Chapter 12

Lecia

I thought I heard someone crying, and when I opened my eyes, I realized that I did, but what I didn't know until I fully opened my eyes that it was me.

Not only was I alone in the room, but I had been crying so hard I had woken myself up from sleep. The room was still dark, but it was taking me a moment to remember where I was again.

Lying still helped me to both get my bearings and to help calm my breathing and racing heart. It took a minute or two longer than I would have liked, but it all came flooding back to me soon.

This room was on a private floor in a building that belonged to a silver haired sly fox of a man who was almost definitely hiding something. I was currently sharing this room with my only living brother, who was currently, nowhere to be found.

My body felt a little less sore and achy, so I had a feeling that I had been able to get at least a few hours of sleep in, but I just wasn't exactly sure for how long. Brea was so silent that I wasn't sure if she was still resting or if she was just upset.

A part of us had been damaged or lost in some way. Not our bond with each other, but our relationship with my brothers. For some reason I always lumped them into one unit, an inseparable team. My love for them was given in the same way.

I just wasn't sure how to fix the holes that were left inside the box that I kept them in now that it was only him? An ache in my head that seemed to constantly be sitting there lately started to, well, ache. 

My face felt a little puffy and I could feel the moisture from my tears on my cheeks as well. Strangely enough, I couldn't recall what I had even been dreaming about right before I inevitably woke up.

Calm and with an almost normal heartbeat, I went ahead and sat up. I really needed to figure out what time it was and where Nico had gone. His scent was light and only lingered near the bed that he had been sleeping on earlier.

I let my fingers brush over the disheveled blankets and pillows. There was no heat there so I knew that he must have been gone for a while. I went to the living room and found the backpack that I had meant to give to Dylan yesterday. 

An image of Eren carrying the pack over his shoulder popped into my head and I had to turn away. That was when I saw that someone had been here. Next to a note on the large counter was a pile of clothing that had not been there before.

Walking over to the pile, I picked up the note with one hand while I carefully touched the clothes. I noticed that they all had tags, so someone must have gone and purchased these recently.

The note was simple, and I instantly knew who had written it. Beyond the scent that wafted off of the paper as I lifted it to read, his words seemed to drip off the page.

"While I have no idea what style or brand of clothing you prefer, my assistant believed that you may like these. If you do not, please do not tell me about it. But if you must let her know and she will be happy to get you something else."

I had no idea why he was doing this, but I would take the clothes. There was a pair of dark green leggings, a simple black bra and panty set that looked about my size, and two different vintage shirts that, according to the tags were brand new and apparently very expensive.

Dropping Roane's note to the counter, I picked up the clothes and headed to the bathroom. Now that I had clean clothes, a shower sounded really nice. Well, so did food, but I figured that I would probably get a better reception from the others if I smelled better.

The restroom was almost as big as the bedroom and had a walk-in shower big enough for four people to fit comfortably. I was a bit curious about the reasoning behind that, but right now, I was just enjoying the waterfall jets that flowed from the ceiling.

Brea was softly purring in my head and something that Dylan had once said to me popped into my head as I stood under the jets and washed the coconut smelling shampoo from my hair.

"You remind me of a cat," she had actually told me on more than one occasion, but I hadn't ever thought of that until now. The purring sound that Brea was making was comforting and honestly reminded me of a cat to.

Finishing with my shower, I got out and dressed quickly and while I did, I finally linked with my brother to see if I could find out where he was.

"Nico, where are you," I asked softly in case he wasn't in a good state of mind. Actually, I had been very nervous about what my brother was thinking and feeling, but I hadn't pushed him to talk just yet.

And why was that, oh yeah, because I was a damn coward and facing his feelings meant facing my own. I sure as hell was not ready for that. A part of me had not wanted to truly believe what happened, but I had felt it. Felt the break in our bond.

Taking my hand, I rubbed it against the phantom pain in my chest. While it didn't hurt right now, not nearly the way it had that day, I had felt it. Truly felt it to the core of my being.

I continued to rub small circles for a few seconds while I stood there in the obscenely large and luxurious bathroom waiting to hear from Nico. 

When his voice finally came through the link, I felt a mixture of emotions. Probably because his voice sounded like he was currently stuffing his grubby little face. 

Okay, so his face was no longer little and plump and constantly full of crumbs like it had been when he was little, still, the fact that he was so blatantly letting me know he was eating was annoying.

"Hey sis, it's about time you got up. The food just got here a bit ago so we're eating, do you wanna join us?"

Us? Who the hell was he with and where the hell was this guy? Right when I was about to start asking him those things my stomach grumbled. I felt Brea chuckling and couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes.

Well, since he had offered, why not go, and figure out what he was up to and with whom he was making mischief with.

"Tell me where you're at little brother," I asked as I was already walking towards the door. To my surprise, the moment I opened it, Mr. Roane Winters himself was standing there.

I wasn't sure if he was about to knock or if he was just lurking, but I couldn't help myself when I saw him. "So do you usually just lurk outside of people's doorways or are you providing me with special treatment?"

To my surprise, a soft pink rose to the top of his cheeks, but it wasn't a full blush, so I knew that while he wasn't truly embarrassed, my words had at least caused him to feel a little chagrinned. 

"As a matter of fact, I came to personally escort you down to breakfast with the others. So, I guess I am essentially providing you with special treatment since I went out of my way to get you."

Unsure if this guy was truly just an arrogant a** hat or if he was just showing me his special side, I decided to go along with it.

"Oh, well, in that case, I guess I should be thankful that you made the extra elevator stop for little ol' me. Where pray tell will you be leading me now?" 

I curtsied towards him as I walked out into the hall and closed the door behind me. There was no point in locking it since we had been informed no one else lived here. Plus, if the guards wanted in, I'm sure that they could easily get inside.

Walking towards the elevator, I passed him and got a nice big whiff of his scent. Again, I couldn't exactly place what it was that I was picking up, but I knew that it was way past rude to ask him.

By the time I hit the button on the elevator, I heard his steps come up behind me and stand right beside me. "It seems that your friend and brother are with Micah and Tristan in his suite. I was nice enough to come and invite you to their little party."

Glancing up at him, I was sure that he would have some kind of smirk on his face, but to my surprise, he looked a little disappointed. The little bit of pleasure that I had found moments ago with our little battle of banter was already fading.

It was no fun to verbally spar with someone who was not willing to put in their all, so when the door to the elevator slid open, I just walked in without saying another word.

We were only a floor away from Tristan's floor so I knew that we wouldn't be alone long, but for some reason I felt Brea on edge as soon as the elevator doors closed. 

His scent was all wrong. I've been around other humans before and while he had the salty scent of sweat mixed in with soap and what I could only tell was very expensive cologne, there was something else. 

Firewood, or charcoal maybe, I don't know, I couldn't put my finger on it. Maybe because I was still a bit tired, oh and hungry, but whatever it was Brea really seemed not to like it. 

The elevator moved so quickly we were on Tristan's floor in a matter of moments and while I didn't want to make it so obvious that I wished to get away from him, I couldn't help but squeeze out of the opening the moment it was large enough for me to fit.

I heard him mumble and looked back quickly to see him leaning down and sniffing himself. "Jeeze, do I smell bad or something?"

As soon as I was out of the elevator, I saw that Tristan's door was open and I heard the sound of voices and loud laughter coming through. My heart squeezed when I heard Nico's loud laugh.

A part of me, and I mean a really small part felt a sliver of betrayal at his ability to laugh like that after everything that had just so recently happened. Was he not struggling as bad as I was?

No. I stopped those thoughts and so did Brea. She growled softly at me and the thread of thoughts that had started in my head. I was so glad that even though she was stopping me from going down that awful rabbit hole, she wasn't judging me.

Before I was fully inside the room, the smell of breakfast sausage, bacon, eggs, and quite a few other things hit my nostrils and I swear my stomach snarled.

Three heads popped around the side of the open door. Lowest was Dylan who had a soft smile spread across her round face. Above her was Nico who had so much food in his mouth he looked like a chipmunk. When he smiled, I was almost sure bacon was gonna fall out.

Above them both was Tristan. He had an even goofier grin on his face than Nico. While I was almost sure of why that was, I felt a little envious of him which only made me feel even worse. 

How the hell am I jealous of a man who is finally finding happiness after his entire family and pack were destroyed because I have experienced my first taste of loss?

All three of the seemingly floating heads welcomed me in their own way, but it was Nico who called out, "it's about damn time, I almost didn't save you any."

I have truly sunken to my absolute lowest. Plastering on a small smile for them all, I walked in, "what smells so good, I'm starving."

Tristan's suite looked exactly the way it had when I had last been in here except the food was now in his kitchen instead of the bedroom, which I honestly preferred.

Nico wrapped me in a large hug as I walked in and Dylan came up and hugged me softly as well, but I couldn't get myself to hug her back the way that I used to. I didn't know how much she resented me and how hard she might be trying to look past that feeling.

Tristan just saluted me, and Micah gave a slight nod with his head. Seeing them all look so happy and at ease was eating at me. I wanted to fit right in with them and jump into whatever conversation that had apparently been having, but I couldn't.

I felt it when Roane walked in behind me and when I turned to look at him, I noticed that he looked a little disappointed at the lack of over the top greeting for him. 

"And you, why don't you be honest and tell me what the f*ck it is that you want and don't say nothing. No one does these things out of the kindness of their hearts!"

The look that he was giving me was one that I knew he had trained himself to control because it gave away nothing. While it was impressive, I had to admit it was a bit scary. Who the hell were we actually dealing with here?

I had little time to dwell on that because the three wolves were readily pulling me in, and Nico had a plate in my hand and was trying to feed me before I had even taken a seat. 

They were greeting Roane and offering him food along with making small talk about the Gods only knew what, but I couldn't focus on them. I watched Nico and the way that he seemed to move around Dylan. 

Where she moved, he was a few steps behind her, if she turned to look for something he was reaching to grab it and offer it to her before she even had to ask. 

Unsure of how or when that had even started, I watched with a mixture of awe and anger. Awe because I had never seen him act like that, but anger because he had not even been this way with Cruz.

Chatter, laughter, and small conversations that seemed to be merging to a larger one was filling the room and I felt Brea trying to calm me. My head was aching, and my heart was starting to beat faster.

How could they sit here and laugh and have a good time when we all should be grieving our losses and assigning blame. It was Alpha Rogan's fault that Cruz was gone. He had been planning this for years and my idiotic brother had tried to be a damn hero and look where that got him.

And Eren, he was worse than a hero, he had to go and be a be a gods damned martyr and sacrifice himself to not only save Dylan, but to save us all. 

He had lived through the hell that his uncle put him through, and not only found his mate, but gave her up before she had even had the opportunity to claim him for her own.

It was too much. This was too much. How dare they, we, sit here and let ourselves enjoy, well anything. Nico had shoved that piece of bacon in my mouth, and I was still chewing it as these thoughts ran through my head.

Their voices were still going around me, but I couldn't focus on them. It wasn't until I heard Nico laugh again that I finally came back to my senses.

"What is wrong with you?" I was talking to Nico, but I was looking down at my plate of food. Everyone had gone quiet as if they were waiting to see who I was talking to.

"Lecia are you okay," Nico asked as he reached over and put a hand on my shoulder. For some reason that was my tipping point. I knocked his hand off and stood.

When I looked up, I saw Dylan watching me. I looked at her long enough to watch the small smile slowly fall from her face. It was too late because all the thoughts in my head, spewed out my mouth like vomit as I turned to Nico.

"How can you sit here and laugh. Actually laugh, like we didn't just loose our brother. I mean gods, what is wrong with you. Don't you hurt like I do? Aren't you broken?"

As I watched him crumble in front of me, it wasn't enough. I then turned to Dylan and kept going.

"Eren. Have you forgotten about Eren? I mean you almost broke the whole f*cking building and tried to shatter the damn world, yet you can sit here and laugh like you didn't leave your mate to be tortured and killed his uncle?"

As the last word left my mouth, my brain seemed to have turned back on and I immediately regretted everything I said. Clapping my hand over my mouth, I wished nothing more than to take it back. To take it all back, but the damage was already done.

Nico staring at his plate looked abashed, but it was Dylan's reaction that I would have never anticipated. She had paled completely and the fork she had been holding fell from her now shaking hand.

Tristan had reached for her, but she had flinched away from him. As I watched her, I noticed her eyes, which had dark circles under them, but it wasn't just that, it was their color.

Gold that seemed to be melting into copper filled the sad eyes that were staring back at me, and I watched as they shifted and swirled in a way I had never seen before.

"Do not assume to know my pain. Do not attempt to calculate the loss I feel. Do you know what it is like to have your heart shatter in your chest? To feel like your soul is being ripped from your body because you lost the man you love before you had a chance to tell him that you loved him?"

Dylan's words were soft, but they were not weak, and she was not done. "Do you know how hard it is to be around your friends and pray that they don't hate you because their brother died to save you?"

Nico flinched at the same moment I did, and I was about to tell her that it was not true, but she continued to speak.

"You should be thankful that I am keeping a tight hold on my pain because if I were to take it out and let it flow, I would destroy this whole world just to make sure that Rogan burned with it."

It was then that I realized that another storm had started raging outside. Dylan was gripping the arms of her chairs so tight; her knuckles were pulsing red and white. 

Opening my mouth to try to apologize, Tristan held up his hand to stop me. "Leave, please Lecia. I will not allow you to speak to her like that, friend or not, can't you see that you are causing her unnecessary pain.:

When I turned back to look at her, I saw that his words were correct. Gods, what had I done? Brea was snarling and growling in my head, and I couldn't think. I stood and practically ran from the room.

I heard footsteps follow me, and when I inhaled, I smelled him behind me as I heard the door close with a "click." I jammed the call button for the elevator so hard that I thought I might have broken it.

There was an inhale of breath, and I knew that he was about to speak. To say something, ask something, and I couldn't deal with him, or his questions, or myself for that matter so I stuck first.

"Be honest for f*cks sake and tell me what it is that you want from us, from her, because I can tell that you are some kinds of a wolf. I smell it on you, but I can tell that something is off, it's not fully yours or something."

For a moment there was a glimmer of the real him that he had let slip through the facade, but he checked himself quickly. "What a good dog, they've trained you well," I snapped at him. 

This time when I turned away from him, I didn't hide the venom in my voice. "One way or another I will find out what it is you want, and I'll be damned if I let you hurt her any more than," I broke off there, because I had been the one who hurt her just now.

I swallowed down the bile that was rising up in my throat as I replayed my actions and words over and over in my head.

"If you hurt her, I will make sure that you never get whatever it is you want from her you bastard." 

And finally, the elevator doors slid open, and I walked inside. As the doors slid closed, I collapsed as the weight of my guilt took hold and broke me completely.