Ecchi Shiyou

Several weeks passed since I dealt with the Olympians rather forcibly. Sally was acclimating to her new powers surprisingly well. She was now in the mortal world doing her own thing while keeping an eye out on her son Percy. 

The young demigod had somehow enjoyed his time in the summer camp all things considered. Luke was pardoned but decided to leave anyways seeing that he was outed as a traitor. I felt a bit of pity for the boy and cast a minor 'notice me not' spell on him. Now he wouldn't be bothered by monsters and regular people wouldn't really notice him unless he went out of his way to get their attention. 

An issue popped up a week after Sally was made into an Angel. Mainly the issue with a certain tree and a demigoddess trapped within its roots. Yelena had brought it to my attention when she had dropped Sally back off to the camp since Sally hadn't yet figured out how to teleport. 

Flashback

Yelena appeared in a flash of her magic circle with an angry look on her face. I could already tell that something back in the Greek territory had pissed off the former assassin seeing that she had just come back from there. 

"Of all the stupidest things…" she huffed angrily, "did you know that the сука a god turned his child into a tree?" 

"What?" 

"You heard me, the bearded bastard and his brother had a spat that resulted in their children being attacked." 

"Where is this going Yelena?" 

"The emo bastard sent monsters after the bearded bastards daughter and her friends." 

"How do you know this?" 

"That fat one that looks like a baby wearing ugly shirts, told me after I interog- I mean… after I asked him nicely." 

"You interrogated a baby?" 

"No! Pay attention, блцн. The drunk one, I asked him question and he answered." 

"Hmm, so what happened to the girl?"

Yelena sighed in exasperation "She was injured and as she lay dying her bastard father 'helped' her." 

"He helped her by turning her into a tree?" I reiterated in disbelief. 

"That's what I said!" 

"I take it he had some dumbass reasoning like 'this is for the greater good' or some shit?" 

"Something like that yes. Instead of healing her which he could have done, he turned her into a tree that 'protects' the camp from monsters." 

"So that was what the barrier was?" 

"Yes, apparently her life force fuels the barrier." 

"And why didn't he heal her?" 

"Apparently it would break some stupid rule about interfering." 

"And turning her into a tree wasn't 'interfering'?" 

Yelena scoffed, "You went there yourself. You saw them first hand. They are not the brightest tools in shed." 

I sighed, "I take it you helped the girl?"

"Yes, I healed her and brought her here. The barrier remained but is now fueled by the ambient divinity that leaks out of the demigods in that camp." 

"Good, I really don't want to go back to that place before I figure out this whole voices in my head thing." 

Yelena smirked, "No one would complain if you killed them all." 

"Yes, but it would upset some people." 

"As if you cared what people thought, you still try to talk me into threesome with my sister." 

"Well yes… also the offer still stands." 

"Maybe some other time." Yelena chuckled. 

"Fine, just give me a moment an-

"And you'll make it last a lifetime, I know. You used same line on my sister." 

"It worked didn't it?" 

Yelena rolled her eyes and smiled, "Whatever, I'll go check on Thalia, that was the girls name, then we can talk about this more." 

I watched her walk away and couldn't help but cast an appreciative glance at her ass.

'One of these days.' I murmured.

Flashback End

I looked over to where Thalia was being trained by Yelena and Natasha. The sisters were beating the absolute fuck out of Thalia but the demigod just wouldn't stay down. 

After her revival she had decided that the Greek world was no longer something she wanted to be a part of. Yelena brought her before me after she had recovered enough from her time spent as a tree and the demigoddess had practically begged me to take her in and make her into an Angel too. Yelena agreed to take Thalia under her wing, no pun intended, after I turned her into an Angel. 

Another headache came from when Uriel brought the Holy Sword Project to my attention. I hadn't planned on acting against the church so soon but with my return all but revealed to the Grigori and the Devils I figured it was time for the church to know I was back. 

Uriel informed me that he and the other Seraphs had intervened before the church could carry out their experiments on the Excalibur shards. Thus saving the blond twink that was a part of Rias' peerage from ever being traumatized by swords to the point where he hated them. 

"Natasha, Yelena, when you two are done training Thalia, come meet me in the conference room." 

Yelena blocked a stab from Thalia's spear and turned to me. 

"Who else is going to be there?" 

"Rowena, Salazar, Godric, and Helga. The other Seraphs will fill in for them until I finish discussing what I want to bring up. 

Yelena nodded as she swatted another stab away and assisted Natasha with a kick that landed on Thalia's chest. The former demigod 'opmhed' as she fell to the ground. Yelena took over attacking Thalia as Natasha spoke to me. 

"What's this about?" 

"Just some concerns I have about myself." 

Natasha raised a manicured eyebrow and smirked, "Finally noticed that you've been kind of a dick?" 

"Has everyone noticed but me?" I groaned. 

Natasha simply kept smiling and backflipped over a kick Thalia aimed at her. Yelena backhanded the daughter of Zeus. 

"Well, I though you were just trying to be funny." Yelena added as she was grabbed by Thalia. 

"Hey! I get that I have a long way to go but it's really disheartening when you talk so casually while we spar." Thalia grunted out as Yelena threw her at Natasha who kicked the demigod. 

"You guys keep training," I laughed, "I'll go see if the others have arrived." 

I waved at the trio as I walked away from them. Yelena and Natasha gave a short wave before they went back to sparring with Thalia. 

[Scene Break]

The four founders sat in a semi circle facing me. Yelena and Natasha had yet to arrive so we waited and I caught up with my adoptive family. 

"Things are going well on my end. The new recruits are shaping up to be decent angels." Godric boasted. 

"Same here, adding a medical corp has helped tremendously." Helga added. 

Salazar chuckled at the two, "I think he meant our actual lives and not what we've been doing in regards to his armies." 

"Oh, right… er, well Helga and I are doing wonderfully. We recently purchased a modest little home by the square." 

I nodded to Godric, among the founders he had been the one that wanted to settle down the most. As a Seraph, he was in charge of training Heavens standing army. Helga was in charge of training medics since I was planning for Heaven to take a more hands on approach in the church's dealings. That meant that there would be a pit of angels accompanying each exorcist squad as well as any angels out in the mortal world performing miracles. 

Rowena and Salazar had taken to being my advisors and teaching the angels magic. Surprisingly the angels had never actually considered using human magic to bolster their repertoire of spells. That led to devils having an edge with their imagination magic. 

"Ro and I are settling soon as well, we're traveling back and forth between Heaven and the mortal world. Helena is quite cross with you. She thinks you've forgotten about her." Salazar smirked. 

I groaned, "I have not forgotten… it's just that I've been swamped with so much shit," Rowena frowned at my language choice, "that I haven't had the time to see her." 

"You had enough time to go slapping the Greeks around." Rowena huffed in annoyance. 

I shrugged, "They asked for it, Thanatos attacked me while I was talking to Freya." 

"Be that as it may, she's still family. She's alone down there." 

"I get it pops," I sighed, "It's why I brought you guys here." 

"Oh? Are you finally going to tell us why you've brought us here?" Godric asked. 

"We're still waiting for the sisters, they should be here any minute now." 

Just as I finished speaking the door swung open with Natasha and Yelena walking in, their wings proudly displayed. 

"What did we miss?" Yelena asked as she sat down, her wings folding into her back as she leaned into the seat. 

"Nothing much, just catching up. Speaking of, how are the two of you doing?" 

"Same old, saved a bunch of orphans from being experimented on with Uriel." Yelena shrugged. 

"I got a spy network up and running." Natasha added. 

"That's good and all, but I meant in your personal life. How are you adjusting to life in Heaven? I realise that I haven't really gotten the chance to talk with everyone since we got back from your world." 

"Natasha has been complaining about you neglecting her." Yelena smirked. 

The redheaded former assassin blushed lightly before seemingly kicking her sister under the table. 

"Ouch! Hey what was that for?" Yelena yelped in pain and rubbed her leg. 

"I told you that in confidence." Natasha glared. 

The founders chuckled at the scene and I couldn't help but laugh along with them. 

"Two world class assassin turn high class Angels, and you two still act like children." 

Natasha's glare snapped over to me, "I don't want to hear you talking about people acting like children. You're God and you have the humor of a teenage boy." 

I shrugged with a half smile, "What can I say, I'm just different." 

Natasha rolled her eyes before changing the subject, "Sure, anyways why did you call us here?" 

"Right, I guess I should start off by asking you guys if you've ever noticed me acting out of character?" 

"No, you're your usual self most of the time." Yelena replied with Natasha nodding along. 

"Haven't noticed anything off lad, why? Are you worried about someone impersonating you?" Godric asked. 

Salazar seemed to be deep in thought, "I would think a shift in personality would be one of the effects of absorbing a soul not your own." 

I nodded to Salazar, "That's what I was getting at. A while ago I discovered that my body had been hijacked by my former incarnation," I raised a hand to stop everyone from interrupting, "this was a while ago and that matter was solved. Another issue appeared recently though this is something not technically of my own making." 

"What happened?" Rowena spoke up after a moment of silence while everyone digested what I just disclosed. 

"My previous incarnation was the first being ever brought on to this reality. He had more power than Great Red or Ophis, but he wanted more. He eventually sought out the Mesopotamian Pantheon and killed nearly all of them." 

There were a few gasps of shock from the founders who no doubt had read about the Mesopotamians. Natasha and Yelena didn't seem too shocked. 

"Power does that to people." The redheaded former spy supplied. 

"So what happened?" Yelena prompted. 

I proceeded to explain that my previous incarnation had been cursed by one of the gods dying breath while another god escaped the genocide. The founders were angry, not at me, but at the carelessness of my previous incarnation. 

"The issue is your fear about becoming something like your previous self?" Salazar looked to me for an answer. 

"No, I know myself. I won't seek out power for the sake of power. You taught me that growing up, you said that power only offers itself to those prepared to lower themselves to pick it up." 

Salazar smiled, "I'm glad you remember my lessons Jörmungandr." 

"Wait, your name is Jörmungandr?" Yelena asks with a giggle. 

I could see Natasha holding back laughter of her own from the corner of my vision. 

"Laugh it up, it's an edgy name. It's why I introduce myself as Joe in most cases. It's common as hell but at least it doesn't sound like some edgelord pseudonym." 

The four former magicals frowned, "What's wrong with Jörmungandr, it's a strong name?" Salazar asked. 

"Pops, it's dated. I can hardly go out into the mortal world while introducing myself as the World Serpent." 

"You haven't forgotten your origins have you?" Salazar narrowed his eyes at me. 

I sighed, "No, I just haven't found a reason to take either forms." 

"Forms?" Yelena asked. 

"Yeah, I've got three forms. A basilisk and a dragon form and obviously my human form." 

"Basilisk? Like those weird chicken hybrids with the freaky legs?" 

"Ye- wait no. What the fuck?" 

Natasha laughed at her sisters dumbfound look, "I think it's better if you show her." 

I sighed again and stood up, it had been years since I last took my forms so the change was a bit more uncomfortable than usual. Yelena gasped as I turned into a miniature version of my full sized basilisk form. Natasha picked me up and draped me over her shoulders while moving towards Yelena. I hissed at the blonde assassin turned Angel. 

Just then the door opened and Thalia walked inside.

"Hey boss, Mikey just came back. He says he fou- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!" The former demigod screeched. 

I slithered off Natasha's arm and onto the conference table. Making my way to Thalia I noted that the dark haired youth had frozen in fear. Flicking my tongue in the air I rose up to her eye level and hissed. I didn't expect for Thalia's eyes to roll up to the back of her head or for her to pitch over and crash face first onto the floor. 

Yelena picked up her student with a sigh and carried her off while I shifted back to my human form. The others just looked at me with various looks of amusement. 

"What? I didn't think she'd pass out."

[Scene Break]

I glanced at the woman standing in front of my throne with a barely concealed look of fear. I shifted my gaze over to Michael. 

"I take it that finding her wasn't too difficult?" 

"No father, she was hiding in the Underworld." 

I hummed and looked back over to Ereshkigal. The goddess froze but I could see that she was determined not to show me any weakness. She glared at me defiantly. 

"Come to finish the job?" She hissed. 

The Seraph and others gathered around the room looked confused at her words. I debated whether I should tell them about my darker bloodier past. 

I smiled at the blonde haired, red eyed goddess. I could see the anticipation slowly getting to her as she waited for my reply. 

"Wanna fuck?" 

Silence, absolute silence. The whole room looked at me as if I had gone crazy. Maybe I had, who knows. I snickered internally at the shocked look on the ancient goddesses face. 

"W-wh-WHAT?" 

"You heard me. Do you want to fuck?" 

Yelena was barely stopping herself from laughing out loud. Natasha had a look of resignation on her face while Thalia had a light blush. 

"W-what kind of a question is that?! Why have you brought me here usurper!" 

I sighed, "Ereshkigal, an apology wouldn't be enough for what I have done in the past. However I am trying to make amends." 

Her glare never left my face, "His curse still affects you to this day then?" A small smirk formed on her face.

"So you know?" I asked her while motioning for everyone to leave me and the goddess. 

Michael and Gabriel ushered everyone else out, Yelena sent me a knowing smirk before winking at me. Natasha shoved her blonde sister out forcefully and shut the large doors behind her. 

"I was there." Ereshkigal stated.

"I know you were." 

"Then why didn't you kill me like the rest of them?" 

"Because that old me was drunk off of his own power. He didn't notice you slipping away."

"Old you?"

"You may have heard about my subsequent death," she nodded, "well, I did die. Or at least, that old me died and left his divinity in an artifact. I absorbed that artifact and became myself again." 

"That's confusing." 

"It's also besides the point. I brought you here to ask if you knew a way to break the curse." 

"How should I know? I'm the goddess of death not the goddess of curses." She huffed. 

"Still, the curse came from your pantheon." 

"Sorry, I can't help you. Even if I could, why would I? You killed everyone I cared about. Slaughtered them like cattle, and for what? Power?" 

I sighed again, "I was younger then. It was all that mattered to me." 

"Yeah? And what changed?" She challenged.. 

"Not much," I stood from my throne and dropped the illusion I had over myself that made me look like my past incarnation, "but I learned to value life much more than I used to." 

"Too little too late," she took a step back, "nothing you do will make up for what you've done." 

"I know that, that's why I'm trying to atone." 

She scoffed, "Atone by asking me for sex?" 

"Well yes." I stared at her blankly. 

She shifted a bit at my gaze before looking away with a huff, "I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last god in this plane of existence." 

"Not even if I were to offer you a seat in a new pantheon I will create?" 

She froze, "You're making a pantheon?" 

"Well I figured that the power was what was getting to me. So I'm delegating different tasks so that the power is split." 

Ereshkigal's crimson eyes narrowed, "What scheme are you cooking up here?" 

"Nothing, just planning on creating a new pantheon." 

"That won't work, the curse will remain." She turned away. 

"And how do you know?" 

"Because it is a part of you. That darkness, the hate, the need to sow destruction." 

"What do you mean?" 

"I've watched you for centuries, that curse didn't do anything but bring out your inner desires. It didn't change you in any way at all. It simply brought out what was already there." 

"So what?" 

"So creating a new pantheon and splitting the power you hold wouldn't change anything." 

"Fine, so how do I fix this?" 

"I have no more words for you. What now usurper? Are you finally going to kill me and send me to the realm of the faded with my kin?" 

"Nope," I replied, "like I said. I'm making a new pantheon. You'll be one of the newest members." 

"What makes you think I'll accept?" 

I rolled my eyes, "You think I haven't noticed the longing that's been radiating off of you ever since you've gotten here?" 

Ereshkigal steps back in shock, "What do you mean?" 

"You've spent thousands of years hiding away, a lone goddess. The last of her old world. You can't hide the longing from me. I know you want to be a part of a bigger world again." 

"No." She denied. 

"Hmm, then why haven't you left yet?" 

Ereshkigal looked around and realized that we were alone. All things considered, she was a bit of an airhead. 

"You won't stop me?" 

"Of course not, but you're not leaving." 

"Confident that I'll stay?" 

"110%." 

"Fine," she crossed her arms, "I'll stay. But I won't be a part of your new pantheon." 

"Sure." I waved her off with a chuckle. 

"I'm serious!"

"Right, and I'm Joe." 

"What?" 

"I see, I'll have to update your sense of humor." 

"Are you even the same god that tore through my old pantheon." 

I grinned, "What can I say Ereshkigal. I've changed." 

She rolled her eyes at me, "Obviously." 

"Hmm, so… wanna fuck?" 

"No I don't, gaaah! Just go away. Don't you have people to smite or something?"

I chuckled as I walked away, "Good to have you on bored Ereshkigal." 

[Scene Break]

"So you're telling me that all the help she could give you was basically, 'accept yourself.'?"

Yelena, Natasha, and I sat around a table with a large bottle of whiskey. Not that it could get us drunk, but the flavor was still nice. 

"Pretty much. She told me that the curse just brought out what was already a part of me so I just presumed that to fix my edgy temper tantrums I'd need to 'accept both sides of myself' so to speak." 

"That's load of bullshit." Yelena muttered. 

"She does have a point though, everyone has urges." Natasha added. 

"Yeah but not everyone's urges tell them to blast someone to dust for breathing funny." 

"Maybe you just need anger management classes." 

Everyone slowly turned to Thalia who had just entered the room. The former demigoddess gulped at the stares and chuckled nervously.

"Thalia, come sit." I offered her a seat. 

She bound over after a moment and sat down. Yelena poured her a drink despite the look Natasha gave her. 

"What? She is old enough to kill, she is old enough to drink." 

Natasha sighed, "Fine, it's not like we can get drunk anymore anyways." 

"I may have an idea," everyone turns to look at me, "we'll have to sneak into Asgard." 

"No way? Asgard is real?" Thalia exclaims.

"Thalia, you're literally in Heaven right now, not to mention you know for a fact that the Greek gods exist." 

The dark haired teen blushed, "Right… I forgot." 

"Who cares, you have plan to break into Norse kingdom?" Yelena asks. 

I smirked, "Oh yeah, they're the only ones with the alcohol that can get gods drunk." 

Natasha sighed, "I can't believe in letting you talk me into this, what do you need." 

I hummed, and thought for a moment. Gabriel was busy and so was Ophis. It would just be Yelena, Natasha, Thalia, and I, headed for Asgard. Heimdall would no doubt spot us if we took a direct approach, and I didn't want to put Thalia in danger seeing that she was still getting used to being an Angel. 

"Okay, we'll need a crossbow, and hourglass, a goat, one of you needs to learn how to play the violin, whilst someone else performs a ritualistic dance." 

"What?" Natasha and Thalia asked at the same time. 

"I know man who owns goats." Yelena replied. 

"Good, I can start learning a ritualistic dance." 

Natasha groans, "Are we really doing this?" 

"Yes." 

"Fine." 

[Scene Break]

Odin, All Father, King of Asgard, the All-Knowing, The One Eyed Hero. Even with all his titles and power, could not figure out how such a thing had happened. Before him stood Rossweisse having just given him the news. 

The news that several people had broken into his private cellar and stolen a dozen barrels of his finest mead. His golden monocle popped off of his face and clattered onto the ground as the silver haired Valkyrie recounted what she had found. 

"T-they escaped cleanly Lord Odin." 

Odin couldn't help but let a small amount of rage leak into his voice. "H-how did they manage to get past Heimdall and the rest of the guards? How did they even get here in the first place?" 

Rossweisse flinched and looked down at her feet, "Ah- it seems that they utilized a crossbow, a hourglass, three goats, a fiddle, and some sort of ritualistic dance." 

Odin's eye twitched, "What?" 

"Erm, they distracted Heimdall with three goats that they somehow controlled with a fiddle," Odin gaped, "then they used the crossbow to make a ladder down to the cellar where they left the hourglass. It seems they timed themselves." 

Odin sighed, "And the ritualistic dance? What was all that about?" 

"I-I don't know my lord. I feel as if it was done to mock us." 

The one eyed god promptly exploded while frothing at the mouth. 

————————————————————

Omake: Ophis' Diary

Brother has given me a day off. I know not of what to do. I could sleep, but I've done some much of that already. The world outside the Gap is not as loud as I had imagined it to be. My extended absence from the Gap hasn't brought any complications just yet. Hopefully that dumb delinquent doesn't sneak in and take my home or I'll be very cross. Recently I have also discovered the wonderful snack known as cinnamon buns. Thought I don't know why I've seen some humans throw them at each other. Who would waste such a wonderful treat? Perhaps I should get Elder Brother to smite them… yes, I shall do that. People who waste delicious treats do not deserve to live.