CHAPTER 25

It was around noon, Leonardo had just arrived home, he was still wearing the clothes that Jane lent him, they were super comfortable, and made him feel better about several issues. 

Now that he was home and alone, he started acting more like himself, made a banana and oat smoothie, and put on a Red Hot Chili Peppers album while he thought about what his life would be like next, even there were some considerations to be made, and many things to be resolved. 

But among all things, he knew that the most important thing was to resolve everything that was happening between him, Marcelle, and... Jonathan. It was time to put an end to everything and move on with life, and try to make new friends, and be around new people. 

He was avoiding doing this, but Leonardo finally turned on his cell phone again, he was distant from the world, he was running away from it, he needed to have a night to himself, and he managed to cool down his thoughts and decide what to do. 

As soon as he turned on his cell phone, he saw that he had some missed calls from his mother, Fernanda and Marcelle. 

First, he called his mother, she was worried, because Leonardo hadn't sent any news, he didn't even respond to messages, he had just hidden himself from everyone around him. 

But she knew that Leonardo was fine, so she didn't worry too much, she knew how responsible he was. 

Fernanda had sent a few messages, just asking if he felt better, but nothing much more than that, and Leonardo just replied, saying that he was feeling better, but that he shouldn't go running that week. 

Finally, Marcelle, she just called but didn't leave a message, so Leonardo just asked if they could meet at race time, somewhere else, just the two of them. 

Marcelle called Leonardo, he felt a great urge before answering the call, but he took a deep breath and soon answered. 

"Leonardo, how are you? You disappeared yesterday after the race, no one could find you." 

"I was feeling a little unwell and needed to go out to clear my head, I also took care of some matters yesterday." 

"It's okay, you seem different, more melancholy, did something happen yesterday?" 

"You know, I really needed to have some free time, but I also need to have a more serious conversation with you." 

"It seems to be really important, maybe it would be better to meet in the evening, I won't be able to miss the race today, but you can come here to the house." 

"I think it's better if we meet somewhere else, maybe in that square near your house, that would be better." 

Marcelle was silent for a few moments, but soon responded. 

"You really look different, but if it's easier for you this way, we can meet in that square." 

"That's right, I need to hang up now, I'll see you later." 

"A kiss, be safe, bye." 

Marcelle found Leonardo's behavior strange, but she didn't know what was really going on with him, and she waited to make a personal decision. 

Hearing Marcelle's voice completely moved Leonardo, but he didn't know what else to do, other than to put an end to that situation, but first, he needed to close all the ends, once and for all. 

He was walking around the house, anxiety was taking over him, so he decided to change his routine a little, and went out for a run, but he went much earlier, it was around two in the afternoon. 

It wasn't the best time for a run, but at least he could do it alone, and shake off all the anxiety that was building up in his body. 

Before he started running, Leonardo felt small tremors throughout his body, and felt a slight calm, and this was causing him immense discomfort, and diverted everything he was thinking. 

The day was very hot and stuffy, with no shade to take relief, so he decided to do a light run, especially after having worked so hard in the previous day's competition. 

Leonardo would do six kilometers at a slower pace, and he would think about ripping anything about Marcelle out of his body, he needed to remove those things that made him turn his thoughts towards her, that all made him suffer, and he needed to leave those things behind. 

And he started running slower than he was used to, and forced his thoughts on Marcelle, on the moments they had together, and he started ripping it away from him, throwing it away from his presence, completely removing him from the memories he kept. 

He could feel so many things being pulled out of his flesh, as if they were tearing some cloth, and pulling very hard, and several memories he had about Marcelle, were gone, and gone were the emotions, and that fear that Leonardo felt. 

What was holding him back most was fear, the fear of being frustrated again and locking himself up at home, in complete solitude. From this way he began to subject himself to things that he normally would not have subjected himself to, he accepted things that he normally would not have accepted. 

Now it was time to leave this fear behind, abandon it, out of the body, he would have to get used to being himself, and reinvent himself again, try new activities in his daily life, in his life, he needed of all this in his life again. 

The heat didn't slow Leonardo down, it didn't even affect him, the cool wind from the beach pushed him forward, so he could go faster and faster, and forward, he needed to go all the way with each thing, he needed to be more and more ready to being alone again and creating something new for his own life. 

The sea was rough, from afar he saw the waves melting on the warm sand of the beach, as he watched the sea, he passed the four-kilometer mark, a mark that for a long time was part of his life, where so much happened, and really, it needed to happen. 

He remembered his first kiss with Marcelle, while admiring the sea, but he kept running, and let the sea water purify those memories, he wasn't ready to relive all of that yet. 

After running another few hundred meters, he passed the place where he had met Marcelle for the second time and relived the kisses they had exchanged in the shadows of those trees, and this time, the memories were more vivid, more intense, and the Worse came next, he wanted to relive it all again. 

Those memories hit him like a ship, even though he had passed by that place so many times, he almost didn't think about it, he just looked at Marcelle and smiled. 

Now he missed her, the way she smiled, her voice, the sounds she made, everything. A very clear image of Marcelle came to Leonardo's mind, she looked happy, and he was next to her, like a fantasy photo, and he was hugging her from behind, and everything was going well, everything was happy, and getting better and better. 

But it was just Leonardo's mind playing tricks, he knew things wouldn't end that way, he knew he probably wouldn't see Marcelle again after that day, and he was preparing for that. 

As soon as Leonardo reached the six kilometer mark, he saw that he didn't reach the limit, and it wasn't what he wanted, he wanted to go to the end, at that moment he wanted to go beyond his own body and get completely tired, and after the race, he didn't want to think about anything, he just wanted to lie down in bed, empty his mind, until the moment he met Marcelle again. 

And he ran until his leg muscles hurt again, like he felt at the beginning, and he accelerated, to reach exhaustion even faster that day, he wanted to exhaust every gram of energy he had in his body. 

He reached the nine-kilometer mark, and he knew he could go further, it would be a bit of a stretch for him, but that was exactly what Leonardo wanted, for it to be difficult. 

. . . 

The blue neon light in the room was on, and soft music echoed through Leonardo's room. He hadn't yet decided what to do, but he needed to do something, and know the best way to react. 

He didn't feel anger, or even remorse, the pain of losing someone like Marcelle was what made everything difficult, not even the betrayal, which he thought he had suffered, punished him so much. 

He just wanted to put an end to it, and what made him most resentful was putting an end to it, he wasn't ready yet. 

The voice that told him to leave things the way they were spoke again, it told him to say that he was just feeling really bad, and pretending that he didn't know what was happening between Marcelle and Jonathan. 

This voice grew louder, and filled a good part of Leonardo, he was just lying in bed, and he was thinking about leaving everything aside and continuing to go out with Marcelle, pretending that he didn't know anything about what was happening. 

Then something else came to Leonardo's mind, Fernanda's face, and he remembered that he wasn't the only one who was suffering from all that, Fernanda was too, and he needed to help with something. 

And the glow of the neon light covered Leonardo's entire face, he changed the songs from time to time, until he played a song that Marcelle heard several times with Leonardo, it was a pagoda, he had liked some songs of that style, but few songs made him feel that way. 

Marcelle called Leonardo, she spoke in a very sensual voice, saying that she was going home, she was going to take a shower, and later she would meet him, Leonardo gave shorter answers, and really, he couldn't feel any anger or Even though there was nothing negative about Marcelle, he just wanted to know the true reasons for her actions. 

What really hit him was the loss, the lack, and the emptiness, of being with himself again, and not knowing exactly what is to wait for the next day. 

Just hearing Marcelle's voice gave Leonardo goose bumps, and the desire to feel her skin, and hug her, came back with force, and that was all he could feel, it was all he could think. 

He hugged the pillow, and immersed himself in the memories, of Marcelle's smell, and everything they had done together, and almost, he weakened again, and went back on his own decisions. 

When Leonardo was thinking about giving in to his desire once and for all and waiting a little longer to finally decide what to do with the future, another thought came to his mind: Jane. 

Soon he came to himself, and remembered what he had done the night before, and remembered the kiss he received from Jane, and what came next. 

The kiss was soft and wet, passionate, given like a gift, it seemed like something Jane really wanted to do, but she still held back a little on it all. 

At that moment, Leonardo could only concentrate on Jane's kiss, and on her mouth, and he continued to kiss, and kiss with more intensity, feeling every part of her lips, and her tongue, and the taste of her mouth. 

As soon as they stopped kissing, Leonardo looked at Jane's face for a few more moments, everything was completely dark, but he could see every detail of her face, every expression mark, and Jane's big blue eyes looking at him, in silence, Jane seemed to contemplate his face too. 

They looked at each other like that for a while, in total silence, each contemplating the shape of the other's face, and after some more time, Leonardo went towards Jane's face again, to kiss her. 

As soon as Leonardo's mouth approached Jane's mouth, she pulled away a little and told him to wait. They couldn't continue with this, he needed to make up his mind, and finish everything that was pending, and then, he and Jane could talk about what was happening between them. 

Leonardo was surprised, but it was a surprise with so many things, that he couldn't even organize the words, he just said that everything was fine, and kissed Jane on the forehead, and soon after he went back to looking at the ceiling. 

While Leonardo admired the ceiling next to Jane, he began to caress her hair, and thought that perhaps it was a dream, that he was somewhere else. 

He has always admired Jane's beauty, since he started editing her videos, but after meeting her in person, she became an even more special person to him, but he didn't think he would get to that point. 

Jane's perfume was different, but he could feel Jane's essence through that perfume, it was really her face. 

Jane's body was completely glued to Leonardo's body, and he could feel a lot of things, but the main thing was Jane's heartbeat, he felt the accelerated rhythm that followed them, and he remained silent, watching the ceiling and stroking Jane's head. 

As Leonardo thought about what he should do, he only heard Jane saying that everything would be fine. He just couldn't tell if she was talking to him or if she was talking to herself, so he remained silent, and soon fell asleep. 

And Leonardo's eyes opened, he was in his own bed, under that blue Neon light and was waiting for the right moment to leave, and meet Marcelle, perhaps, it would be for the last time.