avoid them, I thought I could probably make it through the night.
Megumin could tell from my expression that I was thinking something. "I said, no. You are dealing with the Mad Bomber here. If you stumble across each other and you get blown to smithereens, there won't even be a corpse left, and then we won't be able to resurrect you."
"Yeah, sure, but there's no one else to work with Yunyun. Even you kept your mouth shut about the Mad Bomber so they wouldn't stop the trials and prevent her from becoming chief, right?" I mean, Megumin was getting herself thrown in prison every single day for the sake of her friend.
"…No, I did not. As I believe I told you, I wanted to keep the Ninnin for myself so that I could defeat it and take the position of chief right out from under Yunyun's nose."
"Ah, there it is, the classic tsundere ploy!"
But as I was teasing Megumin about not being more honest, she looked up at me. "Yes, I admit Yunyun is a treasured friend of mine. When I consider the best interests of our village, I know it's better that she become chief than I, with my disinclination to leave Axel, or any of the other Crimson Magic Clan members, none of whom have any motivation. However…" Her scarlet eyes fixed me in place. "I must admit, seeing you offer to risk your life for another girl, it does make me jealous."
… ... ...… "Please say something! I am starting to get embarrassed!"
"I'm the one who's embarrassed! What are you talking about?! Just stop it— my face is getting all hot!"
We abruptly unclasped our hands and turned away from each other.
"The point is, don't you dare take part in that trial tomorrow, all right, Kazuma?!"
"Yeah, fine, I get it. If it's enough to make you beg like that, I won't. I'll think of some other way."
"Beg?! Fine, I suppose in some sense, I am begging! Bah! Tomorrow will be here soon, so let's just get some sleep!" And then Megumin shoved her face in the pillow to hide her burning cheeks.
And I said… "Hey, I thought we were going to sleep holding hands tonight. I wanna sleep a whole night holding hands with a fourteen-year-old girl."
"You sure know how to spoil a moment!"
4
The next morning. Megumin, who had felt such affection for her fellow Crimson Magic Clan members the evening before… "Curse you, you foolish Crimson Magic Clansfolk! By my power, I will rain destruction upon this village!"
…was making life hell for the members of the community watch who had accosted her.
"We told you when we let you out yesterday, Megumin: If you caused another Explosion-based ruckus, we weren't going to let you out again until the Chief's Trials were over! And now I'm going to hold you to that! Grrr, I'm high-level, too; you can't just keep strangling me…" "She started chanting! Gag her! Somebody shut Megumin's mouth!"
"Careful, she's strong! Treat her like a vicious wild animal!"
"Ahhh, Bukkororii! Somebody get Megumin's hands off him; he's frothing at the mouth!"
When Megumin, with all her levels, set her mind on resisting, the whole community watching together seemed hard-pressed to bring her down. I was starting to think maybe these wizards should stick to barehanded fighting (which might work for Darkness, too).
"Yunyun! While I am imprisoned, you may attempt the final trial or whatever you want! However, do not think this means you have won! If you aren't the next chief by the time I am released from jail, I'll steal the title out from under your nose!"
"Megumin, please let go of Bukkororii! Otherwise we're going to need a resurrection in here!"
I watched them drag Megumin off, then turned to Yunyun, who was taking in the scene with a vacant stare. "Well, that's your to-do list for today—the final trial."
"Absolutely not," Aqua said flatly.
"M-me, I… I… Urrrgh…" That was Darkness.
"Is that all the three of you have to say?! Megumin just got taken to prison again, right in front of your eyes!" Yunyun seemed to have some sort of objection, but we were used to this by now. More to the point, Aqua refused point-blank, and Darkness, though she couldn't get the words out, wanted no part of it. Not that I really blamed either of them. The next trial was going to be exceptionally difficult, even by the infamous standards of the Crimson Magic Clan.
"I was Yunyun's partner for the first trial. And Aqua took the second one. It only makes sense that our leader, Kazuma, would go for the third one."
Aqua was eager to embrace Darkness's suggestion. "How uncommonly sensible of you, Darkness. You're right; Kazuma hasn't been the least bit helpful yet this trip, so we should let him handle this. Otherwise, he might start to feel left out."
"Sorry to disappoint you, ladies, but I can't participate. The Moguninnin might get me."
"Will somebody please tell me what this Moguninnin thing is?!" Yunyun exclaimed. Gee, and here I was hoping a Crimson Magic Clan member could explain it to me. I assumed they were the ones who had given it that name.
"Believe me, I'd love to tackle the trial with you. But Megumin said I couldn't, and I'd hate to worry her. Gosh, and I was so sure we'd pass the test with me as your partner…" "Ahhh! You're the only one left, Kazuma! Who else am I supposed to ask?"
Yunyun was on the verge of tears, but I nodded confidently and said, "I can think of one person who's almost guaranteed to get you through that trial."
"Say hello to your friendly neighborhood divine item Aigis!"
I was introducing Yunyun to the singing, dancing divine item Aigis.
"D-divine item? Hey, Kazuma, what's this all about? Is this suit of armor really a divine item?" Darkness asked, observing the chatterbox armor with confusion.
That's a fine suit of armor you have there. Wanna polish each other?> "A suit of armor that talks like that?! Kazuma, is this thing really a divine item?!" "Don't ask me—ask Aqua. And anyway, he says he's a divine item." As I tried to foist the question off on her, Aqua said uneasily, "Hold on, Kazuma. I don't know anything about this. Stop trying to blame everything on me, okay?" While Aqua, who apparently didn't set off the armor's Lady Sense, was busy kicking Aigis in the business, Yunyun cocked her head. "You think this Mr. Aigis and I can clear the final trial together?" "Skills and magic don't work on this guy, plus his entire body is made of orichalcum. The last trial is to spend a night in the forest, right? This guy's the only one around more stubborn and hardier than Darkness, so I think you'll do great." Aigis was completely autonomous. They wouldn't need a guard even in the middle of the night, and even if someone or something did get the drop on him, it would be fine. "Hrm… All right, if you're so sure, then I'll give it a shot. I like to think I know a thing or two about armor myself." Things were getting out of control fast, and it sounded like we had a showdown on our hands. "Like made-to-order stuff! That sounds perfect! Just make sure you don't disappoint me, all right?" "U-um! I have a favor to ask you, Mr. Aigis!" That set Aqua to whispering to me. "You know, Kazuma, you could stand to have a little more self-respect. Do you hear what that formerly pure, sweet young lady just said?" "Hey, don't try to pin this on me. She's started to discover how to throw her weight around. She's finally learning to be a real noble." "Pipe down over there! We already are changing partners from trial to trial, so is there some rule that says we can't do it in the middle of one? If not…" As Darkness tried to persuade Yunyun, Aqua started whispering again… "Look, Kazuma, Darkness is starting to sound as devious as you." "Once again: not my fault. I haven't fallen so far." Yunyun looked at Aqua and me and the tearful Darkness. "No, I want to take the trials and do it right. This time, I'll beat Megumin…!"