part 19: crazy for her

The inscription at the top read: "THE BELOVED SERVANT OF ALLAH, HELENA AHMED"

Zaim caressed her name with his hand.

A deep longing for Helena filled him. He started to miss her, and an urge increased to see her. Kissing her name with closed eyes, he then flipped the page where her dreams were written in black pen in beautiful handwriting.

"I wish to perform my first Umrah with my parents."

"I wish my nikkah to be held at the Kaaba, in front of my beloved Rabbi's house because I want him to be a witness on my most special day."

"My spouse will be like my beloved Prophet, and we will be a couple like Hazrat Muhammad (PBUH) and his dearest wife, Hazrat Aisha (RA)."

"Also, I want to achieve my goals in the future, and I will, Insha'Allah (God willing)."

"I want to go on a world tour. It's been my childhood dream, but I know it's expensive. Maybe once I achieve all my goals, I can make it happen."

After reading Helena's diary entries, Zaim was deeply impressed by her thoughtful words and aspirations. He picked up a pen and began writing something himself while lying on his stomach, but his moment of reflection was abruptly interrupted. Mr. Ali burst into the room without knocking, rage already on his face, and said in a loud voice,

"What do you want now, huh?" he shouted. "Now you got suspended from your university, do you want to bring shame upon our entire family? Was having my reputation tarnished in front of the whole university not enough for you?"

He stopped, waiting for Zaim's answer. He saw Zaim stand up from his lying position, looking at him with pained eyes but saying nothing. Ali understood that Zaim was going through something, but he didn't bother to ask. Instead, he started shouting at him again.

"What's with that look, huh? How much more humiliation will you make me endure? I'm just done with you, Zaim." He stopped, rolling his eyes in another direction, and then said again while looking at him, "I've made a decision.

You are going to London for your further studies. Apply to Harvard. I'll talk to James, the Dean there. He owes me a favor and can help you get in despite your suspension." He spoke with a mix of anger and exasperation.

Zaim stared at him, a mix of shock and anger. Standing from his spot, he said, "I'm not going anywhere, Mr. Ali. Don't force me to do anything wrong that would make you even angrier." He then rolled his eyes somewhere else.

"That's enough, Zaim!" Mr. Ali roared, "What you did to Olivia... nothing can be worse than that!"

Zaim looked at him with narrowed eyes, one hand placed on his waist. He came closer and retorted, "She deserved it, Mr. Ali. I did what I should have done earlier." Ali kept looking at him with a surprised look at his stubbornness because this defiant side of Zaim was completely new to him.

°°°

1 week later

Helena was coming downstairs, upset about leaving Seoul. She couldn't meet Mia, as she didn't want to see any of her friends nor inform them about her departure because of what had happened to her. She also saw the video of Zaim from the cruise night and the one from the university when Zaim proposed to her, both of which had gone viral among the university students.

She was disappointed and concerned, worried about what impact those videos would have on her family if they saw them. This was part of the reason she wanted to leave and start a new life in another country where no one knew her past. She wanted to change, but she didn't realize that the past would continue to haunt her.

She would have to face trials and endure another wave of challenges soon. Mr. Ahmed and his family were ready to leave Korea forever. He was waiting for Helena to come downstairs so they could leave the house.

They got into the taxi to leave, and Helena kept looking back at their house for one last look, her eyes filling with tears. She had spent her entire childhood there, making countless memories, but due to her father's transfer, they had to leave the country.

"Yokohama" the city of Japan.

It was 9 p.m. when they reached their new house, where Mr. Ahmed had spent his youth with his parents and elder brother, Mr. Yahya. After marrying Layla, he had to leave because she had a job in Korea, and Mr. Ahmed also got a job there at that time.

The house was a single-story building with an average-pitched roof. It had five rooms and a small backyard decorated with small but dead flower pots, and also a small garage. The house was completely covered with dust, as Mr. Ahmed had come back after 20 years, and Mr. Yahya had also moved out after the death of their parents. They decided to shift because Mr. Yahya's son wanted to live near his university.

Helena, her mother, and Fatima swept and cleaned the whole house while Mr. Ahmed went to buy some necessary items and Faris was in the garage, cleaning it. After the cleaning was done, they all went to their separate rooms.

On the other hand, it was already 2 a.m. and Zaim was lying on his bed, clutching Helena's diary against his chest with his eyes closed. He remembered Helena and the scene that happened at the university, and the hate Helena had for him. This was unbearable for Zaim which was affecting his health.

He started skipping meals and smoking more cigarettes than before. Sometimes, he went for rides and stayed out until morning, and he often spent his time at bars. Mr. Ali was worried about Zaim's health but felt helpless because Zaim never allowed him to intervene.

Ali couldn't understand what had gotten into Zaim, as he knew it wasn't love since Zaim wasn't into those things. It was difficult for Ali to figure out what the problem was.

Zaim had been feeling a strange wave of restlessness since morning, remembering Helena and yearning to see her. He dialed her number, but it kept going to voicemail. He got more concerned, he said to himself, "Where are you, Rose? Please pick up, I need to talk to you, I need to hear you." He dialed again but got the same response.

Still worried, he said again, "Until I won't see you once, I won't feel at peace. I'm coming to you, Rose. You didn't leave me any choice, so I have to take this chance. I'm sorry in advance, whether you beat me up or hand me over to death, I'll accept everything, but I have to see you no matter what."

With that, he grabbed his car keys and wallet and headed outside to his car. He started the engine and drove swiftly. When he reached her house, he saw a big padlock on the gate and the lights were off. He thought they might have gone somewhere and would come back.

After spending some time there, he decided to go back and return tomorrow to talk to Helena.

It was the second day when Zaim went to Helena's house, but he got the same response as the day before. He got disappointed even more. He spent a few hours sitting on the threshold before leaving unwillingly. He completely cut off his friends and started living alone, avoiding even John, who always tried to see him but Zaim would excuse himself always, saying he wasn't home.

It had already been a month in their new house, but Helena couldn't get used to it. She always remembered her old home. She maintained her routine of praying, spending most of her time taking Quranic classes and performing Salah to please her beloved Allah.

Helena was sitting on her prayer mat for three hours, performing Tahajjud Nifl to ask for forgiveness. After completing her Tahajjud prayer, she raised her palms for Dua and said,

"My beloved Allah, I know my sin is greater than everything. I know I have committed a great sin, and You should be mad at me. But, Ya Rabbi, I am here to ask for forgiveness. I can't bear that You are upset with me. I am Your flawed servant, and I know forgiveness alone is not enough for my sins. I deserve punishment. Grant me the punishment for my sins, the sins I vow never to commit again."

She started crying her heart out and said again with trembling lips.

"I'm sorry for everything, Allah. I promise I'll serve my whole life for You. You are merciful; please have mercy on me, Ya Ilahi. Prophet Adam and Eve also went astray, led by Satan. But they asked for forgiveness, and You forgave them. Please forgive me too. I'm not be as pious as they were, but I am also Your servant. Allah, please forgive me and grant me peace."

After completing her Dua in prostration, she didn't realize when she fell asleep on her prayer mat.

Days passed like this. Zaim continued going to Helena's house, both day and night, but the response remained the same. He grew more worried, wondering where she could have gone. Even Helena's neighbors began to notice and gossip about him, wondering who this wealthy man was that had any relationship with Ahmed's family.

Some neighbors asked Zaim, but he never answered however He kept dialing Helena's number, but it remained off. He even asked Mia about it, but she was also shocked that Helena could leave without informing her.

His suspicion increased, and his mind started giving him the signals that she might have left because of what happened in the past days. Then he realized why Helena had come to the university that day. He suddenly stood up from the threshold and headed towards the university to inquire. He went straight to Principal Kim Taehyung's office, and without knocking, he entered.

Kim Taehyung, busy on a call, saw Zaim's desperate look and excused himself from the call. Furrowing his eyebrows, he asked, "What's with that manner? Don't you know you should knock before entering my office? You are Ali's son, so I'm not saying you anything, but I warn you to change your behavior."

He paused, stared at Zaim for a while, then continued, "If you are here to apologize and ask me to reduce your suspension, let me tell you that you are suspended for a semester. The opposition filed a complaint against you in a board meeting. I can't do anything for you, Zaim. You had better apologize to Olivia and ask her to revoke your suspension."

Zaim narrowed his eyes at the last sentences and scoffed sarcastically. Coming closer to him, he then placed his palms on the table and said, "Olivia got what she deserved, dear sir. I'll die but never beg in front of anyone, especially Olivia. And I'm not here to revoke my suspension. I'm just here to know why Helena came here the other day. Tell me the reason; it's important for me to get to know."

Kim Taehyung took off his glasses, staring at him with confused and narrowed eyes. "Why do you want to know? This has nothing to do with you." He replied,

Zaim made an annoyed look, he rolled his eyes towards the other direction in frustration then he replied,

"Just tell me why did she come ?"

His voice surged, echoing in the hall. Principal Kim Taehyung knew Zaim was stubborn and wouldn't leave without getting answers. If it were anyone else, Kim Taehyung wouldn't have answered, but since Ali was his childhood friend, he replied, "She wanted to get her leaving certificate and other documents. But what you did to Olivia...."

Before he could complete his sentence, Zaim left the office. Resting against the wall, he pushed back his hair. His suspect came true that Helena had left the university and her house, moving somewhere else in Korea. But he didn't know she had left Korea entirely; he thought she had just moved within the country.

He went somewhere to spend time alone and calm himself, as his mind couldn't accept this. He felt his nerves starting to explode.

The whole day passed like this. He was found in a bar, and John came to talk to him, but Zaim didn't respond. After gulping down his drink, he grabbed his head that was aching badly. He ignored John, and left the bar because he didn't want to argue or bear John's lectures in this condition.

Ahmed was in his office while Ayesha and Helena were busy repairing the garden, as every plant was dead. Ayesha looked at Helena with loving eyes and a smile appeared on her face. Helena noticed her gaze and then asked, while turning her face back towards the pots.

"What happened, Mama? Why are you looking at me like this?" She was digging the soil in the pot. Ayesha stole a glance from her and said, "Helena..." Helena looked at her and noticed her expression again, then asked, "Yes, Mama?"

"If I say something, you won't mind, will you?" Ayesha was still digging the soil in the pot. "What is it, Mama?" Helena turned completely, feeling more confused and curious at the same time.

Ayesha gathered her courage and said, "I love you like Fatima. I've never made a difference between you two, you know that, hmm? So if I say something, you won't mind, right?"

Helena furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, still looking at her with puzzled look on her face then she hummed in response. "You should get married, Helena." Ayesha saw Helena's changing behavior. Before Helena could say something, Ayesha quickly added, "Helena, listen, don't misunderstand me. I'm not pressurizing you. I just want you to move on with your life.

How long will you be like this, hmm? Ayesha then looked deep at Helena and placed her hand on her left shoulder. One day you will marry the man who is meant for you."

Helena kept listening Ayesha and felt a sting in her heart. She didn't look at Ayesha then Ayesha asked again, "Say something, my child."

Helena took a deep breathe then gathered the courage to say something , "I'm not ready for this, Mama," she said and then ran from there, leaving Ayesha to watch her retreating figure.

Zaim started to search for Helena madly throughout Korea, traveling from one city to another, every street to every corner but he failed to find any clue about her. His parents grew more worried because he never came home for many days, but they could say nothing as Zaim didn't give them a chance.

Time kept passing, and it had been six months since he began his search. Yet, he hadn't stopped looking for her. Like a madman, he searched for Helena everywhere, city after city, hoping that one day he would find her and convince her that he truly loved her. But he was wrong. He was looking in the wrong place because Helena wasn't there at all.

He had just returned from Gwangju, the last city where he had searched for her but failed. He was in his room, sitting on the footboard with his head lowered, and his arms resting on his knees. Something was killing him inside badly, but somehow, he was bearing it because he had to.

After noticing Zaim's changing behavior, John came to his villa without telling him. John entered his room and asked with a surprised look, as he had never seen Zaim like this before. However, along with John, everyone else had been noticing Zaim's new behavior. "Zaim, what's gotten into you, man?" He asked still stood,

Zaim raised his head and looked at John, his eyes red and puffy. He then rubbed his eyes, showing that he hadn't been sleeping for many days. John was shocked after seeing him like this then he tried to help him stand up, but Zaim didn't move. Then John asked again, "Zaim, speak up. Where have you been? I tried to reach you, but I haven't seen you for six months."

He paused, waiting for Zaim's response, but Zaim didn't say anything. Sitting beside him and looking at him, John said gently but worriedly, "Man, talk to me."

"Look at the state you've gotten yourself into. Stand up right now," John said, pulling Zaim's arm to make him stand again, but Zaim didn't budge. Then Zaim jerked his arm away and said, "Go away and leave me alone."

"Until you tell me what's going on, I'm not going anywhere, even if you shoot me," John replied firmly. Zaim looked at him with angry look on his face then walked outside, sitting in his car and starting the engine. John quickly followed and sat in the passenger seat.

Zaim glared at him with pissed off look but said nothing, frustrated by John's persistence. He drove away.

He stopped his car at a bar and stepped inside, looking around everywhere. This was the place he always came to calm down and find some peace, but ever since Helena came into his life, he never felt peace anywhere, not even at this bar. Despite this, he came to calm himself.

He sat on a couch and ordered a drink. The scenerio, the loud music and dancing people only aggravated his nerves, and his frustration started to surge. He couldn't bear the noise and the environment, as he didn't find the peace he was seeking. Unable to tolerate it any longer, he left the bar.

°°°°

Congratulations, Mr. Ahmed, on your daughter's nikkah. May Allah make her happy with her spouse," said Mr. Yousuf.

"Thank you, Mr. Yousuf, for your greetings," replied Mr. Ahmed as he hugged Mr. Yousuf, receiving the congratulations warmly.

Ahmed's daughter had just married a young and famous business tycoon who lived in Canada. Mr. Ahmed had arranged her marriage with Rayan Durrani, who was running a business in Canada. Rayan had met Ahmed's daughter in Korea when he came to Seoul National University for a seminar.

Ahmed and his family were very happy to fulfill their duty and were grateful to Allah. They hadn't expected that their daughter would get such an ideal and perfect spouse. Everything was arranged urgently, so Ahmed invited only a few people to the wedding. The wedding was held in their backyard of his house. The bride's nikkah took place at the house, while the groom's nikkah was held in the mosque. The other rituals were conducted at Ahmed's house.

After the wedding, Ahmed's daughter had to leave Japan and go to Canada with her husband. Mr. Ahmed was ready to bid her farewell. He hugged her warmly, gave her his best wishes, and said, "Fi aman'illah, my precious baby, a piece of my heart." He then broke the hug and kissed on her forehead and say her goodbye.

He was driving to John's place, his eyes fixed on the straight road ahead. When the signal turned red, he stopped his car and waited for it to turn green. Everyone stopped at their spots; some honked their horns, and the traffic warden signaled them. He observed everything absentmindedly until a thought clicked in his mind. As the signal turned green, he immediately turned his car and headed towards his father's company. After handing over his car to the valet, he went straight to Mr. Ali's office.

Mr. Ali was engrossed in a meeting with a few employees. When Ali saw Zaim at his office for the first time, he was confused and told the employees to continue the meeting later. Everyone left, and Zaim pressed a thin line on his lips to acknowledge them. He then sat on the chair in front of Ali and said without waiting for a question, "I'm ready to go to London."

Ali was shocked by his decision and kept looking at him with a surprised look on his face. "What are you looking at?" Zaim asked at him with puzzled expression. This decision was shocking for everyone because it raised the question of why Zaim suddenly decided to go to London, as he never wanted to go far from Helena.

But while he was at the signal, his mind reminded him that Helena wanted to go on a world tour whenever she was sad, and she had written down specific countries and cities she wanted to visit. Zaim thought that Helena might have gone there since she was going through a tough time.

"Nothing," Ali replied, his expression thoughtful and shocked. Zaim then cleared his throat, rubbing his forehead with his index finger then said "Ok then."

Zaim only said this because he himself didn't know why he had come there and said he was ready to go. Zaim could go to London on his own; he didn't need Ali's help. But since Ali was a friend of the dean at Harvard University, only Ali could help Zaim get admitted in the middle of the ongoing semester.

Zaim intended to go and study there, wanting to get away from everything so he could find Helena in the countries she had mentioned in her diary.

Helena was reading Seerat-un-Nabi (SAW) when she sensed that her phone was ringing. She grabbed the phone from the nightstand and saw that Fatima was calling her continuously. She was worried because Fatima never called her unless it was something very important, and she certainly never called Helena continuously like this.

Helena picked up the call and greeted, "Assalamualaikum Fatima?" After listening to Fatima, her mouth widened in disbelief. "W.....what are you saying, Fatima?" She felt her lips tremble, and her voice left her soul.

What you are hearing, Helena. One of my friends from Seoul National University sent me a video of you because she knows you," Fatima replied.

Before she could cut the call, Helena stumbled on her feet, and the phone dropped to the floor. At that moment, Ahmed and Ayesha came into her room. Ahmed was angry. They made eye contact, and Helena understood instantly why Ahmed and Ayesha had come together. Their faces showed serious expressions. Ahmed said angrily, "Would you like to explain this?

Helena saw the phone in his hand and already knew it was the kissing video of her that Fatima had sent. "B...baba," Helena stammered, her eyes wide open and tears filled in her eyes.

"I don't know what to say, Helena, but this was not my upbringing. I didn't teach you this. Now explain, what is this, huh?"

Ayesha tried to calm him down, grabbing his arm and saying, "Ahmed, sit and talk gently. She is our daughter, and everyone makes mistakes. Please understand her; she needs you."

Ahmed looked at Ayesha in disbelief and then left the room. Ayesha looked at Helena in concern, who was crying, and then followed Ahmed.

Helena wiped her tears and ran to her father's room, where he was sitting.

She then sat in front of his feet, grabbing them, and said while crying and pleading, "B...baba, I...I...a...am s...s...s...sorry." She paused, sniffed, and cried her heart out as the hiccups started.

Ahmed turned his head in another direction, showing disappointment as he was hurt and shattered after seeing the video of Helena. She pleaded again, joining her palms in front of him while crying, "Baba, please look at me." He stopped, sniffed, then he turned his body a little and said again while controlling his whimpers,

Ahmed looked at her but moved his legs slightly away, his eyes filling with tears. In a pained voice, he said, "How could you let yourself be so easily led astray? This is not the Helena we raised."

He stopped, then turned his body slightly and continued while still controlling his whimpers, "We gave you every opportunity to live a righteous life, and you threw it all away for what? A fleeting relationship? I can't believe you, Helena. You did something so foolish. I didn't expect this from you.

I always trusted you and gave you freedom so you could live your life freely and independently. You've put yourself and our family in a terrible position. Do you have any idea what we will say to Allah on the Day of Judgment?"

"Baba, I know I made a huge mistake, and Allah will not forgive me until you forgive me. Please, Baba, don't do this to your child. I was lost and I begged so much in front of Allah," Helena said, though she didn't know what else to say to gain her parents' forgiveness as she had lost their trust.

Mr. Ahmed replied, his eyes filled with tears, "You know, Helena, there is nothing but disgrace and restlessness in such haram relationships." He paused, struggling to continue, while Helena closed her eyes tightly then he said anyway, "You have left me with no dignity to face anyone.

I will never forget that my beloved daughter betrayed me and lost my trust like this. I repeat, Helena, I will never forget this. It will haunt me and make me r....r...restles...."

Just then, Ahmed felt a sharp pain in his heart. He placed his hand on his chest and made a pained expression. Leaning forward slightly, he was about to fall, but suddenly Ayesha and Helena grabbed him from behind to prevent him from falling. Helena shouted, "Baba, w...what happened to you?"

She quickly stood up, went to the nightstand to grab water, poured it into a glass, and ran back to Ahmed, moving the glass towards his lips to make him drink. Ahmed tried to settled himself and stopped her with a gesture of his hand.

Helena understood his signal and stepped back, continuing to cry. Ayesha helped Ahmed to settle on the couch, took the glass from Helena's hand, and made him drink. She reassured Helena with a glance that she would handle Ahmed for her.

Helena covered her mouth with her hands while crying, her eyes red and her heart aching badly after seeing her father in such a condition. She never thought she would be the reason for her father's poor health.

Helena decided it was better to leave and talk to him later. Ayesha then tried to make Ahmed understand, saying, "Ahmed, my dear, enough. Look at yourself and look at her. She is already embarrassed and guilty. Forgive her, Ahmed; she is your daughter after all. We need to guide her. Please, for the sake of Allah, forgive her."

Ahmed didn't say anything, as he was still experiencing some heartache, but he tried to control himself. A wave of fear lingered over his whole body while he was staring at a random spot, worried about what people would say about him and his daughter. He had to bear the consequences for the daughter he had once been so proud of.

When Helena returned to her room, she performed her ablutions and began two units of Nafl (voluntary) prayers for repentance. She cried continuously throughout the Salah.

In prostration, she cried her heart out as hiccups began. She said while crying,

"I'll never forgive myself if something bad happens to Baba. Ahhh, Ya Illahi."

She stopped saying and cried for a moment and then continued,

"I don't have anyone besides You. You're my only hope and strength. Only You understand me. Help me, be with me always, Ya Allah. You saw that Baba is upset with me. He won't forgive me, Ya Illahi. If I don't get forgiveness from You and him, where will I go? I will become restless, Ya Illahi. Please have mercy on my heart and forgive me for my sins. Even I'm ready to face the punishment You have prepared for me, but please don't let him stay upset with me."

"Ya Allah, I just don't know what to do anymore. Please guide me to the right way and grant me ease. I just want to succeed, Ya Allah. Let me win. Don't let my fears and anxiety consume me, Ya Rab. It's killing me from inside. It's diminishing me like red bugs diminish wood. You are the only hope I have.

Grant me the strength and help me in my every way. Grant me a peaceful life ya Allah, I promise I'll not repeat the same mistake ever again, I just need You, this whole world is a lie, I want You just You, I want Your love and presence in my whole Life.

By the time of Isha, the environment of the house remained the same. Ahmed and Faris went to the mosque to perform Isha Salah. After completing their prayers, as they were leaving, two of Ahmed's friends approached him and started gossiping about the video, making improper comments about Helena. They also discussed Zaim, mentioning that there was a video from the university where he expressed his love for Helena in front of the whole university. Faris silenced them and left with Ahmed.

°°°

"Who the hell is behind this? I want every piece of shit involved in this to come forward!" Zaim shouted when he saw the video of Helena and Alex kissing. Olivia had filmed it to get revenge on Helena, and the video had gone viral on the internet like a fire due to Olivia's extensive social circle, which reached beyond the country.

"I don't know who's behind it," John replied trying to figure out the culprit.

Zaim then saw another video featuring himself with Olivia in a hotel room, half-naked. The video came with a message: "If you don't consider me your girlfriend and marry me, I'll post this video online."

His eyes got wide open and fury erupted within Zaim as he realized Olivia was behind all this chaos. Without wasting a moment, he got into his car and drove to Olivia's house, consumed by anger.

He stopped his car in front of her mansion and went inside with the same anger on his face. He asked the maid about Olivia. "Ma'am is not at home, sir. She's at the club where you all go, but what—"

Before she could say more, Zaim stormed out, his anger bubbling like lava ready to erupt.

At the club, Olivia was enjoying herself with friends, dancing with a smile on her face, and holding a glass of whiskey in her hand. She hoped Zaim would come begging her to delete the video. A smirk appeared on her face as she imagined Zaim pleading with her to delete the video.

A devilish crept appeared on her face, while her friends were observing her happiness which was about to end, she then saw Zaim was coming towards her and at that moment she imagined everything that she would convince Zaim to be with her in exchange of delete the video.

She snapped back to reality when Zaim came towards her, her smile suddenly vanished when Zaim slapped hard on her face, turning her face to the side, The room fell silent and everyone stopped their activities and started looking at them with shocked on their faces then they heard Zaim shout,

"I'll kill you to death you bitch how dare you do this to her huh?

Olivia turned towards Zaim, stunned, as he grabbed her neck and began choking her neck, however Zaim's eyes filled with devilish anger while shouting at her. John intervened, trying to pull Zaim away, and Olivia struggled to breathe, coughing and clutching her throat as Zaim shattered her dreams into million pieces in seconds.

Everyone kept looking at them and gossiping about them, Olivia looked around her

surroundings then she moved her gaze towards Zaim as Zaim continued with full rage while placing his index finger in front of her eyes.

"I'll bury you here, you bloody bitch! I'll show you your true limits, cutting you into pieces, and feeding you to the dogs. I warned you not to play with fire, or you'd get burned. So bear the consequences!"

He stepped a little closer, "You thought I'd let you go easily after what you've done huhh? You've already made my life a living hell. Now you expect me to beg you to delete the video and be with you? Mohammad Zaim will beg in front of you huhh? He didn't realize that when did he say his full name as he never use his first name "Mohammad" but Helena used to call him that's why it left in his mouth.

You think I'll sleep with you and let you win in your devilish intentions? You're nothing but a piece of trash." Olivia kept looking deep into his light brown orbs, "I swear I'll ruin you so badly that the whole world will see. I warned you not to come between Helena and me, but now you've invited your own doom. You'll never be able to show your face again."

John struggled to calm Zaim, who jerked him aside and left. Olivia, in disbelief, watched as everyone gossiped and insulted her. She yelled at them, "Just stop it, you fuckers!" and left.

Meanwhile, Zaim started his car's engine. John got in and said while looking at him, "Zaim, let me drive. You're not in a condition to drive."

Zaim shouted at him so bad, "Just get the fuck out of here!" He grabbed his hair, trying to control his rage, and pounded the steering wheel like crazy. "Ahhh damn it." John's attempts to calm him only heightened Zaim's frustration.

John, frightened by Zaim's anger and actions but determined to calm him down, he suggested, "Zaim, listen. Brace yourself. Your anger won't help us right now. We need to act quickly to delete the video from the internet. We can't let it reach Helena or her family. After that, you can deal with your anger however you want—whether it's directed at me or anyone else. But, we need to handle this situation first."

Zaim, recognizing the urgency, looked up at John and then allowed him to drive. They headed straight to Zaim's cousin Emir, who worked in cyber security.

After a while of driving they reached Emir's house,

Emir, I need your help," Zaim said urgently, a concerned look on his face as the distress was evident. He was continuously recalling John's words about the trouble these videos could cause if they reached Helena's family. Entering Emir's house with John, he continued, "There are videos on the internet that I want to delete. Please, man, do something about this."

Emir led them to the room and replied, "Calm down, man. Sit here, and I'll delete them. Don't panic."

Zaim settled on the couch, biting his nails anxiously, his elbows resting on his knees, and his eyes fixed on Emir's laptop. His legs tapped restlessly on the floor. Each movement of Emir's fingers heightened Zaim's heartbeat, as thousands of thoughts rushed through his mind. He couldn't bear the thought of Helena and her family seeing the videos and the trouble it might cause her.

"There we go, everything's deleted," Emir said, gesturing of his hands to the laptop screen after removing the videos.

Zaim's thoughts were interrupted. He looked at Emir, took the laptop, and checked the internet to ensure the videos were gone. Emir then said, "Take a deep breath, man. I'll get coffee for you both." He smiled at him and headed to the kitchen.

Feeling relieved, he let out a sigh and leaned back on the couch, rubbing his eyes. He didn't realize that the word "Alhamdulillah" had slipped from his lips—a phrase he had picked up from Helena.

Later that night, Zaim came home late again. Mr. Ali was pacing back and forth, waiting for him. He had already seen the videos of Helena and Zaim with Olivia from the other night.

While he wasn't shocked by Zaim's video, he was deeply troubled by Helena's. Ali had always suspected Zaim of being a playboy, but that was not true. Zaim had never slept with any girl; he always stayed away from girls because he never found peace with them, only restlessness, and in that case, it was not his fault.

However, it was true that after seeing the video with Olivia, his concern intensified. Ali was particularly worried because Olivia could cause trouble for both him and Zaim.

However, Olivia was the one who made him involved in this. But Ali thought that Zaim was responsible for this. And this time, he wanted to talk to him about Zaim; his rage had already surged, not because Zaim slept with a girl, but his concern was compounded by a threatening call from Olivia's father, who warned of a lawsuit and damage to Ali's reputation as he was a well-known business tycoon and everyone knew him. Also, he had great influence and respect in the business world.

Olivia's father further said that he would never let Ali and Zaim face anyone in society because he thought Zaim took advantage of his daughter, made a video, and then spread it on the internet. "Zaim, Have you done with your nonsense huh?? Or has there more left ?"

Ali shouted at him when he saw that Zaim returned home and was going upstairs.

Zaim stopped in his tracks, turning his body towards Ali. Then Ali shouted again, "You've made my life a living hell by spending your nights with other girls. How many more of your actions will force me to face humiliation? Sometimes at the university, sometimes in front of Olivia's father."

He paused, scoffing and rolling his eyes in the other direction. Then he stepped closer and said again. "You've stripped away my self-respect. All the respect I earned over the years is ruined because of you. If you want me to die, why don't you kill me with your own hands huh??" Ali added bitterly. "You'll find peace, and I'll find rest."

Zaim was initially confused by Ali's words until he remembered his night with Olivia. He went down from the stairs and stood closer to him, his brows furrowed, then he said, "Think before you speak, Mr. Ali."

Ali raised an eyebrow and said with the same tone, "Now you're going to tell your father what I have to say? William will sue us both. He claims you took advantage of Olivia's intoxicated state, slept with her, and spread the video on the internet for revenge."

"Wait...What?" Zaim was stunned by the accusation. He laughed sarcastically while rolling his eyes in the other direction then looked at Ali and said, "Is that what he told you?"

He clapped his hands and continued, "Great job, Dad— ahhh sorry, Mr. Ali; for trusting him over your own son as you always do. Do you even know me? You always misunderstand me. You value others over me. You didn't even know the whole and real thing and shouted on me.

He then came a little closer to him, he sniffed then said, "You know what I hate the most in you? You never try to understand your own son, you always jumped into the conclusion and insulted me without knowing the actual reason. That was the other reason of my hate that you betrayed my mom and me by marrying Jessica years ago, but dad this hurt me a lot, you never loved me and, I've let it go.

Well I don't even need your love at all, nor i need anyone in my life. Everything is a lie Dad this whole fucking world is a lie."

He shouted at his last sentence. He then looked deep back and forth at Ali with pained eyes then added, eyes burning with anger, "Now you see what I'll do to Olivia."

Zaim turned his body to leave but stopped in his tracks, pointing a finger at Ali, "I'm not a playboy, Mr. Ali. Keep that in mind."

His gaze then shifted to Jessica, who had overheard the entire conversation, shock was evident on her face. Zaim looked at her and then left.

On the other hand, Helena was continuously seeking forgiveness as her thoughts haunted her and killed her from inside. She hadn't overcome her thoughts.

She heard from Faris that people had started gossiping about his family and her honor, which was not good for her. Her soul started to die from inside. She was sitting on her prayer mat, performing Salah Tauba. After completing her Salah, she felt distress in her heart so badly. She stood up from her prayer mat, placed it in its rightful place, and went straight to the bathroom.

She closed the door of the bathroom and leaned against it, breathing fast. She looked at her reflection in the mirror with teary eyes. She then took off her prayer scarf, turned on the faucet, letting the cold water run, and began to rub her face frantically, as if trying to erase the memory of Alexander's touch. Her sobs grew louder, each one a painful reminder of her naivety.

Helena splashed water on her face repeatedly, her skin growing red from the roughness of her hands. She still looked at herself in the mirror, memories of every day spent with Alex playing in her mind, and how he touched her with bad intentions.

"I hate you, Alexander," she whispered through her tears, looking deep into the mirror. She stopped and placed her hands on the sink, lowered her head, and closed her eyes tightly as tears streamed down her face.

She then looked into the mirror once more and thought with angry eyes, "you Helena, you are responsible for what your father is going through. If something happens to him, I'll never forgive you."

She felt a profound sense of shame and guilt, questioning how she had allowed herself to be so easily deceived. She sank to the floor, hugging her knees to her chest, rocking back and forth.

"Ya Allah, forgive me," she cried, her voice breaking with every word.

She continued to rub her face, her hands, and her lips like crazy.

After that, she stood and went near the shower area, turning on the shower, hoping to wash off her sins that she had committed by letting Alex touch her. As the water poured on her body, she scrubbed her skin hard.

"You're going to London next week. Just pack your necessary things and go through my private jet," Ali ordered, entering Zaim's room angrily due to their previous night's conversation and the videos he had seen. Zaim was sitting on the footboard with his head hung low in dim light.

Zaim raised his head and looked up at Ali with pained eyes. His eyes were puffed and swollen because he had failed to find Helena, and this was killing him inside, which was evident from his health.

He didn't deny it because he also wanted to go far from his parents and that environment.

The whole week passed, and during that time, he continuously went to Helena's house to check on her but returned disappointed as the response was always the same.

Along with that, John came to Zaim every day of the entire week, trying to make him understand the importance of his career and his health.

It was the last day of his stay in Korea when he went to Helena's house. He sat on the threshold of the house with his elbows on his knees and his head hung low. He spent some time there, thinking about the days he had spent with Helena.

He then stood and looked in the direction of Helena's room window and said in his heart, "Where did you go, Rose? Where do I find you?" His eyes filled with tears, but he controlled his whimpers and said with trembling lips, "I love you, Rose. I swear I'll find you."

He continuously wondered where Helena could have gone suddenly without informing anyone, not even Mia. After a while, he noticed some people standing there and gossiping about him. Unintentionally, he eavesdropped them.

Person 1: "Ahmed abandoned this place because what his daughter did made him unable to face anyone. Ahmed should be ashamed of his daughter, who always seemed so modest and religious. See what she did."

Person 2: "Hmm, you are right. I think that was the boy from the video. I see him every day coming to her home, and I never saw him before having any relationship with Ahmed."

Zaim's rage flared at their gossip, but he controlled it as he didn't want to cause a scene because he wanted to keep Helena's honor intact. Without saying anything, he stepped into his car and drove swiftly.

John was at Zaim's house to pick him up for the airport because John made Ali understand that he would see him off and make zaim understand.

After a long flight, Zaim reached London. He had been here many times, but this time he felt a strange wave of emotion linger down his spine as his eyes filled with tears, thinking about how far away he was from Helena and how long it had been since he last saw her. He looked around, taking a deep breath. Just then, a man in a uniform approached him and instructed him to get in the car.

Zaim settled in the car, his eyes fixed on the road, observing the people around him. The surroundings were completely different from Korea. He immersed himself in his studies at Harvard University but had become more reserved, changing himself completely.

Meanwhile, Helena busied herself with her life, taking classes in university , performing Dhikr, praying daily, repenting, and studying a Quranic course at a Madarsah.

A year had passed, and Zaim hadn't forgotten Helena. He always kept her memories with him, remembering every moment they had shared. He was lying on his bed, his palms placed behind his head, a tear streaming from the corner of his eyes. He didn't wipe it away as he missed Helena deeply.

He stood up, rubbed his tear away, and grabbed his laptop which was kept on his bed. Turning it on, he opened the document of photo gallery where he had saved every picture of Helena.

Then he went to storeroom and retrieved the projector and set it up in his room. He connected the projector with his laptop then the pictures from their picnic day began playing on the big screen. He sat on the couch near the projector, feeling lost as he gazed at her pictures and the group photos where everyone stood together happily .

Suddenly, a picture appeared of Zaim, Alex, and John standing on a beach, their arms around each other's shoulders. Tears filled his eyes as he remembered the friendship they had shared, realizing that time had changed everything. The time when they used to have fun with each other and become everyone's life, they could do anything for each other, but now everything had changed, the brother he once trusted had betrayed him.

His eyes fixed on a solo picture of Helena. He stopped the slideshow and stared at it with longing eyes for a while, wiping his tears. He continued to look at Helena, her appearance captivating him as always. Helena's every feature, from her hijab to her modest clothes, from her eyes to her toes, mesmerized him.

That picture was enough to make him feel alive and yet also killed him inside, leaving him in a state where he neither wanted to live nor die. He zoomed in on the picture, focusing on Helena's eyes.

"Those are my favorite, Rose. I can never see tears in those precious orbs. I love you the most, Rose. My precious Rose, my delicate Rose. My baby, I love you," he said with pained, longing eyes.

Tears started streaming down his face, placing his hand over his face, he rubbed his eyes, then remembered he had Helena's diary in his cupboard. It was the only thing that belonged to her, so he kept it in a special place.

He raised his head, stood up from his spot, and went to the cupboard. Opening it, he took out the diary and returned to his couch. He gently caressed the diary and kissed it with closed eyes as tears streamed down his face.

He opened the diary and saw Helena's name, kissing it. Then he began reading it again, even though he had read it before. This time, he noticed a new section he hadn't seen before:

1: "YA ILLAHI, MY BELOVED RABBI, MY DEAREST ALLAH. I wish my spouse must be a Muslim, and his heart filled with the love of Yours. I saw many Muslims, but they don't have the love of Yours in their hearts, nor do they know the true knowledge of Islam and Deen."

2:

He saw that Helena had emphasized the calling of Allah, realizing how close she was to her God. He also noticed that although there was a number 2, it was left empty, as if Helena had intended to write more later.

After reading, he flipped through the pages and saw a list of countries where Helena had written she wanted to go whenever she felt upset. He already read this before. Suddenly, an idea struck him. He decided to search for Helena in those countries, even though it seemed foolish. But as someone crazy in love with Helena, he was determined.

He checked the flight websites and booked a ticket to Switzerland, deciding to start his search there. After packing his necessary things, he went to sleep, knowing he had to leave for Switzerland the next evening.

Meanwhile In addition to her own learning, Helena took out some time from her classes and told basic Quranic history to the children everyday. Her primary goal there was just to learn, but the children became so attached to Helena that they would eagerly wait for her class to end so she could spend time with them afterward.

She treated them with love and gentle and sometimes she would give them chocolates and other presents.

It was an usual day a girl named Sa-Rah came to madarsah with her mother to give the invitation of her marriage to Mrs Gulsum. Gulsum was the wife of the owner/ imam of the madarsah and best friend of Sa-rah's mother.

After completing her lesson, she went to where all the kids were learning their siparah. When they saw Helena, they were happy, and after completing their lesson, they came towards her. Helena smiled at them all and sat with them. She said to them with love, "Now, my babies, I'll tell you another story from the life of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) with a lesson for kids." Everyone cheered with joy as they were excited to listen to the story from Helena.

Helena started telling the story.

"You know,

Once, a group of children gathered around Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) while he was sitting with his companions. The children were excited and playing loudly, causing a bit of disturbance. Some of the companions started to shoo them away, thinking they were bothering the Prophet.

But Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) stopped them and welcomed the children with a smile. He spoke to them kindly, asking about their games and laughing with them. He even picked up the youngest child and put him on his lap, showing them love and attention.

Afterward, one of his companions asked why he was so kind to the children when they were being noisy. The Prophet replied, "The children are the flowers of Paradise, and it's important to treat them with love and respect."

Everyone listened attentively to Helena, their eyes bright. Then a boy who was around 4 or 5 years old asked with a thoughtful expression.

"Why did some of the companions want to shoo the children away?"

After listening to his question, Helena smiled widely. She then picked up the boy, sat him in her lap, and replied,

"Some of the companions wanted to shoo the children away because they thought the children's loud play might disturb Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) or the adults who were with him."

The kid made an "ohh" face. Then another boy, who was about 8 years old, asked a question.

"What did Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) say about children being the "flowers of Paradise?"

Helena smiled at his question and said,

"Hmm that was a great question you asked my baby boy." then she replied,

"Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said that children are like "flowers of Paradise" because they are pure, innocent, and beloved by Allah. He emphasized the importance of treating them with love and respect."

Then a girl aged 11 asked,

"Why were the children excited to gather around Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)?"

She looked at everyone with a smile and replied,

"The children were excited to gather around Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) because they admired and loved him. Prophet told them interesting stories so They wanted to be close to him and learn from him."

The other one remarked with sad tone,

"I wish I could meet him so he would also loved me and made me sit in his lap."

Helena smiled at his sad face then replied,

"We all will meet him in JANNAH my baby, but for this you all have to become a good Muslim, perform your Salah daily on time and recite Quran, and ask Allah for JANNAH hmm."

Everyone clapped at her answers as they got the story well and replied together,

"Yeah we will."

Helena smiled and asked,

"So my babies now tell what did lesson we get from this story? Let me tell you."

"The lesson is that children are special and deserve kindness, love, and attention. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) showed us the importance of treating children with care and understanding, regardless of the situation.

We can show love and respect to children in our daily lives by listening to them, playing with them, helping them when they need it, and treating them with kindness and patience."

Meanwhile, Sa-Rah was walking by with her mother and talking with Mrs. Gulsum when her gaze fell on Helena and everyone who was cheering and happy. She stopped and said to her mother while looking at Helena, "Mom, wait for me, I'll be back." With that, she went to where Helena was sitting with the children, giggling and loving them.

Just then, Helena's gaze fell on Sa-Rah, who was coming towards her. Helena narrowed her eyes as she didn't recognize her at first sight, but she looked familiar to her then remembered that she was Sa-Rah, a girl from the second semester.

Helena didn't understand why Sa-Rah was at the madrasah, as she knew that Sa-Rah was Christian, so how could she be there? "Hey Helena, what are you doing here, girl?"

Helena stood up and greeted her, saying, "Assalamualaikum, Sa-Rah. Alhamdulillah, I'm fine. I'm learning a Quranic course here." Sa-Rah smiled slightly and bowed a little, then responded with a hum and replied, "Oh, I see."

Helena then asked out of curiosity, "What are you doing here?" "Ah, actually, Aunt Gulsum is my mom's best friend, so I'm here to invite her to my wedding," Sa-Rah said, gesturing with her thumb towards Gulsum.

Helena gave a congratulatory expression and said with a smile on her face, "Oh, congratulations, girl." She then hugged Sa-Rah.

After breaking the hug, Sa-Rah said while holding Helena's hand, "Helena, I don't have an extra invitation card right now, but I want you to come to my wedding. I'll send you the venue and date via WeChat."

Helena looked at her, and Sa-Rah continued, "Please don't deny it. I want my friends at my wedding. I had a great bond with you at university, but you lost contact with everyone after that incident. I tried to reach you, but I couldn't."

Helena looked down and say nothing as she recalled the events from a year ago. Sa-Rah, sensing that Helena got mind then she said quickly, "Yeah, I'm sorry, girl. I didn't mean to hurt you with my words. I'm with you." Sa-Rah then placed her hands on Helena's arms. "Don't think I hold anything bad against you. I know you well, and I know who was behind it all."

Helena suddenly looked at her, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion. "I'm not getting you. Who was behind it?"

"Olivia."

Sa-Rah replied quickly.

Helena eyes got widened as she heard Olivia's name she didn't expect that Olivia could go that far. Sa-Rah added, She even slept with Zaim and leaked that video on internet, and with that she sued Zaim and his father.

Helena's eyes widened as she heard Olivia's name. She hadn't expected Olivia to go that far. Sa-Rah added, "She even slept with Zaim and leaked that video on the internet. Then she sued Zaim and his father."

Helena already knew about this, though her hate for Zaim, Alex, and Olivia had only grown. Helena was lost in thought, just then Sa-Rah's mom arrived with Gulsum and interrupted them.

Helena was still looking at a random spot, she noticed Gulsum and Sa-Rah's mom. She looked at them with a lost expression and greeted them with a smile and salam.

After some talk, they left. Helena continued to watch Sa-Rah's retreating figure with lost thought and wondering about Olivia's problem with her.

He went from the streets of Zurich to every corner of the city,

Even he searched in the cafe's restaurants, library and museum, he spent his time there and went every possible places where she could go, he was holding Helena's diary in his hand in which he was writing everything and every place where he went.

It was a morning when Zaim was ready to search for places where Helena might be, as she had listed particular cities, places, and countries.

He roamed the streets of Zurich, exploring every corner of the city. He searched cafes, restaurants, libraries, and museums, visiting every possible place where she could be. He was holding Helena's diary in his hand, and documented everything and every place he visited.

After roaming everywhere he saw a girl in a hijab , she was taller but the back of her was showing , zaim reached her and placed his hand on her shoulder while saying Rose, the girl turned towards zaim and looked at him with "what" look.

After searching everywhere, he saw a girl in a hijab who was tall, but her back was turned. Zaim approached her quickly and placed his hand on her shoulder while saying, "Rose." The girl turned towards Zaim, looking at him with "what" look on her face.

Zaim Realized that she was not Helena, and apologized her then he left, feeling completely disappointed.

As he walked through the streets, he arrived at a bridge named Muhlesteg Bridge. There, he saw many colorful love locks. A couple was attaching a padlock together, and Zaim approached them to ask about it. They explained that the tradition was to lock a padlock on the bridge, inscribe their names on it, and then throw the key into the river below as a symbol of their everlasting love, togetherness, and dedication.

It is believed that the first Love Lock Bridge trend started over a century ago.

Zaim kept listening them carefully, then he went and bought a red padlock from a nearby shop. He engraved his and Helena's names on it, along with the date and time, and locked it to the bridge. Although he didn't fully believe in such traditions, his heart told him that he should do everything possible to get closer to Helena.

He caressed the padlock gently and thought, "I love you, Rose. I promise I'll find you, and when I do, I'll bring you to this place with me." He then kissed the key and threw it into the flowing river.

He realized that he hadn't eaten anything since noon, Zaim's stomach began to growl. He went to a restaurant and decided to sit outside near the river. He ordered his food and continued to think about Helena, writing in her diary about everything and noting the date as well.

After finishing his dinner, he decided to return to his hotel because he was completely exhausted. He was continuously roaming in Zurich since one week then after a week he then decided to return to London.

Meanwhile, it was a Friday when Helena was getting ready to attend Sa-Rah's wedding.

She wore a shiny, light metallic blue gown that looked elegant and stylish on her. The dress had long sleeves, a flowing fall, and a belt at the waist. She complemented her look with a matching hijab, a sparkling clutch, and simple jewelry, making her appear graceful and beautiful.

She stepped out of her room and checked on Ayesha and Ahmed to see if they were ready so they could leave together.

_______________________________________

A/N

"Sometimes it's me, sometimes it's you."

Love from. Ann 🤌♥️

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