A Calling for This Adventurer!

1

"Welcome home, my dear, beloved husband!"

I opened my eyes to find myself in a very familiar white room, with Lady Eris standing there grinning at me. "You look like you're having fun, milady."

"Doesn't it kind of freshen things up? I know coming here is nothing new for you these days. I apologize, though. It was inappropriate of me to ignore how unhappy you are." She smiled, but there was a hint of pain in it.

"Say it again," I said.

"No, I don't think I will… Even though I started it."

Gee, and she was always so full of spunk when she was the chief.

"S-so, uh, what happened to…you know? After she cast Death on me?"

"Darkness snapped and started beating the crap out of her, and now they're both unconscious. My senior goddess is busy resurrecting you. As for Megumin, since she tied up that Demon King's general nice and tight, she's been tending to Darkness. What I'm saying is, don't worry. Everyone's fine, okay?"

Then Lady Eris smiled at me, and I felt my heart grow lighter. All I needed to do now was have Aqua resurrect me, and then I could get down to business.

Honestly, it sucked being Level 1 again, but I figured it was the best way to render Serena powerless. I'd had a few other ideas, but I really wanted to wrap things up on my own.

Feeling a little better about the situation, I sat down and hugged my knees to my chest. Man, it had been a while since I last died… I knew life just tended to be nasty, brutish, and short in this world for weaklings like me, but I couldn't help wondering if there was anything at all I could do about that. It was depressing to drop dead so easily.

The biggest problem was that my resistance to coming here was gradually eroding. I wasn't sure I was comfortable being comfortable with the idea of dying.

Eris didn't say anything, just smiled at me, looking into my eyes. The way she stood there with her hands clasped in front of her chest, she didn't really have to say anything—just her being there felt healing. Looking at her, I thought I could feel my attachment to the world weakening. I wanted to stay here forever.

I had that feeling every time I came here. I always asked myself, how come I had to fight with the Demon King's generals or whatever? Why did I constantly have to mix it up with these powerful foes in some other world? Sure, I'd earned lots of money, but now I heard that the Demon King's daughter was going to attack the capital and that a squadron was going to be sent specifically to my town and everything… Ugh… I was feeling awfully depressed. Maybe that was just a side effect of dying.

But no, I had to get back. Right now, the only person who knew about the assault on the capital or the group coming to Axel was me. And even though I'd brought down Serena's level, I'd reset mine, too… "Sigh…" That was the most I could muster when I thought about what was coming.

Lady Eris looked at me, sitting there and sighing, with some worry. "Are you all right? No…of course not, I guess. You are dead, after all…" She squatted down so she was eye to eye with me, hugging her own knees to her chest,

"I always knew you were sweet and kind, Chief. You sure you don't want to quit being a goddess, get married, and run off to some faraway alternate world with me?"

"You know you're asking for some divine punishment, teasing a goddess like that when you're already dating Megumin, right?"

Oh yeah, Megumin! "Lady Eris, you wouldn't just happen to secretly have a thing for me, and you're pretending to be friends with Megumin but burning with jealousy inside and throwing a wrench into the works every time we're about to cross the final frontier...would you?"

"Of course not—that's ridiculous! Hey, no, what's that face you're making?

You don't believe me?! Why are we even having this discussion?!"

My poor, battered heart started to feel better just having the opportunity to tease Lady Eris a little.

"Kazuma, Kazuma! Everything's ready on our end, so come home!"

The moment was spoiled when we heard the voice of the most useless goddess I knew, exercising her one talent as usual: the ability to be completely oblivious to a mood. I put my hands over my ears and pretended not to hear her, wanting just a few more minutes here before I had to go back to that cruel world.

Eris looked distressed by my attempts to avoid reality. "U-um, I think my senior goddess is calling you. Not that I don't sympathize, but…" "Dying left and right like this is seriously depressing, and knowing I'll probably just die again is even worse. I'm beginning to think it might be better to start a fresh, new life and try it all over again."

"Goodness…" Eris continued to hug her knees, still looking alarmed. "I guess that makes sense; normally, dying even once is quite a shock. But in your case, Kazuma, your deaths have all been easy, so the emotional shock has been minimal…" Then she had a quiet smile on her face. She tilted her head inquisitively and said, "Haven't you made a lot of wonderful friends and memories in this world, though? Aren't there still things you want to do? Come on—try to think back to those pleasant days…" That prompted me to think about everything I had done and experienced in this other world. I remembered how Aqua and I had worked with our hands and slept in the stables when we first got here. All the debt I'd been saddled with for the stupidest reasons. Party members who caused nothing but trouble and always needed me to clean up their messes. A town full of weirdos, freaks, and jerkwads.

And all the times I had died as a result.

I'd come this close to getting in good with my party members, yet somehow I'd managed to end my life without ever crossing that final line.

"...Yeah, I think being reborn is the best option."

"What?!"

Maybe I could get her to send me back to Earth as a cat in some rich family's house. Then I could spend my whole life sleeping and doing whatever I wanted.

"Kazuma, hurry up! Come on!"

Aqua sounded so carefree.

I'd tried. Oh God, how I'd tried. If I came back to life now, I figured I was just going to drop dead again before too long.

"I'm going to go live a new life now!" I shouted into the void. "You guys can take care of stuff in that world! Tell the girls to be happy!"

"Whaaaat?!" Eris exclaimed, first astonished but then finally silent. And then… "You're being dumb again! I've had just about enough of this! Why is it I can set my watch by how often you say stupid things? Are you that eager to make my life difficult? Are you just stupid? That's it, isn't it? You're just stupid. That's why you went prancing off after that priestess, right?!"

"Huh?!" I exclaimed, the blood rushing to my head. "You wanna see stupid?

Look in the mirror! Why do you think I picked a fight with a general of the Demon King?! Listen to me. I was conducting a secret battle with that priestess to keep our town safe! And it finally led to me getting brainwashed and dragged off…" "Hey! Megumin, what are you doing? Huh? Wait…!"

…Uh-oh.

"Do whatever you want—it's no skin off my nose! You can draw stupid stuff on my body or whatever you like! Until you all beg me to come back, weeping and crying, I'll never—" "Megumin, what are you doing? Seriously, what?! Kazuma, Kazuma! If you don't come back quick…! If you don't come back…!"

N-no! They weren't going to pull the wool over my eyes, and they weren't going to suck me in with their little games. It didn't matter to me what they did with my corpse at this point. Empty threats…!

"Kazuma, Megumin is—! She says she's going to take your first time! She's trying to do something absolutely unspeakable! You know, all day I've been wondering what's gotten into her!"

Damn her and her feminine wiles!

"..." When she saw me hug my knees and start mumbling to myself, Lady Eris's look became colder somehow.

Crap, if I don't go back, I'm going to miss the very moment when I finally become an adult…! But if I do go back, it'll only prove that I'm an easy guy Megumin can manipulate with a honeypot trap… No, no, no, but—!

"Megumin," Aqua said, "I don't think Kazuma can cope with something so big for his very first time! Stop, he's gonna break!"

?!

"That's the first Megumin was talking about?!"

"Don't do that, Megumin! That's for eating! You can't do that with it! You'll earn divine retribution!"

"Stop her! Aqua, I'm coming—just stop her!"

"Ahhh! Megumin, Megumin! N-no more—we're out of time! Kazuma said he's coming home! Quick, pull his pants back up…!"

I jumped to my feet. "Okay, Lady Eris, I'm in a hurry, so I guess this is good-bye!" I raced for the familiar door.

"Y-yes, farewell… Oh! Kazuma, I'm sorry—I know you're in such a hurry, but there's something extremely important I have to tell you…" "What, now?! We've had all the time in the world, and you waited until now?! When I get back to the mortal plane, incarnate yourself as the chief and tell me then!"

"Why do you always act so manly, Megumin?! Come on—we have to get rid of the evidence before Kazuma comes back!"

Starting to feel sick with anxiety, I turned back to Eris. She looked at me apologetically. "The truth is, this world is now—" "Megumin, we're supposed to put them on, not pull them off! Stop that— there's no more time…!"

"I'm sorry, Lady Eris, but I don't think I can process what you're saying right now! Aqua, stop her! I'll give you some pocket change later—just get her to stop!"

Aqua's voice, coming down at us from the sky, made it impossible to maintain a serious atmosphere. "Oh no, she's seen so many parts of you she shouldn't see… Argh, Megumin, no! No, don't… Ahhh…" "Don't give up! Listen to me, Aqua—don't you throw in the towel! Keep fighting! I'm on my way!"

Eris, red-faced, shouted as fast as she could: "This world is in real danger! If things keep going this way, there's a very serious possibility humanity will be wiped out by the Demon King's army! I'm begging you—listen to me!"

When I opened my eyes, Aqua was peering down at me.

"Oh, Kazuma! Welcome back! That was a close one!"

"W-w-welcome back," Megumin said, her face flushed and her breath a bit ragged. She was hiding something behind her back. The moment our eyes met, she looked away.

My pants were in a sorry state; they'd obviously been pulled up in an awful hurry. Aqua and Megumin weren't moving a muscle. Serena and Darkness lay on the floor, still out cold.

"O-okay then, I'll just go back to helping Darkness," Megumin said, and then she scuttled away from me as if she was fleeing. I watched her go, then turned toward Aqua, who still looked a little uneasy.

"Hey, Aqua."

"Yes, what?! I stopped her, okay? She and I, we definitely didn't do a close study of Little Kazuma, okay?!"

…Damn them… I finally got myself together and said:

"…You mentioned going back home to the heavenly realm. Still up for that?"

2

"Kazuma, wake up! It's morning! Come on, quick! Hurry and get up!"

It was the next day. Aqua burst into my room without so much as a knock, shouting as usual. When I finally convinced myself to peek from under the covers, I could see it was hardly even light out.

"What time is it?"

"It's almost five o'clock, silly."

That's way too early… I squirmed back under my blanket, but Aqua launched herself at me. "What, are you trying to go back to sleep?! Come on—get up, get up! You need to get ready so we can go on a quest and level you up!"

"Gimme a break… I was barhopping all last night, so the plan today is to sleep until nighttime… We were celebrating defeating a general of the Demon King yesterday…" The day before, I'd told Aqua what Eris had told me. My plan had worked perfectly; Serena and I both found ourselves back at Level 1. We'd handed Serena over to the police, and I told them everything I had learned. In her weakened state, Serena wouldn't be able to cast any powerful curses on anyone. The chief of police said something about finally being able to squeeze some answers out of Serena. She was also going to make sure that the capital knew about the Demon King's daughter's attack and that we would be ready for anything they tried to pull in Axel.

Finally, we were told that there was going to be a big bounty in it for us for having captured a general of the Demon King and having nixed her plans before anything happened.

When it came to me personally, though, stuck back at the very first level, there wasn't much I could do. I couldn't help at the capital, and I had done all I could about Serena's plan to puppet powerful adventurers and use them as a fifth column in an attack on Axel. With that plan foiled, I doubted the Demon King's forces would be able to take the town. Without Serena's leadership, the attack might even fall apart entirely.

All of which meant I could relax. I'd spent the day before celebrating, drinking late into the night. But now Aqua was perched on my bed, smacking me and shouting, "Wake up, wake uuup! Come on, hurry! This is for humanity! This is for the future! We have to go stop the Demon King!"

Stop the Demon King. There was a reason she wouldn't shut up about that ridiculous idea, wasn't there? That's right: It had to do with what Eris had said to me.

"Don't worry about the Demon King," I said. "One of these days, a hero chosen by some goddess will take care of him… G'night now…" "We have a perfectly good goddess right here! And I hereby certify you as that hero, so get up and let's go!"

Eris had told me this world was in danger. It had to do with something Serena had mentioned, too: the lack of new hero candidates. Heroes with cheats had been coming here from Japan. Sending them had been Aqua's job. But when that angel started covering for her, somehow they just couldn't get anyone over here.

Part of it was that the angels were very serious about their morals. When they tried to enlist someone to come here, they completely refused to sugarcoat it at all. No lies were told. They were completely honest about what had happened to the other Japanese people who'd come over here, anticipated survival rates, side effects of learning the local language, and exactly how tough life could be around these parts. They spelled out every detail.

In other words, it turned out that this lackadaisical goddess was exactly who they'd needed to run what amounted to a scam-hero thing.

"You sent us all over here without even telling us what we were getting into," I said. "I'm going to sleep till noon, just to spite you."

"You always sleep till noon! Come on—I'm asking you as a goddess! How can you refuse a deity of peerless beauty, begging you with tears in her eyes?!"

There were lots of bad guys in this world. Even if we defeated the Demon King, there would still be plenty of things to threaten humanity. Meanwhile, I guess the heavenly realm, having realized how good Aqua was at conning—I mean, convincing—people to come here, wanted her to hurry back.

"I dunno. You think Heaven really has that bad of a personnel shortage? We could just ship them a random goblin; at the absolute minimum, he'd do as good a job as you."

"I've got an idea. If you're going to keep making fun of me, then I'm going to use my voice imitation magic to imitate a certain weirdo devil, and I'll spend the whole day cackling right next to your pillow."

It might have been one thing before my level dropped, way back when I hadn't known Aqua very well and had been eager to get her out of my party.

But now that we were in a nice, stable situation, why should I go and take out the Demon King? The whole idea was ridiculous. Sheer luck, coincidence piled on coincidence, was the only reason I'd been able to foil Serena's plan. She'd said she was the weakest of all the king's generals. And she still killed me at the very end. With all that, I was supposed to go fight the Demon King, who was holed up in a castle surrounded by powerful minions?

That was probably the stupidest thing I'd ever heard.

I poked just my head out from under my covers, which Aqua was still pounding on. "This is the Demon King we're talking about, okay? There's no way I could take him on. Do you really think that highly of me? Do I really look to you like a man who can defeat the Demon King?"

"Of course not. There's no way. I'm not that jaded."

…What a jerk.

"Well, what, then? Even if we did raise my level, we'd probably get eaten by some monster on our way to the castle. And if we somehow made it, the king's army would make me their punching bag, and that would be it. You, Darkness, and Megumin would be captured by the Demon King and subjected to the most awful fates imaginable. The kind of thing only Darkness could enjoy, know what I mean?"

"Of course I understand all that. I do have a plan. All you need to do is reach a decent level and then get close to the Demon King's Castle."

Oh?

"You've really got a plan? Let me in on it."

"Don't mind if I do! So step one is to go to the Demon King's castle, okay?

Then, when we get there… Now, they say there's an enchanted barrier around the castle, right? One put there by the king's generals."

…?

Was that how it worked? I hadn't paid much attention to the details because I didn't think it would ever matter to me.

I didn't say anything, so Aqua went on. "Yesterday, Kazuma, you rendered one of the generals powerless. A Level-1 general can't possibly help maintain an enchantment like that, so now there are only…how many generals powering the barrier?"

"There were supposed to be eight generals of the Demon King, right? One of them, Beldia, was that Dullahan from back when we first got here. Then there were Vanir and Hans, Sylvia, Wolbach, and Serena, and we've dealt with all of them. That leaves…two more, including Wiz, I guess."

"Exactly! There are just two more generals of the Demon King! With my incredible goddess powers, it should be child's play to bring down a barrier supported by only two people! All we need to do is take out the barrier, or at least open a hole big enough for someone to get through!"

"Okay, assuming that works, what's your big plan for defeating the Demon King?"

Aqua, practically bursting with pride, said, "Once the barrier's down, the hard part is over. I'll just tell my sweet Axis followers and all the Crimson Magic people, not to mention some of the local bigwigs! With all the connections you've made, Kazuma, we should be able to get the word out to everyone! We tell them the barrier is down and the castle is just begging to be attacked!"

Man, talk about letting someone else do your dirty work. She wasn't entirely wrong. Without the protective barrier, the Demon King's army would be pinned down and forced to defend instead of attack. That would make the military situation a lot easier on us.

"And what if you can't bring down the barrier?"

"Then we won't have any choice. That's where you'll come in with your newly increased level, Kazuma."

Oh-ho.

"Do tell."

"You'll use your Sense Foe and Ambush abilities to sneak into the Demon King's bedchamber and murder him in his sleep."

"Bullshit."

Ignoring Aqua's pleas, I pulled the covers back over my head.

3

Darkness and Megumin were having lunch in the living room.

"Hey, Kazuma. Could I have a moment?" Aqua said, clasping her hands behind her back and looking very serious. She seemed like she was about to say something extremely important.

"Yeah, what? What's with the grim look?" I asked as I continued to chow down on a pile of roast duck. Darkness and Megumin kept eating, but they did glance from me to Aqua and back.

Aqua looked me square in the eye and said, "Please listen to me! I can't go on like this!"

Gee, that seemed sudden. I decided to hear her out, though. Talking around a mouthful of duck, I said, "Can't go on like what?"

"I mean this dissolute lifestyle! Can you really live with yourself like this?

Waking up after noon, just eating and sleeping, eating and sleeping?! You've changed, Kazuma! You've changed!"

That really was sudden. Megumin and Darkness put down their forks. "This man has always been like that, I believe," Megumin said.

"Yeah, more or less," Darkness agreed. "And you've lived pretty much the same way, Aqua."

... "Yes, I know! I know it may seem like he's always been like this! But I want him to go back to the Kazuma I used to know! The one mired in debt, the one who spent every day with tears of desperation in his eyes, working himself to the bone to earn even a few coins!"

"All right, come at me—I'll use you to get some experience points." I stood up with my fork in my hand; Aqua backed away, making a shooing motion at me.

"What's gotten into you, Aqua? Usually you're just as much a couch potato as Kazuma."

"Mm. With that priest taken care of, I was afraid we might stop going on quests, but even I'm a little surprised. What's going on, Aqua?" Darkness asked.

Aqua didn't seem to immediately know what to say. "Um…I guess it's, you know…a-an adventurer's duty and responsibility or something…" """...…""" "…Or something…" Aqua's voice got quieter and quieter as we looked at her.

"A-as an adventurer, I feel the needy people of the world crying out for... urgh…waaaaahhh!"

Finally unable to stand it any longer, Aqua went running off.

"What do you think's come over her?" Megumin asked as she sipped her after-lunch tea. Darkness, dabbing at her mouth with a napkin, looked equally perplexed.

"You can just ignore her," I said. "She suddenly discovered her inner do-gooder or something, and now she's got this crazy idea that she wants to take out the Demon King."

""The Demon King!"" "Yikes!" I hadn't expected that kind of reaction.

"The Demon King! Yes, the perfect target for a hunt! If I could just drop in there, off him, and be on my way, it would secure my reputation as the strongest of them all. You captured Serena on your own, Kazuma, and our encounter with the Moguninnin was somehow anticlimactic, so I have some fuel left to burn."

When had Megumin become "the strongest of them all"? Anyway, toppling the Demon King wasn't exactly like running to the store.

Then it was Darkness's turn. "The Demon King… Ahhh, the Demon King… His attacks must be the most terrible in the world… Enough to shatter even my renowned armor in a single blow…" She started to blush like a daydreaming maiden. What a perv. Oh yeah… I'd almost forgotten my party members could get like this.

"Just for the record, I'm not going. Don't get any weird ideas just because we've taken out one general of the Demon King after another, you hear me? To be perfectly blunt, I think this group is one of the loser parties. So… Hey, I don't care if you do look at me with your eyes shining; I'm not going!"

"…Yeesh, what's with her?"

It was that evening. I was in my room, resting my head on my arms, deep in thought.

I just couldn't imagine what she was thinking. I mean, sure, I'd dragged her to another world against her will, so I could see how she might want to go home if that were possible. But the way she wanted to go home so suddenly—it was like she didn't really care. I was a little bit shaken to realize the relationship between us was so tenuous.

…Then again, Megumin had told me that Aqua had been awfully depressed after Serena had puppeted most of the town, feeling like she was no longer needed. That was probably a big part of it. Maybe she wasn't a complete idiot.

... Maybe she'd just realized they actually wanted her back in Heaven, and she hadn't thought too hard about the consequences, like not being able to see any of us again. Or maybe goddesses had their own ways of thinking and feeling.

She might not look like much, but she did have followers who actually worshipped her, so I guess she was a real deity. We might not have asked to be stuck together, but now we had been for quite a while. If it was what she really, truly wanted, then maybe I could… Maybe…I could take…take out the Demon… …Nah, talk about Impossible Difficulty.

I fell asleep after that. I didn't know for how long. But I woke up to what I thought was a voice somewhere in the distance.

"…osen...you hold…" The voice sounded very, very comforting. Somehow, it made a deep confidence well up from within me.

"…chosen by the gods...great hero of legend…" Yeah… I, chosen by the gods, was the legendary… Legendary?

My eyes snapped open. Someone's breath tickled my ear as they whispered into it.

"O Kazuma Satou, chosen by the gods to be the great hero of legend… You hold in your hands the very fate of all humanity… Now rise up and bring low the Demon King! Grant the wish of your transcendent and beautiful goddess!"

I looked over, straight at the source of the voice: Aqua. "What do you think you're doing?" I asked.

"I j-just wanted to admire how cute you look when you're sleeping…" I launched myself out of bed. "Megumin, Darkness, come here quick! Aqua's trying to sneak into my bed!"

"Waaaaaahhhh! I'm sorry! I was actually trying to brainwash you!"

4

"Here, Kazuma, have a look at this."

It had been three days since Serena's arrest. They'd gotten the entire story out of her already, and she'd been moved to a cell in the capital city.

After all this time of having the name Regina nag at me, only just now had I remembered where I'd heard it. Back when we went to get rid of a spirit called Lucy, that was the name of the goddess she had claimed to worship.

Apparently, we kept taking out Regina's followers. But since I'd been one of those followers for a while, I hoped she'd forgive me.

At the moment, I was sitting barefoot on the couch, going through my equipment. We went to every adventure loaded with scrolls and potions and stuff, but somehow, we had never used one. Even as a gamer, I had always been the type to save my most powerful healing items and then end up beating the last boss without ever using them. Now, I sat looking at the forbidden potion set that Vanir had foisted on me, wondering if there was any way I could possibly use it.

Darkness had sat down beside me, pulling her gear out like I had; Aqua was investigating it with interest but passed me a sheet of paper.

…?

I stopped and took it from her. Darkness leaned over to look. The paper bore a header in absolutely gorgeous penmanship: How Do You Feel About the Demon King?

"'"Demon King" sounds wicked cool' (bakery owner). 'He probably secretly feeds needy stray dragons on the side' (pet shop owner). 'Who cares? Lend me some money' (street punk). 'When I said I was leaving the castle to start a shop, the king said that was a good idea and loaned me some money' (pale shop owner). 'Bwa-ha-ha, I myself am more powerful than the Demon King' (not possible). 'What, you mean my wife?' (tired-looking old man). Uhhh… What is this?"

"Oh no! Not that one! Those are the answers to a questionnaire that I definitely didn't want you to see!"

I hardly thought it counted as a questionnaire.

"Have a look at this one! It shows how much this town's inhabitants are suffering and afraid under the Demon King!" Aqua produced another piece of paper with a flourish, and I took it reluctantly.

"'Our shop doesn't seem to get any customers. Not sure why, but it's probably the Demon King's fault' (proprietor of lewd shop). 'I'm so afraid of the Demon King that I can't sleep at night, so I have to take naps during the day.

That means I can't get a job. Hence, the fact that I have to sponge off my parents is the Demon King's fault' (NEET). 'The Demon King's existence is preventing my deity from gaining any popularity at all' (worshipper of an abandoned god). 'Terrifying, yes, terrifying, the Demon King is! I also find ice-cold Neroids terrifying' (theater person). 'It's the Demon King's fault I can't get a girlfriend' (middle-aged man). 'It's the Demon King's fault I can't get a boyfriend' (adventurer lady)... My question stands. What is this?"

Aqua backed away in exaggerated shock—talk about overacting. "I can't believe this! Kazuma, do you really mean to tell me that the voices of these townspeople, crying out for comfort, mean nothing to you?! This is why people call you the NEET pet of some shameless woman!"

"H-hey, what was that? Did I get that nickname when I was under Serena's control?"

Aqua, pretending she hadn't heard my question, pointed right at me. "Aren't you embarrassed to call yourself an adventurer? While you sit here flirting with Darkness, people around the world live in fear of the Demon King! Apologize! In the name of adventurers everywhere, apologize! Say you're sorry to all the people of this world!"

"I w-wasn't flirting with him; I was just trying to see what he was doing!"

It was at that point that Aqua finally demonstrated an interest in what I had been doing. "What's all this?" she asked.

"It's the forbidden potion set I got from Vanir. One that will cause magical monsters to be attracted to you for the rest of your life, one that will raise your magic but destroy all the hair on your body, and another that will get rid of all your magic power but send your level through the roof. Then there's this one— it'll make you attractive to the opposite sex, but you'll smell like a goblin, I guess. I'm thinking maybe I can work with these somehow."

I thought the smart play might be to combine the hair-killing potion and the level-up potion. Use them in the right order, and I could use my sky-high MP to raise my level back up. The side effects were the problem. I'd lose all my magic power, so I couldn't use spells anymore, and on top of that, I would be completely bald. It was nice to know I had something that would send my level skyrocketing in a pinch, but the real question was whether healing magic worked on baldness.

Well, I guess there was the bigger problem of not being able to use magic at all… Aqua flinched back when she heard about the potions, but Darkness drew in close. "Say, Kazuma, sell me that potion that attracts monsters…" "Absolutely not."

5

We were asked to take on a quest to see Serena safely to the capital city. But it would be a while before the capital was ready to receive us and everything was set to go. That gave me the perfect excuse to hang around being a total, shameless NEET in the interim.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

At least, that had been the plan.

"Bawk! Squawk…" "Stop that, Emperor Zel! Don't make so much noise! That man says he should have cooked you for dinner long ago anyway! He'll do it, too! Kaz-scum-a would absolutely do it! Now listen, sweetheart. Please go back to when you were cute and quiet. You're very beautiful and handsome when you make a fuss, but it's too early for all that noise. We need you to become a powerful dragon so we can defeat the Demon King. You have to grow big and strong, at least strong enough to fly us to his castle. Until then, just stay calm and build your strength."

"Sqrrraaak!"

"No, Emperor Zel, be quiet!"

I jumped out of bed and flung open the window, shouting down at Aqua, "You're the one making all the noise! Shut up already—it's too early for this!"

Emperor Zel's coop was right underneath my window. Between him and Aqua, I couldn't hear myself think. "What happened to him taking forever to raise, anyway? Wasn't that chick supposed to have incredible magic powers or something?! Why has he turned into a chicken?!"

"Emperor Zel is a dragon, an enigmatic creature shrouded in mystery. I'm sure he burns with the desire to defeat the Demon King and that his mysterious powers are growing even now."

Emperor Zel, currently accepting feed from Aqua in his chicken coop, had changed classes: from a chick to an exemplary chicken.

"Mysterious powers, my ass! If you don't shut that bird up, I'm going to change him into dinner!"

Aqua looked at me as if she couldn't believe what I was saying. "Emperor Zel, I'll hold that devil off, so you run as fast as you can! Forget about me—just go!

And when you've grown strong, we can go on a journey to defeat the Demon King together! Just watch out for the old butcher in town!"

"Cluck, cluck, bkaaawww…" "Oh, Emperor Zel! You say you can't bear to leave me behind? All right, then, we'll fight this monster together! I'm your mother! I'll protect you!" Aqua took the emperor out of his chicken coop, hugging him protectively, completely absorbed in her weird game.

"I don't care what you do; I just want to get some sleep. Please. I'm begging you."

"So you won't threaten to eat Emperor Zel anymore?"

"Fine, I'll stop threatening to eat him. Just move that coop somewhere else."

Having extracted that promise from me, Aqua held up Emperor Zel, so she could look him in the eye, and told him that she was going to find Darkness and make her move his house.

I could picture Darkness, almost weeping with the impossibility of Aqua's demand.

I leaned my elbows on the windowsill. "Anyway, are you still talking about the Demon King?" I said. "Give it up already. His own daughter is still out there as one of his generals, and I'm sure his castle is lousy with elite monsters. Let's leave that stuff to the brawlers and enjoy our lives here. It's okay—someone will take care of it, I promise. As for us, we have a mansion, a reputation, and a fortune—our lives start now, am I right?"

Aqua, still looking at Emperor Zel, shook her head as if this was all ridiculous.

"That's a peace-addled Japanese man for you… He can only think of what's best for him. It's softheadedness like that that causes Kazuma to die if you so much as ask him, Do you like to pretend to go spelunking?" She looked the chicken in the eye and cooed, "Mommy's right, isn't she?"

Dammit, she knew perfectly well she was the main reason I died so often. She also knew I couldn't reach her from the second floor, so she could say whatever she wanted.

"I wish you'd man up," she went on. "Our world is at war, you know. Haven't you heard? The Demon King's daughter is leading an army toward the capital right now. And Axel itself is threatened by an enemy…attack…" She could call me peace-addled all she wanted; it didn't really faze me. This was the saga of a Japanese man used to a lifetime of peace… …?

"H-hey, what's going on? Why are you just standing there with your mouth open? You tease me about pretending to go spelunking, but what are you doing, imitating a carp? That's a pretty good trick even for you." I flapped my mouth open and closed in imitation of Aqua.

"That's not it at all! It's the Demon King! Kazuma, now is our chance to take him down!"

She still wouldn't shut up about that.

"No! No, wait! Kazuma, don't go back to sleep; hear me out! If the Demon King's daughter, his general, is busy attacking the capital, then that means the castle is undefended! And if they'll be attacking our town at the same time…!

They think the castle is safe behind the barrier, so they can send all their forces!

If we attack while the army is away, we might catch the Demon King all by himself! Why would they leave any guards if they have a barrier?! We might never get another chance like this!"

…She wasn't wrong; we might have a slightly better shot now than if we attacked when everything was quiet… "Yeah, but come on… Oh, hey, I've got a question. Can healing magic fix baldness?"

"Maybe if it's caused by burns destroying the hair follicles, but not normally.

I'm sorry, Kazuma; I'd really like to be able to help you…" "I'm not bald yet! The forbidden potion set included one that turns you bald but drives up your MP, right? I thought I would drink that, then take the one that turns MP into levels, that's all!" I was desperately trying to explain myself, fending off my own fear of going bald.

"Oh, that's gone."

"Huh? What do you mean, it's gone?"

Aqua held up Emperor Zel. "The potion that turns magic into levels? I gave it to him. Look at the fine physical specimen he's become. At this rate, I figure in another ten years, he'll be ready to knock out the Demon King with one swipe!"

She sounded so proud of herself… "What?! Dammit! You gave that thing my special trump-card potion?! Why do you have to be such an idiot?! Why are you always screwing up people's plans like that?!"

"H-hey, don't get angry with me! I thought maybe if Emperor Zel grew up in a hurry and got nice and big, he might just be able to do something about the Demon King! And look, he does seem awfully strong, doesn't he?!"

From my high vantage point, I looked down on Aqua and her chicken.

"Hmph!" I snorted.

"What are you two arguing about? It's too early in the morning for all this noise. Kazuma, breakfast is ready, so… G-gee, you look like you're having fun…" Darkness came to my room to call me for breakfast, sounding lighthearted as she saw me.

"Stoppit! If anything happens to this window, the mosquitoes will get in! If you break my window, I'm taking your room until it's fixed! Wind Breath!"

"No fair using magic! If you don't want your window broken, then you should cooperate with me a little and take out the Demon King!" Aqua picked up a rock from the yard and flung it at my window. I used wind magic to bat it away. I wasn't going to last long like this, though.

"Create Water!" Water appeared directly over Aqua's head, soaking her with a sploosh!

She was sopping wet, but she looked totally refreshed. "Dumping nice, cool water on the goddess of water? How generous. Have you forgotten? I could live underwater with no problem. In some colder season, it might be a problem, but right now—" I didn't let her finish. "Create Earth!"

"Noooo, stop that!"

A huge pile of dirt appeared right over the dripping Aqua.

Satisfied after having reduced Aqua to tears, I headed down to the living room. There I discovered Megumin sitting on the couch drinking tea, wearing her Crimson Magic Clan robe, and holding on firmly to her staff, seemingly ready for battle at any moment.

"I've been waiting for you, Kazuma. Might I ask you to come with me for a bit when you're done eating? I have business to take care of, and I want you with me as a witness."

A bedraggled Aqua went to take a bath, while Darkness laundered Aqua's feather cloak for her.

"Yeah, sure. What's up? 'Witness' makes it sound like you've got a score to settle."

6

"I thought we were friends! Aren't we friends?! Aren't we very close friends?!

I thought we just swore to be eternal rivals back in Crimson Magic Village—so how have we ended up like this?!"

"It is precisely because we are eternal rivals that we are like this! It was you who left me a letter stating that you had something important to talk about and telling me to meet you in the woods! Now, have at me!"

We were in the woods near town. Megumin was waving her staff imposingly at Yunyun, who looked so scared, I thought she might burst into tears.

"Wow, you challenged her, Yunyun?"

"No! I didn't! I didn't ask Megumin to come here to battle; I wanted to talk to her!"

Yunyun looked like she might finally start crying, but Megumin brandished her staff even more vigorously. "In that case, why did you choose such a deserted location to meet? You could have just come to my house for a simple chat!"

"Huh? B-but… I was afraid that if I interrupted you when you and Kazuma were sharing a moment, you might tell me never to come back… I read in a book somewhere that women's friendships are more delicate than tissue paper in the face of love…" She trailed off, losing confidence as she spoke.

"We're interrupted by all kinds of people just about every day, so I refuse to get angry about it now! And if your timing was really that bad, or if you were interrupting us, then I would simply tell you to go home and chase you out!"

"Eep!"

That seemed potentially very damaging.

"So what do you want with Megumin?" I asked.

Yunyun held out a letter to Megumin. "This came from the people of Crimson Magic Village…" Megumin took it and glanced over it. "So the Demon King's army is attacking the capital with all its strength. The government has asked Crimson Magic Village to come to its defense, and they're asking Crimson Magic Clan members everywhere to muster in the village. Heh-heh, it seems the moment they need our power has finally come. Very well! Yunyun, together let us show the Demon King…what…" She trailed off as she kept reading. Yunyun looked uncomfortable. "Um… They did say to show it to you, s-so…" I walked up to my frozen buddy and peeked at the letter. There I saw it. "Ooh, Yunyun, you're leading the First Army. I wouldn't expect any less from the next chief. And Megumin is…down here in the corner of the Second Army. It says 'spare' next to her name. She's the only one."

"I'm sure it's the fact that you can't use Advanced Magic that made them think— Aaahhhhh!"

Megumin folded the letter into an airplane and set it sailing into the woods.

"What are you doing?! I have to show that letter to the other Crimson Magic Clan members!" Yunyun exclaimed, but Megumin ignored her.

"Forget about that. More importantly, Yunyun, what are you going to do?

You've only just arrived in Axel. Will you head straight back home?"

Yunyun seemed lost for an answer. She wanted to say something but couldn't quite get it out. Instead she just stood there fidgeting.

"I cannot believe this girl! Even though she is to be the next chief, she always stands there squirming! If there's something you wish to say, then say it clearly!"

"Ow, ow! Fine, I'll say it! Just stop pulling my hair already! S-so, um…I'd heard that the Demon King's minions were going to attack Axel, too. And you know… I've started to make some fr—I mean, some acquaintances around here…" She looked at the ground, her voice hardly more than a whisper.

Ah, so that was it. "The people of your village want you to come home, but you've started to make some friends in Axel. You're saying you'd like to stay and protect the town if you can."

"Er! Well…y-yes… F-f-friends… Yes, I've made a few friends…!"

By "friends," did she mean…? Well, let's just say that recently, Yunyun had been hanging out with some people I thought might be better not to get too involved with. Specifically, one particular punk and the masked employee of a certain magical-item shop.

Yunyun nodded emphatically…but then her face darkened. "A summons from Crimson Magic Village, though that hardly ever happens. For the next chief to ignore something so rare…" I understood now: She'd wanted to ask Megumin what she should do.

As for Megumin, the object of Yunyun's quest for advice, she was turning away from us and… H-hey!

"Megumin, stop! What are you—?"

But before I could stop her, she cried:

"Explooosion!!"

She launched her spell into the woods with zero warning. The part of the forest where she'd sent the letter flying was wiped out of existence.

"Oh no! Look what you've done, Megumin! I haven't shown that letter to anyone else yet! Oh no, what should I do…?!" Yunyun wailed, clutching her head. Meanwhile, Megumin, barely managing to stay on her feet, turned to me, looking absolutely triumphant. I transferred just enough MP to her for her to stay standing.

"What do you think of that, Kazuma?" she said. "That is the power of the one who truly ought to lead the First Army!"

Yunyun tore into the gloating Megumin. "Wh-what am I going to do now?

What in the world am I supposed to do? For that matter, Megumin, why must you always, always make my life harder…?!"

"What a worrywart this beginner is! Just say the postman was captured by a wandering orc before he could deliver the letter, or that the goat-devil you're keeping at your house ate it, or whatever! You want to protect this town, do you not? You need to stop agonizing over every little thing and assert yourself, Yunyun!"

I thought Megumin sounded absolutely out of line, but Yunyun actually blushed, looking equal parts happy and troubled. Maybe she was glad Megumin had destroyed the letter and pushed her in one particular direction. She looked at Megumin, who stood there with her chest puffed out proudly, as though she was staring at something very bright. I had to admit, maybe she could stand to learn a thing or two from the forcefulness of Megumin's technique.

Nonetheless… I turned toward Megumin, who was still facing away from me.

"You just decided not to go because they said they didn't need you there, didn't you?"

"…?!"

I could see her flinch.