Why i hate you

I go into the half filled class not seeing faces or hearing voices, everything looks to strange and far away, not even drugs make me feel so disoriented, I walk to the back of the class and sit on the laboratory table in the third row, second to last. A piece of paper slides to me on the table, I ignore it, I refuse to fall into whatever prank they are trying to play on me but I am highly curious, I turn to face the owner of the hand that had so calmly slipped me the note, she has a pretty smile and brown hair tied into a pony tail, her black eyes that are set on me seems to say it understands my plight, she beckons to the note with a finger urging me to read it without using words. As if hypnotized I pick up the note and unfold it exposing its secrets written in bold and neat cursive letters.

Are you okay? The note says. The sincerity and care that those three little words manage to convey takes me by surprise, when has anyone in this school ever cared? I fold and unfold the note in my hands not looking back at the sender, but somehow I can feel my fever reducing, the world taking on a clearer form, I place my hand over my chest, listening as my beating heart slowly falls into rhythm. As the last bell of the day go off I see another piece of paper in front of me and I open it up without thinking curious as to what magic words this one would possess.

'Do you want me to walk home with you, you don't look so good'.. why was she suddenly interested in me? As this question rings in my head I begin to remember her, my silent partner and all the little favors she has done for me in the past unnoticed and unappreciated. All the group projects she had done alone but added my name, the assignments she had submitted for me when I forgot to do mine.

Biology went better than maths in the sense that I at least remained In my seat. Other than that, the rest of the day passed in a blur, I rested my head on the cool surface of the table unable to concentrate on anything and closed my eyes, my thoughts were filled with him, images and desires.

I look round the room and notice that we are alone, I and my silent partner, did I fall asleep? I rub my eyes and yawn letting the exhaustion show. I pick up my bag and prepare to leave, but right in front of me is Zachary.

"You slept for an hour, 10mins" he says in a matter of fact tone.

"You should at least thank her for staying with you" he has a frown on his face, but he isn't angry, his eyes are not angry, they are concerned, beautiful and concerned.

I look over at her, confused at her kindness.

"Don't listen to the nonsense he just said, I stayed because I wanted to". I must still look really confused because she goes on to explain, smiling sheepishly.

"I tried to wake you up but you wouldn't burge, you were smiling in your sleep so I surmised you were having a good dream and decided to let you sleep.

Zachary also stayed with you, he was really worried about you"

I whip my head around to look at him, nothing makes any sense.

He smiles and rubs his head, ruffling his hair.

"I called your work place, miss lanna, I told her you were sick and needed the day off, so you don't have to bother about that."

This is more than I can take. Why is he doing this to me? Why can't he just stick to being the mean jerk that I am so used to.

"What do you want from me"

I hear my own voice asking.

He shrugs and looks away.

I pick up my bag and angrily walk out the door, feeling unexplained rage.

Why does my heart keep yearning for him, why him?

As I get to the door, I see Zachary behind me, he steps ahead and holds the door open for me.

"Let me give you a ride" he says pleading with his eyes.

I ignore him and attempt to walk around him but he pulls me back.

"Why do you hate me so much" his brows creases together in frustration, his left hand still holding firmly to my arm

"Do you even need to ask that?" I reply giving him an incredulous look, is he really stupid?

"Fuck that, anna... we both know this started way before the bullying"

I feel a stab of pain shot through my heart as he calls me that, I feel betrayed that he would dig up a past that we had both agreed(without words and looks) to keep buried.

I try to shrug off his hand but he holds on firmly.

"My name is savannah, I say through gritted teeth...and what ever it is you're referring to is a past that doesn't belong to me."

He throws his hands up in the air, feeling even more frustrated.

This isn't the first time he has tried to bring back the past, our past.

There was a time in there somewhere were Zachary and I weren't at odds, a time when we were inseparable.

I shake my head making my thoughts fly everywhere, I refuse to remember that past, I won't.

"Fine then, I get you've locked out everything related to your past, the past isn't what I'm after, it's your present and your future that matters to me, that's what I'm trying to be a part of..."

I know he isn't lying, I know he is being very sincere, but my head is refusing to listen to reason or feelings even.

"I know you feel the same way anna.... I know you feel...."

"Its fucking Savannah... I hiss angrily breaking him off mid sentence, and stomp off in angrily.

Nothing gives him that right to stand in front of me and talk about feelings and the past, what the fuck does he know.