Chapter 12: Nicholas

Nicholas p.o.v.

The evening sun cast long shadows on the ground. Dusty roads, filled with children and people, who timorously step aside noticing the royal cart in their way. Poison skillfully followed the wagon, without me giving him any indications; he is intelligent. We were just going outside our village, a small town, the former home of Lady Annie and her mother. I knew that because I'd stayed there for some days, a very long time ago.

I looked up, the slanting rays of the setting sun gave a warm orange tingle to the sky, reminding me about those long golden brown curls of Xenia, flickering just like this on the orange candlelight...soon there will be darkness, but I still had enough time. If I finish that meeting fast then perhaps I could return before midnight.

Without giving much attention to my surroundings, I was following the carriage but then I noticed a familiar kind of street; that kind of street where a priest should never enter if he didn't want anyone to dispute his virtue. Half naked women, darting outside from their windows or doors, some were getting ravaged over the wall of that narrow street or even on the ground by manic drunken men. The air reeked of alcohol and sex, the realm echoed in laughs, moans and whimpers...bodies battering over each other like animals, entangled together in such a way no one could specify where one started and the other one ended.

And guess what, in a heinous place like that whose face came inside my mind; Xenia...my daughter, whom I raised on my own, I shouldn't even think about her right now let alone imagine her here with me...pressed between my body and one of these pillars while I fuck her without thinking, without shame. How sick of a mind I had!

The carriage stopped near an old but bright-looking brothel, decorated with red curtains and flowers. Unbothered by those half-nacked women, curling their fingers...beckoning me and the guards to join, I dismount from the saddle. This kind of environment didn't astound me anymore as half of my teenage years were spent on the streets like this, of course, with Samara. But that was a long time ago, that was before I took celibacy and now, even entering a place like this was like depravity for me.

Lady Annie also came out from her carriage, adjusting her long red gown, she looked up at me, when I stood in front of her, " Why are we stopping at the brothel?", I asked composing my gentle tone, in reality; I was pissed.

I agreed to come just for two reasons, first because I didn't want to anger the king's mistress. And second, more importantly, if Katarina...Lady Katarina asked for me, then I was definitely some pawn of her game and I needed to know what she had been plotting against Xenia and I was sure as hell, it wouldn't be anything good. She is an intelligent woman, coming out from a small village to a castle and then to the king's side...gaining more power than the queen herself, was not a small thing. And now she wanted that same for her daughter too, and there is no way in hell, I'll let them do anything to Xenia.

" Mother said we don't want anyone to find out we met you...and if you enter the townlet wearing this..."

" Why didn't you tell me this before?", I interrupted and then she rolled her eyes at me... I really hate when kids behave like this, what's with them and rolling eyes anyway? If they kept doing this, I'm afraid their eyeball will be stuck in their brain one day.

Lady Annie leaned over the carriage, folding her hand she raised her brow, " I did, you were busy staring at your queen."

Oh...I was indeed busy, doing more than staring though. I didn't attempt to give any explanation as that will arise even more suspicion.

" One of the guards will lend you their uniform.", she informed, nodding to a guard whose physique was almost like mine. Without saying anything else, I turned around to enter the brothel but then Lady Annie also started walking with us. Confused, I looked back at her, " And where do you think you coming, my lady?"

Her eyes peered up at me as she smiled mischievously," I thought, I could help you undressing, Father."

" Pardon me?"

And then...she laughed like I had joked. Seriously?

" Ha! you are no fun...men here will die to go inside with me.", She stated, chewing her lower lip and I smiled, " Forgive me, but I'm not one of those men.", I replied and finally entered the brothel. Thankfully, Lady Annie didn't follow me, she was waiting outside in her carriage.

I entered the hall, without any windows, the hall was dark, only dull orange shades of candles were glinting on half-naked bodies, some men were just sitting and drinking...some were gambling with women crouched on their lap. And for a second everyone stopped and looked at me...stunned to see a priest there. It must be first for them...it was first for me too, after taking celibacy, I never enter any pleasure house.

A middle-aged woman, wearing a beautiful golden gown came toward us, " How can we help you, farther?", she asked politely and I smiled, " I just want to change my clothes, madame.", I replied which made her sigh, disappointment was clear on her face, " Are you sure?", she asked again and I gave her five gold coins, worth more than a five-minute stay.

I'll not lie, even after twelve years, I had this weird attachment with women in this line of business...not that kind of attachment. An understanding perhaps, maybe because of Samara...because I knew what horror they all faced which made them do this.

Without further inquiry, she showed me a room just near the stairs. That guard gave me his uniform and left the room...yes nacked, with a woman. He obviously didn't need any clothes anymore. I sighed wearing the white cuffed shirt, with the amount of nakedness I watched today, perhaps I should go and bathe with holy water tomorrow.

I looked at myself in the mirror, and for a second I couldn't recognise myself...My mind had almost forgotten how I look in any other colour rather than black. How many years had passed and I hadn't worn anything else rather than my cassock and clerical attire?

The red velvet coat, wrapped perfectly around my broad shoulders, golden embroidery glinting beautifully over it...Leather black puffy breeches, and boots covering my legs...how many years had passed, since I dressed like this. I even forget how much I like these things...and how much I hate these things too.

Shaking my head, I sat on the bed, staring at the mirror...all these things gave me nostalgia, reminding me about the life I left.

The seductive fragrance of this room and these soft net curtains, made my mind go back to that place...the place where Samara lived, that was exactly like this, where we spend hours together. I tried to think about her...but could only remember the places and faint...so faint image of her face. How did she look...Her hair was golden brown, her eyes were green... her lips were pink but...I couldn't remember her features, all I could see was her burning body in front of my eyes.

Don't know how much time passed, but I just sat there, thinking about her...tears glided over my cheeks and I immediately wiped them, but they just kept falling out of my eyes...How could I forget? I couldn't even remember her face anymore...just some old faint memory, no matter how much I tried to remember how she looked...that all was just a blur now.

If only, Samara were alive...maybe then, I wouldn't be here crying alone in a pleasure house, we might be living happily with our child. If she would have lived, everything would be easy...I wouldn't be here in a rival country, wouldn't be living a life full of regrets, wouldn't be lusting over a woman almost half of my age...A girl I raised.

If only, I had Samara.