Emptiness

Humans, what are we? Or rather what are they? What makes one human? Is it looks?is it smarts? Is it having sex? Is it being able to procreate? No even animals have these qualities and exhibits this habits, Rather I think it's the way they cling to life that makes them human, so why do they cling to life? What's so fulfilling about this life to live for? What is so exciting about being able to see another day just to repeat the same process again and again? What makes life worth living? Why? How do I become human?how do I live?

 I'm sleeping but before I know it I open my eyes, i just lie down on my back for a while before getting up to do some stretches, I check my watch for the time and it says five AM, I don't have an alarm clock I just tend to get up earlier than normal humans though with that being said waking up by 5:00 is still a bit late for me. I take off my pyjamas left in nothing but my boxers as I let the cold morning air hit my body, it's something I usually do it's a way for me to get familiar with the temperature before having my bath. I get into the bathroom and take a look at myself in the mirror, I see my messy brown hair and pitch black eyeballs staring back at me looking lifeless and almost staring into my soul it scared me, just kidding if only I could actually feel fear or feel anything at all I wonder if that would make life worth living, I proceed to brush my teeth thinking about nothing but how miserable it is that I get another chance to live another 24 hours but at least for now I'm alone in my free space, don't worry about me I like being alone it is the only time I get to be myself where no one is around me and I don't have to wear a mask to hide who I truly am just to look human, I'm a fucked up person and I know but my mom shouldn't be blamed for that she did a wonderful job raising me however she is dead now.

 It's 7:30 now and I hear a knock on my door so I walk over to the door and peep to see who it is, and I'm not surprised when I see the person standing at the front of my door is Christian my "best friend" I say my best friend however truth be told I don't know what I did to make him think we are best friends, I unlock the door and open it for him, Christian is a good looking guy he has deep black short curled hair with very pink lips he's the type of guy you expect to have a lot of options when it comes to girls, he's seventeen years old the same as me and we're also around the same height, he's 6"0 but I'm just a little taller than him standing at 6"1, he's wearing our uniform which is a blue short sleeve shirt and a blazer on top with a navy blue trousers and black shoes, I don't have a heart or emotions but if I were to have Christian would probably be the person I'd love the most out of every human but I am pretty fond of him, and when I mean love I don't mean homosexually I mean as a brother,

"Yo Andrew I came to pick you up we're gonna be late for class" says Andrew with his usual smirk on his face, although I wish I could just die right now I manage to force a smile on my face which is what I have to do in order to fit in and be normal or rather to seem normal. We walk to the main school building, and the only reason we can do so is because we live in school we have hostels in the school, it is mandatory for all students to live in school, why You ask? well I also have no idea why and I really don't care to know all I wanna do is close my eyes and never wake up, I look at my belly region and notice that there is a thread sticking out of my blue v necked sweater vest so I cut it off, while we're on our way to class a girl shouts our names and runs up to me and Chris, I immediately recognize the girl it's my girlfriend Isabella, and as you can tell from the name she is Spanish and I'm English I know her parents would never approve of me and her relationship so she was a perfect target to be my girlfriend, now you may be wondering why I have a girlfriend since I don't feel anything but what other choice do I have? She had been showing me affection since the first term and while I chose to ignore them the class boys started questioning me as to why I'm not interested in her when she is the prettiest girl in class, I realized their suspicions started to grow about me being a homosexual which I couldn't allow, and it also dawned on me that having a girlfriend is "normal" and I have to try my best to seem normal so no one would know about my world of lies and misery, do I love her? No, but will I continue dating her? Yes if she continues to benefit me. She finally catches up to us but is out of breath, her long silky pretty blonde hair covers her face so she quickly ties it up in a ponytail and we are both able to get a better look at her face her brown pretty eyes look alive, she breaks into a smile and her pink lips look even pinker and believe it or not her freckles complement her beauty, her body is also very developed,we're still first year students but she could easily pass for a third year student, however I'm not a typical guy who easily gets aroused by this type of things, don't get me wrong I'm not impotent I just don't see much appeal in sexual activities.

"Morning isabella" is say with a huge smile on my face

"Morning Andrew" she replies before leaning in to kiss me, I don't understand females and why they proceed to kiss you once they see you but I guess it's a way of showing affection, something I cannot reciprocate or understand

A"Hi Andrew"

"Hi Isabella"

"Are you guys on your way to class?"

"Yes" I respond

"Do you mind if I tag along?"

"Not at all, let's go"

 I know most people will imagine someone who is empty and has not emotions as someone who always keeps a straight face and is always cool, but that's not the case for me, I act normal around people I don't always keep a straight face cuz that would be too unnatural so to seem natural I have to fake emotions that are not there and I have to fake faces which I can't make naturally, I act scared when I can't feel fear, I kiss my girlfriend when I can't even love, I smile when I don't know what happiness is, that is the best way to survive to mask the monster and darkness inside of me in order to fit into society, you may be wondering what monster I'm talking about, although I said I am empty and I feel nothing there is one thing which I want to do so bad, it's something I'm so tempted to do but I'm not gonna do, but for some reason I have a serious urge to KILL. But don't worry I'm not an animal who acts on impulse and just kills no, I've been itching to kill at least once to see if it can give me just a shred of emotion to take the life of someone what will I feel? Guilt? Remorse? Sadness? Happiness? Just anything will do. I've been able to mask my urge very well up till now but I feel very soon I'll start slipping away and give into my desires.

 We just finished having the fourth period (math) so it's time for lunch break, during this time most humans take it as a chance to socialize, talk to their crush, eat, have a good time, while I just want to be left alone to drown in my thoughts and just forget about my fake self and my world of lies, my seat is positioned perfectly at the rear end of the class right next to the window where i can just stare at the birds flying and enjoying the blessing called freedom, a blessing which I will never have

"Ahem"

I look up to see who it is that dares to cut short the only time I have to myself and when I look up I see that the person who cut short my alone time is non other than Angel, now you may be wondering who angel is but truth be told I don't know who she is either all I know is that she's the most popular girl in class and is my classmate although for some reason she seems to be interested in me romantically,

"What's up angel" I say with a smile on my face

"Oh nothing just wanted to bless you with a glance of my beauty"

I won't lie she is very pretty and can probably compete with Isabella in terms of looks but that's where it ends apart from her beauty and popularity she has nothing else, the worst thing about her is her bitchy attitude she acts like she is gold and it's due to her popularity, I don't know why she prides being so popular is it something she is meant to be proud about? Is that what gives her the right to treat others like shit? I don't understand it but I guess that's how the social hierarchy in school works,

"So how about me and you go for dinner together tonight, huh Andrew?"

"I really appreciate it but like I've told you before I can't date you I'm already in a relationship"

"You mean that bitch Isabella? Pfff please, I am the complete package why would you settle for something like her when you can have me"

"Can you not insult my girlfriend? I find it really offensive"

In reality I don't give a shit she can insult her as much as she wants for all I care

"Hmmm, whatever don't think I'll accept you apology when you crawl back begging for me"

"Sure"

She scoffs and whips her black long hair back then uses her blue eyes too look at me like I'm some kind of disgusting animal before turning to leave, finally I'm all alone again just me and myself or so I thought till Chris came charging at my desk

"What's up" I ask

"Oh nothing much just messing about, and having some fun"

If there is such a thing like being too human then that is what Chris is, to be able to have actual emotions, to have friends that I actually have fun with, to be able to laugh freely, to be able to love, to be able to get angry when someone pisses me off, to be able to feel sorrow and other peoples pain also, for that I would give anything living like this is hell, if i had emotions I would envy Chris for having emotions but then again why would I envy someone for having emotions when I myself would have them

"Wanna go to the cafeteria? let's buy something" asks Chris

No I don't want to go to the cafeteria I just wanna be left alone and die

"Sure why not, I have nothing better I'm doing" I reply already wishing I just shut the fuck up and didn't say that.

We make our way to the cafeteria to buy something to eat, luckily the cafeteria isn't crowded today i don't like crowded places although I can blend in with the crowd if need be, the cafeteria is still the same white walls which are stained with unknown substances, about four air conditioners, and a reasonable number of chairs and tables for those who want to eat in the cafeteria. While Chris and I are making our way to place our order I unintentionally bump into someone from behind, the person turns around and unfortunately for me that is the worst person for me no in fact for anyone in our class to encounter, his name is Alvin, however he looks more like an ape on steroids than a human towering over me and standing at about six foot four to six foot five, his face is contorted in that of annoyance and disgust man how unlucky am I first angel now this behemoth

"I'm sorry Alvin I didn't mean to bump into you" I quickly apologize though I feel no remorse

"Ah so it's you Graham" roars Alvin

He addresses me by my last name for whatever reason

"I'm really sorry I didn't mean it"

"Ah don't bother apologizing I know you don't mean it you fucking psycho"

Ah yes, I don't know why but for some reason Alvin can see me for what I really am, he points me out as a psychopath although he doesn't actually know what I am he only suspects I'm a psychopath but he's wrong a psychopath feels emotions to a very reasonable extent but I'm far different and far worse,

"I'm really sorry Jason"

"I don't think you are" smirks Jason

"Oi, he already apologized so leave him alone" says Christian with the most serious look he can pull

"Hm Christian" scoffs Alvin "till we meet again graham"

"Thanks Chris"

"Ah don't mention it Andrew"

He's a good friend, he usually stands up for me and helps me when needed if only I could do the same for him. We proceed to buy something to eat, I get a chocolate glazed doughnut with a canned cola drink, I don't usually have a preference when it comes to food but cola drinks are the only exception they are just so good, while Chris got a cake parfait and and some iced coffee, while we take our leave I I take a glance to my left and see our Asian classmate Lee eating sushi and rice, I'm not racist neither am I against the idea of people eating food they like but I the thought of eating raw fish just doesn't sit right with me.

 We just finished our last period and the bell just went off, the class finished exactly on time by 3:30 usually Chris and I always branch the arcade before going to hostel after school ends, but sometimes Isabella wants to walk with me to the hostel and I guess today is one of those days, I pack my stuff and hang my cross bag across my left shoulder,

"See ya later dude" says Chris

"Yea" I reply before we do our usual handshake which i think is childish but Chris thinks it's cool so for his sake I put up with it and act like it's cool also. I step outside the class and see Isabella is already waiting for me smiling so much like I'm the best thing that has ever happened to her, I don't understand love,

"Yo Isabella what's up sorry to keep you waiting" I chuckle nervously

"Oh no problem, I didn't mind at all"

"So shall we get going? I would hate to keep such a lovely woman waiting"

She instantly turns as red as a lobster and can't even look me straight in the eye, I guess this sensation is called blushing, I guess it is caused by romantic stimulation. We finally leave the school building and the sun is out and is hitting me right on my scalp the heat is so intense this time of the day, while Isabella and I are walking I notice she is smiling to herself,

"What's up, you've been smiling for quite while anything wrong?" I say finally breaking the ice

"Oh nothing, it's just anytime I'm with you I can't help but be happy and shy at the same time"

"Oh, why is that?"

"I don't know why, even right now as we speak my heart is beating really fast, so how do you feel about me?"

"I obviously feel the same way or even more, I really love you"

"Your such a good person, I hope you never leave my side" says Isabella with a worried look on her face

"I would never I promise, you have nothing to worry about"

She starts to smile again and wraps her arms around mine, she then leans close to me and whispers something in my ear

"I have something special for you later this night but you have to promise to keep it a secret and not tell anyone" she whispers in such a sexy voice then places my hand on her gigantic boobs and I immediately I get a boner, this is so weird and new to me because I know how the male body works but the only boners I've gotten are the ones from waking up in the morning I've never caught a boner cuz of a girl. After the whole stunt Isabella just pulled I can't think of anything else apart from the boner I just caught, wow I think I might actually want to fuck my girlfriend, my thoughts are cut short by a deafening scream coming from just ahead of us, we see a group of students gathered around something

"What's happening over there?"asks Isabella

"I don't know I think we should just move on and mind our business" I say still deep in thought

"I think it's serious the girl over there is crying"

"Ok let's go check it out"

We go over and I want to ask what happened but the mere sight of what is on the floor was enough, it was a corpse the dead body of a boy, Isabella nearly pukes but she controls herself however she is nearly in tears, I don't understand why she wants to cry or pike just from seeing a dead body, some of the other students puke at the sight of the body

"How are you so calm in this situation seeing a dead body?" One of the students question me

"Oh, I'm not calm in fact I'm so shocked, I-I- can't even react"

The concerning part isn't just the boys corpse but the fact that there is a slash on his throat and his two eyeballs have been removed, which means he didn't just die, someone murdered this guy and even proceeded to remove his eyeballs. It means there's a murderer in this school.