Chapter 03: Memories & Him.
qayamat hai yeh tark e aarzoo bhi
mujhe aksar woh yaad aya bohut hai
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Abeer's POV
December 2023.
The winter chill seeped into my bones, mirroring the cold emptiness I felt inside. Days blended into nights as I buried myself in work, confined to my room, disconnected from the world outside. My online job as a graphic designer was the only lifeline, keeping me anchored to reality, even if just barely.
I scrolled mindlessly through my Instagram feed, a mind-numbing ritual, when a cat meme popped up. A cat with its tongue out, eyes closed. It was innocent, silly. But for me, it was Pandora's box. Maan and I used to send each other countless cat pictures, and suddenly, the dam of memories burst open.
Maan loved cats. He had a Persian cat when he lived here, Busters had passed away a few years before he left. I remember how excited he was about—yummy— his black cat that he bought after moving abroad.
Maan and I always had a way of making even the simplest moments and smallest happiness seem extraordinary. Many such moments are crossing my mind now, nostalgia taking over. There was this particular picture of a cat with frosting on its face, which I used to send him on his every birthday, and he'd always reply with, "What are you doing eating my cake, huh?"
The last time I wished him, his reply had changed. It was nothing, really, just a slight shift in tone. But it hurt. I had cried so much over him that seeing the message, all I could manage was a broken smile.
His reply:
'hahahaha'
'thank you'
He was not my Maan anymore. Maan had become a memory. This person was someone new and I don't know him. This reality has been hard to accept. I tell myself everyday that he is a different person now, that he doesn't miss me and that with life he too has left me behind. But my heart just won't accept it.
Abeer's Diary
aaj phir se yaadon mein halchal hui hai,
aaj phir se dil dharka hai,
aaj phir se yun laga hai,
keh aik bujha diya jala hai.
(TRANSLATION:
Today, memories stir once more,
Today, my heart beats again,
Today, it feels as if,
A long-extinguished light has been rekindled.)
Rehman Malik. Why do you always appear whenever I feel like there's no hope left?
It's been 4 years since you left (no, 4 years, 7 months & 9 days). Almost 3 years since we completely stopped contacting each other. And almost a year since I stopped waiting for you, purging every picture, every conversation, everything that reminded me of you. How foolish, right? I tried, but in the end, I'm still left with memories. Our memories. How do I erase them Maan? How?
Jab chale hi gaye ho toh puri tarhan chale jao na. Akhir kyun mera dil, dimagh nhi bholne deta mujhe tumhari baaten, tumhari awaz, tumhari smile aur tumhari woh gehri ankhein, tumhari lambi palken aur tumhare curly baal?
Kyun tumse itna dur ho keh bhi tumhe hi apne pas pati hun. Kyun tumhe bhulne keh chakar mein tum mein hi kahin ulajh si jati hun. Aakhir kyun?
(TRANSLATION:
If you've left, then leave completely, won't you? Why is it that my heart and mind won't let me forget your words, your voice, your smile, and those deep eyes of yours, your long lashes, and your curly hair?
Why, even when you're so far away, do I still find you close to me? Why do I get tangled up in thoughts of you when all I want is to forget? Just why?)
Abeer's POV
December always brings him back. His birthday is in a few days. I want to wish him, see him tease me over silly memes. But I know I can't.
Flashback
(Monday - 9th December '2019)
The day Maan told me he was leaving. My world shattered. His texts were simple and direct:
'tum kab free ho?'
'milna hai tumse'
'next week meri flight hai yehi week hai batao kab milna hai?'
(TRANSLATION:
'When are you free?'
I want to meet you.'
'My flight is next week, so tell me when we can meet this week?')
I cried, my heart breaking with every word. He was supposed to leave after the New Year, not now. Why so soon?
I had never cried as much as I did that week. Even then, Friday came faster than I wanted.
I waited for him at the mall, my favorite place, drowning in my thoughts, when a text popped up:
'kisko dekh keh itna smile kar rahi ho?'
(TRANSLATION:
"Who are you smiling at so much?")
There he was, leaning casually against a bench, smiling, his eyes sparkling with that familiar warmth. And that damn smile! The one that reaches his eyes, forming the most adorable crinkles on each side. Seeing him, everything else faded away. The world did not exist whenever he was around. And this was my last day with him..
As he talked excitedly about his future, I watched, trying to imprint every detail in my memory. I knew I was going to lose him once he left, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. Something inside me was breaking, and it wasn't just my heart. It was my soul, screaming in agony.
It was love. And I had realized it too late.
End of flashback
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rah e hasti ke iss jalty safar mein
tumhari yaad ka saya bohut hai