Chapter 46: Troubled

Today wasn't any different from how I would usually spend it aside from I'll be meeting Haruto later after lectures. 

As I stared out the window while the lecture was on going, it seemed like I caught the attention of my professor and called out my attention in the middle of the class. 

"Aoi please stand up and try answering my question. It seems to me that you already know what I'm teaching considering that you decided to stare into nothingness as I teach my lecture." 

I stood up as the whole class looked into my direction. It wasn't a question I could answer given that ever since I got here, I was too busy trying to think of how I should tell my editorial company that I'll be passing up on the opportunity to go abroad. 

The professor then proceeded to ask me a question that I didn't even understand. So naturally, I wouldn't be able to answer so I stood there with silence for a minute.

"See? This is the perfect example if you don't listen. Just like what he did before I called him out, he's just standing right there looking at me with silence like he did earlier when looking out the window. Take your seat and pay attention." 

It's been a while since I've been scolded by a professor. I've been doing really great these past few weeks but I've got no excuses for today. Embarrassing me was a bit uncalled for though, or no, maybe I did deserve it. 

Right after the lecture ended, Arata and Kaito were standing in front of the lecture hall waiting for me.

"You good Aoi? You seem out of it today." Asked Arata. 

"What's up dude? You can tell us." Added Kaito.

"I'm just a bit sleepy haha. I wasn't able to sleep a wink last night." 

That was a lie. In fact, I slept like a log for the first time in a while and completed the 8 hours of sleep I've been yearning for. 

"You sure?"

"Yeah yeah don't worry about it." 

"Do you wanna go with me and Kaito to the arcade?" 

"I think I'll pass. I'm meeting up with Haruto in an hour so you guys take care." 

Arata and Kaito went on their way as I waved at them. Now then, should I get something to eat first? I'm really hungry. Might as well grab a quick smoke, I haven't had one all day. 

I've been controlling my smoking ever since Yukino asked me to try and stop. If I were to be honest, it's not as easy as it may sound when other people tell you to do so. You can't just top smoking once you decide to. Smokers would feel withdrawal symptoms if they stopped smoking suddenly. I just had a fever so it might be bad if I catch another one. I've been doing it gradually by trying to at least subtract one cigarette a day. 

On a daily basis before I decided to stop smoking, I would usually smoke half a pack which in terms of numbers is 10-11 cigarettes a day. I'm someone what you might call a heavy smoker. 

My progress since then has improved quite a lot if you will ask me. I'm now down to 6-7 cigarettes which is already a huge improvement. 

So despite that, why am I yearning for a smoke right now? That is because I ran a little late earlier and didn't have the time to light one before going to uni. I arrived at university by 2 PM and it's already 5:15 PM right now. That's about 3 hours without smoking a cigarette. 

After buying a sandwich from the convenience store, I lit a cigarette and started smoking. I guess I'll be saying goodbye to smoking soon huh? Might as well savor my remaining time with you. Thank you for accompanying me these past 2 years, my dear cigarette. 

I went on my way to the usual diner to meet up with Haruto and rode my motorbike. I noticed how it was a bit cloudy on my way to the diner. I guess it's about to rain sooner or later. But why today of all days when I forgot my umbrella. I must have terrible luck today.

I entered the diner and Haruto was already sitting waving at me. The waiter went over to us and asked for our orders. 

"So? Why did you suddenly want to meet me? Any problems with Yukino?" Asked Haruto.

"Well, not really with Yukino but I'd say she's definitely a factor." 

"Hmmm, tell me about it." 

"You know that I'll be going abroad right? For the publishing company in Europe." 

"Yeah, I've heard it from my editor. Congratulations on that by the way. Though I already knew you'd get in." 

"The thing is, I need to be there by May." 

"Is there a problem with any of your requirements? Won't our company help you though?" 

"That's not the problem Haruto. The problem is that I should be there by May." 

"What's the pro-" 

Haruto was cut off from saying what he was about to say after he finally understood what the problem was.

"Yukino!" Shouted Haruto after he understood the situation. "If you go there, you wouldn't get to be there for Yukino on her remaining days. Considering that you'll be staying there for at least a year or two. " 

"Yeah. That's exactly the problem. If I go there right now, who knows when I'll be back again. And if Yukino will still be around by that time. What should I do dude?"

"I don't know to be honest. I don't want to just spout whatever that comes to mind since this might greatly affect your decision. But have the two of you talked about it already?" 

"Not yet, I would always try and avoid the topic as much as possible. But to be honest with you, I think I won't be going to Europe."

"Dude! Think of it wisely! I know you're a good writer but you know all too well that an opportunity like this is rare! This can basically be your road to success. And who knows if they'll still make an offer in the future if you reject them now." 

"I've thought about that as well. But what am I supposed to do?"