chapter 2

Sliding my left hand into my side pocket, I grabbed my boner, took a deep breath and climbed the stage, avoiding the questioning eyes of my music director.

I did what I had to do on stage consciously. My hand never left my pocket and I ran to the men's room the moment I stepped down from that stage.

I still had a semi erection so I tried taking deep breaths at intervals and finally I was at ease so I stepped out of the males' toilet.

"Jesus Christ!" I startled in shock when I bumped into Ben who was standing by the door.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, forgetting it was a public toilet.

"Didn't know you're queer…" He said, ignoring my question.

"Ehh?"

I knew I'd heard that word somewhere, but I didn't know the meaning.

"Did he assume that I came in here to m a s t u r b a t e!?"

Rather than explaining, he smiled and walked out of the room leaving me confused and with the "queer" word occupying my thoughts.

I walked back to the church auditorium and my pastor had started preaching already and I couldn't walk back to my seat in front in order not to cause distractions. I went up to the gallery instead.

"May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the sweet fellowship of the holy spirit rest and abide with us…."

And I ran out of the church before the congregation could respond "Amen," ignoring the numerous calls from my director.

"Good afternoon, mum. Please can I borrow your phone for a few minutes?" I asked my mum the moment I got home.

My house wasn't far from the church, hence, I got home hurrily.

"Why?" My mum asked.

"I want to check my school portal." I lied.

"One lie!" My subconscious mind announced.

"Have they started offering admission to aspirants?" My mum asked again before pulling out her phone.

"So I heard." I lied again.

"Two lies!" My subconscious mind yelled in my head this time.

I quickly got the phone and ran to my room.

"Make sure you use your inhaler." Mum yelled from the living room.

I guess she already noticed that I was gasping for air because I ran back home.

"The race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but it is of the Lord that shows mercy."

Indeed I ran, but I was at the mercy of my inhaler which I quickly used before settling down properly.

Since I couldn't spell the "queer" word, I had to settle for the Google Audio Search. I didn't want to take any risk, so I moved into my toilet first.

Guess I had a thing for toilets.

"What is the meaning of queer?"

After a proper research and exploitation of all the websites, pages and picture references I could find, I didn't know I was crying until a tear dropped on the phone screen.

One would think I was crying because I just found out I was maybe attracted to my gender.

Nahh! I broke down as the hatred I felt for Samuel reignited because the things I saw were familiar. They were things that I thought I had grown past…