I hate this feeling

Koen started my car as he saw men running towards us. I watched them stop chasing us which relieved me.

In the car, Koen glanced at us worriedly through the rearview mirror, searching for an explanation of what was happening.

-What's going on?, he asks worriedly

"They were just some annoying guys following us," I said, trying to sound casual. "Nothing serious."

He frowned, visibly skeptical, but didn't ask any more questions for the moment.

-And you, what were you doing in that nightclub?, I ask him, trying to divert attention.

-I was with some friends and then I saw you, Koen replies, his gaze softening slightly.

We took Colette home. Once Colette was safe, Koen drove a little further and parked the car on a quiet street. He turns to me, determined to get answers.

-Look, I know you don't tell me everything," he begins. "But if you're in danger, you have to tell me.

I sighed, struggling with myself to decide how much to tell him.

-Koen, it's complicated. Really. The more you know, the more in danger you will be too."

"I'm already involved, whether you like it or not," he retorts, the worry palpable in his voice. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

I looked away, staring at the dashboard.

-It's better if you don't know anything, for your own safety."

He sighed, resigned but still worried.

-All right. But promise me if things get too dangerous, you'll tell me. I do not want to lose you."

I nodded, touched by his sincerity.

-I promise you.

We sit in silence for a few moments, each lost in thought. Eventually, Koen starts the car again and begins driving towards a safe location.

-We're going to my house, he said calmly. "I don't want you to think about dark things"

I'm not protesting. Tired and upset, I accept his offer for the night. As we drive in silence, I feel reassured by his presence.

Arriving at Koen's house, we enter silently. He makes me some tea to calm me down, and we sit on the couch.

"Thank you," I finally said, my voice barely audible.

-You're welcome, he replies softly.

-It's always so tidy at your place, I remarked, smiling.

As we sit on the couch, I suddenly notice a smear of lipstick on Koen's sleeve. My heart sinks and I force myself to close my eyes so as not to reveal anything of my thoughts. But I feel like vomiting because it reminds me so much of Donovan when he was cheating on me with those girls. Painful memories flood in, making my presence here unbearable.

-You have nothing to tell me?, I asked him suddenly

-How is that?, he asks me perplexed

-Did something happen in the box?

-No nothing special, he denied me

I didn't want to believe he was lying to me. But the evidence was in front of me. For him to have a lipstick mark on his wrist he must have been close to a girl. Maybe he grabbed a girl by the neck to kiss her? The same way he did with me.

-Koen, I finally said in an emotionless voice. "I don't feel well. I think I should go home."

He turned to me, concern written on his face. "Are you sure? If you want, I have some medicine that might help you feel better."

-No, really, I prefer to go home, I insisted, getting up from the sofa. "I think I just need my own bed and some rest."

Koen seemed hesitant, but eventually nodded. "Okay, I'll take you back."

The ride home is silent. I'm lost in thought, battling the conflicting emotions swirling inside me. When we finally arrive, Koen stops the car and turns to me.

-Take care of yourself, he said softly, leaning over to kiss me.

I dodge his kiss, pretending once again that I feel really bad. "I'm sorry, Koen. I really don't feel well."

He sighs, visibly disappointed but understanding. "Okay. Get some rest. Call me if you need anything."

I nod and get out of the car, rushing towards the front door. Once inside, I rush to my room and collapse on the couch, overcome by confusion and pain. Why does lipstick stain affect me so much? Why do I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore?

I force myself to take deep breaths to calm my tormented mind. I know I need to focus on what's important: gathering more evidence against Donovan and Visha, and making sure Colette and I stay safe. But right now all I want is to find some peace and comfort.

The night is long and restless. I ended up falling asleep, with a heavy heart.