Nightmares

Summer winked, holding out her hands to Vivian in invitation. Vivian took a while to accept, but eventually gave in and went with her into the house, while I was finally alone with Madeleine.

I stood there for a long time. I didn't know what to do, whether to speak or wait for her to speak.

I was waiting for her to speak. I sniffled slightly.

No response.

I moved a little closer to the armchair.

- Madel... Mom... - I said at last.

- I didn't think I'd have the courage," she said in a low, firm voice. - I could tell she was taking so long to talk to me. And ever since you walked through that door, I've been waiting.

- Err... I... uh... you were distracted, I didn't think you'd... notice me.

- But I always notice! - she said abruptly. - I care! And I don't know what the hell you think this conversation is about! But I'm not one to beat around the bush and you know it. - She stood up, her expression neutral. She walked over to the table, pouring herself another bourbon. My gaze followed her every step, every flicker of her eyes, her rapidly rising and falling chest, unmasking her true emotions. - You're pregnant," she said without delay.

I swallowed dry, there seemed to be shards of glass in my throat. She approached me calmly and then gave me the test in her hand. I looked at her speechlessly, there was nothing to say, it was all there. At no point did Madeleine take her eyes off mine, coldly studying my reactions.

- "Yes," I said at once, breaking the contact between our eyes.

- How could you be so stupid? - she shouted.

-I... I... I don't know... I'm sorry. -

What else could I say?

- I've had enough! I'm tired of telling you! I'm so tired of you!

- What? How can you say that to me? - I faced her.

- You heard me right, Nicole. I knew from the moment you were born that you would make everything difficult for me! I had plans for you, Nicole! How could you ruin everything?

- Ruin everything? I never, ever wanted to make anything difficult for you. On the contrary, I was too busy trying to be a good daughter to you!

- What are you saying? I give you everything! You study at the best school in the city, you have a private driver, monthly deposits in your bank account that would be enough for an upper-class family to live on. And you still think I was busy trying to be a good daughter? Please, Nicole!

- Yes! I have all this, but when I needed you most... - my voice shook - you weren't! And what good is all that? From the moment you left us in this house, from the moment you sent your assistant to Dad's funeral, from the moment you left me alone in that boarding school. I needed you! And at no time did you think to visit me, to be there.

- Please, this isn't about the past! - I said firmly. If I hadn't left, you wouldn't have this life, Nicole! I don't know where you think the money comes from, but I run a multi-million dollar company! And no thanks to you! I had to! A child, you, was not in my plans! I really wanted to have this opportunity that I'm giving you now... - He lowered his tone. - We have the family doctor, Dr. Aspem. - He rubbed his eyes frantically. - I've already called him to let him know the situation. You're going to take this baby out tomorrow!

- But I-I... I... I don't want to! - I shouted, throwing my hands up in the air.

- You what? - She came closer, staring at me.

- I... Please don't make me. - The tears I'd been holding back began to run down my face.

- Force you? - she said smiling. - You don't know what you want, Nicole! You're just a spoiled teenager, you don't know anything about life! You can't... You're going to succeed me in the company! If only I'd had the chance.

- What would you have done, Madeleine? You would have aborted me! Your life would certainly be better without me, wouldn't it? - I felt tears burning down my face.

- No, Nicole, it's not about what I could have done! After all, you're not here anymore! - She pointed hard at my chest.

- Yes, I'm here! And I turned around all those years on my own. Often forgetting that I had a mother.

- Ahhh. Please, Nicole, don't blame your mistakes and choices on me. I've always advised you, even from a distance, to make the right choices!

- Yes, but that's not how you raise a child! - I spit.

- And what do you know about raising a child, Nicole? - Her jaw tightens and she says aggressively. - You probably know nothing but how to spread your legs.

- Maybe if you got busy like I did, you wouldn't be so mean. - Even I'm surprised by the answer I gave her. And anger flashes across her face. Confusion. Shock.

Your words have no meaning or truth, but they're there to hurt me.

- That's exactly why you shouldn't have been born! I never wanted you! Is that what you want to hear? I never, ever wanted children! George did! He did want a daughter! I wasn't born to be a mother. I've always been too busy with my work.

- How can you be so cruel, Madeleine?

- Cruel? You know nothing about life! I'm trying to help you so that you don't make the same mistakes as me! You may not understand it today, but in a few years' time you'll thank me for giving you this opportunity!

- That's what you don't understand! - I said, pulling away. - I don't want to take this baby away. - I rested my hands on my stomach.

- I'm not asking you, I'm just informing you that tomorrow, in the morning, the procedure will be carried out.

I nodded my head infinitely before taking in what she had said.

- If that happens, you should know that it will be totally against my will, and as long as I live and am lucid enough to remember what you did to me, I will hate you. With all my soul.

- "Not that I care how you feel," she said harshly. - There was never any room for love in our relationship.

- I hate you, Madeleine! I hate you! You've always been a terrible mother. "I think that, deep down, you're afraid that I'll become like you, sour inside, without the simple ability to love someone. It was you who sickened my father with your sick way.

The slap she gave me across the face was hard, making my skin burn and tingle, and the noise echoed around the room. I looked into her eyes, but I refused to cry. For a moment, I saw weakness, regret and sadness in your gaze, but when I looked again, that trace was gone, and there was the Madeleine I had known.

- You're nothing but a spoiled brat, no wonder I've always preferred to keep my distance from you. However, you can hate me for all eternity, I don't care. I know that one day you'll thank me, and this conversation ends here. Now go upstairs and stay there, I don't intend to see you until tomorrow, I'll send your dinner up to your room. And be prepared, you'll be up early. - She sat back down in the armchair, her back to me.

I ran upstairs. I sat on the bed, but I didn't cry. I was tired of everything. I thought about running away, leaving. But where to? I had no close relatives, Vivian and Alice were going to college, I had no options. - I'm sorry," I whispered to myself, rubbing my belly. Later, Summer offered me food. I denied it, I was so sad and tired that I lost myself in my thoughts and, once again, fell asleep.