woman

- He lit the cigar several times and put it out in the palm of my hand. He said I should never touch anything that didn't belong to me again. He did this so many times that I don't even remember when I got my hopes up that it was over. Because when I did, my father took off his belt and beat the shit out of me, leaving marks for almost two weeks. As I said, I put up with it for years. I couldn't leave my brother, I couldn't leave Caroline. There were three broken ribs, twice my arm, once my jaw, and countless purple marks. Humiliations, beatings. When I turned fifteen, I was sure my father would kill me. That's when I found out I couldn't do it anymore, I was a fucking coward. But I couldn't stay any longer, for either of them. - His voice comes out low and lethal.

- I ran away from home and lived on the streets of New York. I slept in shelters, ate leftover food. When I turned seventeen, I got a job with the owner of the shelter. As a cleaner in an animal shelter, I collected enough money for new documentation, because I didn't want anything to do with my old family, and a year later I served as a Seal in the US Navy. A few years later, I left the navy with honors, learned how to make investments and transactions. I specialized and, at the age of twenty-three, my company was already one of the most successful in the United States. I began to intersperse my life as a Seal and an entrepreneur, and managed to build an empire.

He reaches out and squeezes his temples.

- For many years, I hated and resented my father, sometimes even pitied him. I wasn't happy, the thirst for revenge for what he did to me haunted me. I couldn't go back in time and change anything, he would always be that pitiable human being, but it was still early days for me, and I could start again and be happy. That's what my mother would have wanted for me.

The expression on her face becomes uncomfortable. As if her statement wasn't completely true.

- Today I live well, because I've forgiven him and I don't feel anything anymore.

- How could you stand it, how could you go through all this and still be here, in front of me? - I whisper as tears burn in my eyes. - Colle, - I take your hand. - You're the kindest, bravest man I've ever met. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

- There's nothing to be sorry for. - He swallows the lump that has formed in his throat. Looking very unhappy. - I'm over it; I just wish you'd get over it like me and be happy. It's never too late, you can be and do whatever you want, Nicole.

For a moment I felt ashamed, my problem now seemed so small compared to what Ethan had already been through.

- I want to be, I want to be able, and then why do I feel like I can't? - There's a tremor in my voice, no matter how strong I try to sound.

- Maybe it's a limitation she's placed on herself. - She turns to look at me, her eyebrows raised in curiosity. - I can tell you and show you that you deserve the world, but if you don't believe yourself worthy, if you don't believe in yourself, there's nothing I or anyone else can do.

His words hung in the air between us, a grim reminder of how bad I was at myself. How judgmental and apathetic I was towards myself. Colle was right, I could never achieve anything if I was incapable of believing in myself. And that was something only I could do for myself.

- I'm sorry about this mess too. - I turned to look at the mess I had caused. - You can deduct it all from my salary. I don't know what came over me, I just... I was beside myself, I'm sorry I had to witness it.

- Actually, I feel good to have been with you while you were like that. Sometimes it's good to vent. About the things you broke, I'll send Maria to order some new ones, I've been meaning to change the furniture. - He winked. - You're sleeping at my place tonight.

It was my turn to hug him. I grabbed his neck, almost leaning over him on the sofa. He hugged me back. Although I realized how surprised he was, I could even feel a smile.

- I'm coming home," he whispered.

- What? - I asked.

- Remember? I'm going back to New York today. I was coming here to say goodbye.

Oh, no.

No.

Don't go.

- Of course. - I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice. - Are you due back? - I asked, blinking my eyes in his direction and pulling away a little.

- No. I don't have a date. There have been things going on in the company that I need to sort out, and it may or may not be long term. - To my surprise, an expression of remorse crosses his face.

- I understand. - I say quietly.

- You're a valuable woman," she whispered. - Just don't let them break you anymore, don't accept less than you deserve," he said, stepping closer. I closed my eyes as his breath came over me.

- I'm going to miss you. - He kissed my forehead lovingly.

When I opened my eyes, he had left and left me alone.

I sat on the padded sideboard by the bedroom window and put on my headphones, which were playing Imagine Dragons, Radioactive, while I watched Benjamin put Ethan's suitcases in the car and get into the SUV. Then I saw Ethan, as beautiful and perfect as the first time. He was getting into the car. As if he sensed it, he turned to my window and looked. I looked into his eyes and waved my hand.

Goodbye, Ethan, I waved. He smiled and waved back.

- Goodbye, Nicole.

My heart ached with the farewell. I wasn't ready. I might never see him again, and that hurt a lot. But I finally felt liberated. A different kind of freedom, deep, peaceful. I didn't have to lie or pretend to be someone I wasn't anymore. I was managing to balance things out and had started to walk on my own two feet. It was as if a part of me had been ripped away, but only to cultivate every part of me to finally become a woman.