That summer

I woke up to a loud bang on my window. I got up, opened the curtains and looked out. Vivian was on the balcony, knocking on the wood.

- Vivian? What are you doing here at this hour?

- Can you open it? - she said, rubbing her arms up and down as if to warm herself. - It's cold out here. - And she smiled.

- Yes, of course. - I opened the window, Vivian got through easily. - Well, what's so important that you couldn't call? - I smiled sweetly and sat down next to her.

- I'm sorry about that whole scene at the hospital. - She looked down sadly. - I shouldn't have said those things to you. I was rude and cruel.

- It's okay, I shouldn't have lied either.

- I should have realized that you weren't ready to tell me what had happened. And also that I wasn't expecting this baby, it was as much of a surprise for you as it was for us. And how did it go with Luck? Alice told me you'd gone there.

- Not good, really. I think I hate him," I said dryly, feeling the bitterness rise in my throat.

Actually, I didn't think so, I really hated him

- Luck was always such a prick. I'm sorry I didn't warn you before. - She sighs sadly. - I never thought it would go this far.

Her statement burns in my cheeks.

- I'm sorry about this afternoon. I couldn't stay, Nicole, I'm sorry. I heard you and Madeleine, I couldn't help it.

I make the mistake of looking up and seeing the sadness in your eyes

I gave her a half-smile and took her hands. - It's okay, Vivian, there's nothing we can do.

- What do you mean nothing, Nicole? You must fight, do what you want for once! Aren't you really tired of trying to be good and nice to everyone?

- It's not as if I've never done anything I wanted to, since what brought me to this situation was my choice. It was sleeping with Luck that got me into this situation.

- I know, but an abortion, Nicole? You don't know, it can all be so terrible!

I turned to look at her eyes and found them full of tears.

- I... I didn't want to either... but you know, you heard Madeleine... I don't have any options, I don't have any close relatives, I don't have enough money in my savings account to support myself and a baby. Besides, she must block my account. I can't count on Luck, let alone Madeleine... I'm going to have to take this baby away. - The last sentence came out of my mouth and I felt sick to my stomach at the same moment. I looked at Vivian, her shoulders shaking slightly as she sobbed beside me. - Hey, you can't come here and cry like that... Please, Vivian, all this is already very difficult for me," I said in a shaky voice, feeling my heart breaking into pieces.

- A year ago, when I went on vacation with my family, they took me to a private clinic. I had only just found out, I was just over a month old.

- Oh, my God, Vivian! - I put my hands to my mouth when I felt the first tear roll down.

- I've ruined everything, Nicole. And if I could go back in time...

Vivian didn't finish her sentence. She squeezed her eyes shut, as if the memory was too painful, her shoulders still shaking as she cried. I wiped her tears away with the back of my hand. Then she continued:

- I was in love with John. We ended up getting involved the summer he went to Alice's house.

- That summer?

Vivian nods.

A ball grew in the pit of my stomach, sadness tightening my throat. She was my best friend, how could I not have noticed?

- You know, I always had a crush on him. He looked so virile in that leather jacket, even though he looked like a damn stone in my shoe, I knew... somehow I knew that he wanted me too. A few months passed after we came out to my parents and his aunt and uncle, and then I found out I was pregnant. I told my parents, who didn't take it very well. They said that a baby would hurt me and John, who was getting a contract with his band. They insisted that if I went ahead with the pregnancy, I would destroy his future, and that even if I had this baby, things would be difficult for me. John didn't come from a wealthy family, he was on his own, and what he received at the time wouldn't have been enough to support us. There was no way he was going to accept any money from his rich uncles. He had dreams and plans, and keeping the baby would put an end to any chance of a better life. I considered telling him, but my parents stopped me. A few weeks later, they came up with that unseasonable "vacation trip". That's when it happened. - She sighed deeply and continued. - I was young, I was eighteen and I didn't have a relationship with John, there was no time for that, although I know that what we experienced was true. My parents didn't even let me tell him, they just took me there and, in less than four hours, it was over. I don't remember anything, it was painless. But when I woke up and realized what I had done, I had a hysterical crisis. I-I... I couldn't believe it.

They took away the most precious thing I could ever have. I was angry, disgusted... I called John and told him everything. He didn't believe it, and landed the next morning at our vacation home. It was terrible, I was shattered, and he killed the rest of me when he said he hated me and that I should never look for him again. It broke my heart, I really loved him and there was nothing else I could do.

I was dumbfounded, how had I never known? How come I never realized? I remember that summer, John was Alice's first cousin, he was always very nice to me, but with Vivian... He even nicknamed her "Satan". Vivian was never easy, but it was unnerving the way they fought all the time.