Chapter 17: Remorse

Ethan sat on his bed, surrounded by the remnants of his relationship with Lily. Photographs, mementos, and letters were scattered around him, each one a reminder of what he had lost. He picked up a picture of the two of them, taken during their first anniversary. They were both smiling, happy and in love. The image was a stark contrast to the turmoil he felt now.

He traced the outline of Lily's face with his finger, tears welling up in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Lily," he whispered. "I wish I could go back and change everything."

His mind replayed their last conversation over and over. He had been so focused on his own anger and frustration that he hadn't seen how much he was hurting her. The look on her face when she said she knew about Sophie haunted him. He could still hear the tremor in her voice, see the tears in her eyes.

Ethan buried his face in his hands, the weight of his remorse pressing down on him. "Why did I do this to you? To us?" he asked himself. He knew the answer was complicated, a mix of his own insecurities and fears. But understanding the reasons didn't make it any easier to accept what he had done.

In an attempt to find some solace, he opened a drawer and pulled out Lily's old diary. He had never read it before, respecting her privacy, but now he felt a desperate need to connect with her in any way possible. As he flipped through the pages, he found entries detailing their happiest moments together, as well as her hopes and dreams for their future.

One entry, in particular, caught his attention. It was dated a few months before they started having problems.

_"Dear Diary,_

_Ethan and I went to the lake today. It was so peaceful and beautiful. We talked about our dreams and made plans for our future. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. He's my everything._

_Love, Lily"_

The entry was short but filled with so much love and hope. Ethan's heart ached as he realized how deeply he had shattered those dreams. "I was your everything, and I let you down," he murmured, feeling the full weight of his remorse.

Desperate to make amends, even if only symbolically, Ethan decided to visit Lily's grave. He needed to speak to her, to find some way to express his regret. He gathered a bouquet of her favorite flowers—lilies, of course—and made his way to the cemetery.

The walk there was somber, each step heavy with the knowledge of his mistakes. When he reached her grave, he knelt down and placed the flowers gently on the ground. "Hi, Lily," he began, his voice trembling. "I don't even know where to start. I miss you so much, and I can't stop thinking about all the ways I hurt you. If I could take it all back, I would. You deserved so much better than what I gave you."

Ethan took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. "I know you're not here to hear this, but I need to say it. I am so sorry for everything. For pushing you away, for not appreciating you, for betraying your trust. I was selfish and stupid, and now I'm paying the price for that."

He wiped his eyes, feeling a small sense of relief from finally voicing his guilt. "I promise I will try to live better, to honor your memory. I will never forget you, Lily. You will always be in my heart."

As he stood up to leave, Ethan felt a gentle breeze brush against his face, almost as if Lily were there, offering him a small measure of comfort. He took it as a sign to keep moving forward, to continue seeking redemption.

Walking away from the cemetery, Ethan felt the first glimmer of hope that he might one day find peace. The journey ahead was long, but he was determined to take it one step at a time, carrying Lily's memory with him as he tried to become the man she had once believed him to be.