Chapter 4 Decisions

'My faith frowns upon abortion and I do not think I can live with the knowledge that I had a hand in killing something or someone that was/ is a part of me and could be a future somebody'.Skylar prayed for strength and wisdom as she thinks about the life growing inside her. She was still young and unable to take on the responsibility of raising a child especially alone so maybe someone else might want them. This made her think about give the baby up for adoption, can she still be apart of the child's life. What will happen if the couple is not good to the child, neglect, abuse and child labor. We read about all these bad things in happening in the world and can't help but wonder if the whole giant blue mass is harboring nothing but evil spirits. Then again they could be adopted by a nice couple, what for nothing, need nothing showed with love and grow up happy. Either way she knew in her heart that by giving up the baby for adoption she would miss out on seeing the kid grow up. The questions kept spinning in her head,will they end up with a good or bad family, will they be happy will she ever see or meet them? will she want to see them again after abandoning? Should she rather confide in the reverend father. 'Oh God my father will murder me and get away with it, why was I born into a family with so many law enforcement officers and medical personal' she almost fell out of the bed when this thought came to her mind. Skylar did not doubt that they will end her life and cover it up No questions asked.

This back and forth was going nowhere so she looked down and saw the two lines, what did they mean again 'lol you know exactly what they mean', her brain retorts. Skylar found herself suck at this 5-step thing. A week ago she was in denial about the whole thing, then she only just accepted it and while taking the test. While thinking of whole pregnancy and her options now she found her self with a mix of denial and depression. She will wait for confirmation tomorrow then tell the baby's father, she reflected on the fact that with all the options she thought about, she never considered abortion. This was her final decision no matter what happens later he needs to know about it, the real question was will she be able to go through with any of this. The failed peep talk to convince herself was not working so she went down to the dining hall. The shock came when for the first time since she had been at varsity she ask about what ingredients they use in everything and opted for rice, steamed veggies and steak, a fruit and a bottle of water instead of a soda like she always did. She will make sure the child was healthy this was her promise to herself and the child to do better. Skylar normally went for a quick meal and soda to keep her awake on a sugar high, having already formed some attachment to the life just by knowing its there "arrggh!" She groaned in frustration why did she have to care so much, if she eat bad maybe her body will reject it. "Ok baby its you and me, we will see what the nurse says tomorrow" she said as she gently rubbed her belly while a sweet smile hung upon her lips. Now the issue at hand she still had his address from the uber receipt when she returned that morning but that's all she had no number or email address. "How will I get a hold of him, I could ask his cousin but then she will get suspicious and I don't have valid reason to contact him that I can use as an excuse" she thought as she looked for ways to get in contact with Gabriel. This was a mess what would she do now, how will she survive. Exams where almost over so she went back to study and prepare for what was to come, the things she could control. Like whether she will sit for the exams with knowledge or lacking knowledge.