Dilemma and Suffocation

Hurricane was being flown inside my heart. I was feeling as if there will be some catastrophic incident within me very soon. I was making my full effort to control myself. But hey Rama, my effort was being limited within the effort. For the first time in life I was feeling such type of irritation. I used to turn right for a while and again used to turn left at instant. Neither I could sleep nor I could stay peaceful.

All of a sudden, a cold breeze started to circulate throughout my heart. I felt as if I was lying naked on the himalayas and my whole body was covered with snow. My heartbeat was being too slow as if it would stop instantly. Blood circulation in nerves was near about to stop. Unexpectedly, I felt like some unknown force pushed me from backside. Within microspan of second, negative changes started inside me. I felt too hot inside. My mouth and lips got dried. Blood pressure rose to peak. Suddenly, heartbeat took up the speed. I felt like I forcefully landed to the desert from that himalayas. All of a sudden, I felt as if something escaped outside from me and I felt a great relief.

I inhaled a deep breathe inside and exhaled it out. Then I started to investigate those abstract arts created by dust over the wall of room. Surprisingly, an unknown sound hit my eardrum. "Sarkar, oh! Sarkar." I became shocked for a while. I rotated my eyes and looked all over the room. I saw no one inside the room. I thought it was an illusion. I started to stare again.

I heard the sound once again before a minute was elapsed. "Sarkar, oh, Sarkar." "Who are you? And from where are you speaking?" Perhaps, I replied the sound this time. "Oh, Sarkar its me. Look aside." Someone spoke. "From where are you speaking? You dumb." I said. Maybe, it was my reflex action. "Dear, please look upwards." The unknown said. "Upwards? Where?" I said. "Up at the ceiling." The unknown said. I looked up at the ceiling.

I found that the ceiling was turned into a screen and my own image was calling me from that screen. "Who are you and what do you want?" Perhaps, I got scared and asked to the image. He smiled more and gently said," I am your thirst. Yes, I am Ratis's thirst." "Thirst, What kind of thirst?" I asked. He said,"Hey Partner, you understand this much that you are incomplete without me. And for this moment, you keep this in your mind that I want Suravi. That's all." "It is fine. I too want Suravi but.." I said. "Leave this but and sut. Your only goal of life is Suravi. You are meaningless without her. Go and rush for her and make her yours." He said.

"And What about Pa? He has strictly said no. How can I turn my back towards him and escape from the responsibilities towards him?" I said. "Responsibility? You damn are talking about responsiblities. If you really do care about responsibility you'd have thought about responsibility towards Suravi. Have you forgotten everything? Did you forget about the promise you'd made with Suravi that you will keep loving her till the end? Look dear friend, don't think too much. You have to shed the seed of revolution in the love. You have to set an example. Look, you better obey me. Do not leave Suravi." He said.

"No, it won't work. Now, it will be better for me to leave Suravi. You better don't try to divert my mind. Moreover, I have done nothing for Pa. I have to sacrifice Suravi for her. I have already made decision. I will now maintain distance with her." I said. He started to laugh a bit louder.

"I spit on you Sarkar. You proved that you are a coward. And there is no right for such a coward to be in love with anyone. And to speak about your Pa, what does he know about love? I know that you can't leave Suravi. In her absence you will be as the fish out of the pool." He said. "Then you better suggest me what should I do now? I can't stay against the decision of Pa and to leave Suravi, it is also beyond the imagination." I said.

"Revolt with your Pa, Sarkar. Make a hunger strike. Yes you can. Take an advantage of being a single son." He said. "No, I can't do so. It is against my religion to misuse the affection of my Pa towards me. And I can't turn aside from my duties towards my Pa." I said. "Make a garland of your religion and become a sage. And accept that you are an impotent. You coward Sarkar." He said. "No, I will try to convince Pa once again. I hope he will be convinced." I said. He laughed.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked. "Listening to your stuff." He said. "What have I said such which made you laugh as insane?" I asked. "Do you still think that your Pa will be convinced?" He asked me instead of answering my question. "I hope to a single percentage." I answered. "And what about remaining ninety nine percentage?" He asked. "Uff, I don't know." I replied. "Then what will you do now?" He asked. "I don't know. What should I do now?" I said. "You do nothing. Now, I will do. " He said. "What will you do?" I asked. "Wait and see." He said and disappeared. I fell asleep.