Intermission:Useless Goddess Theatre(1)

Midnight. I stood before the sleeping Emperor Zel, saying good-bye.

"I know you understand, Emperor Zel. If anything happens to me, it'll be up to you to save the world, all right?"

He was sleeping soundly inside his chicken coop, and despite having a goddess standing right in front of him, he showed no sign of waking up. I always knew he was something special. They say nothing sleeps as much as a long-lived dragon, and he kept right on snoozing even when bathed in the glory of a genuine goddess. I could only imagine how bright his future would be.

"Now listen, Emperor Zel. Even if they do terrible things to me, you mustn't destroy the world for the sake of revenge, okay? Your mommy wouldn't want that."

I had to make sure I emphasized that point to Emperor Zel; he loved me so much.

Emperor Zel continued sleeping, wholly unbothered by the fact that he was doing it in a demon's leftover skin. He showed no fear of either goddesses or demons. He truly deserved to become the emperor of dragons.

His fiery red comb, his golden beak, his pure-white feathers. I was just patting his soft wings in a gesture of farewell when I sensed something on my feet.

"Hello there, pitch-black magical beast. I know you usually get the better of me, but I have Emperor Zel with me now, so don't try anything funny, okay? If I even think you're going to attack me, I'll wake him up, and he'll wipe the floor with you."

Curled up at my feet for some reason was my mortal enemy, the mysterious magical beast Chomusuke. She didn't seem to think very highly of me. She never hesitated to steal my food or my snacks, and I wished she would knock it off.

"H-hey, what's going on? You seem awfully friendly today." Chomusuke was pressing her head into my hand silently, as if commanding me to pet her.

Normally, she hardly let me touch her. That's how cats are, I guess. So selfish!

Huh, and she was actually pretty soft and fluffy. Sheesh!

"Could you be trying to stop me from going to defeat the Demon King? Don't be silly. If you think I'll put off leaving just because I got to pet a fluffy kitty, you're wrong. But…well, I might see fit to wait until tomorrow if I could pet your belly."

I'd tried my best to negotiate, but I guess Chomusuke wasn't willing to go that far, because when I reached out to rub her belly, she responded by baring her claws at me.

"You'll get divine punishment if you scratch the soft, supple skin of a goddess.

I sense an inhuman aura from you sometimes; I wonder what that's about.

You're a cat, and yet, you always smell nice. Are you hoping to become the goddess of soap? You can't be the goddess of the bath, you know; I won't allow another water-aspect goddess to move in on my turf."

Chomusuke started gnawing on my feather mantle as if to say she hadn't even been thinking about it. That was a divine garment, and I wished she would stop getting drool on it.

Suddenly, Chomusuke looked into empty space.

"Oh, did you come to see me off, too?"

Standing there was Anna, the ghost who haunted our mansion. Normally, she put her heart and soul into teasing me, but she seemed to be in a different mood today.

"Why do you look so serious? Have you decided you're ready to move on?"

I'd chosen not to purify her because she'd said she would go on to heaven of her own accord when she'd heard enough of my adventuring stories, but… "You're not even close to being tired of them yet? I see. Well, best for you to stick around, then, so you can pass on to the next life with no attachments to this one. But don't let Eris find you, okay? She can be awfully hardheaded— she's not flexible like I am."

Anna nodded at my warning.

"...Hey, don't say things like that. Isn't that what they call a death flag?"

She'd asked me for my best story, one last tale in case I didn't come home, so she would have something to remember me by.

I sat down on the lawn, and Chomusuke did something else unusual: She sat on my knees. "Gosh, I can't have you two acting like you're getting ready for a drawn-out battle. Anyway, I'm going to miss the last carriage…" Chomusuke yawned as if she didn't even hear my objections. I wondered what was going on with her and Anna. Didn't they even know they were interfering with my attempt to defeat the Demon King?

But, well… "Okay, okay. I'll tell you one of my favorite stories. It's from the time when I was working hard to guide deceased souls to the next life in the heavenly realm.

One day, there was this NEET in a tracksuit who died in the silliest way possible…" After all, how could I turn down a request from the ghost girl I'd known so long?