A Dungeon for This No-Life King!

1

—Floor 1— "Bwa-ha-ha! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Get lost, goblins! Go home! Or do you all want to become experience points for our customer? We have no interest in low-yield mobs like yourselves! Come now, make way!"

Vanir: Duke of Hell, former general of the Demon King, major demon.

Normally, he could have passed for a last boss himself, but at the moment, he was walking ahead of us, scattering a crowd of goblins. As befitted a Duke of Hell, he looked noble and terrifying… …Not. He was wearing beach shorts, sandals, and an open white shirt with nothing else underneath. Very "cool."

I questioned delving into a dungeon in an outfit like that, but I wasn't going to waste any energy worrying about this guy. The weirdest thing about it was that while everything else he was wearing was so loose and laid-back, he still had that mask right on his face. You'd think it would get in the way.

"I never dreamed the day would come when I would get to go on an adventure with you and Vanir, Kazuma! Today, I won't just be the worthless shopkeeper Vanir is always yelling at! I'll show you what I could do back when I was a great, famous mage!"

Wiz, behind me, sounded like she was having a great time. We were hitting the dungeon, with Vanir in front, Wiz in back, and me in the middle for safety.

Today, Wiz didn't seem anything like her usual shopkeeping self, constantly panicked and failing at everything. She actually seemed like someone you could rely on.

But I had to ask… "Vanir's one thing, but don't you need any weapons or armor, Wiz?" She'd come along still wearing her apron from the shop, and she looked almost as out of place as Vanir did.

He was practically dressed for the beach and carrying a cloth bundle over his shoulder; Wiz had an apron. I was the only one wearing real armor. I'm sure anyone who saw us would have wondered what the heck we were doing.

"It's okay! Liches can only be injured by magically enchanted weapons, attacks from monsters with powerful magic, or by actual magic attacks! I may not look like much, but I am a King of the Undead! In fact, this is the dungeon where I first met Vanir. Ohhh, I'm so excited!"

Wiz was raring to go, and I couldn't help feeling that I could really count on her. At the same time, I was starting to regret asking these two for help.

—Floor 5— "Perfect! Flawless! I'm in top form today! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! How insolent of a mere ogre to think it could oppose me! I needn't even resort to magic. I'll take care of him with my bare hands!"

"You certainly seem to be enjoying yourself, Vanir! But remember, you have to let Kazuma get the last hit or he won't earn the experience points…" Vanir had gotten into a wrestling match with an ogre that stood at least ten feet tall; meanwhile, beside him, Wiz touched another group of ogres one by one. Some of them collapsed, frothing at the mouth; others fell unconscious and stopped moving. Those would be the Curse and Sleep status ailments, I assumed.

My job was to finish off the incapacitated monsters. I'd like to say it was a nice, simple way to gain experience points, but even I had some objection to murdering enemies who couldn't fight back.

I have to say, though, Wiz and Vanir lived up to what you'd expect from a couple of former generals of the Demon King. It was like they had invincibility mode turned on, like a whole horde of ogres meant nothing to them.

The dungeon Wiz had teleported us to was supposed to be the biggest and deepest around, and the width of the hallways and the height of the ceilings sure made it look like a dragon could walk around in here no problem.

We'd been down here for hours. My level, which had gone back to 1 in the fight with Serena, had shot past 10 and was quickly approaching 20.

I went over to an ogre Vanir had reduced to tears using Submission and stabbed it to death with my sword. "I think this last ogre should… Yes! Level 20!

I'm flying through the levels, thanks to you two," I told them. I pulled my sword out of the body and put my hands together in a gesture of prayer for the deceased ogre.

I was raising my level pretty much the way you would in a video game, but to be honest, I felt a little weird about it. Maybe it was killing sentient, humanoid monsters that gave me the chills. But this was all so I could get stronger, so sorry, guys.

I was still praying as Vanir turned toward me with an unusually concerned look. "Hmm, so your level has gone up that much already… I thought you had no capabilities whatsoever as an adventurer, but that's quite a pace. Hmm… How do I put this…? One could say that the ability to gain levels quickly is its own kind of talent…" "You're the last person I want pity from. At least cackle at me…" While Vanir sympathized, Wiz reached out hesitantly toward me. "A-all right, here I go, okay? Vanir, is this going to be all right…?"

"Yes, no problem. I foresee a healthy, happy future for our dear customer."

I let out a breath of relief when Wiz had safely drained me back down to Level 1.

"It really worked. Phew!" Vanir said.

""Huh?"" Wiz and I chorused, goggling at him. What did he just say? I thought he knew the outcome…!

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Were you worried? Fear not—I guarantee your safety at least until you're able to make the purchase you promised… Ooh, what fine bad vibes, absolutely delicious!"

Oh yeah. I'd almost forgotten who I was dealing with.

—Floor 10— "H-hey, Vanir… Just how deep is this dungeon? I feel like we've been walking forever. I've got no idea how much time has passed. And I didn't bring any snacks with me…" We had Vanir the All-Seeing Demon, Wiz the undead, and me with my Second Sight skill. We could all see in the dark, so we went through the dungeon without any kind of light. Even though I could see what was around me, I couldn't see where we were going, and that made me uncomfortable. Like I said, I had no sense of time down here, but it felt like we'd been in this dungeon for quite a while.

"My expectation is that the twentieth floor is the lowest in this dungeon.

We've been down here for roughly half a day. And if you need food, I have plenty, so don't worry." He patted the bundle on his back. "Normally, one would explore a dungeon of this size in small increments, working one's way through it over the course of months. We've come this far this quickly only because I am able to discern the path and see all the traps. If you understand that, then feel free to make not only your intended purchase but others as well.

Still… This is quite an impressive dungeon. Maybe once we make it to the bottom floor and defeat the dungeon master, I'll take control of the place for myself."

"N-no, Vanir, don't do that! I'm going to build your dungeon! And I still need your help at the shop!"

So we traipsed along, Vanir and Wiz so unconcerned that they were openly bantering. The smack of Vanir's sandals against the floor sounded weirdly out of place; it was almost enough to make me forget that I was down in a dangerous dungeon.

"Hey, what's with the outfit anyway? I promised myself I wouldn't ask, but I've just got to know…" "Hmm? This outfit? It belonged to the deceased husband of a fine woman I know; she begged me to wear it. I was mucking out the neighborhood's roadside gutters in my suit when she suggested that this would be much easier to move in. What do you think? How do I look?" He showed off his Bermuda-shorts-and-shirt ensemble.

Frankly, it made him look like an old fogey on his way to the convenience store, but then there was the mask… "You look like a rare monster that could only be found in a place like this," I said. If any adventurers spotted Vanir at that moment, they probably would have chased him down, thinking he was a unique monster.

"Hmm, so I look like a rare monster, do I? I'll have to express my gratitude to the woman who gave me these clothes." Apparently, demons considered it a compliment to be compared to a rare monster.

"You look even more at home in this dungeon than I do, Vanir," Wiz said.

"Even after I lived there for so long…" She looked a little depressed.

Then, though, we heard voices from up ahead. My Sense Foe skill was tingling. There was a powerful enemy nearby.

"Look, there's a Cerberus down here! Its pelt always retains its warmth, making it a highly prized material in winter! Wiz, don't let it get away! If you catch it, I'll let you eat meat for a week!"

"I'm sorry, Cerberus! I want to eat protein sometimes! I love dogs, but… I'm sorry! I'm sor— Oh! Don't run away!"

—Floor 13— "Grraaahhhh!"

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You fool! To think that a mere lizard could stand against me! Now, at last, we shall see who is stronger, dragons or demo— H-hey, Wiz, watch out! It's going to use its breath weapon! I'm trying to hold it down here, but I'm going to get fried!"

"V-Vanir, I told you, it might be a lesser member of the species, but it's still a dragon! They have powerful magic, and even I'll feel it if I get too close and it bites me!"

"I don't think this is the time, Wiz! Vanir… Vanir's going to get eaten!"

I was face-to-face with a real dragon for the first time in a long while. Wiz claimed this was a lesser dragon, but as far as its size was concerned, it still easily surpassed some storehouses. It looked like if it wanted a steak, it could probably just eat the whole cow!

"Argh, it ate my hand! There's nothing in this dungeon from which to reconstitute a body for myself. If it keeps eating, I'm going to disappear! Fine, we have no choice… Dragon scales sell for an exceptionally high price, and they yield a great deal of experience, but we have to give up on this creature! Wiz, finish it off with magic!"

"All right! Here I go! Cursed Lightning!"

Vanir was somehow managing to keep the dragon at bay despite the fact that it was chewing on one of his arms; from behind him, Wiz launched an electric attack. The dungeon darkness was obliterated by a flash of blinding light. The blue-white streaks perforated the dragon's body and continued to crackle with powerful sparks for a moment after.

As the sparks faded and the darkness returned, the dragon, now with a hole in its belly, fell to the ground with a huge thump.

There you had it: When a Lich got serious, she could take down a dragon in a single hit.

"Holy crap… So Liches are even stronger than dragons and demons?"

"…?!"

"Heh-heh, they don't call us the Kings of the Undead for noth— Wh-what are you doing, Vanir? Stop that! Keep your half-chewed arm away from me…!"

Vanir was giving Wiz a hard time; maybe he was feeling a little mean after seeing her so easily dispatch the dragon he'd been struggling with. As for me, finally free of the terror of a powerful enemy, I slumped to the ground.

"I'm almost Level 25 now. My level's shooting up after every battle, but even at this rate, I'm starting to wonder if this is as far as we should go. Even Vanir's getting a little winded…" After Wiz had reset my level the first time, I'd hit 25 again super quickly. It was going so quickly that I was starting to wonder why I'd spent that year and change adventuring. Everything we'd beaten down here was a big enough monster that it would have wiped the floor with my usual party and me.

How long had it been since we'd come in here? The last time I'd asked, it had been half a day, so it was probably the middle of the night by now.

"What was that?" Vanir said, having picked up on my whining. "The only reason I'm 'a little winded' is because I'm working under the constraint of trying not to hurt the creatures too much and to render them powerless while keeping them alive. If I was allowed to simply annihilate them, I could easily walk down to the lowest level on my own!" He never did stop menacing Wiz with his arm as he spoke. Frankly, it was pretty gross to watch, so I wished he would hurry up and reattach his limb.

"But Kazuma is right—at this rate, we are going to struggle… Maybe this would help," Wiz said. Then she walked over to the dragon's corpse. "Cursed Necromancy!" she shouted at it.

It was then that I realized I had not been giving this Lich general of the Demon King nearly enough credit. The "penniless proprietor" of the starting town, still wearing her apron, had— "Now then, let's turn a few more dragon-class monsters into undead… Since we're here and all, we might as well make a push for the lowest level of the dungeon." She put a hand on the head of her newly risen zombie dragon as if she was going to take it for a walk. Then she whispered to it that if they made it to the bottom, she would set the creature free. She sounded downright apologetic.

"Wiz, my opinion of you has gone way, way up since coming to this dungeon.

You really were an incredible mage, weren't you?"

"O-oh, you think so? But I s-still have a long way to go…!" She almost sounded embarrassed. "Anyway, let's get started! Come on!"

I stayed slumped on the ground. "I'm sorry, but could we rest for a few minutes? I'm really tired. I know we got all the way here without stopping, but the moment I caught my breath and the nerves wore off, I realized how exhausted I am…" Vanir sat down beside me and spread his cloth bundle on the floor. I'd assumed it was full of supplies for tackling the dungeon, but it turned out to be packed with potions, magical items, and daily necessities.

"Now, my good lad! I have here fatigue-relief potions, foodstuffs, water, medicine, and an Instant Barrier, among many, many other things." Leave it to an all-seeing demon to anticipate your every need. "Today, our dungeon branch is offering a special price! Only five times what these items cost in town! How about it, O valued customer?"

Leave it to an all-seeing demon to know when he's got you cornered.

…What a jerk.

2

How in the world did we get ourselves into this pickle?

"Oh no! It's coming after us! Stella! Stella!! Don't you have any more of those scrolls with Flash?! We need to blind them again!" Gil shouted. He was talking to me.

"I'm afraid not! The last one I used was… Well, it was the last one!" I was half shouting and half crying.

"We finally get a little treasure, and now we're done for?!" Gayne, the last member of our party and the one carrying the sack full of loot, wailed.

I kept running. I could feel the prickling in my nose, the tears starting to run from my eyes, but I couldn't do anything about them. I had only a small lantern to cut through the darkness of the hallway. Oh, how I regretted what we had done just a few minutes before! It was too soon for us to be down on the thirteenth floor of this dungeon.

We'd made it to the twelfth floor by doing a little exploration and mapping each day, carefully learning about the monsters and their habitats. We'd been at it for more than six months.

When we got to the twelfth floor, we'd found we had no trouble at all with the enemies there, and that had caused us to let down our guard. We'd been wrong, wrong to let our success go to our heads after so much careful work…!

It was believed that no one had ever completed this dungeon, and conventional wisdom had it that your level should be at least three times that of the floor you were exploring. It was a good guideline. And it meant that the thirteenth floor, which we were currently on, demanded at least Level 39.

Our average level…wasn't quite there.

There was only darkness behind me, but I could feel the monster breathing down my neck. "I don't want to die… I don't want to die…!" wept my little sister, who was running right behind me. The staircase to the twelfth floor was ahead. If we could just reach it, we could get away from the monsters pursuing us.

Monsters that inhabited dungeons weren't like those that occurred naturally on the surface. Dungeon denizens were typically summoned by someone or something, and they absorbed and were energized by the mana with which the summoner had imbued the dungeon. Unlike surface monsters, summoned creatures couldn't continue to exist without mana.

Some people claimed mana was the atmosphere of Hell, while others said it was MP in gaseous form, but whatever it was, it emanated from the innermost room in the deepest depths of the dungeon. And of course, the deeper you got —the closer to the Dungeon Master's chamber—the denser the mana became.

Stronger monsters required denser concentrations of mana, but by contrast, weaker ones couldn't survive where there was too much of the stuff. So… "We're almost to the stairs to the twelfth level! If we can just get up where there's less mana, these guys won't be able to follow us, no matter how persistent they are! We'll save ourselves if we can just get up there!" Gil sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as the rest of us.

When those monsters ambushed us, our magical item that produces a temporary barrier—the most important thing to have when exploring a dungeon—broke. As if that wasn't bad enough, so did the bag with our provisions in it. In other words, we would be unable to rest anywhere in the dungeon. Unable to recover our MP. Even if we got away from these monsters, our chances of surviving to make it back to the surface weren't good.

But any chance was better than being murdered by those disgusting creatures…! We just had to get to the stairway, and then, unwilling to follow us up into the thinner mana of the floor above, the monsters would— "Argh!" Gayne cried from the back of our formation, snapping me out of my reverie.

I looked toward the sound to see all our loot spilling out of his sack. I almost wanted to shout at him to ask what he thought he was doing, but he wasn't doing it. Instead, something with a shape almost impossible to describe had raked its claws across his back.

Realizing that Gayne wouldn't be able to run away now, everyone stopped. In the pitch blackness, we heard a sound: shloop, shloop. Something was coming toward us.

The monster moved with astonishing speed for something that crawled on the ground. It was just about to creep into our lantern light… "So it's come to this! All right, Stella, no choice! Get your magic ready to go!

Drop a spell on it, and while it's stunned, I'll—" Over Gil's voice, I could hear p-tap, p-tap, like footsteps, this time from in front of us. Gil dropped whatever he had been about to say. He was overcome with a look of despair, and the other two made similar expressions and murmured that it was all over.

O gods, O gods… Please, at least let the monster in front of us be one that doesn't toy with its victims…!

"Welcome, welcome! You've found Wiz's Magical Item Shoppe—Dungeon Branch!"

............ """"Huh?!"""" It was so sudden, so out of place, that all four of us simply froze.

Before us appeared a masked man. It was weird. He was dressed in such totally inappropriate clothing that you could only wonder what in the world he was thinking. The light of my lantern revealed a white button-down shirt (open), beach shorts, and sandals. He was dressed like a middle-aged guy stepping out to do some shopping… "Surely it must be fate that has brought us together! Behold, our panoply of very useful and highly dungeon-friendly— Hmm?" The masked man had been about to spread out the cloth bundle he was carrying when he looked behind us and stopped. That reminded me that we were being chased.

"You have to run!" I shouted. "That thing—that thing's right behind us!"

"A Neroid! If it isn't a Hell Neroid! Why, what's something like that doing in a place like this?! Ahhh, there, there. Best you come here."

Hell Neroid…?

Ignoring our warning, the masked man went up to the…"Hell Neroid"…behind us, apparently not afraid of it at all. And the Hell Neroid, the impossible-to-describe life-form that had been chasing us, almost seemed to nuzzle up to his outstretched hand… Chomp.

"Ahhhh! Your hand! Y-y-your hand, it—!"

"H-hey, bad Neroid, don't gnaw on my hand! That is not edible! Spit it out and return it to me this instant! Come on, spit! Ptooie! Right now! Right… Bah! Vanir Death Ray!"

As he shouted, a bright ray of light came from his right arm. It pierced the Hell Neroid, blowing it into a million pieces. The monster with whom we had fought and struggled so bitterly, he disposed of in the blink of an eye. Then he put the stump of his arm near the Neroid's remains and regenerated his hand, as if time were running in reverse.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I couldn't believe what I had just witnessed. He was clearly not human. But… "What a poorly trained Neroid. Must have been wild. I can't imagine what a pet from Hell was doing here, though… Perhaps the sheer power of the mana in this dungeon accidentally opened a portal to Hell, and it wandered over?" The masked man hmmed and muttered.

If nothing else, it was clear we owed our lives to this man who was not human. I felt obliged to say a word of thanks on behalf of my party, the rest of whom still hadn't figured out what was going on.

Before I could speak, though, the masked man dropped the bundle from his back and said, "Mm! Well, who cares about a wild Neroid anyway? Valued customers, we have a whole pile of items that should come in more than handy in a dungeon! And at special dungeon prices! Come, have a look!" He threw open the bundle, revealing the contents.

"A barrier stone! Look, he has a disposable barrier stone! Please, please let me have that! How much is the special dungeon price?!"

"Medicines and potions, too…! W-we're saved! The stairway to the twelfth floor is right here! If we take this stuff with us, we'll actually make it home!"

"Damn, he's even got food in there! That thing earlier ate our pack of food…!

Thank the gods, we're saved…!"

My party members were rejoicing over the bounty in the masked man's bundle, buying one item after another. Who exactly was this guy?

"Thank you, thank you very much! Bwa-ha-ha-ha! This is my most profitable moment since I started this job! I should peddle my wares in this dungeon more often!" He was laughing uproariously as he sold off all his stock.

Seriously…who was this guy? He'd appeared as suddenly as a fresh breeze to bring us salvation in our moment of need. It was almost like he was… "…A god…," I mumbled.

"Valued you may be, O customer, but even so, it's terribly rude to call me a god."

"Oh! I… I'm sorry…!" Apparently, I'd upset him with that word. Fair enough— a truly devout believer would be scandalized by being compared to a deity.

"Fantastic! I've sold every single thing I brought! Thank you, valued customers!"

"No, thank you, sir! If you hadn't shown up, we'd have been wiped out. These items really saved our skin! We owe you a lot!" Gil said. He was as thankful for the items as the masked man was satisfied to have sold them.

The masked man then stood up. "Think nothing of it. The health and safety of my customers is my foremost concern. Well then, I'll be off! Thank you for your patronage!"

And then, without so much as a light to see by, he walked off into the dungeon, until the only sign of him was the sound of his sandals slapping against the ground. We were left standing silently, until finally someone said:

"So what was that all about anyway?"

He'd left without even telling us his name… Was he some sort of dungeon fairy or something? No. I knew who he was, at least for me. "I give heartfelt thanks to the nameless god from who knows where…!"

3

"What's that rare monster want, wandering around in this dungeon? I'm done eating, and I want to get going."

"With that unusual outfit, Vanir certainly does look like some rare monster, doesn't he? I wonder why he likes that outfit so much…? I hope he doesn't meet any adventurers who accidentally attack him."

While I was having my snack break, Vanir had gone off somewhere. Wiz and I were hunkered down within a simple but effective barrier, which supposedly meant you could rest at ease, but even so, it was hard to relax in a dungeon. I actually wanted that weirdo "rare monster" to stay close.

Wiz patted her zombie dragon under the chin and said, "I do wonder where he's gone. Should we maybe shout for him? Of course, it could attract other monsters…" She trailed off. She was looking hard at the hallway in front of us.

Surprised, I looked, too. "Speaking of monsters…that's a monster…isn't it…?"

"I think so. Because no ordinary little girl could be down here in this dungeon."

A golden-haired girl had peeked around the corner ahead and was watching us.

Yeah, definitely not the sort of thing you normally saw in a dungeon. And yet… "That's strange. My Sense Foe skill isn't reacting. Maybe she doesn't mean us any harm? But she could hardly be an adventurer at that age…" "Doesn't mean us any harm? I wonder what kind of monster she would even be. She's not a ghost, and if she was a doppelgänger, she wouldn't spend her time watching us like that…" So we had a little girl who didn't set off my Sense Foe ability. Wiz and I whispered to each other, never letting our guard down.

Then the little girl cocked her head. "Big Bro, Big Sis. Are you two bad adventurers? Or good adventurers?"

Wiz and I looked at each other.

"I guess if I had to, I'd say I'm a good adventurer," I said.

"I'm not an adventurer, but I'm not a bad Big Sis, I think," said Wiz, both of us still keeping a close eye on the girl, who was herself observing us from a distance.

This time, she smiled. "That's great. My name is Amaryllis! Say, won't you talk with me? It's lonely wandering around this dungeon all by myself for so long."

She looked almost shy as she spoke.

"Sure, we can talk, but, Amaryllis, what are you doing down here alone? Are you, um…" I hesitated for a second. "Are you even human?"

A look of sadness passed over her face. "No, not anymore. The man who raised me was a wizard. He did magical research that turned me into a chimera.

And now…I can't exactly live out in the open in town, so he told me to hide myself down in this dungeon. He said when he'd figured out how to fix me, he'd come get me. So I'm staying down here until he comes."

Geez, that was heavy. Wiz and I went silent.

After a moment, I said, "So, um… This man, what is he to you? Where are your mommy and daddy?"

"Mom and Dad died. The other man, he said he bought me. He made sure I had plenty to eat. He was so nice!"

…So she was supposed to hide down here while she waited? Didn't sound to me like that wizard had any intention of coming to get her. This girl Amaryllis had lost her parents, then been purchased for use in magical experiments, and finally abandoned in a dungeon. Talk about a buzzkill.

Suddenly, Wiz said, "In that case, let me make you better! I might not look like much, but I'm an amazing wizard myself—did you know that? I even knew a chimera once. I'm sure I can help you!" She smiled reassuringly.

…Damn. I was really starting to feel bad for underestimating this Lich for so long.

"R-really? You can actually turn me back to normal?"

"Yes, I mean it. So come over here; don't be afraid. This zombie dragon is my friend."

Wiz was trying to sound gentle, but Amaryllis still looked hesitant… "But, Sis, are you sure you won't be afraid when you see my body? You won't think it's… gross?" She was obviously feeling pretty uncomfortable.

"Don't worry—I'm even friends with ghosts and monsters. Don't be afraid, just come h—" The words died in Wiz's throat as Amaryllis emerged into the hallway.

As for me, standing beside Wiz, I swallowed hard and felt like I might wet myself.

Amaryllis's head was attached to the body of a spider.

She scuttled closer on her spider legs with startling speed. "Big Siiiis!"

"Eeeyargh!" I howled and hid behind Wiz, who was just about weeping.

"H-h-h-hold on! A-A-Amaryllis, sweetie, just wait a second! Big Sis needs a minute to collect herself, okay?!"

"What's wrong, Sis? Sis, what's wrong? You said! You said you wouldn't be afraid! You said you'd fix me! You promised!" she cried, shaking her hair and nodding at us as she came closer.

I'm scared! What is this, a horror movie?!

"Just take it easy, little lady! Here, Big Bro's got some candy for you!"

"It's okay I swear your Big Sis isn't really scared and I will fix you I will help you so just please let's all calm down and wait wait wait please oh! Vanir!

Vaniiiiiiir!"

"Ahhhh! I like kids, but young lady, you've got to slow doooooown!"

Wiz and I threw ourselves into each other's arms, shaking and crying.

"My word, it's gotten loud in here. Hmm? Is that you, Lady Amaryllis?"

It was Vanir, coming up behind us. At the sound of his voice, Amaryllis stopped where she was. "Oh? That beautiful mask… Is that you, Vanir? Fancy meeting you here so far down in this dungeon."

"".........?"" Wiz and I, still hugging each other, turned slowly toward Vanir.

"Another excellent choice of appearance, my lady," he said. "I'm so sorry to interrupt you when you're feasting on such delectable fright, but these two are with me."

"Oh! Well, do pardon me. Wouldn't you know it—Stesky, my pet Hell Neroid, ran off. When I went after him, I discovered that the rich mana in this dungeon had connected a part of it to Hell… I came over here to look for him and bumped into these two, so I thought I'd just help myself to some bad vibes…" Hey, hang on a second. "What? Amaryllis, alleged chimera child… You're actually a demon? So what was with that story about being turned into a chimera by a magical experiment?"

"Oh, that? I made that all up. I just love feelings of terror, and I chose this form out of personal preference. Ooh, well, anger and frustration are more Vanir's thing. You're very sweet, but I'll pass."

…I really, really hate demons.

4

"I'll be on my way, then. I have to go find Stesky… Oh yes, Vanir! Perhaps with your all-seeing powers, you could tell me where my pet is."

"Oh, um, we also must be going. Fare thee well, Lady Amaryllis! May we meet again in Hell!"

"Er… Oh…" Amaryllis looked a little taken aback by Vanir's evasive response, but nonetheless, she bowed to us, then scurried off down the hallway.

"Snf… Snrrrf," Wiz sniffled. "I'm glad… I'm glad she wasn't actually a forcibly augmented chimera… But still…I can't quite cope with this…" Boy, did I know how she felt.

For that matter, I think I did wet myself a little.

"How long do you plan to continue sniffling and weeping? Listen, you two, we'll be going soon. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! And anyway, you should rejoice, Wiz! For I have liquidated everything the young lad didn't buy from us! I think I may start coming to this dungeon from time to time to do some business!"

"…I think I'm starting to hate demons just a little bit…" "…?! I object to your allowing the actions of that one demon to impact your opinion of the rest of us!"

—Floor 15— "Please, Vanir, just a little! I don't need much, just a little bit!"

"Don't do it! MP is the source of all a demon's power and indeed of their very existence! H-hey, I said don't try to drain me! If you need to recover your MP, just suck some out of the next monster we meet!"

"But MP from dungeon monsters always makes my stomach feel bloated.

Maybe it's all the mana they absorb! Surely just a little bit wouldn't hurt anything! Demons are supposed to have the highest-quality MP of all, right?

Just a little! Just a fingertip's worth!"

"S-stop that—hands off my mask! Anyway, what's going on here? I've been wondering about the sheer quantity of monsters we've encountered. It's enough to run even a Lich like you out of MP in short order. Convenient as it is for the boy's leveling, I don't know why we should be encountering so many…" Wiz and Vanir were arguing as I kept a lookout for monsters. "Y'know, you're right, we have been running into a lot of enemies. Way more than you ever would on the surface. I never dreamed my level would go up so much in one day."

I'd already reset my level twice and was on my third journey up the numbers.

On the surface, it might have taken me half a day to hunt down five frogs. The encounter rate in this dungeon was definitely weird.

Then I noticed the rosary hanging from Wiz's neck (it was hard to miss it as she struggled with Vanir to Drain Touch some MP from him).

"It's got to be because of my rosary!" Wiz said. "They told me it would lead to a wonderful encounter, but they never mentioned it would even attract monsters in a dungeon… Ahhhhh! Vanir, stop! Give it back—don't throw it away!"

Geez, every single item she had in stock… "Gah, I knew something was wrong…! I'll pin down the next monster we meet; then you absorb MP from it! Anyway, are you that desperate for an 'encounter'? I'm friends with a demon whose head isn't quite all there, but he's handsome enough. And quite loving. His name is Maxwell. He is from another world. Perhaps you'd like me to introduce you."

Wiz, still trying to grab the rosary back, started to fidget as if the idea wasn't entirely unappealing to her. "Loving and handsome, you say? …Er, well, if he's kind and devoted, I don't mind so much how he looks… When you say his head isn't quite all there, um, what do you mean exactly? He wouldn't happen to be any good with numbers, would he?"

"He's missing the entire back of his head."

"You mean his head physically isn't all there? No! I don't want someone like that! Wait, demons don't even have genders, do they?!"

Watching the two of them jabber, I had almost forgotten I was deep down in a deadly dungeon… —Floor 17— Seriously, how long had we been down here?

I was taking my second rest, but the constant state of heightened anxiety in a dungeon made it hard to know how much time had passed.

I'd drunk the fatigue-relief potion I'd bought from Vanir, so I wasn't actually feeling all that tired, but I was still a little out of it.

"Hmm? Getting tired, are you? I don't blame you; nearly an entire day has passed on the surface. Here, you had best drink this potion. It will dispel the sleepiness. It's a bam!-insta-wake potion."

"Vanir, you brought that?! But the side effects— Hrrrmf!" The way Vanir clapped his hand over Wiz's mouth before she could get out whatever she had been about to say made me hesitant to drink the potion he'd given me.

"So it's supposed to wake you up. What's it made of? It's not poisonous or anything, is it?"

"Oh, hardly. For someone as lucky as you, I doubt there will even be any side effects… Mm, yes, I see it; I can see it now: your future, you running around all energetic after drinking that potion."

"No more pranks like earlier, where you pretend I'm going to die or something, all right?" Sitting on the cold dungeon floor and full of trepidation, I brought the potion to my lips. Then I said, "I've saved up a pretty decent number of skill points. Why don't we go home? I came here to raise my level, not clear the whole dungeon."

Just then, Wiz finally managed to peel Vanir's hand off her mouth. "We can't stop now! We've come so far! Let's push that last little bit to the very end! The final chamber of a dungeon like this, the room where the master of the dungeon resides, usually has amazing loot and powerful equipment waiting inside! If you're going to try to take on the Demon King, don't you think that loot would come in handy?"

Oh yeah…the Demon King… "I'll be honest with you: I haven't really decided yet if I'm actually going to fight him. Hey, aren't you both, like, friends of his? Could you live with yourselves if my party and I took him out?"

Wiz and Vanir had both been the Demon King's generals; surely they saw him from time to time.

The two of them traded a look, though, and Wiz said, "But being defeated is part of the Demon King's job description, isn't it?"

"Indeed. He crushes humanity under his heel, until at last a bold adventurer arises, they have a battle for the ages, and finally the king goes out in dramatic fashion. That's what it means to be the Demon King. Besides, he's getting on in years. He's probably thinking of having a proper send-off and passing the throne to his daughter."

I guess I didn't understand how demons thought.

That reminded me, though, of how Vanir wanted to build a dungeon. It wasn't his end goal, though. That was to be defeated by some adventurers, and in his last moments to savor their despair after they beat him… Kind of a pathetic dream, if you ask me. But maybe demons had their own way of living—their own aesthetics, if you will. I mean, after all, there was a whole village of Arch-wizards who had enough power among them that they seemed like they could take over the world if they really wanted to, but instead of even becoming adventurers, they were content to be cobblers or clothing-store proprietors or NEETs.

I'd known there were plenty of weirdos in this world, but this was ridiculous… "So the Demon King is getting on in years, huh? But I mean, he's the king. He must still be the most powerful person in his own army, right? But…like, he's just strong enough that maybe even someone like me could take him on?"

"No, he's certainly not the strongest. I suspect his daughter is already more powerful than he is. I have no idea whether 'someone like you' could handle him, but he's still got enough spring in his step to crush an ogre's head with his bare hands."

Made sense, I guess. You wouldn't expect him to be a pushover.

"I sort of thought power was supposed to be everything in this world. Like it was just, Yep! Strongest guy around is the Demon King! No question!"

"Do you take us for meatheads? Or were the leaders of your world always the very strongest who could be found? I can't speak for the place you come from, but here, every Demon King in history has always possessed the following qualities if nothing else: first, charisma enough to attract distinctive generals to their army; second, power enough to keep their subordinates in line. They also need a fair degree of intelligence. But the charisma, the ability to attract generals with real talent, is probably the most important thing."

"I don't think this one managed it, judging by you and Wiz." Looking at these two, who were completely off doing their own thing, I even started to think that maybe it was harder than I'd realized to be the Demon King.

Vanir stood up, asking if I was done resting. "Whatever the case, even someone as puny as you could do with a little bit of equipment to give him a fighting chance in a battle. Although I personally hope for some very lucrative loot! Just you wait, Dungeon Master—we're coming to steal all your treasure!

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

With this guy along, this felt less like an adventure and more like a burglary.

"Say, Kazuma, have you been thinking about what kinds of skills you want to acquire? I can teach you Teleport when we leave this dungeon."

Teleport! Man, I really wanted that ability. It seemed like it would be useful in all sorts of scenarios.

"Crimes involving magic, including Teleport and light-bending spells, are punished far more severely than ordinary offenses," Vanir said.

"…?! I d-d-d-didn't say a word! I was just thinking about how useful Teleport might be, that's all! Like, say you get into a real tight spot at the Demon King's castle; you could just run away again, right?!"

"If you're hoping to use Teleport to escape from the castle, you'll somehow have to neutralize the barrier around it. That being the case, perhaps you'd like to learn one of my skills? I have death rays, eye beams…" "I'm just a human. If I fired a death ray…" "It would kill you, of course. But think about it: a last-ditch ace in the hole that also kills the user? Imagine how surprised your opponent would be! There are few performances that demonstrate such wholehearted devotion!"

"Unlike a certain goddess, I haven't sold my soul to party tricks!"

5

—Floor 18— "Vanir Death Ray! Vanir Death Ray! Vanir… Arrrgh, there are so many of them! Wiz, can't you do something about this?! This is becoming tiresome—just blow them away with Explosion!"

"N-no, I shouldn't use Explosion in here! The entire dungeon would come down on our heads… Oh! Eek, those nasty minotaurs are ganging up on my sweet zombie dragon!"

"Whoa, hey?! Hey, one's coming this way! The monster's coming over to meeeee!"

We were suddenly in a very, very tight spot. When we'd come down the stairs, we'd found ourselves in a monster nest. Vanir and Wiz couldn't corral all of them alone, and one of the minotaurs started edging its way toward me… "Bumooooo!"

"Eep!" I quickly ducked, and the monster's ax passed just a few inches over my head. If I'd been even a second slower, I wouldn't have a head anymore.

And without Aqua here, if I died, that was it for me.

Dammit! Dungeons are scary! Monsters are scary! My heart is going a mile a minute!

I guess that's how it usually works in battle. If you die, you're dead. I found myself belatedly very, very thankful for Aqua. Back when she and I had first gotten here, I felt like a kid who'd gotten a robot tanuki from the future only to discover that the fourth-dimensional pocket was sold separately. But the next time I saw her, maybe I'd be a little nicer.

Vanir and Wiz had their hands full trying to keep the horde of monsters at bay. I would have to deal with the bullheaded giant myself. I looked up at it—it was several times my size—and drew my katana, all the while getting ready to run.

"Dammit, of all the times to realize how much I appreciate having Aqua around! I can't die here! I've got to get Aqua back, and then I'm going to live a pleasant, dissolute life for the rest of my days! Waking up at noon, drinking all day, lying around, going out at night—maybe we can even take a trip all together! I'm supposed to be an adventurer, and I've hardly been anywhere in this world!"

"He admitted it!" Wiz shouted. "Vanir, did you hear that? Kazuma is never able to admit how he truly feels, but he just did! Unbelievable! To realize your true feelings in the direst of straits, how romanti— Agh?!"

I didn't know what she was going on about, but one of the minotaurs smashed its ax into her head, sending her flying.

"Geez! Wiz?!" I glanced away from my own opponent for a second, but Wiz got up as if nothing had happened.

"Now I have to make sure that you and Lady Aqua are reunited, so you can acknowledge your love for each other! Vanir, I'm about to use a whole lot of magic, so promise me you'll give me plenty of MP after this battle!"

Wiz, clearly laboring under some sort of misunderstanding, was being beaten up by minotaurs and attacked from every direction, but it didn't even seem to bother her as she intoned some sort of spell. I'd always known Liches weren't affected by non-magical attacks, but watching her shrug off blow after blow was incredible, nonetheless.

Beside me, three zombie dragons squared off with more minotaurs. As for Vanir, he was drawing something on the ground using the blood of the minotaur he'd just slain… "Bumoooo!" the monster across from me bellowed and raised its ax.

"F-fine, just try me, you—!"

Not missing a beat, I jumped in with Chunchunmaru and slashed at the minotaur's legs. But I was and had always been very weak, and my attack just sort of scratched it. My level was over 30 already. It kind of ticked me off that I couldn't do anything to it!

The minotaur looked like it was going to bring its weapon down on my head, but…it never happened.

"Petrification!"

The minotaur across from me turned to stone, presumably thanks to Wiz's spell. And not just the one in front of me—most of the monsters around us were immediately petrified.

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You do know how to handle yourself, Wiz! Well, I won't let you have all the fun! I, Vanir, Duke of Hell, command: Come forth from Hell, my servants!" Still cackling, Vanir placed his hand on the magic circle drawn in minotaur blood at his feet. The gory diagram began to glow with an eerie light… When it faded, there was a group of creatures with devils' bodies and bat-like wings. If you looked in the dictionary under the word demon, this was what you would expect to find.

Suddenly confronted by a small army of demons, the minotaurs and then every other monster nearby started fleeing in panic. I felt a touch of terror myself, to see what this normally laid-back demon could do when he really wanted to… "Gosh, Lord Vanir. You can't go summoning us out of the blue like that. We're busy as hell down there!"

"Yeah, you're the one who abandoned your territory to go play around on the surface and left us to pick up the slack!"

"Uh…Lord Vanir? What's with the outfit? I don't think that's how a Duke of Hell normally…" The demons didn't sound very happy. They all had horrific appearances, but I wasn't scared of any of them in the least.

We and our crew of demons and undead marched through the dungeon like a conquering army. The monsters we ran into were not creatures I could have made a dent in even if I'd tried. We're talking enemies so big and bad that if I hadn't been surrounded by this entire crew, I would have wet my pants at the mere sight of them.

One after another, Wiz simply transformed them into undead, further increasing our strength, until we finally arrived at… —Floor 20— This floor didn't look like the others. The walls glowed with a faint light.

Maybe they were imbued with magic, or maybe there was luminescent moss growing on them or something.

Strangely, I hadn't sensed any monsters ever since we arrived on this floor.

Maybe only the Dungeon Master was allowed down here.

Now we stood before the final room, the boss chamber. It had a thick door engraved with terrible decorations, like it belonged to the last boss in some video game. The Dungeon Master had to be on the other side.

I nodded to Vanir and Wiz, and we slowly pushed open the door. Inside we found… "How very good of you to make it this far! I give you my grudging compliments for surviving my dungeon to reach me here. Now, show me your strength! For I am the King of the Undead, possessor of immortality! A thousand years I have waited, and now I will show you what I, the primogenitor of the vampires, can truly…truly…!"

The Dungeon Master was sitting, almost relaxed, on an ostentatious throne in the middle of the room, but as he saw us, he trailed off. As he saw the two people behind me, specifically.

"Gosh, I didn't know Liches had been demoted and vampires had become the Kings of the Undead. When did that happen? And you're right, it was a lot of trouble getting here. Hoo-hoo-hoo, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

My goodness, but this is a sprawling dungeon you've made! Quite a project for a fledgling chick a mere thousand years old! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Vanir, who'd used no small amount of MP himself shooting death rays at everything on the way here, started cackling.

The Dungeon Master froze in front of me. "Ahem… I'll put tea on, my dear visitors, and then perhaps we can discuss the reason for your…visit…?" He was trying his damnedest to smile, but he looked like he might cry.

Gee, I…I felt kind of bad for him.

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

"Oh! This is legendary magical power! This magical item has legendary-level power!"

Vanir and Wiz were deep in the Dungeon Master's room, crowing over the treasure. The vampire and I sipped our tea and watched.

"Uh… Sorry about my companions," I said.

"No, no, it is I who should apologize. A pathetic worm of a vampire should never have dared to make such a grand dungeon. After you've all finished here, I think I'll go back to the country and live a modest life growing tomatoes or something."

The original vampire was going to live out in the country and grow tomatoes?

I couldn't imagine the vampires' hatred of sunlight was very conducive to farmwork, but…wow.

"Yeah. That might be a good idea. Then you wouldn't have to deal with this kind of stuff."

"Yes, if I'm going to have to endure terror like this, I'd rather live quietly and easily somewhere. I've been alive for a millennium now, but I never imagined I would find myself surrounded by such a panoply of demons and undead. Not to mention that great undead, a Lich, and a demon who's been around far longer than I have. I'm counting myself lucky that I wasn't destroyed outright."

And then the thousand-year-old bloodsucker sipped his tea again, observing Vanir and Wiz with detachment.

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! What a great haul of silver and gold! Between this and what I'll make when the kid buys what he promised, I can start doing some real business! I've got it! How about a casino? Wiz, I'm taking this loot, and I'm going to build a casino! A magnificent gambling palace that will surpass even the great nation of Elroad!"

"Ohhhhh! Look, Vanir, just look at this! It's bursting with magic! I don't know what it does, but it feels powerful enough to turn the world inside out…!"

I couldn't help wondering why the vampire, who sat delicately drinking his tea, looked so much more like a proper big bad than the two rifling through his treasure with greed in their eyes.

Now that the vampire had surrendered, Wiz had released her zombie dragons to pass on to the next life, and Vanir had sent his lackeys home. As the vampire and I engaged in pleasant conversation, Wiz and Vanir were packing up the treasure he'd offered them to spare his life, stuffing it all into Vanir's carrying cloth.

"Ahhh! This will never do; there's too much treasure here! We will never be able to carry all this home!"

"That is a problem, Vanir. Whatever shall we do? Each item here possesses such powerful magic. I'd really like to take them all with me if I could…" They stared right at the vampire as they spoke.

G-geez, you guys aren't satisfied just breaking in and stealing all his stuff? You have to make him help you carry it, too?

"I'll have Wiz teach me Teleport right now, and I'll register this dungeon's lowest floor as one of my destinations. That good enough for you?" I said.

Evidently it was, because Vanir and Wiz came over with something in their arms. A pitch-black sword and a set of full armor (also black), both obviously of extremely fine make.

"Take this, my boy. I believe it may be the strongest magical sword in this entire treasure hoard. You could sell it for a small fortune, but at the moment, I believe it would benefit you even more to use it yourself."

"And I think this armor is quite something," Wiz added. "I can feel powerful magic coming from it. If you were to wear it, I don't think you would have any problems on the way to the Demon King's castle."

They both gave me the items without batting an eyelash. Even though they were probably each worth a whole heap of money. Say what you would about them, maybe they really did have my best interests at heart. Feeling almost a little embarrassed, I put the armor on… "…Um, it's too heavy for me to move."

…and found that as soon as I equipped a single gauntlet, I was rooted to the spot.

What was going on here? This was weird. I know I was a member of the weakest class, but after having my level reset several times and working myself hard down here in this dungeon, I was up above Level 30. And unlike the last time I'd tried to upgrade my equipment, I was confident that I had the muscles for it now… "Oh, that armor is for Crusaders only. And incidentally, the sword there can only be used by Sword Masters," said the vampire (whose name we still didn't know).

What did he mean, "only"? Were members of the weakest class not allowed to use legendary equipment, either?

"You wouldn't, er, happen to have any powerful equipment that's meant for Adventurers, would you?"

"I-I'm sorry—nobody wants to be an Adventurer, so no one makes powerful weapons or armor for them… At least, I certainly don't have any…," the vampire said.

When Vanir heard our conversation, he burst out laughing. "Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, bwaaaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! O boy who cannot seem to become a hero for the life of him, is this not ideal? This is itself what makes you unique! Your weak equipment, your motley collection of skills! If you were to take them and face the Demon King, I'm sure you would be called one of the greatest heroes ever to live! I see it; I can see it! A future in which you are given a nickname such as Harem Guy or the Strongest of the Weakest! Waaaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

After we got back to town and I picked up some skills, one of the first things I wanted to do was beat this guy up.

"Dammit, what the hell? Hmm, but if it's for Crusaders… It's all black and kind of…scary, but maybe it would make a good souvenir for Darkness. You don't happen to have any wizard staffs or anything in there, do you?"

"Ooooh, I'm afraid I don't really have much of anything for wizards. Ah, but this ring I'm wearing increases the wearer's magical power. Would you like it?"

The vampire went to take the ring off his finger, but I quickly stopped him. "N-no, no, it's all right. I don't like feeling like I've robbed you blind. I'm sorry, it must seem to you like we're just here to loot your place."

"Oh, not at all; dungeons exist to be plundered. All the treasure I have here once belonged to some adventurer who tried their hand at my labyrinth. Don't give it a second thought. This ring, though—it's something I've cherished since the days of my mortal life, so I must admit I'm relieved."

He smiled a little, looking really pleased, when… "Did you say a ring that increases magical power?" Wiz greedily slipped it onto her finger and stared at it.

…Please, please stop.

6

By the time we Teleported back to town, it was pitch-dark outside. We'd spent more than an entire day in that dungeon, and my sense of time was all out of whack.

"It's unlikely there are any carriages running at this hour. The fatigue-recovery and stimulant potions may have kept you going, but all that abrupt leveling up combined with a sustained state of heightened anxiety and a full day of battling will have taken a significant toll on your body. For today, go and get some rest.

Tomorrow, you can learn your skills, then head out on your journey. That would be best." Vanir's carrying cloth was stuffed with treasure, and he was still holding a full armload of loot, too.

I, carrying only the suit of armor for Darkness, said thanks to Vanir and Wiz.

"You were both a huge help. I promise I'm gonna go get that idiot back."

"When it comes to that goddess, eh, I could take her or leave her."

"Well, I couldn't! Kazuma… If and when the time comes, we'll be giving the defense of this town a little help from the wings. You can go on your journey with peace of mind. We'll make sure Lady Aqua has a home to return to. When you get back, I'll be more than happy to help you raise your level again or do whatever you need."

I think I'd had enough of that. Frankly, that dungeon had been terrifying.

Being surrounded by powerful monsters had activated a primal terror as a living being, and I still hadn't stopped shaking. I thought I might have a little trauma around dungeons after this.

"Yes, there's still loot left in that dungeon. I know you must go on your journey now; we can collect the rest after you get back. So make sure you do get back. I don't look forward to having to march all the way back down twenty tedious floors again otherwise."

What a very Vanir-esque way to send me off.

"When you get home, I'll teach you Advanced Magic for real. So please come back safely!" Wiz smiled kindly. Earlier, I'd tried to learn Advanced Magic along with Teleport, but I hadn't been able to do it. I'd had enough skill points, but it refused to show up in my Available Skills field. With Basic Magic, all you had to do was shout the name of the spell. For Intermediate Magic, there was a process, but not much of one. Even an amateur could manage those, but when it came to Advanced Magic… "For Advanced Magic, you have to learn specific gestures and incantations for each spell and even the right flow of MP," Wiz explained. "I doubt you could pick it all up in a single day… Oh! But if you're interested in Explosion, I know you've seen Megumin using it every day for quite a long time, right? So you could—" "Don't need it."

Anyway, even if I did learn Explosion, I would never have enough MP to use it.

Even Megumin, an Arch-wizard and a member of the Crimson Magic Clan, who were all bursting with MP, only had enough to use it once a day.

Still… Advanced Magic when I got home, huh? I wanted that spell that turned you invisible—really wanted it. Not that I'd given any thought yet to what I would use it for, of course… "I see it. I can see the future! I see you learning Advanced Magic, turning yourself invisible, and going to the public b—" "Welp, nice work today! I'll drop by the shop again before I leave tomorrow!"