Why are you here ?

I wake up, tired and disoriented. My phone displays several messages from Koen, asking how I've been since yesterday, but I decide not to answer them. I stand up and try to smile, but looking in the mirror, I see that my smile looks more forced than anything.

As I go into the kitchen, I notice my manager and his wife watching me, worried. I try to reassure them as best I can, but I fail miserably.

-What's happening to you?, they ask me worriedly

-Nothing…I just don't feel good, I told them, trying to smile at them.

Their worry is palpable, and I know they sense something is wrong.

They both look at each other worriedly.

-Should you cancel your meeting with the radio channel this afternoon?, asks my manager, looking serious.

-No, I answer quickly. "I'll be there. It's important."

-You don't have to force yourself if things really aren't going well, they told me.

He nods, but I can see he's not convinced. I take a deep breath and prepare for the day, trying to put aside my personal worries to focus on my work.

In the afternoon, I go to the radio interview. Everything is going relatively well, despite the fatigue and anxiety that are eating away at me. I do my best to answer questions enthusiastically and professionally.

-If it's not indiscreet, is Mr Donovan the person who inspired you the most in the writing of your music?

-Sorry I won't answer this question since me and Mr. Donovan broke up

-So can you tell us who is the person who inspires you the most?

-Honestly I will say my boyfriend Koen

At the end of the interview, as I leave the studio, I see Koen with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. He stops near me, and I feel the flashes of the cameras taking pictures of us. Before I can say anything, he quickly grabs my hand and leads me towards his motorcycle.

-What are you doing here?, I asked coldly

-I was worried about you when you didn't respond, he said simply, handing me a headset.

-Now that you have seen that I am well you can leave, I retorted to him

-The paparazzi are watching us, he whispers to me

-So what?, I replied in an indifferent voice.

-Please come with me

I finally give in as the paparazzi and journalists quickly approach us. We get on his motorbike, and he speeds off, taking us away from prying eyes. After a few minutes of driving, he stops in a quiet park. We get off the bike, and he turns to me, looking determined.

-I know you're going through difficult things, he begins. "But I don't understand why you don't respond to my messages."

-I'm just tired, I replied.

-You're lying, he said to me

-Anyway, what do you care if I lie or not?!, I got angry

-What is happening to you?, he asks me, have I done something wrong

I look down, my fists clenched.

-Koen I saw lipstick on your sleeves yesterday…

-Is that why you asked me if something had happened?, he asks me gently.

Tears suddenly well up in my eyes, and I fight to hold them back. "If she managed to leave a lipstick mark on your sleeve, she must have been very close to you…"

-Why didn't you ask me yesterday when you saw that?, he asks me in a soft voice

-I asked you if something happened in the nightclub. Do you remember what you told me?

-Yeah I remember that

-So now I want to see what lie you are going to tell me, I added, holding back my tears

-I'm not going to lie to you Huyn, he said to me, hurt by my words, you have to trust me

-How can I trust you when your actions remind me of Donovan, the person I hate the most in the world?, I said to him bitterly

-It's not what you think, he defended himself, a girl stumbled towards me while I was sitting I tried to push her away but as she was drunk she rubbed her lips near my sleeves

I take a deep breath and look into Koen's eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

-No, I should have told you, he said to me, shaking his head, but next time don't ruminate alone in your corner.

-I'll try, I replied with a faint smile on my lips.

He smiles and hands me the bouquet of flowers.

-I don't blame you, he reassures me, smiling brightly at me.

Koen suddenly asks me to play in the park, and I can't help but laugh.

-We're not children anymore, I said, amused.

-Maybe not, he replies with a mischievous smile, "but even adults have moments where they feel like children when they are with those they love."

Before so that I can protest, he leads me towards the swings. I sit up, a little hesitant, and he begins to gently push me. At first I feel slightly ridiculous, but gradually the sensation of flying through the air and Koen's laughter behind me dispels my worries.

-Higher!, I shouted, laughing.

He laughs too, letting himself indulge in the carefreeness of the moment.

The wind in my hair, the sunset on my face, everything seems lighter, simpler.

After a few minutes of playing, Koen slows down the swing and comes to sit on the swing next to me.

-You see? Sometimes you just have to remember to have a little fun, he tells me

I give him a sincere smile.

-Thank you, Koen. I really needed this, I told him

He looks at me, his expression soft.

I'm glad you had fun. You deserve to be happy, you know."

We stand in silence for a moment, gently rocking side by side. I realize how important it is to have someone to rely on, someone who understands without judging. Koen has this ability to make me feel safe, even in the darkest moments.