Chapter 7

This is like relationship between Haruki Murakami's man and woman in fiction, but this is real and finally I know how to go fast being married. Even look like Fifty Shades of Grey. I call him—before this, we spent a few minutes to talk feminism in novel Eka Kurniawan: Vengeance is Mine, All Other Pay Cash, how exactly the central character named Ajo Kawir being impotent his reproductive-organ biologic—and after I call that's boy, when I type this paragraph I kind like hear Son of Man song the one of Tarzan soundtrack, the boy become a gentleman with many learn and teach after touch. I prefer to named him in this text as Fulan and the lady Fulana.

 When I sit on the floor, Fulan sit up of me on the chair. Fulan look like prepare to fight. But I know myself, every warrior have to.

 "Fulan, that's a secret to be married for real. I know that, and why I cannot marry with anyone, it just only because I not have brave and guts. I just theory and talk all about theory of marriage, so I still don't have children even if I dreaming that since I was 4." Then I tell one of sign of Hercules cartoon in Disney, that the real hero not because his strong body and superpower, but because his heart is kind and heroic.

 "Anjing! Kontol! Babi!" Fulan said dirty diction.

 "You don't have to be afraid. That's normal," said me with calm.

 "Anjing! Kontol! Babi! Keep this as a secret! Promise?" Fulan give his littlest finger.

 "Yes, but you have to and must to keep her. If you not, we are not brothers anymore, and I will not see you anymore in this life." Said I still calm.

 "Okay. Just text me by WhatsApp next," Fulan be nervous.

 "Yeah. We will go to bookshop this night. We will find the match book of this,"

 "Okay."

 Then, I will prepare his married ceremony. I have to thought and thinking by extra-working. If needed, I will raise-gather much money until enough for his marriage. O, My Little Brother. How so fast? How so fast like this, I know you're from still baby, than I have to looking for income to not let you die. Even before I marry with anyone, when I have works and I don't have any guts or brave to do act for secret of married like everybody than have littlest baby than we meet first time. Maybe this is way of Jalan Imam, because Imam Al-Mahdi is mystical being and structure so contrary with Al-Mahdi philosophy and concept. Then I know what is Imam Zaman, they are subject who will be zuhudist, even Imam Nawawi who not married before and after die is also Imam Mahdi for real. So do I am, so my father trap to send me go to be university student also for this. An intercourse touching. And why Kaoru's sister ask me, "What did you do with her?"

 O, Anra. Childhood memories with bitter and painful for reminding, a holy marry. Not just like ordinary or mediocre married. Even I can marry with Anra in Ramadhan while fasting if my concept is get agreement.

 Holy marry! That's my destiny!

 But if that's impossible, it's my faith to marry only in heaven. Just if the heaven is exist, just only there is marriage in there.

@

Moslem Prophet Muhammad is ever said, "There are no born any baby without devil jab, except Isa Al-Masih." And Isa Al-Masih is multiverse version of Jesus Christ, and when it memories came again, I feels this world it so horror, full of terror. Even I haven't any guts or brave to do that, and only watch in blue movie by VPN application that I get in Play Store. This world when Nietzsche still alive might be same, and that's make Nietzsche said "Gott ist tod." God is dead. Much of interpretation from Nietzsche, and when good and kind man have bleeding in his soul, of course he will get insanity.

@

I too many slept after last night, 19 August until 20 August right now. I don't remember is it I get a dream or not, my mother said if we're not get dreams when sleep is good sign, the brain is get coffee break, rest. Yeah, I have soul-quake yesterday when look that shouldn't I look. Omri just sleep when that's tragedy is happen, so when I consult with Omri, he said that he's not understand what I said. I met Revati again at Padang Beach, with her friend and new friends. But I too much upset, I afraid if Fulan taken with police. Because if his girlfriend being positive and she doesn't breaking her before-pregnancy, Fulan will be search with his girlfriend family, like I'm another uncle. So I ask Omri to tell me, "Is it normal with youngsters with that relationship?"

 "Yes, I few of them doing that's." Said Omri.

 Last night my brain was dizzy, I so tired and make me will fall to the floor. So I sleep until this morning, meet my old friend of my mother. Then I go to sleep back, and I don't have any dream still. Might be my minds are healing, need to heal. Is it Wittgenstein have methods to heal mind and brain? Yes, I thought. Because he was written his philosophical-book when in the middle of war with many bullet of machine guns shoot his comrade. So this situation it must being little bit better. In this chaos-case, Wittgenstein wrote many philosophical like, "Metaphysics is what not should we to know."

 One of my friend in the coffee shop say to me, "There are what's should we know, and there's too what should not we know." In front of his children, I know his mean.

@

My mother said to me, "Your mind is sick. You want to go to RSJ?"

 "No." ask me, like egalitarianism without little bit feudalism like her.

 "If you won't, you have to eat your medicine." my mom said.

 "I don't get hallucination yesterday," explain me, honestly.

 "But you're. You just not aware, listen, this is Ms Rida home,"

 "Yes, so do I have to help her son."

 "Your mind is sickness." Said my mom, "You want to go RSJ or eat medicine in home?"

 "Of course you know my choice,"

 "So, be a discipline to your medicine."

 "You let me slept until afternoon until now. So I cannot eat my medicine with the rules. You said the medicine it was to apart between morning and night,"

 "That's nonsense. Not discipline is same with not discipline." Said her, "You going to madness because Nadia's marriage."

 "How stupid you are!" said me, then I go outside Ms Rida's house and it reminds me of my journey to search her by some kilometer that's make me sweating and smell like rubbish. Then I go with Omri to Padang Beach and now Omri on picnic with Fulan and his friends. I remember when on Padang Beach, when Revati's make me reminds with Everybody's Changing by Keane. Revati very looking for many men in the Padang Beach, then I just watching the sunset and going to talk with one of Revati's friends, the young-man named Oscar. I light my cigarette kretek with chip money, my mom not like yesterday when she give me 50K Rupiah and now give me just 10K Rupiah.

 "Who train you to call me stupid?" ask my mom, it reminds me how tolerance her to when I told Fulan said dirty words to me, his older brother. How hypocrite my mom, she tolerance of Fulan's dirty words to me like anjing, kontol, babi and I just aware my mom how she not aware of her weakness. About me, I know I have anjing-side (dog-side) because I look like Hachiko what the loyal to his master, I'm also have kontol (penis), and might be I have skin like babi (pig, between oriental and western-people), but I hope Fulan not eat pork or eat dogs.

@

I said Fulan is in danger to his mom, when his mom and his dad came in this home. Padang City, 20 August 2023. His mom asking me what happen in danger to him, then I explain with a code, because there are Fulan's grandmother between us. So his mom is calling him by phone, after I know that Fulan and Omri go picnic together. I know I was not able to keep promise, so I consult to Omri, to my mom, and then I cannot keep secret for this danger. Whatever it is, I have to keep Fulan whatever it happen. "You want to take by police?" ask someone.

 Someone is my mom, she say that because I thought that I could do that too if I'm not loser or coward. So, when my mom told me like that, I know Fulan in danger situation. So I have to help him, with anything and everyway.

@

Until this paragraph, I have sent to Mr. Reeve this script to get his testimonial. I say to him that if this successful, I will go to visit him. "Very good!" said him. Then he ask me to share my picture, then I send my picture that was taken by Ms Rida when she have to work her thesis at master grade in her university. When I'm still being handsome, not like right now. My insecurity might be just because my Instagram, the Casanova one, that might every girl dislike me and every boy said that's me as central-pattern, so the men bigger quantity who's look my Instagram and the most of them is in Jakarta. But I don't know if is still like this after everyone know Catatan si Boy story.

@

I'm a half tired even if I just awake after Deka Andriani is came in my dream. Even I woke up middle night before, I don't try to praying tahajud. Uncle Man said to me that my mother left the medicine on the brown glass-cup. Then I go to cigarettes-shop and lend the light for burn my kretek. I don't know where my mother, and my big brother, and I thought Omri was go back to Bukittinggi City. I don't know where my little cousin, then they back to this house, Ms Rida's home. "We will back to Bukittinggi," said my mother.

 But Abdi doesn't look like disappointing when hear my mother said. He's not hold me to go back, might be he's not disappointing because I just a few times on his home, but because I'm not keep my promise when he talk some dirties word to me. Yesterday night he told that his zodiac is Libra, and I said, "Libra matching with Sagittarius."

 "Who's Sagittarius?" ask him.

 "Me," said me.

 Then Abdi's sister laughter. Is it important to tell his sister? I doubt. She's not dominated in this story, no many my experience with her except she was ever borrow me her book by Leila S. Chudori, Sea Speak His Name.

@

Then I go to my friend's coffee shop, I ask tubruk with ice.