Nicholas

months later.

I've never been so afraid that something would go wrong. I was shaking and in a cold sweat, so much could potentially go off the rails here, and then what would I do? I really wasn't prepared, what if he hates me? What if he goes away and leaves me? What if he thinks I'm weak?

- Ahh!" I screamed. - I can't take it. I'm dying. I sighed deeply.

My first contractions started in the afternoon the day before, and I was sure they were just Braxton-Hicks contractions. But when I felt so much pain that I wanted to wring someone's neck, I ended up going to the maternity ward.

- Breathe slowly - a nurse said.

- I can't do it. I need an anesthetic.

- No, no - Alice, who was on the other side of the room eating a cereal bar, said. You made me promise that no matter how much you screamed, cried and begged, I would convince you not to have an anesthetic. - Besides, you're almost there. She lowers her head at a strange angle, looking between my legs.

- Give me the fucking anesthetic! - Vivian shouts. - It's not your hand she's about to break.

They were freaking out, but who was I to blame them? As soon as the hires had truly begun, 12 hours earlier, they had taken the flight and made it; I had never been so happy to see them. At times, they were able to calm me down, at other times I thought I would have to calm them down.

- Uhhhhh... ahhhhrr... I'm not going... arrrr!!!

- Puppy breath. Uff... uff... - Alice feigned breathing.

- Breathe, just breathe - a chorus of voices tried to calm me down.

I'm not going to make it, girls, I'm sorry, forget what I said.

- Oh, come on! - the doctor said. - Just a few more pushes and you'll get this little boy into the world. - She smiled.

The next contraction was painful, but I knew the time had come. I let out a scream so loud that I thought the whole block could have heard it. Seconds passed before I finally heard her cry. I wasn't sure how, but from that moment on, the only thing I knew was that it would work, that I would make it work, and that I would become everything to him. Crying was the most beautiful sound in the world. The doctor gave me a small, perfect package in my hands. I held it tightly, afraid I was going to drop it. I smelled it, counted each finger. My heart squeezed for a moment, my mother should have been there, Colle should have been with me. It really saddened me, but when I looked down at my lap, I realized that I would be strong, that I could do it. I felt proud of myself, loved, it was the purest feeling I've ever had. I loved him, and finally I didn't need to be afraid. A small tear fell and ran down his cheek. My tear was emotion, it was love in its purest form. When I looked over, Vivian and Alice were crying together, and I realized that they were just as happy as I was. Only I noticed a glimmer of sadness in Vivian's eyes.

- Do you want to hold it? - I said to her.

- I'm not good with babies," she said, wiping away the tears streaming down her face.

- He's beautiful," they said.

- What's his name? - Alice asked.

- Nicholas.