The Last Time

I took a deep breath to hold back my tears as I looked at him with a heavy heart. He was lying in the hospital bed with a chemo port attached to his chest, tubes running through his body, and a heart rate monitor beside him. It pained me deeply to see him in this condition.

It has been five months since he was confined and every day watching him in this state is torture for me, I visit him before and after my classes, and mostly I am the one who takes care of him at night, even though Aunt Anne doesn't want me to, as I barely get any rest. But it's okay I'm okay as long as he doesn't feel my absence, as long as I am with him, I won't get tired.

Suddenly, he opened his eyes and looked at me with concern, reaching out to cup my face. It was his habit whenever he awakened.

"Baby, what's the problem? Are you okay?" He said with a worried tone, which made me panic. I approached him and held his hands

"Uh, Yes, love, I-- I'm okay," I stuttered, trying to calm myself down so he wouldn't worry about me and worsen his condition. He shouldn't get too emotional, as it might trigger a heart attack.

"I love you so much," I said and gave him a peck kiss on his lips to reassure him and make him feel at ease. I gave him a big smile afterward.

"Aww, my love you're so sweet. I'm so lucky to have a caring partner like you. Please don't worry too much, my love. I want you to be happy," he said, trying to cheer me up.

However, how can I be happy when he's lying in that hospital bed enduring such pain?

He's lucky to have me, but what about me? I feel so unlucky because I will possibly lose him. Why does it have to him in this condition? I don't want to think about his life ending, but I can't stop overthinking. I hope I can switch places with him.

"Let's eat, love. You've been sleeping for three hours. I'm sure you're hungry," I offered, trying to lighten the mood. It feels heavy when we talk about this, especially when he talks about wanting me to be happy once he's gone. My heart sinks with every word.

"You need to be strong, love. We have many promises to fulfill and experiences to have, bonds to share with you, so please get at least better," I pleaded while holding his hands. I gave him a wide smile and a peck on his lips, even though tears were on the brink of falling. I couldn't hold back the tears much longer as I wanted to be as brave as I could.

"Love, in a few days, hours or minute, my time will be up," he said in a broken voice, then bowed his head. I paled at his words, his tears falling into my arms. I held his hand tightly; I couldn't bear to see him cry.

"Stop that, love, please," I tried to stop him from saying more. I didn't want to hear those words. I couldn't bear the thought of losing him to his heart disease, especially since he told us about it five months ago. I regret not giving him all my attention, and not spending more time with him. Now, it's too late for regrets.

"Love, I love you so, so much. Be strong, don't give up. Just for me, fight for me," I pleaded with him, dying inside. I want to walk out of that door just to cry and release all these tears outside. The pain in my heart is unbearable; I can't bear to lose him. He was everything to me, the perfect man. I would risk my life for him if I only could.

Pretty please, I know it's hard.

Wipe your eyes and hold your head high.

I wish you could be happy instead.

There's nothing else I can do but love you the best way I can.

He started to sing while cupping my face, slightly lightening up the heavy mood.

"I won't stop loving you either," I said, nodding at him and hugging him while sobbing. I fed him and reminisced about the memories we shared.

"Let's pretend for now that you're not feeling any pain. Let's enjoy the moment," I told him as we watched the sunset, his favorite view.

Just like the sunset, he would bid his goodbyes, but I hoped he could come back every day like the sunset does.

Tears fell again, and I quickly wiped them away, not wanting him to see me crying as it would worry him.

"Love, you see that sunset?" He said smiling

"Yes, love," I said remaining calm cause I knew he was going to say something again I should be used to it

"My love for you is like the sun, constant and shining for us all. And just as the earth rotates around the sun, it is the natural order for us to move away for a season, and then to return closer, but always within the appropriate time." He said while staring straight into my eyes

I could not understand him I moved my body away to heave a deep breath, but he moved closer to me and now looking at the sunset.

"The sunset is so beautiful, just like you. You know I always wait for the sunset. I used to watch it from my window, just like how I waited for the sun to set. love, I will wait for you, even in the afterlife," he said, making me tear up again because I was already in so much pain. I couldn't bear losing him not now, not today, not tomorrow; why does he hurt me with only words?

 "Love, I promise I will follow you to that afterlife," I said, but it felt wrong. I feel stupid to not risk my life for him am I not brave enough?

He looked at me with a dark aura. "Not now, love. I'm sure you have many missions in life. I can only promise you my waiting above. But whenever you want to see me, always look at the sunset. I will be there."

"What if it rains?" I asked.

"Just wait until the rain stops, and you'll see a more beautiful view as the sun bids goodbye and returns even more beautiful than before."

"The sunset may return, but you won't," I replied in most whisper.

"What if the rain won't stop?" I ask staring at him while he's looking at the sunset, I can see how he truly adores the sunset

"Wherever you go, no matter the weather, always bring your own sunshine," he said then stared into my eyes with so much emotion and love

"Love, I can't bear this," I cried on his lap.

"Just like the weather, people can change. Change your life. Don't make yourself miserable because of me. Live for me, please?" he pleaded. I nodded.

"I never met a sunset I didn't like." I said sobbing

"Oh god, if you had any idea what I want to do to you right now." He chuckled

"I can't live like this. Please, Jouash, please." I begged looking so miserable

"This day being with you is the most wonderful thing you could have ever done for me." He suddenly clutched his heart, and I could see his suffering.

 I called the doctor, and they immediately rushed him to the ICU. The beeps of the monitor that were once comforting now sounded like a ticking clock counting down his final moments. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I knew I had to prepare myself for the inevitable. Since I couldn't enter, I turned away and contemplated.

As I nervously paced outside the operating room, my heart pounded in my chest. It had been six hours since they took him into surgery, and I was still waiting for any news. His parents couldn't express their grief in words. His mother cried, while his dad held her, trying to console her. I sobbed as well, unable to bear the thought of losing him.

Despite being utterly exhausted, I couldn't bring myself to rest. Every minute felt like an eternity, and every second felt like a lifetime. Finally, the doors to the operating room opened, and the surgeon came out. Dread filled my every cell as I awaited the news. My heart skipped a beat, hoping for good news.

Instead, he approached us with a solemn expression. "We tried everything we could, but we were unable to save him," the surgeon said.

The hallway fell silent for a moment. My legs turned to jelly, and I grasped the armrest to prevent myself from collapsing. Tears streamed down my face. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I felt like a part of me had been torn away. I hugged his siblings tightly, comforting them as they cried.

Summoning all my strength, I entered the ICU, where I saw him lying in the hospital bed, wires and tubes connected to his body. I held his hand tightly, trying to sense the warmth and life in his fingers. My heart shattered as I tried to hold back my tears, reminiscing about the times we spent together, the joy, and the love we shared. It was all so precious to me, slipping away along with him.

The surgeon met with his family, explaining that they had done everything possible. He mentioned that they tried to repair the damage, but his heart was too severely damaged. The doctor's words felt like a knife twisting in my heart. I felt like my world was crumbling around me, and all I could do was hold his hand. He took his final breath with me. His hand went lifeless in mine, and I knew he was gone.

As the hours turned into days, I never left his grave. I always visited, constantly reassuring him how much I loved him and how much I held onto hope that he could recover and rise from his coffin. But deep down inside, I knew that he wasn't coming back.

I felt like he was still beside me, holding my hand like he always did.

Sitting by his grave, I felt a sense of calmness wash over me. I knew he could feel my love, even if he couldn't express it. I knew I would always love him, and he would always be with me, watching over me.

At that moment, I realized that even though he was gone, he would always hold a special place in my heart. And I will always be grateful for the time we spent together, the love we shared, and the memories we created.

But I need to end it here no more pain and exhaustion and waking up every morning already wishing it was over I need to get things way out of my chest

It's not going to be better than this. It's hard to accept it but I need to

Someone's POV

My tears dropped and my heart tore apart as I watched the worst thing I could imagine. I stared at her crying uncontrollably, I badly wanted her but seeing her in this state broke me.

I entrusted her to you back then, Josh. And now you hurt her I cannot forgive you Josh, I cannot...

Soon I'll get her, I will take back what's mine, Josh. I will take back what's truly mine...