Searching Out

It's midnight, and I am still wide awake, lying on my bed, trying to put myself to sleep. Thoughts of our professor won't leave me alone. It's like there's this strong connection I can't shake off. His resemblance to Jouash, both in appearance and voice, was uncanny.

The way he looked directly at me, with that sudden jolt of surprise, stirred a mix of emotions within me. But I knew deep down that it couldn't be Jouash, so much impossible to be him. Jouash was gone, lost forever in my heart.

Curious and frustrated, an idea popped into my head. I grabbed my phone and checked Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok, trying to stalk Professor Josh Del Guzman's social media accounts to gather information about him or his relatives. I wanted to look at his face longer, wondering if I had imagined things earlier. Maybe there were slight differences in his features, like his nose, mole, or lips, or it was all just a figment of my imagination.

"This is so frustrating!" I exclaimed, slapping my face with both hands in exasperation.

Lost in thought, a sudden knock on my window startled me. My heart raced, beating rapidly in my chest. Instinctively, I reached for the nearest object within my reach, getting ready to defend myself. Slowly, I went to the window, carefully parting the curtains to see who it could be.

"Easy there, Mosh. It's me. Open up the window, please," a familiar voice whispered, accompanied by the sight of Kresha clinging to a small branch from the tree outside my window.

"God, Kresha! You scared me! What on earth are you doing here at midnight?" I exclaimed, disbelief evident in my voice, as I let go of the object I had been holding. I placed a hand over my heart, trying to calm its fast beating.

This silly girl, tsk!

"Quit talking and open the window before I fall," she begged, her voice fading slightly as if she was having trouble holding on. I couldn't handle her drama anymore. I opened the window, letting her climb in. She sighed heavily and headed straight to my bed, falling onto it.

She looked tired from climbing the tree and hanging onto the branches to support her small body. While it was her own doing that got her into this situation, I couldn't help but wonder why she had gone through such trouble to be here.

"So, why did you come here?" I asked, turning on the lights to brighten up the room.

"I just wanted to check on you because I know you're still not okay," she answered wearily, letting out a yawn.

"You could have just texted or called me. Did you even ask your mom for permission to come out at this hour?" I asked, my frustration clear in my voice.

"Yeah, she knows. She understands," she responded casually, brushing off any worries about being out late. After all, her mother was aware of the situation I had found myself in, and she offered her support and understanding.

 "Why didn't you just text me so I could open the front door for you? You didn't need to climb that tree," I said, feeling both irritated and worried.

"I didn't want to bother anyone, and it's a bit fun climbing that tree. Plus, why are you still up?" she asked a hint of mischief in her eyes.

"I just-- I can't stop thinking about our professors. It's confusing and intriguing. It's unlikely they have the same face and voice. My head is aching from all the thoughts," I explained, feeling the weight of my thoughts bearing down on me.

 "Did you check his social media?" Kresha asked, her eyes sparkling with curiosity.

"Yeah, but there's nothing interesting. No posts, no pictures. Just a dull, boring, and inactive account," I replied, feeling disappointed

"I can't understand what's going on. Maybe Jouash had a twin, and his parents hid him away. Or maybe this professor is a lost son of Mr. and Mrs. Perez. My mind is racing with all these ideas," she said, looking at me with a childlike expression, curiosity, and confusion evident on her face as if she was ready to share a plethora of ideas.

I stared back at her, my mind filled with a swirl of conflicting thoughts. The possibilities she suggested felt both unbelievable and interesting. It felt crazy to listen to this silly girl's ideas.

A knot formed in my stomach as her words sank in.

Could it be? Was this person, who looked so much like Jouash, connected to him in some way? Did Mr. and Mrs. Perez keep a secret from us?

The buried feelings started to resurface, overwhelming me once again.

"Kresha, are you saying that our professor... might be... him?" I said my voice barely above a whisper.

"I was just kidding!" she quickly replied, an awkward smile stretching across her face. "Come on, we know it's impossible for it to be him. We saw with our own eyes on the day he was buried and laid to rest. I can't believe you fell for my silly joke." she chuckled

I lightly slapped her legs and rolled my eyes. She was right; how could a deceased person come back to life?

But her attempt to brush off the idea didn't completely ease my worries. Doubts remained, and the uncertainty burdened my mind. Maybe I just miss Jouash so much that I'm imagining impossible things, and now my heart is starting to ache.

 "Let's handle this carefully," she proposed, trying to stay rational.

"We shouldn't rush to conclusions or get our hopes up, only to be disappointed in the end. Maybe we can ask him if he knows the Perez family and gather some clues or answers. Or perhaps we could talk to Mrs. Perez herself and see if she knows anything. But we have to be patient."

Her words of caution struck a chord with me. She knew the pain of losing Jouash too well. The wounds were still raw, and I couldn't bear the idea of being deceived or let down once again.

"Are you feeling sleepy?" she asked, still looking hyper.

"Not yet. Why?" I replied, curious about what she had in mind.

"Let's watch a movie!" she pleaded, her eyes shining with enthusiasm.

"We have classes tomorrow, Kresha. We can't risk being late," I scolded, reminding her of our responsibilities.

"Oh, come on! Just one movie, and we'll sleep afterward. We're not sleepy yet," she insisted, her childlike persistence pulling at my heart.

"Fine," I agreed, sighing in surrender. I couldn't resist her charm and her genuine desire to lighten the mood. "But only one movie, and then we sleep."

We watched the anime movie "Your Name," and it was so emotional.

While watching the movie, I couldn't help but see similarities between my life and the movie. I wondered if it's even possible for dead people to come back to life but in different bodies. I'm tormenting myself by thinking he could return and come back to me, praying for my hopes to come true.

I let out a heavy sigh as tears streamed down my cheeks once again. I glanced at Kresha and saw that she had already fallen asleep.

"Damn, girl, I knew she'd be the first one to doze off." I looked at my wall clock and realized it was already 2:00 in the morning.

 Wiping my tears, now feeling a bit sleepy myself, I covered Kresha with a blanket and decided to go to sleep.

"Love, stay away from that person," said the man in front of me, the person I loved.

"Why, love? He looks like you," I said, looking at him with confusion.

"He's not a good person, love," he stated firmly, caressing my cheek and planting a kiss on my lips.

"I wish you were him, alive, so I could see and touch you in reality," I expressed sadly, looking at him as he slowly faded.

When I woke up, tears were streaming down my face.

Why did I have to wake up?

I just wanted to stay in that dream forever with him. I longed to escape reality with him. I covered my face with both hands, wiping the tears away.

I looked to my side and noticed Kresha wasn't beside me anymore. I got up, stretched, and made my way to the bathroom to wash my face. After freshening up, I headed downstairs to find something to eat. That's when I heard Kresha's voice, her words resonating through the house. Her loud and excited voice carried up the stairs, indicating she was talking to my mom.

 I walked into the kitchen and found Kresha deeply engaged in conversation with my mom. Despite her late-night visit, her presence brought a sense of comfort and familiarity to our home.

I joined Kresha and my mom in the kitchen, a mix of curiosity and sleepiness evident in my face. Kresha noticed me and flashed me with a wide grin.

"Morning, Mosh! Your mom was just sharing the story of when you fell off in the drainage as a kid. It's adorable though hahaha!" she said, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

I playfully rolled my eyes, shaking my head.

"Oh, great. Now my embarrassing childhood tales are out there." My mom chuckled and joined in, saying,

"Don't worry, Arielle. Kresha shared some of her own embarrassing stories too. It's only fair!" my mom defended

Kresha laughed it off, saying, "Hey, it's all part of the fun. We need some entertainment in our lives, right?" I couldn't help but smile at her lively spirit. She had a way of turning even the simplest moments into something amusing.