The Real, True Truth for This Artificial Tribe!

1

On account of all the drinking, among other things, I decided it was too much trouble to go back to Megumin's place, so I spent the night at Succubus Lingerie. I headed back to Megumin's house in the morning… "Hey, I'm here to pick up a couple of idiots."

I found myself at the headquarters of the village's neighborhood watch.

"Hey, good to see you. Hurry and get these two out of here," said the leader of the watch—a NEET who I think was named Bukkororii—with a tired yawn.

I turned to Megumin and Darkness, who were sitting inside a simple cell. "I'm here to take you home…although I really don't want to."

"Kazuma, wherever did you disappear to last night? If you had been here, we could have used your Ambush and Sense Foe skills to evade the neighborhood watch." Heck of a thing to say when you were still sitting in jail.

I turned to the person beside Megumin. "Aqua and Megumin are one thing, but I would have expected you to stop this madness."

"I have no excuse..." Darkness, red up to her ears, crouched there, trying to hide her face.

After I'd left for the bar, these two had gone ahead and done Megumin's "thing."

"I would like to let it be known that during my stay here, I shall be doing this on a daily basis, you understand. The simplest solution would be for the villagers to hurry up and get used to it."

"You're not making any sense," Bukkororii said, uncomfortable with what Megumin seemed to be saying.

"Aw, she claims she has to let off an explosion every day or she'll die. Heck, back in Axel, it's practically become part of the scenery."

"I swear I have no idea what you're talking about." Even this member of the Crimson Magic Clan, famous for their immovable demeanors, seemed to be sweating. It just served as proof of how much of a problem child Megumin really was, I guess.

"I can see there is no choice," Megumin said. "Starting today, I will do my best to satisfy my explosive need while it's still light out, so please tell the villagers not to be too surprised."

... "You think you could keep her locked up here until the trials are over? I'll pay for room and board."

"Please stop. The neighborhood watch building isn't a place for detaining troublemakers. We want a guardian to get her out of here already…" "I shall have you stop treating me, a poor young lady, like a dangerous criminal!"

Darkness shrank even farther into the corner of the cell, humiliated, while the dangerous criminal gave us a piece of her mind… "I guess I can't take the Chief's Trials yet. That first trial, the one we destroyed, still hasn't been repaired…" With Megumin and Darkness in tow, I collected Aqua, and we all headed to see Yunyun, but she greeted us with a despondent apology.

"What do they mean? Is it not ready? We leave them alone for a little while and look what happens—the people of this village!" Megumin said, sighing dramatically, as if she somehow wasn't directly involved.

"You're the one who destroyed that thing! Ooh, while I'm doing the trials, I wish you would go amuse yourself somewhere else… Anywhere else!"

The blood rushed to Megumin's face. "I shall have you explain to me this impulse to make me a pariah!"

Yunyun waved her hands frantically. "N-no, no one's trying to make you a pariah… I just know that you're congenitally incapable of staying calm during the trials. And if there's some juicy moment right at the end, I know you won't be able to restrain yourself!"

"""Makes sense.""" "Please do not all act so convinced at once! You treat me as if I were some sort of mad dog!"

"Have you forgotten where you were until five minutes ago? No reasonable, decent person ever ends up in a jail cell."

Megumin refused to look at me.

"That kind of leaves us without much to do, though," I said. "We did the tourist thing last time we were in Crimson Magic Village. So what now?"

Yunyun told us the trials would be ready for her by tomorrow. We could conceivably go back to Axel for a day… Just as everyone was sharing a concerned look:

"I'd like to take this dear girl to the forest."

It was Aqua, holding her Leisure Girl in its pot and sounding regretful. Oh yeah, I guess that had been on our to-do list.

"Um… As a member of the Crimson Magic Clan, I'm not sure how I feel about you planting a monster right next to our village… I'd really prefer to destroy it here and now…" Yunyun was being perfectly reasonable, of course, but Aqua brandished the pot at her and said, "Can you truly destroy something so small and sweet? Are you that cruel, Yunyun? Look! Look her in the eye and say it!!"

"I'm sorry; I'm sorry! I can't do it; I'm sorry!"

2

We followed Aqua around the village as she fretted about where to plant her sprout.

"I'd like to put her on the hill up there so she can look down on the village.

That way, she won't feel lonely."

"No, Aqua, she can't go there. That's Devil's Hill, where couples go to hang out together. How about somewhere in the woods?"

"This is a pain," I said. "Let's just plant it by your house and be done with it, Yunyun. Nobody around here would get in any trouble with a Leisure Girl—you could make it a new tourist destination."

"That's great thinking, Kazuma. And then she won't be lonely, either. Plus, Yunyun would finally have a friend! Everybody wins!"

"You're right—it's perfect. I'll take such good care of her!"

"Don't be ridiculous! And, Yunyun, don't be so eager. Making friends with monsters is a line you must not cross!" Megumin had to shoot down our idea just when it seemed like everything was going to wrap up neatly.

"Hey, Megumin, there's one thing I've been planning to do once I'm chief of the Crimson Magic Clan."

"Wh-why the sudden change of subject? What is this thing you are planning?"

Yunyun smiled shyly at Megumin. "I've been thinking about this for a long time. I want to catch some intelligent monsters, the kind that can talk, and start a monster farm here in the village…" "You mean you had the same idea as Kazuma?! And I suppose when they grow up, you will harvest them for experience points!"

Megumin had Yunyun by the lapels and was shaking her violently, but Yunyun objected, "N-no, that's not it at all! I think if they're well cared for and all their needs are met, intelligent creatures will open up to us! We can find a new way forward together, instead of having to fight all the time…!"

"'Together'… Such naïveté! You want friends so badly, you would even make NEETs out of monsters!"

"Of course I want friends! Who doesn't?!" Yunyun said hotly.

I ignored the argument and began racking my brain for what to do about the Leisure Girl sprout. "I guess it really has to be somewhere far away from the village…" "But then I'm afraid she'll get lonely. You don't see a lot of Leisure Girls, you know. Is there anywhere you find groups of them? If we could plant her by some friends, that would be great."

"If anything this evil grew in groups, we'd have to burn them."

"Bah, get away from us; you'll scare her! Nasty Kazuma should go over there!"

As Aqua shoved me repeatedly in the back, the Leisure Girl stretched out its little hand and giggled.

There was a massive mountain range and an equally extensive forest out behind Crimson Magic Village. And we were deep into the woods by now… "Waaaahhh! Yunyun! Yunyuuuuun!!"

"Light of Saber!"

With a blast of magic, Yunyun dispatched the One-Punch Bear chasing Aqua.

"Deadeye! Deadeye! Deadeye!! Ahhhh, Yunyun! Yunyun! Help meee!!"

"Lightning Strike!"

Some treelike monsters had surrounded us by pretending to be part of the forest, but Yunyun dispatched them with lightning bolts that reduced them to charred bark.

"Ooh! This is the famous Paralyze Slime! A highly dangerous monster that paralyzes its prey before gradually dissolving it with its mildly acidic body! A normal human would be melted away, armor and all, but I'll bet in my case, it would melt off my clothes first! But don't worry, Kazuma; humiliation like that wouldn't be enough to break my—" "Infernoooo!!"

The slime creeping up on Darkness was incinerated in an instant.

"Yunyun, may I have a moment?" said Megumin from her place at the back of the party, where she was ignoring Aqua (dousing the last bits of slime) and Darkness (looking weirdly weepy).

"Sure, Megumin, what's wrong? I'm surveying our surroundings with a Search spell right now… Oh, there's a monster diagonally ahead! Leave it to me—I'll crush that thing!"

"You don't have to do that! I swear, I don't know what has gotten into you today. You're so uncommonly eager for combat." The monsters of Crimson Magic Village had been on us from the moment we entered the forest.

"G-gee, you think so? It's the duty of every Crimson Magic Clan member to keep monsters around the village under control, right? And I've still got MP, plus a bunch of manatite in case I need it…" "You're too eager! Look at all that expensive manatite you are holding! Are you planning to go to war?! We are in a party together, so there is no need for any one of us to go charging ahead."

Yunyun had pulled a bunch of magical rocks out of her pockets to make her point, but Megumin met her with a flailing of her staff. Yunyun immediately started to grin… "A party…together… Hee-hee… Hee-hee-hee!"

"You are creeping me out! It's rude to smirk like that when a person is lecturing you!"

I guess this was the first time Yunyun had ever properly partied up with anyone, and she was enjoying the idea. "Hey, don't get so worked up. I'm glad Yunyun is taking out everything in sight. No danger, no challenge, no problems, right?"

"The slime… My slime… My Paralyze Slime…" I ignored Darkness's mumbling.

Megumin, though, said, "There are indeed problems! With Yunyun doing everything, I have no chance to shine! I want to blow away the powerful monsters here in an awesome demonstration of strength as much as the next wizard!"

"So that's why you came home! You're only here to grind levels!"

Aqua—who must have decided the safest place to be was right next to Yunyun, because she wouldn't move more than a few feet away—said, "Come on, Kazuma. Megumin is getting on my nerves. Just let her fire one off over there somewhere and let's get it over with."

"Yeah, I guess she's less likely to cause trouble when she's deadweight.

Sounds good."

"I never imagined even you would turn against me, Aqua! I shall not do it, do you hear?! I've finally come home, and I shall not waste my Explosion on small fry!"

I sighed, trying to decide how to bring Megumin's selfish ranting to heel… There was a stinging on the back of my neck.

"Exploooosion!!!"

Megumin's spell, which she unleashed without an incantation, was a demonstration of utmost control, landing precisely among the trees deep in the forest. The blast blew down all the nearby timber, producing a roar and a rush of wind.

"What's wrong with youuuuuuu?!" Yunyun cried as she was carried off by the blast wind.

3

Bukkororii showed up at the gate to Crimson Magic Village. "Hey, uh, there was this big boom coming from the forest…" Aqua said promptly: "Yeah, Megumin freaked out and blew something up."

"Just a second! Yes, it was I who unleashed that blast! But as I have said repeatedly, there was a perfectly good reason for it!" Outed by her own party member, Megumin was already trying to spin the situation.

"Yeah, sure, a reason. You got upset? Or did a big ol' bug pop out and scare you?"

"Curse this man!" Megumin started to strangle me from her place perched on my back.

"He's asking what the reason was, so just tell him already!" Yunyun said.

Megumin clammed up. "Urgh… But I'm afraid no one will believe me…" "I know you don't exaggerate, Megumin. It's all right. Even if no one else believes you, I will."

"Darkness…" They were really starting to have a moment, but anyway, Bukkororii said, "So what the heck happened?"

Megumin got a serious look on her face… "I saw the Mad Bomber Moguninnin."

"If you're going to make up dumb stories, I'll drop you."

I made to dump Megumin off my back, but she tightened her hold, clinging to her spot. "I told you! I said no one would believe me! Darkness, give this man a piece of your mind for me!"

"Huh? R-right… I mean, I don't know much about monsters, but you did a great job, Megumin, reacting with the Moganinnin coming right at you!"

"You can't even remember what it's called! I thought you, if no one else, would believe me!" Megumin wailed, and Bukkororii sighed.

"The Moguninnin? You honestly couldn't come up with a better excuse than that?"

"If it was any other monster, I might admit to making a mistake. But would I of all people make a mistake when it comes to a creature that produces explosions?! The Moguninnin was watching Kazuma intently from deep within the forest. The infamous Mad Bomber—I don't think even my incantationless Explosion spell is likely to have finished it off completely."

"What's this Mad Bomber business? I thought you were just teasing us."

"The Mad Bomber Moguninnin. A unique monster, proficient with explosion magic, originally said to have lain dormant within the mysterious facility here in Crimson Magic Village. It speaks a broken form of some human language, but none of us can understand it. It attacks any non–Crimson Magic Clansfolk it sees, and at night it lets off directionless bursts of detonation magic!"

"Sounds like a pain in the neck. In fact, it's probably related to you. And you think this thing was watching me?"

Detonation magic was a kind of offensive spell that ranked somewhere below Explosion. If a monster with that sort of power had really been after me… At that moment, Bukkororii interjected: "I thought the Mad Bomber never left the forest.

"You're just saying all this so you have an excuse to drop an explosion whenever you want, aren't you?"

"What a thing to say! Do you suppose I need such a lame excuse to use explosion magic?!"

She wasn't exactly convincing, and Bukkororii just shrugged. "Megumin's always had a habit of saying pretty weird stuff. Like that she saw some mysterious, glittering object vanish into the eastern sky, or that she was a god of destruction in a past life, or that learning explosion magic can give a wizard big boobs…" "You don't believe a word I say, do you?! You've got a lot of nerve for a NEET!"

"H-hey, shut up—being a NEET has nothing to do with this! Just stop blasting things in the forest. You'll rile up the monsters, and we'll all have to deal with it.

Do you think you could act like an adult just while the trials are going on?" And then, apparently figuring his work was done, Bukkororii left.

"I swear the Mad Bomber Moguninnin was really there. You mustn't leave the village; you hear me, Kazuma? The Moguninnin hates all human men who are not from the Crimson Magic Clan, and especially those with black hair and dark eyes."

"Why would it go after such a specific group of people? Anyway, that thing doesn't come out of the forest, right? You sure you didn't just see a gigantic beetle?"

"I would never make such a mistake! I beg you not to take part in the Chief's Trials, Kazuma. I've likewise been instructed not to participate. Aqua or Darkness can be Yunyun's partner."

"I'm on it!" Aqua chirped.

"What?! No! Er, I mean, not that I dislike you or anything—that's not the point!" Yunyun said, sounding frantic.

With a gentle smile, Darkness said, "To protect others is the true path of the Crusader. It's all right—you can leave this to me. I swear I'll protect you."

"D-Darkness…" "With me by your side, you won't have anything to worry about," Aqua said.

"Even if a big, nasty monster gets you, Yunyun, I can bring you right back with Resurrection!"

"Aqua… Wait, I'd really prefer to avoid any scenarios where Resurrection becomes necessary…" Yunyun wasn't sure whether to be moved or terrified.

"Aw… These trials or whatever sound like some real high-fantasy stuff. I was actually starting to feel a little curious."

"You can stay behind with me, Kazuma. I'll show you around the village. I know a bar run by the parent of one of my classmates."

"I think I'd rather not. They have one particularly annoying customer."

And there it was. I'd come all the way to Crimson Magic Village, and I was still going to end up as a NEET.

"Hey… We never got to plant my sprout."

""""Oops.""""

4

That night.

"So I guess I'm not doing what I was planning on doing tomorrow—is there anything you need help with around here?"

We were back at Megumin's house, and I was offering to help her mom with whatever she needed. Megumin, still feeling lethargic, had staked out the sunniest spot in the house and was napping there as if it was hers by right. But me, I at least knew how to show gratitude for a free room.

"Oh my, you're willing to help me? I was thinking of delving into the deepest dungeon in the land in search of components for magical items tomorrow…" "Sorry, um, I was thinking more like the laundry or the dishes. Random chores." It was maybe a little soon to have me helping with business proper.

"In that case, Kazuma, perhaps you could accompany me to investigate the mysterious facility? I'm still rather concerned about the Moguninnin," Megumin said.

"Are you still talking about that monster with the weird name?" Yunyun would start the Chief's Trials tomorrow. Darkness was going to be her partner for the first one, on account of that stirring argument she'd made.

"Ooh, I wanna go, too! Doesn't a mysterious facility seem like just the sort of place you would find hidden treasure?" said Aqua, who was unabashedly drinking even though we were staying over at someone's house.

"Sounds like they've checked the place top to bottom. I don't think there's anything there," I said. This facility, according to the Crimson Magic Clan, had been built for purposes unknown. These days, it was another one of their tourist attractions… "I think it would be just fine, having a proper adventure every now and again.

And with your good Luck, Kazuma, who knows? We might find something," Megumin said.

"Why do you only ever go on proper adventures when I'm not around…?"

Darkness mumbled sadly.

"Very well, then we should get plenty of sleep for tomorrow. Aqua, try to take it easy on the alcohol, okay? I'm going to lie down…" Megumin stood up and headed for her room.

"Yes, a nice early bedtime—that's a good idea. I'm so sorry, my dear Kazuma, that this house doesn't have more amusements… Well, I have to think that making out with my daughter in her room must be quite amusing enough, no?

Hoo-hoo-hoo!"

Megumin looked downright pained at her mother's pronouncement. "What a thing for a parent to say. What are you trying to cause your daughter to do?!"

But Yuiyui was unmoved by Megumin's tirade. "There are only so many things to do out here in the sticks. Hurry up! I want to see my grandchildren!"

"Enough with spouting such indecent things to your own daughter! Kazuma, say something to her!"

"I think your daughter still isn't quite physically ready to have kids. Let her grow up a little more first…" "I am perfectly grown up and perfectly capable of bearing children! But that is not the point. Argh, what am I to do with these people…?!"

Megumin was making enough noise to be a mob all by herself, and I tried to get her to calm down. "C'mon, shush. It's nighttime. And be careful what you're shouting. Imagine how embarrassed you'll be if the neighbors hear you exclaiming that you can have children."

"I do not wish to hear such logical arguments at a time like this. Whose fault is it that I am in this position?"

"Um, just for the record, I can also physically have children at any time."

"Darkness, that is enough idiocy out of you—go to sleep already!"

"Sleep."

With a word from Yuiyui, Megumin collapsed onto the carpet. Her mother, more than willing to subdue her own daughter with a sleeping spell, smiled broadly at us. "C'mon now—strike while the iron's hot! The night is young, so have fun!"

"Sorry, um, even I can't bring myself to do anything to someone while they're asleep…" I pushed back gently as Yuiyui tried to foist her daughter on me, but Darkness stood up and blocked the way to the bedroom. "This sort of thing requires the consent of both partners! I won't let you cross that line like this! Not even if you are Megumin's mother!"

"Sleep." Yuiyui didn't bat an eyelash as she cast another spell.

"You may be her mother, but I can't let you do this! A Crusader's true calling is to protect! And I shall protect Megumin's chastity!"

"Y-you survived that?! But my Sleep spell is supposed to be an extra-special one…" Darkness possessed serious endurance along with incredible magic defense and resistance to status ailments. Yuiyui was shocked to see Darkness shrug off her sleeping spell. "Grrr…! You were out like a light the last time I used that on you! You must have gained an awful lot of levels since then!"

"A Dustiness never falls for the same trick twice! Is Sleep the only spell you can use? Have at me, and just you try to incapacitate me!" With that heroic pronouncement, Darkness squared off against Yuiyui…!

"How about this, then?! Paralyze!"

"All too easy! The Paralyze Slime we ran into in the forest this afternoon was more powerful!"

I ignored both the thundering Darkness as well as Aqua, who had managed to drink herself under the table. Instead, I hefted the sleeping Megumin and carried her to her room.

5

Moonlight filtered in through the window, casting the face of the sleeping Megumin into sharp relief.

I, being the perfect gentleman, of course, didn't touch her. Instead, while she slept on the bed, I lay next to her, using my own arms for a pillow and gazing at her innocent, sleeping face.

"…Mm… My power… This time I'll break that forbidden seal… I'll destroy the whole world…" She tossed and turned, mumbling things that didn't sound innocent at all. Then maybe she started to notice that it didn't quite feel like a normal night, what with me being next to her, because she finally opened her eyes… "…Excuse me, but might I ask what you are doing?"

"Basking in the sleeping visage of the woman I love."

Megumin bolted upright. "The woman you love, indeed! And why don't you have a shirt on?!"

"Hey, normally when you wake up next to a naked member of the opposite sex, you think, Oh God, what did I do, right?"

It was true: I was lying there next to Megumin with nothing covering the upper half of my body. She slid away from me, patting herself here and there as if to make sure she was still in one piece. "I certainly do think that! This scene looks like we just—! Wha…?! Hold on a moment! I'm not wearing a bra!"

"Oh, I thought it might constrict your chest and make it hard to sleep. Besides, they say wearing a bra to bed can stunt your, um, growth." I pointed to the pillow, and Megumin grabbed the bra lying there.

"Oh, how considerate of you! What a change from usual! I wonder why you would be so thoughtful in this one particular matter! I can't believe even you, Kazuma, would take off a girl's bra while she slept…" "Hey, don't worry. Being a gentleman and all, I did what any gentleman would do and used Steal to get it off."

"You do choose the strangest moments to exercise decency… And I am starting to get awfully annoyed by that innocent grin on your face! What would you have done if you had mistakenly gotten my panties instead?" She pulled the bra into her pajamas and shuffled around, suddenly all embarrassed.

"Aw, calm down. We've pretty much got a routine by now, right? We end up in the same bed, but nothing happens. I just thought I'd give you a little scare.

And you were surprised, weren't you?"

"That I was! Did we really not do anything?! I don't want to become an adult when I can't even remember it; you hear me?!" Megumin, apparently finished with her bra, stuck her hand back out the arm of her pajamas.

"Hey, don't worry—you know I don't have the guts. Trust me."

"I admit that's a highly convincing argument, but it is also pathetic coming from the person I admire!" Megumin said, but she was finally starting to calm down. "Geez. I know she is my mother, but she is also a terrible person… Casting Sleep on her own daughter in an effort to shack her up with some guy… What a bizarre idea…" "I don't think your mother is the only one in the family who gets the occasional odd idea."

Megumin sighed and positioned herself next to me, kicking out her feet. I guess knowing each other so long was what made it possible for us to be together like this even as we complained to each other.

"I am not against our having that kind of relationship, you know. But I really don't want it to be thanks to my mother, in my own house…" "You say that, but you know as well as I do that something always gets in the way. I've started to wonder recently if I'm cursed to be a virgin for the rest of my life. I keep asking Aqua to check if I'm cursed, but she swears I'm not."

How come every single time I was about to cross that line, something stopped me? Did my absurdly high Luck stat mean nothing?! Then again, if it were that, say, Lady Eris was secretly in love with me and was intervening out of jealousy, maybe I could find it in my heart to forgive her… "Who would ever bother to place such a ridiculous curse on someone?"

"Maybe I have a fan somewhere who wants my body to remain pure. You might be surprised by how popular I've gotten with the ladies recently, hmm? A beautiful lady adventurer who said she was a fan of mine even showed up at the Axel Guild the other day."

That caused Megumin to raise an eyebrow. "And when we get back to Axel, are you going to see this person?" Ooh, was that a bit of jealousy I detected in your voice? Too bad, Megumin. Sweating it a little is part of grown-up love.

"Well, sure. It sounds like she came a long way. The least I can do is shake her hand and sign an autograph. I've been practicing my signature just for this sort of thing. I even quietly signed a post in the Axel Adventurers Guild, to thank them for being such a big part of my success."

"Yes, I know. The receptionist was quite upset by that because she was the one who had to clean it up, remember? She asked me to tell you not to go scribbling graffiti wherever you wanted."

"That sucks! I planned for that post to be worth a fortune decades from now!"

Megumin giggled in the dark room. "I would be happy to receive your autograph, then, Kazuma. Kazuma Satou…it's quite a good name, don't you agree?"

"I'm really conflicted about having you compliment me on my name, actually…" "I shall have you explain what you mean by that, when someone has gone out of their way to say something nice about you!"

I did feel a little bad for Megumin, but as the eldest son of the Satou family, I didn't think I could let it go unsaid.

Then, in spite of all her complaints, Megumin stretched out next to me where I was resting, borrowed my arms for a pillow, and rolled over to sleep, completely defenseless. I guess that just showed how much she trusted me, even though we were alone in the middle of the night. For a second, I thought maybe it was an invitation, but look, even I have the ability to learn. Not to mention, sort of like Megumin said, doing it right in the house where your partner's parents live was… Well… "Um, Kazuma, may I say something?"

"I'd rather you didn't, but…" ...… "This is very awkward to have to point out, but you're, um, pressing against me. Quite, erm, prominently."

"Don't give it a second thought." After all, what was I supposed to do? It was a biological phenomenon. When a guy my age cuddles up against a girl, it would be weirder if it didn't happen. "I'm going to say this right up front: Don't you dare attack my precious little man. He's very shy and very delicate."

"I wouldn't attack you on account of a biological phenomenon. Especially since I was the one who cuddled up to you. How irrational a woman do you think I am?"

I seemed to remember Darkness mounting an irrational attack on me when we'd been in a similar situation.

Then I looked at Megumin and realized her gaze was fixed squarely on the area in question.

"I know you're at that age just like me, so I don't blame you for being interested in the body of the opposite sex, but do you think you could stare at it a little less intensely?"

"Hrk! N-no, I wasn't! I was just thinking… We've been in this situation so many times, and you always have to restrain yourself… I'm starting to feel sort of bad for you…" She should!

And here in Crimson Magic Village, I couldn't even go to my favorite shop to find some relief. So I wished she would at least give me five minutes to myself.

"…Erm, perhaps you'd like me to help you?"

I mean, we kept getting into these will-they-won't-they situations, and we never— "What did you say?"

"Yikes, you look so serious! I o-offered to help you…" Just a—!

"H-how lewd! Megumin? More like Megaperv! You do have a filthy mind, just like Darkness said!"

"Not so loud; it's the middle of the night! Who has a filthy mind?!"

Well— But she just— "Listen to yourself! Do you know what you're saying? You want to help me with this?"

"Don't be so emphatic! You just always seem to be left in the lurch, and I felt bad about it, so the thought crossed my mind!"

Did she understand what it would mean to help?! How far did she really expect to go? Was she truly offering? Would she do, you know, everything?

No, wait, bigger problem…!

"When a girl is so totally inexperienced, though, I feel pretty weird asking her to do that stuff…" "Why are you making it sound so sordid?! Anyway, since you appear to see me as a woman who only ever tempts you and never actually does anything… Well, I may not know exactly what to do, but, ahem, you always seem so uncomfortable after you've gotten all excited…" Megumin's eyes were glowing crimson, whether from excitement or nervousness, and she couldn't quite meet my gaze.

"Of course I do! I already think of you as Massive Disappointment Megumin!"

"I wish you would not call me that! I told you I have no objection, if you're ready to take proper responsibility!"

What was I saying, here in a younger woman's house at this hour? What was I about to make her do? And I was only just remembering that I was still half-naked!

"Are we going to do this or not?! I am getting embarrassed by this situation!"

"Hey, so am I! You think I'm going to make some inexperienced girl practice beginner combos with my joystick while her parents are sleeping right below us?! I wonder how much a game like this would cost at that shop!"

"Stop spouting nonsense and do it, if you're going to! And you don't have to say everything you're thinking!"

"Hey, look, I need to get myself mentally prepared for this! I know it! Believe me, I know! Someone's going to come barging in right at the best moment! I'm cursed, I tell you! But I can't help hoping! I can't help the way my heart races at these bittersweet moments!"

"Fine, I see how it is. Take it off! No one has interrupted us despite the racket we're making, so I'm sure that this time—" It happened just as Megumin was saying that.

From the direction of the forest came a distant sound of an explosion.

Megumin and I looked at each other.

"…See?"

"...…Maybe you could ask Aqua to cast Sacred Dispel on you tomorrow."

6

The night, somehow both exciting and weirdly anxiety-inducing, finally ended.

"Hey! I shall have you tell me what is going on!"

"That's what we want to know, Megumin!"

We were innocently eating breakfast in the living room when Bukkororii and a whole bunch of other Crimson Magic Clan members piled into the room.

"I'm not sure what the meaning of this is, but could you at least let me go?

This is no way to treat a young woman."

"…Sure, but only if you promise not to run away or get violent or anything, okay?" Bukkororii said before he would release Megumin. She nodded without a word, and he started to loosen his grip… "Ha, you've let down your guard! Now I shall take the liberty of ending your life!!"

"Hrgh?! You liar! Megumin, you lied to me!"

The second she was free, Megumin wheeled on Bukkororii and put him in a sleeper hold.

"Do you keep your promises to monsters or members of the Demon King's army? A NEET ranks below a slime. It would be absurd for me to keep a promise to such a creature!"

"H-hey, Megumin, let go! You're gonna kill him! And don't make so much fun of NEETs!!" I pulled her away while the other Crimson Magic Clansfolk rushed to help the now-motionless Bukkororii, who was pale but still breathing.

Aqua, calmly sipping tea in spite of the commotion, said, "So what is this all about? Did our Megumin do something?"

All the mages looked at one another. "Are you aware that another explosion occurred near the village last night?"

"I am so sorry! I'll make certain nothing like this happens again! Come here, Megumin—you apologize, too!"

"Darkness, do not simply start apologizing! For that matter, I would have you stop immediately assuming anything to do with explosions must involve me!"

Megumin refused to countenance Darkness's bowing and scraping, but her own assertion wasn't exactly convincing.

"All right, so who else would have done something like that?"

"Yeah, Megumin, let's start with your alibi. Where were you last night?"

Megumin began to blush at the Crimson Magic Clanners' questions. "I…I can't tell you…," she said in a vanishingly small voice.

"See? It was obviously you! Apologize for calling me a NEET and for strangling me! Hey, come to think of it, there was a kerfuffle about some explosions here in the village a long time ago! Were those your doing as well, Megumin? I think at the time you claimed it was some devil woman who had invaded the village and was setting off those explosions every night, didn't you?"

This seemed to spark some uncomfortable memory for Megumin, because I noticed her starting to sweat. "Hey, you reacted to that question! You can't give them your alibi; you're sweating about that old case—it must be you…!"

"Why are you joining them, Kazuma?! I was too embarrassed to give them my alibi because I was with you last night!"

There was a collective gasp from the Crimson Magic Clan members, who shared knowing looks.

"So that's it… I always thought of you as a little sister, Megumin… But it seems you've grown up… I'm sorry for interrupting your meal."

"Wow, so Megumin actually… Huh. The world sure is a strange place. Never thought she would be the least bit interested in love…" "We were together, but we haven't done anything yet! Please stop making brash assumptions!" Megumin insisted, her face red, as she attempted to chase out the NEETs.

"Hey, I just wanna be sure, but it really wasn't you, was it?" I said.

"You were right next to me when we both heard the explosion, Kazuma!

Besides, I used up my magic yesterday when we went to plant the Leisure Girl, and you know it. I can't imagine why you would be suspicious of me!"

We all clapped our hands, as if that made sense… "So how do you explain this? Is there another one of you running around, Megumin?"

"She's not a slime, and I've never heard of Crimson Magic Clan members multiplying themselves. Maybe she got her hands on some super-pure manatite so powerful, it could even help produce an explosion…?" Darkness suggested.

"Just so we're clear, I'm not her accomplice, okay? Without Kazuma around, I can't transfer any MP to her, you understand?"

"How rude! I used my magic in front of all three of you, and I have an airtight alibi, so please stop trying to pin this explosion on me!" Megumin said, now thoroughly agitated. The Crimson Magic Clan members listening to us exchanged inquisitive looks.

"So that explosion…" "It can't be… Was Megumin right…?"

""""The Mad Bomber Moguninnin…"""" "I wish you would stop saying that name."

But did this mean Megumin wasn't crazy? Come to think of it, yesterday, just before Megumin had set off her Explosion, I thought I'd felt a prickling on the back of my neck: my Sense Foe skill activating.

The wizards surrounding Megumin looked like they were deep in thought.

"That means this is no time to be holding the Chief's Trials, right? If the Ninnin blew up any outsiders, tourism would take a hit…" "We should ask the chief. Then we can get the whole village together and hunt down the Ninnin ourselves."

That seemed to really unsettle Megumin. "J-just a moment. There is no real need to cancel the trials, is there?"

"We don't have to hurry to pick the next chief, but the Ninnin is something we have to deal with right away, yes? Besides, there are two ways to become chief of the Crimson Magic Clan: do the trials as tradition dictates or complete a major hunt with just yourself and a partner. So whoever defeated the Ninnin could become the next chief, too, and that would be fine."

"If there are no obnoxious trials involved, perhaps I should aim to become the next chief…" This was getting weird fast. At this rate, the early bird was going to get the chiefdom. The very identity of our poor, lonely girl with no other distinguishing features was going to be snatched away from her.

At that moment… "I'm sorry."

"Megumin? What are you apologizing for all of a sudden?" Everyone looked at her; she had suddenly bowed her head in a show of genuine remorse.

"...…I was, after all, the perpetrator of that explosion last night. I went out for a walk in the middle of the night, only to find myself confronted with a very large stag beetle. I was so startled that I used Explosion on it before I knew what I was doing."

"What the heck are you talking about?!" Bukkororii demanded. It did sound awfully strange. "Ha, I knew it was you! You couldn't trick me! Now apologize for calling me a NEET and strangling me!"

"I apologize for strangling you. But I will not apologize about the NEET thing."

"Why are you so set on viewing NEETs as your enemies?!"

Bukkororii and the others gave Megumin a very stern warning and finally left.

"What'd you say that for?" I asked. "You know perfectly well you and I were having fun in bed last night."

"Fun in bed?!"

"Please don't put it that way! And, Darkness, stop that—you don't have to react so dramatically!"

To be fair, I could take a pretty good guess as to why Megumin would have falsely accused herself of setting off the explosion. Meanwhile, Aqua, who hadn't budged throughout the entire scene, sipped her tea and said, "Poor tsundere Megumin. You did it so the Chief's Trials wouldn't be canceled for Yunyun, didn't you?"

"I get it, yeah. Yunyun is the one person she's totally soft for."

"That's enough out of both of you! I'm no tsundere! As I am barred from participating in the trials, I will take advantage of this loophole and hunt the Ninnin. I shall steal the chiefdom right out from under Yunyun's nose!"

Megumin definitely sounded like she was making excuses. Meanwhile, Darkness tugged on my sleeve.

"Hey, Kazuma, this fun you were having last night, what was it? I ended up not being able to match Megumin's mother, and she rendered me powerless…" "We were sleeping in the same bed together, so my you-know-what naturally got you-know-how, and Megumin, she…" I whispered the outcome to Darkness.

"Wh-wh-wh-what?! I can't believe what you made that poor girl do…!"

"Hey, you make me sound like the villain! Unlike you, who chickens out at the first sign of a good vibe, Megumin was ready to take some responsibility when my you-know-what got you-know-how!"

"I can hear both of you! How dare you talk about such things so early in the morning!" Megumin exclaimed, her face red, but we were interrupted by the doorbell. Komekko must have gone to answer it, because there was a lot of thumping from the direction of the door.

Our visitor was finally escorted in: It was Yunyun, looking a bit nervous about the trials. "G-good morning! Miss Darkness, I look forward to spending the day with— …? Megumin, why is your face red?"

"Yunyun, listen to me," Darkness said. "Last night, Megumin and this man—" "Did nothing! It's nothing! Come, Darkness, you'd better get going!"

7

"This is the mysterious facility. I believe you only saw the outside last time."

Yunyun and Darkness were on their way. Megumin, still blushing, had brought me to this facility, near the underground storage bunker we'd examined on an earlier visit. From the outside, the "mysterious facility" looked like a big concrete building. Megumin was right: We'd passed by it before, but upon closer inspection… "Kazuma, Kazuma, this is what they call a research laboratory, isn't it?"

"Yeah, this is definitely a research laboratory."

"What is a research laboratory? Sometimes you two say the strangest things."

Now that I had a good chance to look at the place, I found there was a sign politely posted there. "It says Noise Development Bureau," I said.

"You can read that?" Megumin said, amazed, but the sign was just in Japanese. I seemed to remember that Noise was the name of the magically advanced country that had created the Crimson Magic Clan. From the language of the letters to the stupid name on the sign, this mysterious facility was obviously the product of some obnoxious Japanese cheater.

"Hey, Aqua. I'm starting to think this Mad Bomber was made by a Japanese guy with an overpowered ability. I'm guessing he built it, and the Crimson Magic Clan named it. Frankly, I've been starting to wonder if most of the problems in this world are actually your fault."

"What a thing to say, you dumb NEET. They're not my fault; it's because those Japanese people don't have any common sense. I just give them some power and send them on their way. But they have to go and give monsters weird names and mess with nature and spread bizarre linguistic and cultural trends. I wish you Japanese people would act a little more responsibly."

I dunno; I thought the blame lay with the person who decided which people were sent to this world.

"Stop having incomprehensible arguments, you two, and let's go inside. The place is thoroughly booby-trapped, so be careful."

"Just leave it to me. This is exactly why I have that Detect Trap skill."

"Gosh, Kazuma, you never do anything really important, but you're always ready for the weird little details."

"Oh, shut up."

Maybe Aqua was trying to give me a compliment in her own twisted way, but I ignored her and got ready to enter the facility…until Megumin spoke up. "Here is the first trap. The door will spring open suddenly, but it's a ploy to get you to let down your guard. It acts very polite but then snaps shut on you after a beat."

It looked like a regular automated sliding glass door to me.

Having warned us, Megumin now took her staff and tapped it against the door.

"Excuse me, Kazuma, but I think you could leave the traps in this facility to me," Aqua said.

"Hey, that's no fair. I want Megumin to see me brilliantly dodging pitfalls and traps."

"I'm telling you both not to let down your guard! This next part is especially dangerous!"

Hey, it seemed that whatever earthlings considered "automated conveniences," people from this world saw as "dangerous traps." We started into the building, a very serious-looking Megumin in the lead… "Clean room ahead. All personnel must be equipped with dustproof suits."

"Kazuma, Aqua, did you hear that? It is the warning of a mysterious voice. It tells us that any who would go farther must first obtain the dustproof suit. And if you actually go into the next room, a bracing wind blows at you. These days it's just air, but we speculate that in times past, it was poison gas, released to stop any intruders without the suit."

"Kazuma, hey, Kazuma, Megumin just seems really cute somehow. I wish there was a TV here right now. I'd love to see her reaction!"

Megumin had her hands over the air grate in the clean room antechamber, maybe in hopes of protecting us. When we entered the clean room, we saw conveyor belts and some really big machinery… "That is one of the most diabolical traps and has claimed many victims. It's a terrifying device that sucks in and consumes any who ride atop it. It has finally been subdued, but you must still remain vigilant, you understand?"

"Looks like some kind of assembly device…but you broke it."

"It says 'Game Girl Production Line' here on the side."

Megumin swallowed heavily at this exchange between Aqua and me. "So you are saying that this thing produces other things with the things that it consumes… Could it be us Crimson Magic Clansfolk? Kazuma, we may have discovered a terrifying truth…" "I think this thing just made toys."

"Yeah, the ones that used to be in that storehouse."

Megumin looked strangely disappointed by that. "You need not spare my feelings. We are an artificial race, created by the hand of man in defiance of the laws of the gods… I'm sure this is the very device that gave birth to my forebears…" "In the name of Aqua, I give your silly village permission to exist, okay? I mean, the Crimson Magic Clan is just so funny."

"Please do not call us a 'silly village'!"

That's when I happened to notice a machine tucked away in a corner of the room. I went over for a closer look… "Hey, Aqua, it's a gachapon machine! They have a gachapon machine here!"

"Wow, you're right. It's empty, but that's what it is."

A gachapon machine was sitting right there.

"Do you know something about that box?" Megumin asked, perplexed.

"This is called a gachapon machine. You put in a coin, and a capsule comes out. Sometimes you get something really good. I don't know what this is doing here, but it sure takes me back."

"I do not fully understand, but it sounds like it is a source of amusement for children. In that case, I suppose it is not connected to the secret origins of the Crimson Magic Clan."

While I was busy waxing nostalgic, Aqua had been screwing with the machine, and she seemed to have found something. "It says, 'Limited-Edition Crimson Magic Clan Improvement Coupon inside.'" "Wow, so it does. 'Gold: Playscation (test model). Silver: Game Girl Color.

Bronze: Crimson Magic Clan Improvement Coupon.' Hey, what the heck are you doing?"

Megumin was silently scratching away the words. "You didn't see anything.

Understand?"

"I don't understand at all. Unless you're going to buy me some wine the next time you're out."

"Don't destroy the history of your own village…" We continued our exploration of the facility, but we never did find any clues to the Mad Bomber thing.

"So let's summarize what we've learned: Megumin's ancestors came from a gachapon machine."

"Stop that! That phrasing will invite misunderstanding. At the very least, you should properly say that an improvement coupon came out of that machine."

Megumin was riding piggyback on my shoulders, and I was ignoring the nonsense coming out of her mouth. In the end, the facility hadn't yielded anything of real interest. Megumin did her "usual thing" on the way back, and we arrived at her house in silence.

"Hello, we've returned," Megumin said. "Komekko, let's have something to eat. Has Mom come back yet?"

"Welcome back, Big Sis! Mom said she's gonna be down in the dungeon, so she won't come home today! But Golden-Haired Sis is back!" That had to mean Darkness. I wondered if they had successfully cleared Yunyun's Chief's Trial.

"Komekko, have you heard anything about Yunyun's trial?" Megumin asked.

"Yunyun said she passed the trial! But she was crying!"

Crying…? We went inside, wondering what that meant, to find Darkness sitting in Megumin's living room, clutching her knees.

"Yo, Darkness, we're back. How'd the trials go? Komekko said it worked out for you."

But our Crusader, so full of vim and vigor that morning, now sat hugging herself in the dark room.

"...…No more Crimson Magic Trials… You go tomorrow…" She sounded impossibly tired, and her eyes brimmed with tears.