Chapter 10: Happiness is a Choice, so I chose You.

"In life, we have but few really free choices. When our choices are narrowed down by life's chances and changes, we can choose to be happy. We may be cornered to a pinch but we can always have our choice to be happy despite the situation that we're in. Our life may be hard at the moment, but we can get through tough times with firm resolve. But if there is a person that makes us happy, it's a foretaste of heaven,

Chapter 10: Happiness is a Choice, so I chose you. 

I am a recluse by choice. I chose to be with myself because I am not strong enough to be able to compete with the rest of the world. My slice of pie of reality had been only the edge of the crust; a little burnt, a little bitter, and a piece that most people would refuse to eat, most will drop into the bin. If there is one thing that makes me hang on, it is my resolve to be a better man someday.

I understand why many people tend to go through life in the gutters of society. Even wealthy millionaires take some time to be alone in the woods or at the sea, in their luxurious yachts. They risk being at the mercy of nature to feel adventure and to take off the yoke, the pressure of keeping up with the rest of the world. Especially when the world only acknowledges achievements, breakthroughs, victories and domination.

When people cannot keep up, they back down. They tend to isolate themselves away from the harmful world they struggle with. They either make up with a hobby, drinking alcohol or even drugs to numb away the pain and the struggle that they are into. It is a very difficult choice, some people would choose to work graveyard shifts just to avoid the daylight crowd. This tendencies may create in them a kind of a new world for them and if they cannot cope properly they tend to suffer physically or psychologically,

"Get out of your comfort zone." People may ask of me. 

But why would I do that? To satisfy your curiosity and help you feel better about yourself? If I am comfortable with what I am and what I have, why should I set aside my comfort and happiness just to suit your wants? Why would I sacrifice myself to conform to what you want? If I am doing well with what I need to do, and I am comfortable with it, Why change it?

"You need to mingle with others. No one is an island. Yes no one is an island but an undiscovered island keeps its virgin forests and stays beautiful without human intervention.

If anyone seeks happiness in pleasing other people, they are bound to fail. No one can please everybody. You may please some. You may displease some, but if you try to please everybody, that'll be a disaster. Thus, a healthy self esteem even in a virtual world will enable a struggling person to cope with the harshness and difficulties of life. And for that, the World of Ragnarok Online offers a world where you can be what you want to be, with less risk and a chance of starting all over again if you fail. We all know that the real world may offer only one chance in life, but in the Ragnarok Online world, when you die, you respawn at the save point and start again. Weaker and missing most of your good stuff but a good chance to start again.

That's why people get hooked. That's why I get hooked. Ragnarok Online is my world. A world where I can be stronger than what my physical body would allow. It is a world full of adventure, more than real life, a simpler world where the complications of life are absent, the randomness of failures and success, and the harsh realities of life are non-existent. It is a world where you need no sleep, food is for vitality, no need to cook, no need to wash clothes, clean the dishes or spend a whole day cleaning the entire house. And what more, because a player can earn real, hard cash, what else could be better?

However, Ragnarok Online is not a solitary game. There's a whole new crowd of people, real people to deal with. They are real people who may have a totally different appearance or personality in the real world. Players can customize the appearance of their characters, from character types, clothing, gender, and body features, all are customizable. A guy can be a girl and vice versa. Almost nobody uses their own names. Many intertwined names and numbers to their call names. Thus they can create a character, build them up not according to who they really are but mostly according to what they want to become.

However, to make it easier for me to communicate and interact with people, interpersonal interaction is my waterloo. I decided to make my character as close to my real identity as possible. A chose a skinny character with unruly hair. Named it with my first name and year of birth and viola! Benjamin1999 was born in the world of Ragnarok online. Of course, I need not go through the difficulties of infancy and childhood. Thank the Game developers for that.

So when I developed empathy for the dying newbie players, I chose to become an acolyte. I went on to the acolyte quest and all the adventures of it and felt really awesome when I started healing fellow newbies. They are amazed at my generosity and kindness. This is actually what I wanted to become. I long to spread generosity and kindness, in any way I can. I was so surprised when after healing some newcomers, my character, acquiring some experience, reached a level up! I was leveling up without the risk of fighting monsters! 

Thus, I did it almost everyday and every hour that I'm playing, people actually expected to see an NPC when they were looking for Benjamin1999 at the gate of the City of Prontera. They are actually surprised to see a cotton shirt dressed acolyte with so many players waiting in line to be healed and regain their vitality. Oh, and yes some items are being given away. Of course, I could have charged real money even for potions and low level armor but because all of those items were donated by high level players and Game Moderators, I don't sell them, I gave them away to players that could actually use them and put them to good use!

That's when the Game Moderators gave me a good guy badge! It made my day! I was so happy that people recognized me for what I wanted to be! And when it was time for me to take the Priest level up Quest, people donated so much stuff that I went on a best load out full pack. 

When I returned to my "Hospital", many people were waiting there for me! They know that I will return as a priest so many of my loyal followers and fans Brought some of the best priest equipment and stuff! It was a Fiesta! A grand celebration ensued with generous trading and left and right donations! I was so happy but as I logged out of the game, I felt empty. I felt the emptiness that crept inside my heart. I don't know how to shake it off, nor to cope with it. What should I do?

Fortunately, I befriended a player named Amy. It was serendipity that brought us together. Now I am happy with her. As my only friend in Ragnarok, I find it easier to deal with her, friend it easier to have her as my only friend than to maintain friendship with several players, But i never thought that our bond will be this deep. I never had anything like this in real life. 

I mean, I cared for people in real life, my siblings, my parents but not like what i feel for her. I am so excited to meet her everyday, I am always preparing to meet her everyday, I arrange my schedule to coincide with hers and many more surprising things that are relatively new to me. I care for her so much that, to avoid jealousy among friends, I refused any other requests for friendship. I also realized that I am also her only Ragnarok friend. 

Ever since we met, we have that strong exclusive friendship that greatly contributed to my personal happiness that extended well beyond the game. My offline life has been more than bearable ever since I met her. I had been kinder, more considerate to other people, online and offline. I have been better in handling stress and disappointments since the day we met online. I have been growing more cheerful and optimistic. 

Thus, people around me had actually been happier for me even though they had not known whatever led to my change in personality. Yes, I am still reclusive in real life. But not anymore sad unlike before. I am now visibly happy. My family is puzzled because they never saw anyone interact with me around the community. They seldom saw me outside of our house and they do not have any idea about my Ragnarok online World.

They never saw how I met the one who made my life more exciting. They never felt how happy I had become because I met someone who cared for me. They never knew about Amy and that's fine with me.

Being with her is my choice, the choice that made me happy.