Because of the baby

Almost three weeks had passed and everyone in the house had found out that I was pregnant. Maria was so happy that it felt like I was giving birth to her own grandchild. I hadn't been alone with Colle, sometimes I felt he was avoiding me, even though his eyes sought me out eventually. There was still a bizarre and inexplicable chemistry between the two of us, but things became different after I confessed my pregnancy. There was a time when he called me into his office to talk about the new work rules.

- You're due to move into the cottage on the estate tomorrow. There, you'll be more comfortable once the baby is born. The cottage isn't big, but it offers all the comforts you might need.

- Mr. Colle. I don't think there's any need, I really want to find my own place.

- Sir? I thought we'd already settled that." Sighing, he raises an eyebrow. - "And besides, I insist, Nicole. I know you want to find your place, but you still don't have enough money for a house and to support yourself, I wouldn't want you to live on the outskirts or anywhere that doesn't offer enough comfort and security for you and your baby. So please accept, nobody stays on that part of the estate, and I'd be happy to have you there. There's Maria, Will and Ben. Plus other staff who will treat you like family. There's definitely no need, but if you feel better, you can pay me a symbolic rent. Just accept it. At least you'll be safe inside the property. You and your baby. And about your job, I'll keep paying you as normal until I find something I think is better. I can't be selfish and tie you to me. - There's just a slight hardening around his jaw as he grits his teeth - I mean, to work. I want you to go back to college if you want, to do things you love. - He shrugs... - But for now, you're going to take it easy at work. I'll have the cottage cleaned today and you can move in tomorrow.

- I... I thought I could stay at home. - It's not a question, but more of a shocked statement.

- It's not that I can't. But I'd feel more at ease if you were in a more private place, where you could raise your baby with more familiarity. This house isn't always busy, as you can see since you arrived. Soon, very soon, I returned to New York. The house. It will seem too big for you who are staying

Then I laugh, a small bitter noise that doesn't belong to me. This is ridiculous. We had nothing. So why did Ethan's declaration to return to his home in New York seem so absurd and cruel? At no point had Ethan promised me anything. So why did I feel it was wrong for him to abandon me here?

- Colle, I need to talk... about the night of my birthday.

Seriously, he cut me off.

- There's nothing to say, Nicole. I won't tell you that it was a mistake, what happened between the two of us. But it can't and won't happen again. - He looked into my eyes, seriously. For a second, I saw a spark of sadness in his gaze, but it disappeared so quickly that I couldn't even tell if it had ever been there.

- Is it because of my pregnancy? - I ask sincerely. Because you didn't seem so unwell before I told you. - I accuse. My cheeks heat up as I admit it.

The expression on his face becomes uncomfortable.

- Do you think I don't want you because you're pregnant? - He laughs bitterly, runs his hand through his straight blond hair and gets up from his seat. He moves closer and cages me in with his palms against the wall on either side of my face.

His lips brush the shell of my ear as he whispers against my neck. The short hairs of his beard graze the side of my cheek and I shudder with every word he utters.

- You have no idea, N I C O L E. - Yes, he says my name slowly.

My heart rate increases and I have to breathe slowly. I look up into his stormy blue eyes and realize how tall he is, my face literally tilted up to face him

- You really have no idea. - he said after a long pause. - I've never wanted someone as much as I want you.

I whimper, because fuck, our lips are so close and his scent is so sexy that I'm melting and he's barely touching me.

- I want to possess you, fuck you, dominate you, and yet, for me, it wouldn't be enough. - His voice comes out low and lethal. I'd take everything from you, because fuck, you're too good, too innocent, you're like the cure for my addiction, which I could never have enough of. - His deep voice vibrates against my ear. - You couldn't handle it, because in the end I would destroy you, and I recognize someone who has already lost everything, I become familiar with your broken look.

I blink. It's hard to concentrate on anything else when he's so close, but somehow I manage to pull myself together.

- Would you hurt me? - I ask fearfully.

He blinks and looks at me with confusion clearly showing on his face.

- I would never do anything you didn't like or allow, if that's what you think.

- So why didn't you continue? Why didn't you come to me?" I whisper as tears burn in my eyes.

- "Because you deserve so much more than I could ever offer you. - he said, his voice dropping an octave. - You're too good for me and my world, and you telling me about the pregnancy alerted me to the reality of it all. I can't ruin you, I can't. - With his lips pressed into a hard line, he shakes his head.

My heart ached at those words. I felt my eyes fill with tears, but I refused to cry. I had been through hell, and I would recover. I think, deep down, I understood him. Who would want to be with a woman who was pregnant by another man?

- I had never kissed another man apart from the father of my baby. - I whisper. - I've never had any experiences other than the ones that brought me here. - I refused to blink, holding her gaze, making sure she understood the double entendre.

He looks at me confused.

- What are you telling me? - He seems to read between the lines. - Nicole, I need you to be very honest with what I'm going to ask you right now. Your baby's father, did he abuse you?

Ethan, says in a calm voice as if he's asking about the weather, but I see in his eyes, a restrained terror. I'm sure no one would notice his murderous eyes behind this man's flawless face.

It seems like an eternity, but it's only seconds before I tell him. I had seen first-hand what Ethan was capable of, a killer, an avenger. Would he go to Luck for me if I said I was too drunk to consent to anything? Would he redeem my honor? And what would it all be like afterwards? I would only bring more pain to this man with a bitter past. And I was sure that neither of us needed that.

- No, he didn't abuse me. We had something complicated, that's all. I had a strict childhood, and I didn't have the experience of other girls my age.

He narrows his eyes at me, but doesn't say anything. Not least because it wasn't all a lie.

- The only thing I regret is that I wasn't the guy to give you all your first times. - There's something very dangerous in the tone of his voice, as if he's anxious about me for some reason, but underneath, there's something else.