Lame Date! (2)

As I stood in front of the mirror, thinking about what outfit to wear tomorrow, a whirlwind of thoughts raced through my head. Hina… What's wrong with her? She just drops the bombshell that we have a date tomorrow out of nowhere? I didn't even have time to mentally prepare myself!

Argh! I still couldn't decide what to wear, so I flopped down on the bed, my head throbbing. I had been standing in front of that mirror for an hour!

We've always been friends, but this is different, right? Our first date. Should I wear a dress? I have a few dresses, but I've never worn them and I don't feel comfortable in them. What should I do?

When she told me on the phone earlier not to worry about anything and to leave everything to her, I felt relieved. I was still a coward when it came to romance, and compared to me, Hina was more experienced.

Still, I have to dress appropriately!

Many different thoughts swirled around in my head...

I felt a little anxious with these thoughts, but on the other hand, I was happy. Smiling and hugging my pillow, I was glad that we were going on a date tomorrow.

Because… I don't know how to flirt or express my feelings.

Since we started dating, it feels like nothing has changed between us. We still go to school together and come back from school together, but we haven't done anything that could be considered romantic. Is this what it feels like to start dating your childhood best friend? I wonder sometimes. But...

But… Maybe tomorrow we can change that. Yeah… It's our first date, and I don't want to ruin it.

I couldn't sleep for a long time, worrying about tomorrow...

…I decided to wear the dress after all, a simple blue one with straps, nothing extravagant, just something I might wear on any other day. Despite the ordinariness, I felt conspicuous, nervously rubbing the hem, avoiding the stares of passersby. They didn't pay any attention to me, but I couldn't shake the awkwardness.

Arriving early, I hid in the shadows of the building, looking around anxiously.

She was late. It was already two minutes past the appointed time! Is she lost? Maybe I came to the wrong place? No, this is definitely the right place. Where is she?

Then she appeared in my field of vision, clutch in hand, dressed in a pleated lavender skirt and beige blouse with lace details. Her face was calm… My breath caught as I watched her approach.

As she came closer, I was able to take a closer look at her. A slim bracelet adorned her wrist, complementing the necklace that adorned her slender neck. Her pink hair, slightly curled, was pulled back into a neat high ponytail, with two bangs framing her delicate face. Soft, natural makeup accentuated her features, and her nails were painted a delicate shade of pink.

She was a little late, but I didn't care. In her presence, I couldn't help but be in awe.

"Hi," she said calmly.

"Hi..."

She looked at me, caught my eye, and looked away with a slightly strange and unsmiling expression.

I didn't know what she was thinking. Do I look stupid? I've never worn a dress before. I always wore oversized hoodies and mini shorts... or something like that, just plain, neutral clothes. I didn't often dress up to look pretty... This is the first time I've done it, just for her. What does she think? Why doesn't she say anything? Did I go overboard with the makeup? I tried to keep it soft...

I looked away nervously. She looks so cute... But my nervous thoughts prevented me from saying anything...

"Should we go?" she asked calmly.

"Ah, yeah…"

We walked down the street to the movie theater. She had already bought the tickets and had everything ready; I just had to follow her.

As we walked, I didn't know what to do and held onto the handle of my bag a little nervously.

For some reason, everything seemed so strange and unfamiliar. The person walking next to me, whom I had known for so long, suddenly felt like a stranger. It was as if I had forgotten how to have a conversation...

"It's hot, isn't it?" I asked.

That's the weirdest, cringiest question anyone could ask! Are you stupid, Hana? What's wrong with you?! She'll think you're a loser! No, she totally thinks that!

"I guess," she replied.

Glancing sideways at her, I noticed she was engrossed in her phone.

I averted my gaze...

She wasn't paying attention to me...

What should I do?

I wanted to take her hand, but she was holding her phone. Besides, I couldn't remember how to hold her hand. It hadn't been a problem before we started dating, but now it seemed impossible. It felt as if there was an invisible barrier between us. I was at a loss, not knowing what to say or do. All I could do was follow her and hope that she knew what to do.

We walked in silence, avoiding eye contact... until the movie theater appeared in front of us.

I had forgotten which movie she had bought tickets for. She had mentioned it yesterday, but it had slipped my mind... All I could remember was that it was some kind of romantic movie…

We rarely went to the movies; we usually just watched something at home, either at my place or at hers.

I followed her into the theater and sat next to her…

The theater was surprisingly half-empty. Our seat was in the center and there was hardly anyone around us.

With a drink in my hand, I sat in silence, staring at the screen. I was afraid to look in Hina's direction, and she was silent as well.

Awkward... Why is everything so awkward?

Is this how dating usually goes? And what does a date usually entail? I didn't know and I didn't understand. A movie? And then what? Do we kiss? Oh, I wanted to kiss her so badly! And hold her hand! And hug her! But now I was so nervous that I was afraid to even look in her direction, afraid I'd ruin everything, afraid she'd be disappointed in me.

I tried to concentrate on the movie, but my nerves wouldn't let me.

The movie seemed to start and end so quickly.

Throughout the entire movie, my thoughts and feelings were somewhere far away from the plot... Hina's every movement, her facial expressions, made me worry and feel anxious about what she was thinking… What did her expression mean? Why does she seem so emotionless today? Yesterday she was excited to tell me about the date…

When the movie ended, I finally had the courage to look at Hina. She caught my eye for a moment and then immediately looked away.

…Um… Hina?... Her face... I don't understand... What thoughts were hidden behind that expression? Is she bored with me? Is she not interested in me?

"What did you think of the movie?" she asked, her eyes averted from me.

Her voice and expression were somehow cold… I felt uneasy. Is she disappointed in me? Why was she acting like that? She had never made that face before. I didn't want her to regret confessing to me, or regret starting to date me…

An unpleasant feeling rose in my chest...

"Well..." I hesitated, trying to hide the fact that my nerves had caused me to miss the whole point of the movie. "It was interesting..." I forced a smile.

'Don't show that you're nervous! Don't show that you missed the whole movie! She'll be disappointed in you!' my mind screamed at me, and I listened, pulling on a smile. I couldn't let my awkwardness ruin everything.

After a quick glance at me, she pulled out her phone and started scrolling.

"Let's go," she said dryly, getting up from her seat.

"Where are we going?" I asked, trying to keep up with her brisk pace.

"To the cafe..."

I wanted to take her hand, but for some reason she was walking too fast.

"Hina! Wait..." I caught up with her.

She was walking, her eyes on her phone, not paying attention to me.

We barely spoke on the way to the cafe, and I could barely keep up with her fast pace. My head hung low. I couldn't figure out what was going on, but I was too afraid to ask her. Why was everything so unnatural and strange? How did I even interact with her before? It was as if I had forgotten.

We sat at a window table in a half-empty cafe, looking out at the street. I glanced at her furtively, but she didn't look back at me…

She was cold, confusing, and strange...

Have I done something to upset her? Uh... Is this even a date? Wait… I've probably ruined it! Why did I pick this dress? And why did I let her do all the planning? But what am I going to do now? I don't know. Maybe I should just put on a smile. I have to hide my nervousness! She organized everything, I can't let my stupid emotions ruin it halfway through! Come on, Hana, I told myself, smile and then casually take her hand, as if everything was fine.

"Let's go…" she said flatly, rising from the table and ignoring my gaze.

Huh?

Lost in my nerves and thoughts, I hadn't even noticed how much time had passed. We had exchanged only a few awkward words during that time. And now it was time to go.

Why? We've been close since we were kids… Why is it so awkward now? This is supposed to be a normal date… Why does it have to be so awkward?

How many times have I asked myself the same questions, anyway?

"Where to?" I asked, putting on a cheerful smile to hide my inner turmoil.

"Home," she replied dryly, without any emotion, as she walked away...

As I followed her, she walked silently, as if she didn't care about me at all. Finally, unable to contain my feelings, a disappointed "That's it?" escaped my lips. "That's it?" I repeated, pain and disappointment in my voice. This wasn't how I had imagined our date... Not like this at all... It wasn't the feeling I was hoping for...

"Uh-huh," she replied coldly after a pause. "I'm sorry I didn't meet your expectations."

What was she even talking about? Not meeting my expectations? Why is she acting like it's my fault? She was the one who kept her distance the whole time!

I couldn't take it anymore! I took her hand and led her to a deserted alley. Somehow, to my surprise, she did not resist at all…

When I stopped and turned to look at her, her head was down.

"What are you saying? What's wrong with you, Hina? Why are you acting like this today? Are you bored with me? If that's the case, just tell me! Maybe I'm not dressed right? Maybe I shouldn't have worn this stupid, ugly dress! Maybe you're ashamed of me?!" I shouted loudly, head down, finally releasing my suppressed emotions. Luckily, the alley was deserted and no one could hear us.

She was just silent... And I was afraid to look at her. I was afraid to see the look in her eyes that hated me...

I continued, "Why?! Why were you like that today? You said you had a lot of experience with this! This is not how the date was supposed to go!"

"Oh really? Bye then," I finally heard her cold as ice voice.

No! I grabbed her hand and turned her toward me. "Answer me!"

I finally looked at her face. Her lips were pressed together, her face flushed, and her eyes slightly moist. She was staring at me intently. Confused, I let go of her hand. Hm? What's wrong? I didn't expect this... Where's the cold Hina who was with me all day? What's wrong with her? Why is she acting like this? I don't understand anymore!

Then she finally yelled at me. "Me?! Are you serious?! I never said that! You're the one who always claims I'm experienced in romance! But I'm just as inexperienced in these things as you are. I've only dated once in my life. Dating my childhood best friend is different. I don't know what to do! I wanted to take the lead, but I don't know anything either!"

Her words though made sense, but.... but that wasn't the point at all! That's not what I'm trying to say!

"Even so! You were so cold the whole date! And now you're pretending you weren't?!" I asked, yelling.

"Why are you saying it like it was my fault! You stupid! You're the one who thought the date was lame!"

What is she saying?!

"What?! I never said anything like that!"

"Yeah?! But you definitely thought so! You acted like you didn't like anything today! Putting on a smile like you were forcing yourself! You're the one who didn't like this date!"

"Me?! What are you talking about?! You were already in a bad mood when you showed up for the date!"

"No! You're the one who was bored the whole time! You were so tense the whole time! And then I assumed that my idea for a date was a total disaster!"

"For God's sake! What are you saying?! You don't make any sense!"

"I just know it! You think going to the movies is lame, too, right? It's just a lame date! I'm sorry!" her voice trembled slightly.

Is she listening to me at all?!

"What made you think that?!"

"The words you said in the chat group!"

"What words?!" I yelled, confused.

"That going to a cafe on a date is lame and all! I remembered those words when it was too late! I wanted to cancel this stupid date, but you were already waiting for me!"

What is she saying? Has she lost her mind?!

"What the hell are you talking about? First of all, don't you dare call this date stupid! You idiot! And I wasn't serious when I said those words in the group chat! I lied just to find out where you like to go!" I yelled, angry at her foolish words. "I had planned to tell you that I liked you back then, but then I got scared and changed my mind! Why would you remember and worry about something so trivial?!" My eyes also filled with tears, either from the emotions that had finally broken out or from seeing her like this.

I couldn't believe how stupid she was! Ugh! I just can't!

But she wouldn't stop. "Trivial? Of course, I care, you idiot! You didn't even take my hand when we were walking to the movies today! You usually hold my hand, so when you didn't, I started to worry that something was wrong. It confirmed my thoughts that you considered this date a failure. Otherwise, why didn't you hold my hand?! I thought you were disappointed! And when you sat there at the movies with that stone face, I thought you were bored!"

What the hell?! I never gave her any reason to think that...! Where did she get such a stupid idea?!

"I had that expression because I didn't want to show my nervousness! It's our first date! Of course I was nervous! You were the one who acted cold. I thought I messed up! I thought you didn't want me there or something!" I yelled at her, looking at her face.

"I was too! I was nervous too! You dummy!" she screamed, her eyes filled with pain, hope, and nervousness.

"So you weren't bored with me?!" I asked, still yelling.

"Of course not! It's not like that! I love being with you!"

"And me too! I don't care where we go on our date! As long as you're with me!"

There was a pause, and it seemed she could barely hold back her tears.

We breathed tiredly, silent tears trickling down our cheeks…

Finally, she lowered her head, wiped away her tears, and then spoke more softly. "You mean it?"

"Of course, you idiot," I replied firmly and confidently, also lowering my head and wiping away my tears.

"Good then," she said more quietly.

We both calmed down and silence fell between us. It was as if we both began to realize what idiots we had been all day.

"You dummy. How could you even think of such a stupid thing?" I asked calmly.

"I know... I understand, but my mind started making up scenarios and I ended up hurting myself with my own imagination..." she replied. "That's why I acted the way I did... I'm sorry, I'm supposed to be in charge of the date, but I feel so incompetent..."

We looked at each other again, and I noticed a slight smile of relief on her face. Pfft… I smiled too…

"No, that's absurd. No one should be in charge of the date... We're together because we already know that we enjoy each other's company... I'm the one who should apologize for leaving everything to you and stressing you out..." It seemed like common sense was finally coming back to me.

She stood silently, looking at me.

I approached her, looked straight into her eyes, and gently took her hand. I had been waiting for her to make the first move, assuming she was strong and knew what to do. But now I realized that this was all as new to her as it was to me. There was a hint of surprise in her eyes, but it was quickly replaced by tenderness, and her face lit up with a happy, gentle smile.

Returning her smile, I stood in front of her, lowering my eyes slightly, and spoke softly, "I thought you no longer liked me and were disappointed in me..."

"And I thought our date was too cliché and boring for you..." she whispered in response.

"I thought you didn't like the way I dressed…"

"Silly, you look adorable in that dress..."

"And you, you look so cute and pretty today too," I replied.

"Really?" she asked as we both simultaneously raised our eyes to each other.

She reminded me of her younger self, soft and shy.

"Of course," I reassured her.

I looked at her, suddenly realizing how close we were. Her face was only a few inches from mine. The desire to kiss her overwhelmed me. Could I? Would she be upset? I tentatively moved my face closer, but at the last moment I hesitated, blushed and tried to pull away, muttering, "Sorry!"

But she didn't let me retreat. Her grip on my hand tightened... Huh? I looked at her in confusion. Sharply pulling me back to her, she looked at me with eyes full of tenderness and determination. Time seemed to stand still as I was mesmerized by her gaze. When I closed my eyes, a moment later her lips met mine in a tender kiss. Once again, I didn't have the courage to make the first move. Again... But next time, yeah, next time I'm going to... kiss her... first... Oh, my God... What's happening? My brain and my mind are melting... I can't think straight... Her lips are so soft... Her kiss... It's so gentle, tender and sweet... My heart is pounding... I know my movements are awkward... But I don't care anymore... I just want to show her my feelings, how much I love her...

Our kiss didn't last long. As she pulled away, she murmured, "I'm sorry I kissed you so abruptly..."

"No... I liked it..." I said, feeling my cheeks burning. "I thought we wouldn't do things like that for a while... But I wanted to... I really, really wanted to... I just didn't know how to act or how to make the first move..."

Our face were so close… and our whispers were so quiet and tender.

"Hey..." she said, pulling away slightly.

"Yeah?"

"I almost forgot… I have a present for you..." she said, smiling.

"Wait? Really? When did you get it?"

"I bought it in advance... I thought I'd give it to you after the date..."

"Show me!" I exclaimed excitedly.

She pulled out two matching beaded bracelets.

"Do you like them?" she asked, looking at me nervously.

"They're so cute…," I whispered. "I love them…"

I took her hand and we strolled down the street, smiling, not knowing where we were going. We walked carefree, squeezing each other's palms, adorned with bracelets.