Chapter 47: Hold on to us

Haruto was still in disbelief after telling him that I'm planning to reject the offer of going abroad to write my novels. I know how much this means but I can't just go off somewhere and leave Yukino here until.. 

"Why don't you talk about this with Yukino?" Asked Haruto.

"I can't." 

"Why can't you? Her opinion should be asked in this matter. She's involved here you know? You can't just decide by yourself. Aren't you a couple?" 

"She'll just convince me to go there even if she doesn't want me to. Do you know how hard that'll be for her? Of course she'll tell me to go, she loves me, she'll want what's best for me. But what about her?! Do I just go and leave her knowing how much time she has left?!" 

Haruto fell into a deep silence staring at me surprised about everything I said. A few seconds after he looked down. 

"I'm sorry Aoi, I didn't think that through, the words just came out of my mouth." 

"I'm sorry as well for raising my voice when you're only trying to help me." 

"Let me just say this as a friend. I know you're worried about her, and I can't do anything about it I know. But you ought to think of yourself as well Aoi. I really think that you guys should talk this through. It'll be unfair for the both of you to just decide by yourselves." 

"I think I wouldn't be able to Haruto. I just can't, knowing how she will answer." 

"Well, whatever you decide on, just know that I'll be here to support you." Said Haruto offering a fist bump so I reached out my fist to accept it. 

As soon as I went home, I searched for activities that Yukino and I would be able to do for our upcoming trip. What I thought of was to visit the countryside and go on lakes or somewhere peaceful. I decided to just find one location as an end goal and just let wherever the trip takes us in the process of reaching that end goal. So basically, the trip would consist of detours before going to that final location. 

Days passed as we reached the night before the trip. I picked Yukino up from her house since she'll be sleeping in my apartment tonight. 

"Take care you guys. If anything happens just call me okay?" Said uncle.

"Sure uncle. We'll be on our way then." I replied.

"Enjoy you guys." 

I guess uncle can be sweet sometimes huh? 

As we rode on my motorcycle, Yukino did her usual ritual of spreading her arms out in the air to feel the night breeze. I can't blame her though, doing so is really refreshing after all. 

"I can't get enough of doing this whenever we'll go strolling around at night." Said Yukino.

"Just don't fall off okay?" 

"You worry too much." 

"I think most people would if they saw you doing that." 

We arrived at my apartment and I carried Yukino's bag to make sure that she wouldn't strain herself.

"I can carry my own bag, you know." 

"Just let me do it for you. I need a bit of exercise anyway." 

We entered the room and I took a bath. After doing so, I saw Yukino sitting on my bed reading my novel. 

"Do you not get tired of reading my drafts?" 

"Nope. It's interesting after all. Finish this book before I go okay?" 

"Don't say that." 

"Just do it Aoi." 

"Fine" 

I think she can feel it, after all, it's her own body. She knows very well how much it can handle more than anyone. 

"Also, can you not change in front of me? You're naked you know?" 

"We're a couple so this is fine." 

"Getting comfortable with me huh? Just don't blame me if I caught you on video."

"At least give the man some privacy. Unless you want the others to see me naked." 

We turned off the lights and lay down beside each other. I think I'm getting more comfortable with Yukino as days pass. The last time that we slept beside each other, I was so embarrassed that I found it hard to sleep. But right now, even hugging her as she rests her head on my chest in this small bed, our skins touching each other, doesn't embarrass me that much anymore. In fact, it made me feel more at home, it made me feel warm. 

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" Asked I.

"Yeah, and sad." 

"Sad? Why?" 

"Well, realistically speaking, this might be the last trip that my body could handle." 

"Can we not talk about this?" 

"We have to Aoi. We need to face reality head on."

"I'm just not ready to lose you yet Yukino." 

"Well, I'm not leaving anytime soon but.. All of us need to start preparing for it. I won't be by your side forever and that pains me a lot. But for the time being, I'll do everything in my power to love you and make you happy. I'm your girlfriend after all hehe." 

"Then let's make the most out of this trip." Said I, locking my gaze onto her sad eyes.

"Please take care of me on our trip Aoi." Answered Yukino as she smiled at me.

"That's a given." 

I kissed her on the forehead as we both fell asleep right after. The moonlight entered through the window and gave us a bit of light as if to comfort the two of us tonight. 

She's right, I know, but I don't want to accept it just yet. It's too hard when she's beside me acting as if there's nothing wrong. Just being with her makes all those worries go away. And that's what I fear the most. What will happen if there will be no Yukino to make all those worries go away? What will happen to these feelings of longing for her all the time when she's not here anymore? It will probably hurt me. It definitely will.