18. SELF-SUSTAINED

'Simon says' was just a warmup for the real game: 'Society says'. Do as society says or you're out.

If you ask for comfort, you're an attention seeker. If you don't eat, you're ungrateful. If you fail school, you're stupid. If you vent, you're not independent. If you defend yourself, you're selfish. If you state your opinion, you're a know-it-all. If you're mentally ill, you're overreacting. If you cry, you're weak. If you don't follow the standards, you're a disgrace.

Jayce's pen laid at the foot of Eric's bed.

She killed him? She did. What motive? No, this is a trap. No, why would there be a pen? Was she here? No, someone trapped her. Do I know Jayce that well? Why a murder disguised in a suicide? What happened to Eric? What was the damn truth?

Voices you wouldn't be able to resist.

Ashton shook. Why would he cry? He prepared for this. If it was going to happen or not, he prepared for it. There was not much reaction. He knew death would come, and it could not be cheated.

Now in his head was just ringing the questions. In his head, it just rang that Jayce's pen was there.

Maybe he was crazy, or blind, or unable to think right, but he went to the bed, bent down and took the pen, putting it in his pocket. Why? He didn't know either. But a gut told him she would've never done it. But what could he possibly know? Jayce Brooks was God damn insane.

"ERIC!" a voice echoed in the silence of sorrow.

The wind blew sharply on his back as a woman yelled and screamed with the sight of her dead son, blood pouring out of his head. The sound of the gun echoed around the house.

"Eric!" his dad went straight in the room.

Georgia shivered in shock as she called the police, while Oliver stood up weakly, heading to Ashton and then yelled at him.

"WHAT HAPPENED?" he yelled.

Ashton stood there, not being able to respond, but only looked blankly and coldly towards Oliver.

"ANSWER ME!" he yelled again.

"E-Eric?" a voice called out in shock from the doorway. Ella.

"Ella," Ashton finally spoke. She shouldn't see this. He immediately stepped past Oliver and went to Ella, closing her eyes.

"YOU PIECE OF CRAP, STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!" Oliver yelled, "TELL ME WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!"

Ashton covered Ella's ears and made her turn around, to not see the dead body, "I left the room when he asked me to and when I was in the closet, I heard a gunshot. When I came in, he was already dead," he explained.

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I BELIEVE THAT?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Ashton yelled back, "ERIC IS DEAD."

Oliver approached him and grabbed his collar, yelling, "YOU BETTER TELL ME THE TRUTH BEFORE I SURRENDER YOU TO THE POLICE,"

"WHOSE GUN DOES THAT BELONG TO?" he asked back.

Oliver turned around and looked at the gun at Eric's hand, "It's mine..." he said desperately, "But how-"

The police sirens ringed in their ears and everything came into pieces.

~~~

Dave Brooks arrived at the location, shocked with the scene. He took the exact same statements from Ashton, and all the evidence from the scene.

The gun in Eric's hand was indeed from Oliver's garage as he liked hunting in the forest nearby, and everything seemed like a genuine suicide.

There were letters for his parents, Ella, Ashton and Jaxon as well, all put up on his desk which Ashton had not seen when he entered his room before he committed. Those letters were goodbye letters, but each of them had one same sentence.

'I'm doing this to protect you.'

All were written in his handwriting.

Dave had taken Eric's phone as evidence, because everything seemed so clean. But as a detective, he knew something was up. And for a clear reason, his gut was very clear on Ashton, the witness and the first to find the body, and who was only a few meters away from the room.

He opened Eric's phone, and went to all the apps in it, hoping for a clue. He then found the messages, and there it lied. All the dead threats from different numbers, texted in different days and weeks.

"What's that?" Oliver asked, heart still beating.

Ashton overheard their conversation and listened.

"It seems that someone has been using different numbers, making death threats," Dave explained.

"What?" Ashton asked, he was still in shock and he thought he was hallucinating.

"It seems like this person," Dave started, then looked at Ashton, "This person has warned Eric to stay away from Ashton Walker as apparently Mr Walker belongs to this person,"

"Excuse me?" Ash's ears ringed.

"The latest message given by this person was this afternoon, with the words 'If you don't stay away from Ashton, I swear I will kill your whole family. Kill yourself before I kill you. You will do as I ask. You will write a suicide note, and you will be shot. If you try to escape, everyone you ever loved will die, including that petty disabled sister of yours. Tonight. 9pm. You will die. And open the window before I show up.'"

Ashton's heart sank. He was the reason Eric took his own life?

"Mr Rodriguez," Dave started, "I don't think this is a suicide. This was a murder disguised as a suicide,"

Oliver's brows furrowed. Everything didn't add up.

"But if the killer was here, and he really did kill Eric, why didn't he erase the messages on his phone?" Ashton asked, "Obviously the killer knew that Eric would never kill himself, or else he would never say when he should die. Eric isn't the type of person to surrender, the killer knew that. The killer was here to kill Eric, and the killer knew everything about him. If it was going to be known as a murder anyways, why did the killer ask Eric to write suicide notes?"

That was another reason Dave suspected Ashton. Too clearly.

"Don't you dare ask when you're the reason my son is dead!" Oliver warned.

"It was a warning towards you, Ashton," Dave said, "If you don't stay away from other people, this person, who's obsessed with you, will kill them all. The point of this murder was for it to be proven a murder. To warn you."

A warning on Ashton's birthday.

"If I follow whoever this person desires, then I'm a coward anyways," he stated, "Find whoever has these numbers, track them, kill them if you must,"

"Eric!" someone sobbed from outside the police line. Jaxon.

"Jaxon," Ashton said under his breath. He was on the verge of crying.

"Ashton, where's Eric? What you said can't be true, right?" Jaxon shrieked, "ASH!"

"Jaxon," Ashton went out of the police line and hugged his best friend tightly, and from the corner of his eye, Jaxon saw the police and the forensics with Eric's body.

Jaxon broke out, "How- ERIC!" he was going to bolt to him but Ashton held him.

"It's going to be okay," Ash pursed his lips, he needed to act like everything was okay as his friend sobbed, "It'll be okay,"

It wasn't going to be okay.

And where there was a crime scene, there were reporters. And the news was broadcasted the next morning.

~~~

Jayce and Amber went down the elevator as everyone was gathering in the lounge room, whispers filling the room. The twins, who still had not been talking, furrowed at the sight.

They approached the crowded lounge room where everyone was staring at the TV.

"Isn't that Eric's house?" one said.

Jayce couldn't understand what they meant. She looked towards the TV and read the headline.

'A 16-year-old boy was found dead in his room last night'

Jayce gasped, and Amber, beside her, pursed her lips.

"What's going on?" the younger twin asked.

"I think that's Eric Rodriguez's house," someone replied.

"What?" Amber's nose was electrocuted.

"Amber-" Jayce looked at her sister.

"Tell me it's not true," Amber whimpered.

"I don't know-" she said in a breath.

"TELL ME IT'S NOT TRUE," she yelled in reply.

"Amber, I don't know-" the older twin responded desperately.

Amber turned herself around, tears in her eyes, and stormed out of the dorm building, heading to the main street and holding her hand up for a taxi. Jayce followed behind her, making sure her sister wasn't going to do anything stupid.

"Where are you going?" Jayce asked as they both entered the taxi.

"The police station please," Amber said to the driver.

Jayce trembled in a way where she couldn't process what was happening, and she took out her phone and immediately tried calling Ashton. She dialed him a few times, but he didn't pick up.

Amber cried along the way, sucking in her tears back, and it made Jayce feel uneasy. They were sisters after all.

As soon as they arrived at the police station, Jayce barged in and saw the office was very busy. But at the left, she saw Ashton and Jaxon sitting together, with pale faces and dull eyes.

Jayce took a breath, "Ashton?"

Ashton turned his head slowly, and he didn't know how to react to seeing her here. He couldn't trust anyone.

Jayce knew he wouldn't reply that quickly. He was grieving.

"Dad!" Amber yelled from the other side, "It's not Eric, right? Tell me it isn't Eric, dad!"

Dave didn't reply to his daughter, making it more obvious of an answer. Eric's parents were there as well.

"Dad," Jayce started, walking towards her father on his desk, "What's in the crime scene?"

"I'm very much busy right now, Jayce," Dave replied.

The two boys who were grieving opened their ears to the conversation.

"Was he shot? Stabbed? Poisoned?"

"It was a murder disguised as a suicide," Jaxon replied from the other end, "There were death threats from his phone to stay away from Ashton. He was shot in the head. In conclusion, it was a murder wanted to be known as a murder to warn Ashton to stay away from anyone,"

"Where are the numbers that texted him?" Jayce immediately asked her father.

"We're still finding them, Jayce. Please go now, I'm busy," Dave replied hastily.

"Whose gun was it?" she asked.

"His dad's,"

"Who were the fingerprints on the gun?" she asked again.

Ashton listened to all the words she said. If she did kill Eric, why was she trying to help?

"All were Eric's,"

"Where was the gun?"

"In his grip,"

"Any witnesses,"

"Only Ashton Walker by far, and the family," Dave replied.

Jayce's brow raised, "He was in the scene?"

"He was the first to find the body," Jaxon responded, "He left Eric's room and when he did, there was a gunshot and when he turned back to the room, he was dead,"

Jayce gritted her teeth. A murder. There must be a clue. She was going to find it no matter what.

Ashton's brain froze. A murder. He found the clue. But he wouldn't hand in the pen no matter what.

"How about gunpowder? Or any footprints? If his room was on the second floor, the killer must have jumped from the window," Jayce said.

"I know Jayce," Dave said, "Surprisingly, I'm a detective," he said, rather annoyed, "Gunpowder wasn't found in his hands, no footprints were found, and the killer was thought to have climbed by the vines and pipes on the outer wall of the house. And before you ask, the killer also asked Eric to make suicide notes,"

"The killer wants to be found," she concluded.

"Detective Brooks," Sanchez interrupted from behind, "The signals of all the phones that have the numbers that gave death threats to Eric are all found in the lake,"

"The lake?" Jayce furrowed.

Ashton pursed his lips, jaw clenched and fists clenched.

"Everyone stay here. Mr and Mrs Rodriguez, we'll update you as soon as possible," Dave said, "We will update everyone shortly," he stood up and assembled his teammates on the way to the lake.

Amber had her head buried in her hands, still crying.

"Oh, Amber," Dave said, frowning, then hugged his daughter, "It'll be okay, okay?"

Amber trembled, and gave another cry.

"I have to go now." Dave said, "Jayce, your sister,"

She nodded and everyone seemed to leave the police station. Oliver and Georgia didn't listen to Dave's words and followed them from behind, and even if Jayce was a freak with rules, everything felt so wrong at this point.

Ashton, who wasn't thinking straight, had walked out of the police station to find some air. While Jaxon's phone rang, with his sister's name blinking on the screen.

"Yeah, Jaz," Jaxon whimpered as he spoke.

Jayce raised a brow at the name 'Jaz'.

"Jaxon, where are you? I saw the news, it's not who I think it is right?" she asked.

"I'm in the police station right now," his voice broke, "It's true, Jaz," tears fell from his face, as he sobbed and sobbed. His friend died suddenly. Was there any other reaction to that?

"I'm on my way there. Don't cry, okay?" Jasmine said, "I'm on my way,"

The phone call ended, and Amber went to sit beside Jaxon. And even if Jaxon really hated the fact Amber annoyed his friend group very much, he couldn't do anything else. They were both grieving.

Jayce inhaled a huge breath before approaching Ashton outside the police station, where he had not changed from his outfit the other day and where his breath was becoming frosty. Cold.

"Ashton, I'm sorry for your loss," Jayce stood behind him, head down.

Vengeance was on his head. The pen. The pen. The pen.

He turned around, eyes filled with rage, "Where were you last night?"

"At my dorm," she replied.

"What were you doing?"

Jayce furrowed in confusion, but then she opened her school bag which she brought along and opened it. She took out his sweater which she had washed by herself the night before, "I was washing your sweater," she lent it out to him.

He pursed his lips, looking at the neat sweater, washed and cleaned. He was about to take it from her hands when she took it back.

"You think I killed Eric," she stated, looking right at his eye.

He gulped, "No,"

"You know something we don't, don't you?" she asked.

"Not the time for mind games, Jayce," he said, looking down and walking past her, while taking the sweater out of her hands.

"If you do know something," she started, "It's better to say it now, you know,"

He continued walking, "I'll take care of this matter myself,"

Why the hell was he doubting and risking everything? And Jayce was the reason why.

~~~

"All the phones have been bought from 7 months ago, based on the activation dates of the phone cards. All of them were thrown into the lake at least last night," Sanchez said.

A huge bag of phones was sunk in the lake, and there was no sign of the owner or owners.

"They're second-hand phones," he continued, "From some seller named Fredrick Jackville,"

"Where is this man now?" Dave asked.

"He lives near the entrance of the town," Sanchez explained, "We can go to him now,"

"Very well,"

~~~

"I am Fredrick Jackville," a man, quite tall, and quite young, opened the door for the police, "May I ask why you're looking for me?"

"I'm Detective Dave Brooks, and I'm here to ask about your small business of selling second-hand phones. Have you been selling many phones to one specific person?" Dave asked the old man.

"I have many customers," the man replied, "I might need to look at my sales book for that specific information,"

"May we come in?" Sanchez asked.

"Yes, please," Fredrick opened the door wide and the two went inside the house.

It was a simple house that was definitely not taken care well of.

"Where do you get your second-hand phones?" Dave asked.

"Some people from the town give off their phones to me, I also have online platforms where they sell me their phones as well," Fredrick explained as he went through his sales book.

"Let me change the question. Did you have a customer who bought a huge number of phones? Preferably to sell them back in the market?" Dave asked.

"I do sell to many suppliers,"

"How about from 7 months ago?"

"Oh, yes, I do remember that 7 months ago, someone bought around 70 phones," Fredrick said.

"How many phones were found in that bag?" Dave asked Sanchez.

"Around 73," he replied.

"How would you describe this buyer?" Dave immediately asked.

"I don't know," Fredrick said, "He came to my house at night, when I was about to close my porch lights. He was wearing a hoodie but he said that he wanted to buy 73 phones, so I immediately did the transaction,"

"How did he pay?"

"By cash, definitely," Fredrick said, "He bought an envelope of it, the total price was around $3000 I guess, but he paid $5000, saying that it was to thank me,"

"How tall was he? Did he have any distinct features?" Dave asked again.

"Slightly shorter than me, and he was wearing gloves and a hoodie, and casual sneakers,"

"What colored sneakers?"

"Black and white, Adidas sneakers,"

"His voice?"

"I think he might have a sore throat or something, because his voice was very coarse," Fredrick said.

"Or he was trying to fake it," Sanchez said.

"Nothing else?"

"Nope," Fredrick said.

"Very well, thank you very much for all your statements, and if you remember anything or you have anything else to say, please inform the police station immediately,"

"Yes, I will," Fredrick thinly smiled.

"We will go now, have a nice day,"

"You too,"

~~~

Was there much to say about what happened after that day? Jaxon and Ashton became the attention of the school, and the investigation led to nothing. Ella was in shock, and her parents were continuously worried and anxious of all the things happening.

Jayce had taken care of Amber, who had cried everyday until the point where she didn't attend classes. And Ashton's grades dropped too low to make him seem 'okay'.

"Jayce," Niel called her from the end of the hallway. It was two days after the incident, and it was an eerie school day.

"Yeah?" she asked, voice dry.

"Are you investigating Eric's case?" he asked.

"I've been trying to find clues but it's always a dead-end," she replied sadly.

"Look, Jayce, I know that you're a bright girl, and in fact, you're the smartest and strongest person I know," Niel said, "But your intelligence, if you do find something, I'm scared that...that something could happen to you,"

"I'm fine, Niel," Jayce said, confused with his worry, "Out of topic, but not only I'm finding Eric's killer, but I'm also finding my pen. The pen Izzie gave me. I've searched in my lockers and my dorm and the classrooms, but I still haven't found it,"

"Oh," he said, "I'll help you find it,"

Jayce nodded, "No rush, it's just something I love but it's fine if you don't find it too,"

Niel smiled back and walked away to the cafeteria.

Ashton overheard their conversation from the other wall. The pen was still with him, inside the vault only he knew the password to in his dorm. And with everything going on, all the clues that don't match, his health started to deteriorate.

He was also not seen to be wearing a scarf, a sweater, or anything. He just wore a casual school uniform, when Jayce knew he got cold easily. It felt that he still had not processed the fact that Eric was killed.

But the day after the murder, Ashton found out the real killer, yet he hadn't told anyone. He knows the killer. The real killer who murdered Eric. And there was no way of getting this killer in jail without solid proof. And what he needed was solid proof.

~~~

On the day of the funeral, held three days after the murder, everything seemed so gloomy and dark. No one smiled, no one laughed at the school for several days.

The question that only remained was who killed Eric.

Jaxon had kept on crying, along with Amber. But Ashton didn't see a point in crying. Like Jayce did too.

Oliver and Georgia on the other hand had still suspected Ashton of doing everything. Eric had not gone to the garage of Oliver to take his gun, but the lock on the garage was destroyed.

A murder wanted to proved of a murder.

Jayce went to sit beside Ashton on the bench. Another day, another funeral.

He was wearing a black jacket, tight enough for him to have a warm hand. Jayce intertwined her hand with Ashton's as he stared blankly at the graveyard, with Eric Christopher Rodriguez written on the stone.

He felt comfort, and pain, he felt warmth, and dilemma. With the holding of hands, Jayce went up his palm and took a peek of his wrist. A fresh scar.

Ashton noticed and immediately swiped his hand away.

"If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here. And even if you don't want to talk now, or you want to be left alone, I will. I want to help you, I truly do, Ashton, and I know it isn't easy. But if you need a sweater to sob on, or a hand to hold on to, you can have mine," she said, and he looked at the grass coldly.

She put a hand on his shoulder and patted it. She knew they were rivals, and she knew that she couldn't be trusted easily. But if he needed anything, even if she wasn't going to be the sweater he would cry on or the hand he would hold on to, she would always be there. An oath she had kept in her heart, one she didn't know how long she could hold on to.

"Oh, look, it's the mentally unstable cousin," a voice broke in from behind Jayce.

Ashton didn't flinch nor fluster, but as Jayce turned around, she saw someone who annoyed her more than Amber in Nadia's funeral. Milton.

"Jayce, right?" Milton asked, having a cigarette in his hands, "One pro tip from me: the more you get closer to Ashton, the more you will understand that he's just a crybaby who whines and acts depressed. No matter what happens, a boy shouldn't cry or look weak, but here you are, sitting next to an emotionally unstable nerd," he scoffed.

Milton started to walk away when Jayce lent out her foot that made him trip right in front of Ashton, and hit himself against the hard ground. He groaned.

"What the hell? That hurt, you little-" Milton yelled, rolling himself so that his face was facing this sky.

Jayce stood up and looked over at him, "Remember, boys shouldn't whine or cry, it makes them look weak." she sneered at him with his own words and when she turned around, Ashton was already walking out of the graveyard, on the way to his car.

Grief destroys people.

Ashton couldn't be calm until the killer was proven and caught, and he was determined to do it. Even if it risks his own life.

Because Ashton knows who the killer is. Because the killer was someone he knew.

~~~

He hadn't slept for several days, and he hadn't eaten or drank at all. And he wasn't able to concentrate.

His vision was blurry, and as he pressed on the pedals out of the graveyard, he began to fall asleep.

His eyelids were starting to shut and only the honk of a car that was about to crash in front woke him up. He clenched his jaw as he opened his eyes wide as he banged the steering wheel into a sharp turn which he didn't make.

Ashton lost his balance as half of the car hung over the deep end beside the road, which led to a huge fall into the woods. Maybe, he thought, this is the end of his story as he rolled around in his car, hitting himself side to side, seeing the autumn leaves falling around in his blurry vision.

The adrenaline stopped when the window broke and he was lying upside down in the lonely woods of red, orange and yellow leaves scattered in the ground. And his body felt pain, and his head bled.

With a vision of only red, orange and yellow droplets in front of him, he closed his eyes, waiting for someone to open them again.