Decisions

The new week came with so much headache as we prepared for continuous assessments and I had been carrying the load for my boyfriend. This affected my grades so much I felt lost in my own world.

Between classes, being bullied my uppersixth girls and the pressure from my teachers to lookout for me, I was overwhelmed. Apart from Mr Rawlings, I found 2 of my former teachers at my new school who decided to play fatherly roles to me, causing students to fear/hate me.

Then there was my boyfriend who changed drastically, skipping classes, avoiding me or trying to corner me into doing more than I was willing to.

I was barely sleeping and I found i was lacking in my studies, which was new to me as a former nerd with excellent grades.

As the days went by, assessments came in and I was performing horribly. Clearly I wasn't good at multitasking. I struggled to understand how my relationship was getting worse each day, while trying to put my head in my books.

The results on the board scared me so much I knew my dad was going to throw a fit!!!

As if I wasn't going through enough already, two days to visiting I received the letter that would change the trajectory of my entire high school life.

" Hey Babe!" I gushed at his beautiful calligraphy, half laughing, eliciting stares from my mates who thought I was going mad. I didn't care as I stared at the 3 page letter my boyfriend had sent to me. Strange, I know as we were in a boarding school but I hadn't seen him in over 4 days and I was ecstatic that he chose to write me a letter. In my ecstasy I sent for Cheryl, as I wanted her to share in my joy and went ahead to digest my love letter...or what I was soon to find out wasn't exactly a love letter but a breakup letter.

"I have been and absolute arse to you but you have been the best thing to happen to me. At my lowest moments you were my strength and gave me reasons to live. I am so proud I had a chance to be in your life and I thank the heavens for it daily. " at this point, I was seriously blushing, teary-eyed and the feeling in my belly lacked words. How sweet of him I thought. Well my bubble was about to be burst.

"I have tried to love you and you are an amazing person but I can no longer pretend ..... you are conservative in all ways, you are my girlfriend but could pass for my sister. Everyone is jealous of me but I barely touch you. You are soo beautiful but I want more than beauty. I want all of you.. Every guy talks about you at night and I can'tbut feel scaredthat you will leave me when you tire of me... I hope you can forgive me but I can no longer do this. It was great while it lasted but I moved on already and I hope you can do same and still be friends.."

Everything was blurry at that point and I had to rush out of class, bumping into Cheryl as I bolted to the playing grounds. I couldn't breathe!!! The world was spinning, I was living in some dark mysterious nightmare. As I struggled with balance and slumped to the ground clasping my chest, fighting to pull air into my lungs, Cheryl rushed to my side lifting me into her arms without asking questions. I was grateful for silent presence as I started ahead in disbelief, trying to break out of my reverie.

Then I broke out into sobs that could be heard from miles away, thank God the grounds were far from the classes.

Cheryl had summoned our then crew to meet us and as they flooded around me, 

The next time I opened my eyes, I was in the infirmary, surrounded by my girls who looked worried and the vic principal who had passed a call across to my parents who were on the way.

The looks on my friends faces prompted my looking into the mirror which resulted in my screaming and passing out again. In my pain and panic, I touched something that resulted in an allergy and I looked like I had walked into a wall or worst.

The beeping of monitors and my moms teary eyed face were the first things I saw as I opened my eyes. I was in the hospital, hooked to several machines and my dad on seeing me breathed a sigh of relief.

 "My child, what happened to you? " asked my dad with a calm voice. I could feel his voice breaking but he had to be strong for mom and myself.

" i thought I lost you. What happened to you? You have always been soo strong. How did you pass out in the field? " mummy said with teary eyes.

And boom!! It all came back.

I felt the ethereal pain of disappointment and betrayal and sadness, causing me to clutch my chest. The machines starting going off so my parents started screaming, summoning the medical team. My parents were hurled out of the room as shots were sent into my cannula, which sent the feeling of warmth and sleepiness through me.

I was in a maze with no way out!!!