Moving On

My eyelids feel like lead, as if I'm lifting a boulder, as I slowly awaken.

My stomach rolls like a stormy sea, churning up bitter acid that's making me roll around in bed restlessly.

Kendrick hasn't messaged me in two days, since he sent the thumbs up. Thinking about him is the source of my discomfort.

I saw his WhatsApp status yesterday night - a video with a girl, her curves and beauty on full display.

They embraced, and she even kissed him on the cheek.

Ouch! My heart aches.

I regret ignoring him; now I'm just a forgotten memory.

I take a deep breath, my eyes still slightly open, my vision blurry.

I've been sleeping for what feels like an eternity, with no idea what time it is.

I raise my hand to my face, rubbing my forehead, where the bandage I wore for a week left a lingering sensation.

The injury from the accident is healing, but I still feel pain.

My mom insists I take my medication and attend hospital follow-ups.

The doctor says it'll take time, but I'm following his orders for a quicker recovery.

With a deep sigh - "haa" - I open my eyes fully.

The harsh light stabs into my eyes like a thousand needles, making me squint.

My tongue sticks out to moisten my dry lips, and I cover my eyes with my hands, shielding myself from the intensity.

I've overslept, and I'm done with it.

After a moment, my eyes adjust, and I sit up, resting my back against the headboard.

Each breath is a struggle, a heavy weight lifted with gasps, and the persistent ringing in my ear is just like a shrill song by a siren.

My ear also feels like it's plugged with something - probably earwax, muffling my hearing.

This annoying sensation often occurs when I spend too much time in bed.

Some people attribute it to tinnitus, a medical condition, while others believe it's a sign of communication from another realm or universe.

I'm skeptical about the supernatural explanations, but I'm unsure what to believe.

As someone who discounts superstitions and the paranormal, like zodiac signs, which I've heard are demonic, a part of me still acknowledges the mystery and curiosity surrounding these phenomena.

I reach for my phone on the bedside table and switch it on.

The time on the screen surprises me, widening my eyes in shock.

"Wow, it's 4:39 pm!"

I wonder why my brothers, Nonso and Peter, aren't back yet. Or are they?

Despite their annoying ways, I have to admit I enjoy spending time with them.

We engage in silly conversations, tease each other, and enjoy online and offline games together. It's pure joy.

I can't even recall when the smile on my face appeared, but I feel entitled to it.

While Kendrick may have moved on and forgotten about me, I have a loving family that brings me happiness. I'm confident that I'll forget about him before I leave for university, and that's only possible with God's grace.

My fingers scroll through my phone, going through social media apps, until they pause at WhatsApp.

My eyes linger on the screen, hesitant to click on it.

What if I see another video of Kendrick with a girl?

Ah, geez!

I bite my inner cheek, feeling my heart race.

Why did this have to happen?

Although I want to move on, I can't deny my lingering feelings for Kendrick.

Those piercing eyes, the way they gazed at me...

The thought fills me with regret and longing. I want him back, but I know it's impossible.

He's moved on, and I feel like a fool.

I take a deep breath, pucker my lips, and unfold them. I've moved on, that's it.

I swallow hard and click on WhatsApp.

As expected, I have no new messages, just chats with Chika, Nicole, and my dad, who sends me payment receipts.

Kendrick is fourth on my list, with a green circle on his profile picture, indicating he's posted a status.

My index finger hesitates over his profile, and with a deep breath, I tap on it.

I really do not know why my heart is racing, it's just like as if I'm about to check my exam results.

Calm down, Mandy, calm down.

I raise my hand to my chest, gently patting it. And then my focus returns to my phone.

The picture is blurry, but I see a mix of colors - red, brown, black, and others.

What could they be?

My thumbs drum against each other as I wait, frustrated by the slow loading.

I grit my teeth, feeling a chill run down my spine.

I wonder why the network is so bad now.

I cover my mouth with my hand, unable to control my nervousness.

Finally, the video loads, and my heart sinks to the depths of the ocean. Like a stone that was thrown into the water.

My hand slowly drops, and my eyes spring open as I see Kendrick hugging the same girl from behind, kissing her cheek.

The girl turns around and kisses him passionately, and he reciprocates.

What the?

My fists clench, and tears roll down my cheeks without warning.

I fling the phone aside, ignoring the loud clatter sound it made on the floor.

Then lie down on my chest, and pull the blanket up over my head.

I bury my face in the soft pillow, inhaling the sweet scent of strawberry detergent as silent cries escalate into unrestrained sobs.

My grip on the pillow tightens, as if I'm trying to suffocate my heartache.

He kissed her?

He forgot all about me.

But...

I bang my fists on the pillow, hitting it hard.

"I'm so stupid for loving him, stupid, stupid, stupid."

The music in the video's background continues to play, exacerbating my pain.

I cover both my ears with my hands, wishing I'd rather be deaf than listen to such.

Why did this have to happen?

Why did he move on so fast?

Did he ever truly love me?

Why am I such a fool?

As I continue crying, the loud, sharp creaking sound of my room door opening startles me, and I quickly shut my eyes and drop my hands onto the pillow, pretending to be asleep, despite my labored breaths.

"Amandaaaa," my brother Nonso calls out, his annoying, high-pitched voice, grating on my nerves, like fingernails on a chalkboard.

My jaw clenches in anger, and I curl my fists, my eyes snapping wide open.

I feel like lashing out at him.

Why can't I cry in peace?

If I ask him to leave me alone, he might suspect something's wrong.

My eyes snap shut, and my clenched fists unravel as he abruptly yanks the blanket off me, sending a chill down my spine and making my heart race like a wild animal trapped in my chest, pounding in fear.

What the hell?!

He suddenly begins to tap my shoulder with a gentle warm, feathery touch.

"Wake up, wake up, come and see."

"I know you're not sleeping."

What is wrong with this boy?

His tapping morphs into pain, as if his soft hands had turned into metal, digging into my flesh with each strike.

"Amanda, wake up, stop pretending."

I snap, grabbing his wrist and pulling him onto the bed.

"Ahh! Amanda, what happened to you?"

I kneel, pinning him between my legs, and begin pinching him all over his body, my anger unleashing.

"You can't just let me be at peace, can you?" I shout, pinning him down as he tries to sit up.

"Huh?" he mutters, struggling against my grip.

My anger takes over, and I pinch harder him all over, ignoring his pleas.

"I'll report to Mommy, stop!" he cries out

"Ahhh!"

"Amanda, please!"

He tries to push me away, but I'm unfazed.

"How many times have I told you to knock before entering my room? You never listen!" I pinch his stomach, and he screams in pain.

"Amanda, please, it's painful!"

"I promise not to enter your room without permission, please let me go!"

I pause, my hands still on his belly.

"Promise?" I ask, my lips twitching.

"Yes, yes, please let me go!"

I move away, sitting on my bed.

"Keep your words."

I side-eye him as he sits in bed, clutching his belly and groaning in pain.

"Argh, do you want to kill me?"

I ignore him, my expression impassive. That'll teach him a lesson.

"I had good news to share, but since you did this, I won't tell you again."

I turn to face him, curious, "What good news?"

He suddenly stands up, his eyes widening with furrowed brows.

"Are you possessed?" He takes a step back, fear in his eyes.

"Why are your eyes so red, Amanda?" he asks, his voice trembling.

So he's just noticing?

"Mo—" He tries to call out for Mom, but I quickly rush over and cover his mouth with my hand, standing behind him.

"Mmmmm," he mumbles.

"Shut up, okay? I'm not possessed. No need to involve Mom."

"Hmmm...hmmm...hmmm..."

I can't make out what he's saying, I can only feel saliva on my palm.

"Hmmm...hmmmm..."

"Be quiet already, I just got something in my eye, nothing serious."

But he shakes his head, disbelief written all over his face.

"I'm not lying, okay? Something got in my eye, and I was just trying to rinse it off. Stop overreacting."

"Hmmm...hmmm...hmmm."

Oh Lord!

I lose my patience and my grip tightens on his mouth.

"Shut up!"

"Shut up, okay?!"

"I'll pinch you if you don't listen to me. Get out of my room!" I release him, pushing him away.

I then walk to my bed, hearing him panting and coughing, then sit down.

"Y-you...you want to kill me, don't you?"

I ignore him, my mind drifting back to the video I watched.

Is this how fast kenderick moves on? We were never in a relationship, but I thought he liked me.

Why did he kiss me then?

Fresh tears sting my eyes as I cry.

"Why did this have to happen?" I whisper aloud, not caring.

My fingers dig into my sheets as I sob, my body shaking.

"Why did this have to happen? This was the same in high school. Why?"

Just then, I feel a warm weight on my shoulder.

"Amanda, are you okay?" His soft voice is a gentle probe, the question I needed someone to ask. 'Am I okay?'

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. I thought I had accepted my introverted nature, but suddenly it feels suffocating.

"Mandy, say something, what happened to you?"

His concern is evident, and I feel a lump form in my throat, like a hard, unspoken word stuck in my windpipe.

He's just my younger brother, only 13, and definitely not equipped to understand my turmoil. So, it's pointless to try to explain.

I feel him sit beside me, and he begins patting my back in a gentle attempt to comfort me.

"You don't have to cry, I may not have the best advice, but you can share your feelings with me."

I wipe away tears as my body hiccups.

"No, it's fine, I'm okay."

"You don't look it. Do you need Mom?"

I shake my head, fighting the urge to cry again.

"Well, I won't force it out of you, but feel free to open up when you're ready."

His words, though well-intentioned, threaten to unravel me further.

My lips tremble, struggling to hold back sobs.

It's strange to cry in front of my younger brother, and even stranger to consider sharing my feelings with him.

I fidget with my sheets, avoiding eye contact.

He stands up, his hands sliding away from my back, but I keep my head down, my face hidden.

"I'll share the good news I wanted to tell you earlier; it might lift your mood, I hope."

My head remains down, my eyes fixed on the white tiled floor.

"Well, the good news is that Dad bought a puppy, a Belgian pup!"

The news hits me like a surprise, and my eyes snap wide open.

Puppy? Belgian?

I'm not a fan of dogs; they scare me, but pups... they're a different story. They're so adorable!"

I've always been afraid of dogs, but there's something about pups that melts my heart.

The thought of a cuddly, playful Belgian pup at home makes me want to smile.

I slowly lift my head, my eyes meeting my brother's.

He's grinning, his eyes shining with excitement.

"Really?" I ask, my voice barely audible.

He nods, his grin growing wider.

"Yeah! Dad said we can name it too!"

My heart skips a beat at the thought of naming a pup.

I've always wanted a pet, but never thought it would happen.

"What's the pup's gender?"

"It's a boy!" He exclaims.

"Come and see him, he's outside!"

"Really?"

"Yes!"

I quickly stand up, but then a thought strikes me.

I'm pretty sure my eyes are red and puffy from crying.

What would Mom say if she sees me like this?

"What's wrong?" Nonso asks, still grinning.

"Oh, um, let me take a bath first. I'll come out immediately after I'm done."

"Okay, if you waste time, the pup will get used to Mommy, Peter and me already."

I chuckle, feeling a bit lighter, like my heart is slowly rising back to the surface.

"Bye, see you outside," he says, then turns around and begins walking towards the door.

I watch as he turns back with a simple smile on his lips.

"Do you think...do you think this pup can help you feel better?"

His words strike a chord within me.

Can a pup really help me overcome my heartbreak?

"I think it can!" He exclaims.

Can it?

I slowly nod with a smile, "Hmm, maybe it can."

With that, he waves at me before exiting my room.

I feel a little better now, and I can't wait to meet the puppy!

What should I name him? Hmm…

I pause as my gaze accidentally lands on my phone, which lies on the floor, right in front of my bed.

My smile fades away, and I stare at the blank screen, memories flooding back.

My eyes begin welling up with tears once more, blurring my vision.

But the image of the adorable puppy I'm about to meet instantly fills my head, and my heart leaps with joy.

My smile returns, and I walk over to pick up the phone.

It now has a cracked screen, just a slant.

I guess it's best to move on and let the past remain in the past.