17. SELF-LOATHING

Maybe it was something most people wanted out of other people: their own want. If there was a way, there was a plan, and everyone would tend to have done it. Yet sometimes, the people they had a plan to, are far more cunning and sly than anyone ever thought. But that person, it's either they stab you in front, or stab you behind. A bullet from the front is something you can dodge, but a bullet from behind, you need an extra pair of eyes to dodge it.

"You used her as your weapon?" she asked again.

"Yes, Jayce, how many times do I have to say that?" Amber stood up as well, annoyed, "You always outshone me, people treated you better, people loved you better, mother preferred you and dad took so much attention on you, and they barely look at me, who's obviously better in every way,"

"You're doing this just because Eric dumped you?" she asked, "Because a boy dumped you, because a boy used you? Wake up, Amber, you deserve better than Eric, and he said so too.

"We haven't even dated, Jayce, and who made him do that in the first place?" Amber yelled, "You're getting on my damn nerves every time,"

Sisters? Not. Ashton was listening to family drama.

"In the old school, nobody liked me. Nobody freaking confessed to me," she replied.

"Oh, I'm sorry if I was the only who was trying to keep your reputation together, and I was far more busy trying to find someone to date you," Jayce stated, putting emphasis in every word, "Every single time, someone confessed to me, I asked them what they thought about you because I never wanted to date anyone who hated my sister. I did all that despite you nearly killing someone as a joke and body-shaming other students in the class, because you were my sister and because I freaking cared for you,"

"I WANTED TO CHANGE WHEN I CAME HERE," Amber yelled back.

"I DON'T SEE ANY DAMN CHANGE, AMBER," Jayce shouted in return.

"You know, now I see why Jasmine dumped you. You're the reason she cheated on you, your petty little acts and your attitude, she hated you for it. While me, no one will ever cheat on me when I get into a relationship because I know that I'm worth it, and I have whatever it takes to keep a relationship to myself," the younger twin stated.

Jayce just scoffed silently, clicking her tongue.

"You wanna know why? Because I'm better than you in beauty, attitude, and I'm perfect, unlike you, who can't even just forget you've been abused and move on from the past, and who can't keep your partner to yourself and let her slip away, and why? Because you're boring, and you're a crybaby who is selfish,"

Ashton's ears reddened at the fact that he wanted to shove pesticide into Amber's mouth. While Nadia, on the other hand, stood in shock.

But his ears rang when a huge sound of a strike came in.

Jayce had slapped Amber hard enough that she was on the ground and her cheek was red. Ashton stood up from behind the tree, seeing the mess.

"I don't know what age you live in," Jayce started, "But everyone damn knows it's wrong to blame the partner who didn't cheat and who did absolutely nothing for their partner's doings,"

"You just hit me?" Amber pursed her lips in shock.

"What does it look like?" she replied.

Amber touched her cheek, "I-"

"You deserved it, get over it and move on," Ashton sneered, talking with the words she said to Jayce.

"Would you want me to die?" Amber asked, in a sad manner.

"Trust me, Amber," Jayce started, "If you weren't my sister, if you weren't someone I cared about, you'd be dead in my hands by now. But it's a shame that I do love you and you are my sister, so thank DNA for that,"

Nadia sadly stared at her two children. Ashton noticed, and Nadia was quite pissed at him too in encouraging the fight.

"Your mother wouldn't really like this scene," he broke in.

"At least she knows how uncaring her daughter is," Jayce replied.

"At least she also knows how two-faced her daughter is," Amber said back.

Jayce took out the letter from her pocket, then looked at Ashton. She gave him a look, and for no reason Ashton understood. Lighter.

He shook his head once.

She nodded her head once in return.

He looked at Nadia in a glimpse and slowly nodded to give her the lighter. He huffed.

"You look like you're having to pick between life and death," Jayce said.

"And I have no idea why you'd want to burn the letter," Ashton replied.

Another argument? Jayce was too tired for that.

She stepped forward to Ashton, and he felt rather strange about why she was doing that. She kept keeping him cornered, and he hit a tree.

Ashton sighed exasperatedly, "What the hell-"

Jayce reached in his pocket and took out the lighter.

"Jayce-"

She dodged immediately and lit it, burning the letter by the tip.

"Jayce," Ashton started, doing a forehead palm.

"Don't be so stressed, vice president," Jayce said, and he was staggered when she called him that, "Everything that belongs to someone needs to be returned to them. And all I wish on burning this letter is so that the pain can burn away from me and her as well," the letter dropped to the ground as it burnt, "No regrets made,"

Everytime Jayce would call Ashton, it had always been serious. She was probably being mentally unstable at this point.

He didn't understand what she explained about the letter burning, he was too occupied with the name she called him.

"And, Amber," she started, "Wake up,"

"No, you wake up," Amber replied, "As an older sister, you're supposed to protect me, you're supposed to care about me, not compete with me,"

"Arguing with a moron makes you a moron," Jayce stated, pursing her lip and walking away, sliding the lighter back in Ashton's pocket.

~~~

Apparently, after the funeral, Jayce and Amber ignored each other once again. But this time, they never really interacted with each other.

They didn't ask about where something was, or about school work. They did what they were supposed to do.

Autumn was getting colder, and it was by this time that exams were starting. October 1. And their school was different from other schools. Ashton called it quirky sometimes. They had all their exams in one day, so they had to stay in the exam hall for 9 hours and all. Yes. Quirky.

And Jayce burned the midnight oil in catching up with everything she had missed when she didn't concentrate at all.

The word seemed to get out, and everyone looked at the twins at pity. And that made Jayce puke.

Niel had acted with full attention towards Jayce, but she didn't really mind any of it. She still was curious about where he got the information from her mother if he didn't get it from Ashton.

According to Ashton, Nadia had gone into the Light, knowing there was nothing else she could do. And even if she could try and stop her daughters from fighting, she knew that they didn't care about her that much, and she had no right in forcing them too.

"First is the math exam and will begin shortly, no calculator allowed and full solution is needed." the teacher announced.

Sure, exams in the school, which were very strict, and didn't even include MCQ questions and 20 open-ended questions, everyone seemed to have been at the top of their heads.

No one in the school was stupid. And the ones considered 'stupid' were the ones who didn't understand functions.

Ashton didn't care. He was finally out of the woods, but he, also still, had not had peace with Harrison nor his mother, which he was supposed to visit next week. And the Walkers, they were just uncontrollable beings.

Jayce had mastery in literature and science, and Ashton had mastery in math and technology. But sometimes, just sometimes, Jayce went on full hyper mode.

She answered all the questions in a slick and correct manner, in all tests, from literature to languages to sciences and all the other subjects possible.

And even if Ashton didn't care about his grades anymore, the competitive side of him definitely didn't accept Jayce having higher scores than him.

~~~

The results were posted three days after. And it was something Ashton wanted to tear apart.

He covered the results board with his body facing back when someone poked him. He turned around. It was Jayce.

"Excuse me, sir," she started as he turned around, "I think you're not the only one who wants to see the board," he flinched and looked at the others who were piling up behind Jayce to see the exam board.

"News flash, you topped it," he said in disgust and stepped away.

Jayce glared at him from the corner of her eye, teasingly. They hadn't talked in the four days after the funeral. But Jayce on the other hand, had bought more meds for herself, which kept her awake as she studied for the tests. Academic validation above mental and physical health.

Jayce took first spot, Ashton took second, and surprisingly, Niel took third, with just a slight difference in his and Ash's score. Niel got an average of 95.6, and Ashton took lost in his 96.

Amber was somewhere below the middles, with an average of 72.4, and Eric took 17th place with 89 and Jaxon took 38th place with 84.2.

"Tips?" Ashton asked.

Jayce stepped away from the board, "On?" she asked him.

"No one ever gets full score on their exams in this school's history,"

"I made history then," she stated calmly, and began to walk away.

Ashton followed her, "How the hell did you study?"

"Oh, I took 5 mugs of coffee, and did active-recall study," she replied.

"Been there, done that," Ashton said, "Definitely topped the board with the highest of 98.4 average,"

"You and Niel got an estimate of 96 together, yet you both are different people. It doesn't matter how much you study, it matters how you understand," Jayce explained.

"Don't compare me to that boy," he replied.

"You barely know him," she stated.

"Which is another insult on why I shouldn't be compared to him,"

"The unicorn he gave me was cute," she grinned, boiling him. She wasn't even sure they were rivals anymore.

"It was completely disgusting,"

"Well then give me something better,"

Ashton noticed where she was heading, "Okay, funny, haha, trying to get me on my edge then get annoyed," and in fact, he wanted to buy her something a lot better.

Jayce returned him with a scowl.

"You finished your meds last time," Ashton went on serious mode, "Did you buy more or did you stop taking them?"

Jayce's jaw clenched and looked around, and started to walk.

Ashton followed up, "You bought more didn't you? That's why you could burn the midnight oil studying. Well, guess what, do you have any idea what the hell overdosis is?"

His words made Jayce fluster. He was worried, and that was hilarious.

"I'm not crazy," she replied hastily.

"Oh, the Jayce that I know is more than crazy," he started, "She's God damn insane,"

Jayce stopped walking, which made Ashton bump into her. He flinched.

"Thank you for the specific description," she said, rather happily.

"No, Jayce," Ashton put up a straight face, "Stop the meds,"

"I'm not going back to therapy, and I'm not making a fuss about any of it. I'll stop when I think I'm fine," she stated.

"You and Amber barely talk, there is nothing to fuss about,"

"I've been ignoring her,"

"Until how long are you going to keep defending her?" he asked, annoyed.

"I won't defend her anymore. Since she says I outshine her, then I'll stay away from her, and not outshine her,"

"Needing help isn't being weak," Ashton stated, "And you're not thirsty for attention either,"

"Well, my past decision was to have a high social status, right?" she asked back.

"You had a reason, Amber's attention-thirsty,"

"No, stop," Jayce immediately said, "This. This." she said, "This is the reason why Amber says I outshine her. Because people always defend me instead of her and as an older sister, I should defend her,"

"You've been freaking enough to defend her, for goodness sake, Jayce," Ashton was definitely about to yell, "Amber doesn't think that you protected her because you loved her, she thinks that you protected her because you were in need for damn attention,"

It wasn't Jayce's fault at all.

"Change of topic," Jayce broke in, "The clubs offers went out," she said, "Which did you pick,"

"All," he replied, "Let's change back the topic,"

Jayce gave him a look, "Why the hell are you concerned about my meds?"

"I'm not concerned," he scowled.

She approached him and stopped right in front of his face, and whispered, "Total," she went to his ear, they were both tall, and very much similar in height, "Crap," she ended, sending shivers down his spine.

A phone notification popped in and Jayce stepped back. She took her phone and opened it. Jasmine.

'I have more choco milk, I'm in front of the school building'

Ashton peeped from behind her shoulder, "So," he started, Jayce froze, "Are you single or what?"

Jayce stepped back, "What?"

"Your ex seems to be bringing you some milk," he made a gesture of drinking, "As a professional heartbreaker..."

"And a professional idiot," she continued.

"Don't be mean," he pouted his lips, "Anyways, enjoy your date, I have to sleep, goodbye," he turned around and his teasing face turned into a frown.

There was always something he knew when exes interacted with each other, either they're friends, or they're trying to fix things, and some part of him didn't want her to fix things with Jasmine.

~~~

Jasmine waited for Jayce in front of the school building. She and Jaxon had not fully fixed their sibling bond, and Jaxon also had not come to the house for weeks.

Jasmine wanted to remain friends with Jayce, but everything they shared in the past kept haunting her.

"Hi there!" a voice shouted out.

Jasmine flustered, then turned around. A girl, quite shorter than her, with sepia-colored skin and curly hair made into a short ponytail.

"Are you talking to me?" Jasmine asked.

"Who else am I talking to?" the girl asked, "I'm Brenda," she lent out a hand.

Jasmine took her hand and shook it, "Jasmine,"

"I know, you're Jaxon's sister,"

"Oh," Jasmine chuckled.

"I recognised an unfamiliar face around the school but a familiar face as in the others' relatives. What brings you here, Jasmine?" she asked.

"Oh," Jasmine flinched, she lifted the bag beside her, "Choco milk,"

"For?"

"Jayce,"

"Getting back together?"

"No," a voice broke in. Jayce.

"Oh, Jayce," Jasmine mumbled.

"I'll take the choco milk, thank you," she smiled at Jaz, "By the way, we have basketball practice after school, right?" she asked Brenda.

"Yep," she exclaimed, "I was on my way to my dorm," Brenda continued, "I forgot to bring my sweater, it's getting super cold,"

"Right," Jayce said, "I was on my way to the library anyway. And Jaz, appreciate the milk," she winked at her. Jasmine was the one who always fell too quickly, and it was damn well obvious that one day or another, she would confess or be rejected by Brenda.

~~~

"You have to seriously stop following me around like a coward," Eric sighed, in a warning tone.

Amber looked down, "Why doesn't everyone ever defend me?"

Eric groaned, "I'm tired, Amber, okay?"

"Give me a reason why you can't literally date me, when I'm all that anyone could ever have,"

He huffed, "I could have you as a friend,"

"Nothing more?"

"No, Amber," he strictly said, "No. I don't want to be in a romantic relationship with you so please, stop, and let us just be friends,"

"Tell me why we can't date,"

"Because I'm not freaking romantically attracted to girls," he stated in a loud tone.

Amber clenched her jaw, "You mean you're-"

"I am," Eric said, "We can be friends, Amber, but you will not force me into a relationship. If you do, we will not be friends,"

"But Eric-"

"End of discussion." he turned around and walked away, completely irritated.

~~~

A few days later, on October 6, Ashton was preparing his bag for the trip.

It was his birthday, and early in the morning, Jaxon and Eric had given him his birthday wishes.

Eric's smoke was starting to fade away, and it was all that, "Eric," Ashton started. He was about to go to class, "You should come with me for the trip,"

"Why?" Eric asked, "You'll miss me?"

"No, it's just," Ashton was being someone worthy enough to go insane, "There will be trouble if you don't go with me today,"

"I stay out of trouble," Eric said, "Unless I bump into Amber," he curled his lip, "Still annoys me,"

"Just please come with me,"

"If Eric comes, can I come too?" Jaxon asked.

Ashton blinked, "I mean sure,"

"Jayce will not allow it, she's a bit of a freak with rules," Eric said.

"I can persuade her,"

"With?"

"Well," Ashton clicked his tongue, "I don't know,"

"Me and Jaxon will be fine, we'll contact you every hour, and I don't know what trouble you meant, or that you and Jayce will have the trouble instead," Eric winked at him and left with Jaxon, who was smiling nervously, to the school building.

~~~

Ashton found Jayce standing in front of the dorm building, with just a small sling bag beside her.

"You look pale," she said. And he was, he was having a lot of thoughts.

"Jayce, please, can we bring Eric?"

"Can you tell me why? I need an explanation too,"

"I have this-" he couldn't word it out, "Eric is going to-"

"To?" she furrowed.

"He's going to be in something bad tonight,"

"And what's that?" she asked, "I need full information,"

"There's going to be something bad that happens tonight,"

"The school is safe," Jayce said, "You don't have to worry about anything, I swear,"

"But-"

"It'll be fine, now let's go," she grabbed his forearm when she noticed his large backpack that was definitely full, "We're not going hiking, by the way," she commented.

"It's jackets and scarfs," he replied.

"It's not winter,"

"I get cold easily," he bitterly said, letting go of her hand, then started to walk, "You coming or no?"

She scoffed silently and then walked behind him, "Okay, birthday boy," she sneered in return.

~~~

In the small bus, Harrison sat in front, and Ashton avoided eye contact with him. A security guard came along, and some other staff from the academic unit.

Jayce sat next to Ashton, with him as the window seat.

Ashton took out a scarf from his bag and put it around his neck.

"Are you really that easily cold?" Jayce asked, knitting her brows.

"The more you know," he said hastily.

~~~

The bus ride was quite long, and Ashton ended up sleeping on Jayce's shoulder, with no hard feelings. And he snored.

Although Jayce could have moved his head to the other side, she didn't. He drooled as well, on her shirt.

A few hours later, they arrived and Jayce had just been playing with her phone in the entire car ride. She was probably high.

"Ash," she called out, poking his head, "Ash, wake up,"

It was either he was dead, or he was feeling very tired, which Jayce doubted. She was the one who hadn't been sleeping for days.

She took an exasperated breath, before stepping up that he dropped to the next seat and she took his scarf. There was a small whimper of pain when he finally woke up.

"Princess Aurora is finally awake," Jayce commented.

"Give me my scarf back," he sat up as his eyes were still shut.

"You're not getting your scarf back until you stand up and fix your drooling,"

Ashton immediately opened his eyes and touched his chin, "Oh," he said, then looked at Jayce with her shirt, "Your shirt, sorry,"

"I cried on your sweater,"

"Speaking of which," he stepped up and fixed his hair and drool, and took the scarf, "Where is my sweater?"

"Haven't washed it," she said, "And also speaking of which, where did you place the money I gave you?"

"In the bank, I'm richer by a few thousands now, thank you very much," he smirked.

Jayce shook her head in disgust and crossed her arms, while turning around and stepping down the bus.

"Expected a little more touch to that conversation, but damn, she is dry," he muttered to himself.

~~~

They stepped out of the bus, and they saw a wooden-made building sitting in the middle of barren land, and windows that entered in sunlight, with the sign 'Joy Primary School' put up in black marker, pasted in front of the school and graffiti paintings were sprayed around the school's dull wood.

Harrison and the staff were talking with a woman, who was the headmistress.

Jayce saw the kids who were playing in the sandy yard, and some who were sitting in the wooden logs near the school.

"Not everyone is as lucky as us with air conditioned halls and huge cafeterias," Jayce said.

"But everyone is as worthy to receive what we receive," Ashton replied.

"Hi!" a voice broke in.

Jayce looked down and smiled. A boy, who was using a stick for balance and still had his milk teeth attached greeted her.

"Hi there," Jayce bended down, "You seem like a cheerful little boy, what's your name?"

"Frankie," he replied.

Jayce noticed his sprained ankle, "Well, hi there, Frankie," she said, "I'm Jayce, and this is Ashton,"

Ashton raised a brow, then muttered in her ear, "For you to know, I'm not good with kids,"

"I didn't tell you to babysit anyways," she muttered back.

She threw her attention back to the boy.

Jayce looked down at his ankle again, "Does your ankle hurt by any chance?"

"My ankle?" he asked, "Oh," he said. He wasn't really fluent in speaking but Jayce tried to understand it, "A year ago, my dad and I were walking over the river to get to town. I slipped on a rock, and it still hasn't healed until now," he smiled as he explained.

"I see," she smiled back and now she was kneeling on one knee on the ground, so that she could see his ankle better, "Where's your dad now?"

Frankie gave another smile, and then lifted his other arm, and pointed his finger up to the sky. He laughed a bit.

Jayce realized and her smile faded away. Ashton pursed his lips and looked down.

"Dad got caught by the current when he tried to help me," Frankie started, "But grandmother always said that now he's in a place where he is surrounded by joy,"

Jayce clenched her jaw and looked down. This boy didn't know anything. She cleared her throat before she spoke as Ashton looked at the sky.

"Well, then, Frankie, so your grandmother's the one who's taking care of you?" Jayce asked, trying to not look sad.

Frankie nodded delightfully.

"Do you mind if I take a look at your ankle?" she asked.

"Jayce," Ashton called from behind, "We have a medical team as well you know. We'll just wait until today's checking is done and plans have been made so we can start the renovation and children care,"

"For an ankle sprain that hasn't been treated for a year and he's still walking with a stick, it's definitely dislocated," she replied, "An infection could appear,"

"Fine, we should always trust our partners anyways," Ashton said, lifting both his hands as if surrendering.

"Just give me the scarf,"

"Yes, ma'am," he took off his scarf, which made him immediately cold, and she took it lightly.

"Frankie," she started, "Can you sit on that chair?" she pointed to a green stool that was sitting on the side.

Frankie nodded and he started walking unevenly and then he sat down. Jayce frowned at the sight.

She went to him and Ashton followed as well. He didn't want to be responsible for other people, and that was the main reason he wasn't going to be a doctor. He had given it a thought, definitely, and he wanted to be an engineer instead.

Jayce lowered in front of Frankie's foot, and looked at the ankle. It was swollen, and it was a blue-purplish color.

"Frankie," Jayce started, "Would you mind telling me about what you enjoy doing?" she asked, trying to keep him distracted as she was going to tie his ankle to keep it balanced.

"Me?" Frankie asked.

"Yes," Ashton broke in, leaning against the bus, "Tell me about yourself, Frankie,"

Jayce smiled softly, to Frankie and Ashton both, and it was one genuine smile.

"I was born in a village near here," Frankie started, "My dad was a farmer, and my grandmother is a worker at a sewing factory,"

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"An astronaut! I want to see the stars and the moon, and explore space!"

"That is a very big dream, Frankie," Ashton replied with a smile, as Jayce took the scarf and started putting it around his swollen ankle, "So, how old are you Frankie?" he continued to distract him.

"I'm born on the 27th of February, in the year 2012! I live in a village nearby here too," he exclaimed.

He was just 9.

"Well, I'm born on the 6th of October, in the year 2005," Ashton replied with a smile on his face.

Frankie gasped, "Doesn't that mean it's your..." he lifted his fingers and started counting, "One, two, three..." he muttered, "It's your 16th birthday!"

"Yes it is, you are one bright boy," Ashton chuckled.

"When is your birthday, Jayce?" Frankie asked, still not noticing the scarf being wrapped around his ankle.

"Me?" she chuckled back, "February 27, 2005,"

Ashton didn't believe she was older than him. No, actually, he believed that she was older than him by a few months, but he definitely didn't believe that Amber was older than him as well.

Jayce tied up the scarf and stood up, with a grin on her face, "There we go! You didn't feel a thing, right?" she asked Frankie.

"Feel what?" he looked down at his foot, "Oh! Thank you so much!"

"Any time," she responded, "But when the medical team comes tomorrow, you need to get checked, and ask them for a crutch too if it hurts too much, okay? Follow doctor's orders,"

"I can't," Frankie frowned and shook his head. Ashton winced.

"Why?"

"I don't have money if I do a checkup. What if there's something wrong. My grandma can't afford it," he pursed his lips.

Jayce patted his shoulder, "You are one boy who has a big heart. But you shouldn't have to worry. It will all be free,"

"Really?" Frankie exclaimed, asking.

Ashton damn well knew it was not free. They had to pay. Jayce would've known too, and if the lie kept her happy, he would interfere in it too.

"Yes, of course," Ashton replied.

"Thank you so much!" Frankie exclaimed again happily, and Jayce gave a soft laugh.

"Anytime, young boy," Ashton patted Frankie's head.

Not good with kids? Jayce thought. She saw everything opposite of that statement.

~~~

The three started walking towards the school where everyone else already was. They were planning the renovations and the flow of plans, and Jayce and Ashton were also supposed to be there.

"By the way," Frankie said as they walked towards the school, "Are you both...what's the word again," he furrowed, "Ah, right! I think the word is 'dating'! My grandmother said that before mama and papa had me, they 'dated'!"

Jayce winced at the question, then looked at Ashton, who was already looking at her uneasily.

"Of course, not, Frankie," Ashton chuckled it off, "We're partners in the student council! She's my president and I'm her vice president, and in basket, I'm her captain, and she's my player,"

Jayce didn't know if she should be relieved or not.

"Mama and papa were farmer partners," Frankie smiled, "Grandmother always called them that,"

"Well, Frankie," Ashton started, "My partner here is already dating someone,"

Jayce raised a brow at his statement.

"Oh," Frankie dragged his words. He then continued to walk on his own into the wooden school, and as the two partners followed him, Jayce spoke.

"I'm not dating anyone," she says, eyes straight ahead.

Ashton flustered, "I thought you got back together with Jasmine?"

"We both aren't each others' last love," she replied, "And you," she started, "I thought you wanted to start having serious relationships? How did it go with Max, or Maximillian, whatever?"

"I rejected him," he responded as the ground was getting rougher with its bricks from the road, and the wood that was placed on it.

"Why?" she asked.

"Instinct," he ended the conversation. There was a sprint of joy in him when she said that she and Jasmine weren't back together, and that she wasn't dating anyone else.

Jayce's thoughts went immediately straight to the wooden school, which had a few rooms, which had a couple of wooden tables and wooden chairs shared for two-three people, and the chalk whiteboard hung on the wall that seemed uneven.

The light was very dim, and their books were used books that were placed on an-almost broken shelf.

Jayce felt someone tugging on her shirt. She looked down and saw a girl waving at her, she was smiling vigorously.

She was wearing a dirty pink jacket and her shoes were filled with holes. But nevertheless, her smile shone brightly.

Jayce chuckled, "Hi there!" she scratched the girl's head, "What's your name?"

The girl made symbols with her hands, talking in sign language. Jayce understood the symbols very carefully, while Ashton didn't understand the gestures teh young girl was doing.

"Valencia's a very pretty name," she chuckled in return.

The girl smiled happily, then proceeded to gesture a 'Thank You'.

"Welcome," she smiled.

The girl then skipped along and went to her other friends.

"Now you understand sign language?" Ashton asked.

"I just learned it when I could," Jayce shrugged, "We'll help this school however we can, and send some teachers from other schools and our schools here, and have medical checks of the children and their families as well,"

Ashton nodded, but not going to lie, his heart was still beating with Eric's possible death. He decided to text Eric. Jayce went looking around the classroom.

'hey, ric, where r u rn?'

'in language class'

'oh, im still at the school, and its pretty awesome in here'

'cuz of jayce?'

'no, ew wth'

'anyways, im going to my parents' later...can i borrow ur car?'

'like ltrlly after school?'

'yeah, i miss ella'

Worry went over Ashton.

'yeah sure, i'll meet you at ur house to take my car as well ltr...see u and stay safe'

'thanks ash'

'anytime'

Jayce was discussing things with the headmistress, and Ashton walked around the classroom and the kids greeted him everywhere.

"So I will arrange the funds and all the things needed," Jayce concluded.

"Once again, thank you very much for your help," the headmistress said, tears filling her eyes. She hugged Jayce and Harrison immediately, "These kids deserve the world,"

Jayce hugged back the principal, "And you've been an amazing headmistress to give them one,"

The headmistress sucked in her tears and stepped back, when she stumbled for no reason and hit the table behind her, that it shook and the mug that was placed on the table wobbled and fell.

There was one thump against Jayce's heart that seemed so loud and the silence was too muffled. She waited for the mug to drop, because she wouldn't have escaped it. Before a trigger comes the freeze.

It was probably in a split second, or less than that, or maybe it was just the feeling that it was more than a minute to Jayce, but she definitely was turned around and her ears were covered tightly.

Everything was silent, and she could no longer hear the glass breaking or her heart that thumped. But her heavy breathing was still there.

In a glimpse, Jayce was seeing one pair of brown eyes. Maybe for once, she wasn't hearing or hallucinating things.

The silence disappeared when the pressure of her ears disappeared, which she thought was rather strange when she found out that the earmuffs she had were just Ashton's hands.

She clenched her jaw when she went back to her senses and stepped back. Her vision was rather blurry.

"Hey, you good?" a voice ringed when her vision cleared, and Ashton was there, one hand on her shoulder.

Jayce gulped, "How did you-"

"Know?" he asked, voice tense, "Took me a while to find out, you seemed to have a lot of triggers,"

Jayce just looked at him blankly. In truth, Nadia had told him about Jayce before she went into the Light. It told him a lot about Jayce's trauma, and what he felt wasn't pity but it was understanding.

"When Milton pushed down the cup in the police station, you tensed," Ashton said, "All of that and all," lies, Jayce could tell, but what was more to argue about?

"Thanks by the way," Jayce said, feeling both uneasiness and comfort, then noticed the broken glass that was on the floor, "Oh,"

"Clumsy me, is everyone alright?" the headmistress flustered, looking at everyone in concern.

"Yes," Ashton replied, but immediately looked at Jayce, raising a brow as well.

"I'm fine," she responded as well, in a thin smile.

The headmistress bended down to collect the glass pieces, when Ashton stepped in, "I'll help, it's fine,"

The headmistress chuckled, "Thank you very much,"

"Welcome," Ashton smiled, and began picking up the glass pieces of the mug, and Jayce stared at him reluctantly with hot ears.

Suddenly there was a small whimper. She flinched. It was either he was careless, or too careful. Ashton had let the glass make a mark on his palm, which was now dripping out blood.

"Oh," Jayce said in a staggered way, then bent down as well, taking his palm and looking at the blood when she noticed something else.

She held his palm closer to her and saw something below his long-sleeved clothing. A mark, and then another, and another, which was definitely not made from glass.

Ashton noticed what she saw and immediately jerked his palm away from her grip and held it close to him. She furrowed as she stood up and looked at him. He gave her a look back, that definitely said it wasn't her business.

"Excuse myself to treat this wound," Ashton said to the headmistress and Harrison gave him a look of suspicion.

Ashton bolted outside, palm close to chest, and Jayce followed him from behind, taking a bandaid from her sling bag in the way.

Ashton went behind the bus quickly, and Jayce followed him, and immediately took his arm, and put down his sleeve. Scars of his battle.

She let go of it, and he jerked away harshly.

"I stopped a month ago, nothing new,"

Jayce pursed her lips, unable to reply, "No one knew?" she asked, not making any eye contact with him. Understanding, not pity.

"Society says, and I quote: 'Boys shouldn't have feelings.'" he replied, not in the mood to talk.

"Give me your hand," Jayce said, looking down, and only focused on his wrist.

"For?"

"Medication," she showed him the band aid.

He sighed and gave her his hand. She put the bandaid on his palm, covering up the blood. He was about to let go of her hand when she lightly pulled it back and took a marker from her bag.

"What are you doing?" he asked, when she started to draw across his scars.

She didn't reply to him and she picked up the marker when she finished drawing a butterfly, "Don't hurt the butterfly," she said.

"You expect me to have sympathy for a butterfly?" he asked.

"If you ever feel like hurting a butterfly which is innocent, stab a book instead," Jayce said, "Or start a vent book, or do anything that will unleash your anger, anything except hurting this butterfly."

"It's not a promise I can keep," Ashton replied.

"I might never feel what you felt, but you're the strongest person I've met," she said in a soft voice, "You're doing well Ashton, and I'm proud of you for getting this far. Happy 16th birthday, vice president, wish you well," she interlocked her hands with Ashton's, and for once, Ashton felt real warmth, pure and igniting.

The two stayed in that position for a while, looking at each other, trying to find one another's peace.

When we follow what society says, that's when we become fake.

~~~

The ride back home felt shorter than the ride there. Ashton fell asleep on Jayce's shoulder, but this time, Jayce also fell asleep on Ashton's head.

When they got back to the school, Ashton and Jayce parted, and he went on a taxi to get to Eric's house, who had still been chatting with him.

"Ms Rodriguez!" Ashton exclaimed.

"Hi there, Ashton," the woman said, "Eric's in his room, you know where it is right?"

"Even if the house is like a maze itself, I definitely remember where his room is," he chuckled.

He went in and went upstairs. At the end of the second floor, there was another spiral staircase that went to the third floor. Walking to the left and then to another left, there would be a small step down, then through the second door on the right, there would be a room where the closets were, and then a glass staircase that went downstairs and to a door, which was Eric's bedroom.

Ashton knocked on his door, "Hey, Ric, it's me, Ash,"

"Come in," he replied.

Ashton came in and Eric was tossing a baseball to the air and retrieving it back, just that and that, as the wind blew from the open windows. And Eric's smoke was still there. He flinched at the sight.

"I thought you said you missed Ella," he started as he sat on his bed, and the room was very elegant.

"She just had a visit to the hospital today for her checkups, she's sleeping right now," Eric replied.

"Oh," Ashton said, then laid on his bed, "I'm so tired," he thought about the butterfly on his wrist, still marked in ink.

"You should've been resting, it is your birthday after all," Eric scoffed.

"Yeah, I should've, should I?" Ashton asked himself, "But if I did, I wouldn't have gone through what I've gone through today,"

"Which is?"

"Things,"

"Things about Jayce,"

"Hey!"

"What?"

"Whatever,"

"Go back to the dorm," Eric said.

"Why?" Ashton asked, "I want to be here,"

"I'll be fine anyways, Ashton,"

"Later," Ashton said, "Later," he repeated.

He wanted to see the smoke be gone before he left.

"I'll go home later," he said once again.

"Okay fine," Eric groaned, "I'll drag you out,"

"Later, okay? Geez, you're no fun," Ashton scowled.

Eric gave out a laugh.

The two, two boys, two best friends, two brother-like friends, chatted for half-an-hour, and the smoke got smaller and smaller.

Until a point where there was no smoke at all, and Ashton waited for a few seconds before he sat up. Spark of happiness inside of him.

"Now will you please go? I'm very tired," Eric said, and Ashton was surprised that he said it first instead of him.

It was as if Eric knew something. Did he?

"What?"

"Go, please," Eric said, yawning fakely, "Go," he pulled Ashton out of his bed and then dragged him out of the room, "Go. I'll be fine, I'm so tired,"

"Alright fine, geez," Ashton said. And yes, the smoke had disappeared, and it was 9 at night.

Maybe Ashton could finally breathe, but the reaction that Eric immediately sent him out when the smoke was gone, which he wouldn't have known, bugged Ashton very much.

Eric waved goodbye in a happy smile and closed the door in front of him. Ashton flinched and turned around. He went back the direction he came, through the closet.

But then his heart dropped when something blasted in his ears. A gunshot. The sound of the gun ringing in his head as if hundreds of people were screaming at him. He flinched, his heart stopped and he froze.

It was that feeling of disturbance. It felt awful, shocking, scary.

Ashton, with all his heavy heart, turned around and ran towards Eric's room, and his heart sank into the deepest that it could ever have.

There he was. Eric Rodriguez. A gun held in his right hand, a bullet in his head as blood poured. The wind that was shiverred as it passed through the windows, and red seemed to cover the room in his blood. A suicide.

But it wasn't a suicide. It was only when Ashton saw something on the edge of his bed, beside the leg of Eric's. Something black and cylindrical. With a sparkly gem sitting on top and something that was written in golden handwriting. He noticed what that was.

Jayce's pen.