BUT I STILL LOVE YOU PART 4

...

After a 6-month in a secluded place, my mind can't bear this suffering anymore. I have totally lost it.

I kept having an imagination about Alex.

He is everywhere in my sleep, when I'm awake, when I feel lonely or even when I was having sex with Seonho, even though I knew it wasn't him. But I still need him.

Me: (Fuck you! I hate you Alex! I HATE YOU!)

I was in a denial stage. I think I can't bear it any longer. I started to hate Alex.

I was wondering why he couldn't save me right now. "Where did he go! Has he forgotten his promise? I won't forgive you anymore!"

I feel like I had been raped countless times by Seonho. I couldn't feel the enjoyment when having sex anymore. I think I was already traumatised by it.

Seonho: Do you think it was consensual? Don't lie to me. Admit already you are also having fun. Your body can't lie. It is always honest when I put it inside me. I bet you, I'm better than him. Don't you think so?

"Puih!" I spit on his face.

Me: Do you think I would do it because I want to? It's just a natural body reaction you motherfucker! I just don't want to make you feel useless. You are so shameless. Do you think you are so good looking? The truth is, no one would ever fall in love with you. That's why you are single until now. You will be forever lonely till you rot into hell!

I was losing my mind and made Seonho lose patience. He slapped me continuously till I spluttered blood from the inside.

Seonho: Do you think so? Fine, let's do it again. This time I won't give mercy to you.

Me: Try it. I will do the same every time and cums as many as you want. All I ever think is only him (Alex). You are so pitiful. You lost your virginity to me but you didn't even get my attention. Don't worry, I won't tell him (Alex) that you lose to him because I don't want to make your inferiority complex become worse.

Seonho: You bastard! You think I would care about it? I can have sex with you as much as I want. You should know that already. I'm the one who is in advantage.

Me: *smirk*. Yeah right.

I was beaten up and at the same time, I got fuck by him. My body was full of bruises. My body got thinner because I lost too much strength when doing sex and released a lot of nutrition from my body.

Me: Damn. At this rate, I could impregnate you if you are a infertile female. Too bad you don't have a womb.

Seonho: You should be grateful or not, you can't enjoy this eternal pleasure.

Me: Do you mean endless suffering? Don't make me laugh, I don't find any pleasure doing it with you. You may be his half-brother, but you are nothing compared to him.

Seonho was opposed to my words. After that, he no longer visits me. I'm getting skinny and making him lose interest in me.

Until one day, he decided to feed me.

Me: I thought you had lost your humanity.

Seonho: Shut up and eat.

Me: Why? So can you use me again?

He suddenly grabbed me and talked in a desperate voice.

Seonho: Whether I want it or not, it's not your fucking business.

Me: *smirking*. Let me tell you something.

Seonho: Shut up. You know it's worthless.

Me: I will destroy him for you.

Seonho: Do you think I would care? He doesn't care after all this time about you. Besides, I only keep you because I want to use you.

Me: So you don't want your revenge anymore?

Seonho: ...

Me: How pathetic.

Seonho: What did you say?

Me: Don't you have any courage to fuck with other people? Why must it be me?

Seonho: Shut up!

Me: Is it because you have a brother complex?

Seonho: I said shut the fuck up!

Me: So that's true. You only want me because Alex used to have me before. What a disgusting fetish. (A fucking retard that have a sexual pleasure to his own brother's taste)

Seonho: You don't know anything about me!

Me: Geez. You must want to have a sex with him, don't you? What a good brother. I thought you never cared about him.

Seonho grabbed his fist and was ready to punch me.

Seonho: One more word. You better choose carefully.

Me: *sighed*. I will help you.

Seonho: What? I don't need your help.

Me: Trust me. I can get it done for you.

Seonho: Why should I believe you? You must have wanted to kill me already.

Me: Are you crazy? I won't even tell the police. How can I face him again?

Seonho: Huh?

I try to manipulate him and side with him.

Me: Listen to me. He would kill me if I told him and he can easily know if I report to the police.

Seonho: So it will be a death for you?

I nodded to him.

Me: The last time I ran from him, he almost killed my family. Do you think I want that?

Seonho: What a lunatic!

Me: (Just like you, idiot)

Seonho: Then, what are you going to do?

Me: I will go back to him and confess that I ran away from him after stealing his slush fund.

Seonho: Do you think he would believe that?

Me: That's why I will need your help. What do you say?

Seonho: And then what?!

Me: I will kill him for you.

Seonho: Do you think I want it? Death would be a mercy for him!

Me: Fine, I will cut his finger and give him a regret.

Seonho: He can treat any physical wounds.

Me: We can hurt his pride. I will stab his back and reveal his fraud so that he is put into jail?

Seonho: He can hire a powerful prosecutor.

Me: What about revealing his secret to the media?

Seonho: He has a good public's perception.

Me: Turn apart his company?

Seonho: He has a foreign company.

Me: Then what am I supposed to do?!

Seonho: I don't know! That's why I already gave up. I want something that makes him in unbearable pain that will make him suffer eternally.

Me: *sighed*. That's easy. Let's say I broke his heart. Do you want it?

Seonho: What do you mean?

Me: You already know I was close with him. I will break up with him.

Seonho: Wait a sec. That's mean..

He takes a moment and smiles alone.

Seonho: Great. I will accept it. But remember, if you turn against me, I will tell him the truth.

Me: Of course. How could I? I can't even do anything to harm you and you got everything and put the knife on my neck. I guarantee you.

Seonho: That's right. HAHAHA. You are so worthless. We had a deal.

...

After that, he released me from his prison and set me free. But I could feel that he was watching my step.

I finally left his place and learned that he has been keeping me in one of his private estate. No wonder no one could find me if they were searching for me.

I was able to reach home safely when I collapsed on the road. I was rescued by a small family that passed through to go to Seoul. They were on their ways back from their hometown. At the moment they found me, they were surprised with my appearance. They thought that I was a beggar that tried to scam them. However, I persuade them about my identity. They felt hesitant to leave me there and brought me to the address that I gave them.

After that, I reach my house and get inside to relieve my fatigue for all this time.

Me: I miss it. Argh, this is so nice. I have longed for it for 6-months. I can't believe I would be able to survive after going through that hell.

After taking a short rest on the bed, I begin to realise it's not over yet. I still have something to do. "Damn it!" I clench my fist and my anger for Seonho comes to me after I completely fool him.

"You will pay for this!" I promised myself.

...

The first thing that I do is to fill my stomach. All my instant noodles stock disappeared in the cabinet. But I still got a pack that I left in a secret place.

After that, I go to my room and have a warm bath that I have been longing for. The water is hot and really a good thing to brush away my fatigue. I finished and realised how bad I smelled before. I just got used to it and the first time I smelled the scent of my shampoo. This smells so nice and makes me feel so sleepy.

That night, I went to bed and had a deep enough sleep for 10 hours. I woke up in the evening and realised that I still did not know Alex's whereabouts.

I found my phone that was on the shelf. I found a note from Alex. "Hey, it's been a long time I haven't see you. I miss you" It looks like it has been here for a long time.

When I open up my phone, there are a ton of notifications in my inbox. It's all the missed calls and messages that I got from my acquaintances.

After reading them all, it's sure that they might have thought I already died.

I can't believe there is a report searching for me. I found out that my disappearance has been ruled out as a missing person.

Me: (Thank goodness they don't put it as a death person)

It's only been a 6-month and they consider I had left the country and didn't find any reason for it.

Finally, I open up Alex messages that have been trying to contact me in any such ways possible. He also came to my house.

There are 500 notifications in my chat. He chatted with me everyday and sent me a voice chat too. It took me a long time to hear it one by one.

After that, my hatred for him slowly disappeared. Now, I feel like I'm the one at fault.

"You promise me, you won't leave me again" These are the words that most affected me and pierce deeply into my heart. I could feel Alex's feelings that must have been feeling grief and sorrow for all this time.

Without further ado, I immediately rushed to go out.

My plans to stay home for a while, cancelled because I can't wait any longer.

Me: I miss you too. I hope you will still accept me no matter what.

I feel hesitant because of my appearance that changes drastically. I still haven't regained all the weight that I lost.

After reaching Alex's house, it looks like he wasn't at home.

I went to search for him at the office and it was embarrassing because of how the public looked at me differently. I don't blame them for thinking I'm a zombie with this look. I was skinny to the bone. Even Ms. Irene had a hard time recognizing me. She helped me to call for Mr. Jung and I got to know his location.

Immediately, I went to the park where I met him for the first time. There's a long story behind it. He must be wishing to see me again.

At the park, my eyes were on the verge of tears when looking at his back.

From afar, I noticed Alex was there. He was sitting on the bench alone. I wonder how he would look right now.

I'm hesitant to approach him. "What would I say to him?" He must have loathed me for leaving him again. I think maybe it's better if I just leave him be.

Suddenly, when I was turning back and about to leave, Alex called for me. "Carl... Is that you?"

I can hear his footsteps slowly walk towards me. Just before he gets to see my face, I immediately tell him to stop.

Me: Stop. Don't come here.

Alex: So, is it really you? What happened to you? Where have you gone?

He continues to come near me.

Me: I told you! If you come any closer, I will run away.

Alex: ... Do you hate me?

Me:Sighed. No.

Alex: Then why?

Me: I don't want you to look at me.

Alex: ....

Me: I'm not the Carl that you know anymore.

My eyes begin to tear up.

Me: I'm hideous. I'm a monster! I...

As I was busy insulting myself, Alex came and hugged me from behind.

Alex: You must have suffered enough.

I was surprised he would do that.

Alex: Don't worry. You don't have to explain to me.

Me: But....

Alex: I feel grateful to have you now.

Suddenly, my shoulder felt wet when I realised Alex was crying while leaning on me.

That really breaks my heart.

I decided to stand there until Alex was done.

Alex: Can I look at you now?

I was reluctant.

Me: I'm fine but I don't want to scare you.

He turned me around and I finally got to see his face. He is smiling brightly at me. He still has the same old look to me and he hugs me again.

Me: Aren't you surprised?

Alex: For what?

Me: I'm ugly. I'm getting thinner and...

Alex: That doesn't matter.

Me: Aren't you bothered by how I look?

Alex: It's just the outside, but your inside won't ever change. You are the Carl that I know.

Me: Thanks. (And you are the same Alex that I know. You always not what I would expect)

I hug him tightly.

After that, he brought me to the hospital to have a medical check up first.

I was silent for all this time. I was feeling uncomfortable talking with him. I might find it awkward because there are many people too. When I look at Alex, he is calm and never asks me about anything.

As the doctor finished the check up, he left both of us after explaining about my health.

It looks like I'm malnutrition deficient and need to watch what I eat. The doctor also told me not to push myself to do work and need to get some rest for a while. I have to eat multivitamin to recuperate my body back as usual.

In the room, Alex was holding my hand while staring at me.

I know he is not the type to ask me first.

Me: Why don't you ask me anything?

Alex: Because you are not forcing yourself to talk with me. I assume it is something that is important to you.

Me: *sigh*. Thanks. I'm really sorry. I.. want to tell you everything, but I think there's no use anymore as I already got back to you.

Alex: But can you at least tell me what happened? The least I want to know is... Who did this to you?

He suddenly had a serious tone.

Me: *gulped*. I know that if I tell you this, the person won't be alive. But, there is something that he had against me.

Alex: What is it?

Me: I... I would rather not tell you.

Alex: Is this how much you trust me? It's been our third time meeting again after being apart. Do you think I would do something?

Me: *Sighed*. Fine. But promise me you won't do something unnecessary?

Alex: I promise.

He was confident with his answer.

Me: Fine. I will tell you. The truth is... I... had been kidnapped by your brother.

I could see he was holding back his anger. He is clenching hard his fist.

Me: But it's fine now. As long as I'm back, right?

Alex: Do you think I'm stupid? He already did so much to you like this after six months. He must have something to let you go, doesn't he?

Me: (Should I tell him?)

Alex: What the hell. Just tell me already.

Me: He...

Alex: TELL ME NOW BEFORE I SLIT HIS THROAT AND MAKE HIM BEAR PAINFUL DEATH!

He screamed in rage.

Me: He told me to break up with you. That's all.

Alex: Then, do you want us to break up?

Me: ....

Alex: For god sake. Are you serious?

Me: I don't have a choice.

Alex: The what fuck is that reason?

Me: Please, just don't mind him. That's all he wants.

Alex: Do you think I could do that? Why are you being so obedient to him? Did he do something to you?!

Me: ...

He gave up and didn't want to know the answer. His face shows a mix of emotions. He looked mad, curious and worried.

Alex: Fine, I'm going find out by myself.

He stood and tried to leave just before I stood up to stop him.

Me: I'm sorry. I'm... I'm really sorry.

Alex: What? Why are you sorry?

He struck with his sense.

Alex: *Chuckles*. Don't tell me... Isn't true, right?

He must have the slightest idea what Seonho has done to me. He pushed me and looked down in distress

He is laughing crazily.

Alex: Yaa, look at me. Look me in the eyes and tell me. You don't do it right? With him.

My tears drop down the floor and I won't dare to even look at him from the start.

Alex: Is that why you are disgusted to look at me? *chuckles*. Wah, this is so fun. I can't believe it. I feel like I want to kill someone right now.

He was walking back and forth while breathing heavily.

Me: I.. I know this is harsh for you... But... I really didn't mean it. I was drugged and...

Alex: Shut the hell UP!

He stumbled on the door and punched it several times until he punched through a hole at the door. Suddenly the doctor rushed to look at us and Alex was very angry till he threw the chair at the door.

Me: Please, Alex.. I'm begging you.

He is losing control. He glared at me with sharp eyes filled with a murder intent.

Alex: LET GO OF ME OR ELSE.

Me: Alright 2x. I will let go. But please. Listen to me.

As I let him go, he left without me finishing my words.

Me: PLEASE DON'T DO IT!!!

Alex left the hospital after taking the key from Mr. Jung.

I immediately follow Alex.

Mr. Jung: Where is he going?

Me: Don't worry. Come with me and call an ambulance just for a backup.

We both rush into a taxi and follow the car that Alex was driving.

From behind, I was worried about him driving recklessly.

Mr. Jung: What happened to the young master? Did you know anything, sir?

Me: He must have been crazy. What should I do?

I noticed there is Mr. Jung and he might help me.

Me: Do you know where Kim Seon Ho is right now?

Mr. Jung: He must be at his company. It's not far from here.

Me: Fuck! I'm sorry but, do you have any number to contact him?

Mr. Jung: I have, but...

Me: Give it to me now! Do you want him to get killed?!

Mr. Jung immediately passes his phone after dial Seonho's number.

It takes some time for him to pick.

After that, he answered my call.

Seonho: Hello.

Me: Get out NOW!

Seonho: Who is this?

Me: Are you deaf?! Run away NOW! Alex is going to kill you.

Seonho: Is that you, Carl? What are you talking about?

As I was talking to him, we reached Seonho's office.

On the phone, I could hear someone relaying a message to Seonho. "Sir, your brother is here and he is making a scene.

"Aarghhh!!!" a woman's voice was heard on the phone.

Suddenly, I could hear Seonho's breathing and his voice is shaking.

Seonho: Alex... What are you doing here? Do you have something...

His voice was trembling in fear.

"Bam!" I could hear something. It looks like the phone got knocked away but I am still in line with him. I hurried to his room and entered the building as I saw there was no one in Alex's car. He left already.

While I walked to find his office, I could hear the sound of someone getting beaten up. I looked around and the guard was all knocked down by Alex.

"These many and they still can't stop him alone?" I was having a thought and can't imagine how it would be if Alex met Seonho. He won't survive.

...