It's Just an Act (3)

Over time, nothing special, nothing romantic developed between us. We just hung out. I couldn't even confidently call us friends. Our dynamic was strange; we hardly ever interacted outside of the club room.

In public, we remained silent, pretending not to know of each other's existence. We passed each other in the school corridors, ignoring each other. Only when we were alone in the club room did we talk about various topics. It was an unspoken agreement between us, a secret bond that made our relationship both unusual and special. This secret was meant only for the two of us.

"Did you read the manga I recommended?" he asked me.

His face and gaze remained as calm as ever, and so did mine.

"Yeah…" I replied.

Neither of us knew how we really felt, nor did we want to explore those depths.

Our words were direct, but our feelings were hidden, even though we were both actors. Our emotions only came out in the scenes we were performing. It was easy. We could always blame it on acting... No, it wasn't real feelings. It was all just an act, wasn't it? I could easily convince myself.

"…I don't think that guy deserved her at all," I remarked.

We were sitting in the club room, but now our tablets were lying on the table, forgotten and abandoned. For some reason, we had been using them less and less lately... For some reason, we'd been talking more lately.

"You missed all the character development."

"Maybe... I just liked the other guy better."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He seemed more sincere."

"Sincere?"

"He was the first to confess his love and had the courage to do so. I like that," I said.

I looked at him…

I looked at him, trying to decipher the thoughts behind that calm and aloof expression. It was a face that conveyed a lot of emotion during our performances, but remained calm outside of them.

He rarely showed emotion outside of our plays... Neither did I... The air between us remained inexplicable. We never showed each other anything resembling romance. 

…Time flew by so quickly; before I knew it, the school year had come to an end.

"I'm going to join the drama club," my sister Miyu declared as we walked to school together for the first time.

A new school year had started, and Miyu was now in the same school as me.

"Really?"

Miyu had visited my school several times last year because she wanted to enroll here. She had come to watch me in the drama club a few times. I had introduced her to Sato and the other members of the club, and we even acted out scenes together a few times.

We both loved acting since we were kids.

"Yes, I like Sato from your club," Miyu stated casually.

I stopped in my tracks, a horrified expression on my face.

"What?" I asked, confused.

What did she say?... I don't understand…

What's she talking about?

What?

Is she joking?

She had to be joking, right?

I was overwhelmed with a flood of thoughts.

She stopped as well, turned to me and smiled. "Well… Yeah, I know it sounds surprising..." she said a little awkwardly.

It was as if she either ignored or failed to notice the horror written on my face… Or maybe she just mistook my expression for surprise.

Her words stabbed me in the heart, piercing it painfully, but I quickly covered my emotions with a smile. I was good at acting, so it came naturally.

"Are you serious?" I managed to ask.

I shouldn't care. It's none of my business. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

"Yeah… I want to spend more time with him," she replied calmly.

How could she be so calm? Doesn't she know?! He is mine. Mine! Mine! Mine! MINE!!!

Wait... She doesn't know what?

Since when is he mine?

I could barely hold back the flood of anger and tears that threatened to overwhelm me.

Why was I experiencing these inexplicable emotions? Why? Why do I even care? Why does my heart ache so much?

"Are you going to confess?" I asked.

She remained perfectly calm, seemingly unaware of my true feelings. Perhaps I was a better actress than I thought, and my facade gave nothing away.

"Not right away... I'll make him fall in love with me slowly."

What? I wanted to scream at her not to touch someone else's boyfriend! But he wasn't mine. He wasn't my boyfriend.

And why would I yell at her anyway? She's my sister…

"And what do you like about him?"

"I loved the way he portrayed the love scenes! I feel like we're made for each other."

Huh?...

Hahahahahahahahah... Do you know who taught him that?

…I didn't care.

…I shouldn't care.

Maybe I should end the vague relationship I had with Sato. It might look suspicious if he and I spent time alone together. If Miyu noticed, she might misunderstand...

Sato and I sat in silence in the club room again this afternoon. I hadn't planned to come here today, but my feet brought me here anyway. I thought it would be the last day I'd be alone with him like this.

For some reason, I didn't feel like talking to him today. For some reason, I resented him even though he hadn't done anything wrong.

Minutes passed.

My anger had dissipated. I had accepted that my sister liked him.

More minutes passed.

I told myself that I didn't care if they started dating. Even if they kissed, I convinced myself that it wouldn't bother me. Yeah, I didn't care.

But then the silence was broken by his unexpected statement. A statement that made my heart flutter and my breath catch as I struggled to figure out if I had heard him right. "I love you..." he said so calmly that I didn't immediately understand the weight of his words.

What? Did I hear that right? You're joking, right? Please don't play with me like that.

No, I must be going crazy. Maybe the news that my sister likes him has affected me more than I thought and driven me to the brink of insanity...

"I love you, Rina..." he repeated. 

I sat still, my whole body frozen as I heard my heart pounding, its beats so loud I feared even Sato could hear them.

Is this a dream?

"If this is a joke, you are very cruel."

"It's not a joke. It's not an act..."

My heart was racing, ready to jump out of my chest. Why am I so happy? Why?

I had no idea that such a whirlwind of emotions could sweep over me in such a short period of time.

But I kept my composure, my face gave nothing away, I was motionless, as if I hadn't heard his confession. And I felt that he mirrored my stillness.

"I... I love you too," the words escaped my lips involuntarily... "I really, really love you..." I could barely hold back the tears.

Those were the only words we said to each other that day. Because we didn't need to say anything else. That confession was totally our style.

Was it wrong of me to confess my feelings to him right after my sister told me she liked him? I'm not sure… Do you know why she likes him? She saw him a few times when I brought her to my school last year. She said it was love at first sight. But I spent a whole year with him. Do you think she deserves him more than I do?

I asked him once, "Maybe it would be easier if you dated her?"

"Don't be selfish. Don't you care about my feelings? I've already chosen you. And you chose me," he replied.

I knew he would say that. Honestly, I wasn't going to let anyone else to be with him. I only said that so he would comfort me. Yeah… Say more nice things to me... To soothe my heart where guilt lurks...

"She is my sister. I don't want to hurt her… I love her."

Why do we have to like the same guy? Maybe... If I hide it... Yes, if I hide our relationship, I won't have to see her hateful face. Well... Maybe I was a coward after all?

"We can't meet here alone anymore," I murmured.

"Did you like meeting here?" he inquired.

"It was fun... kind of romantic, in a way..."

"Well... we can find another place," he suggested.

This spring was filled with love that warmed my heart, yet held secrets that haunted me. It was a season of secret rendezvous, passionate kisses, as well as lies, pretenses, and hidden tender glances.