The Epic Fail of Fails

Standing in front of a clothes and accessories store in downtown Manhattan, I started seizing up the store. A gray-blue coat of paint gave the store a neat and relaxing look, with the big glass windows allowing one to see if there was anything that caught the customers eye. Having had this place recommended for getting a "halloween mask" I went inside with some expectations.

As the door bell rang out, the girl with blue hair, probably dyed, rose up from her chair. The ripped jeans and the ripped off sleeves were fashionable now? 

"Welcome to Abra cadabra! How may I help you?" she smiled after saying that. Being two heads shorter than me made her seem quite adorable, yet the lightning tattoo on her arm gave her a strange sense of being dangerous, creating a sense of disharmony. 

Guessing if she was some hidden big shot or similar, I asked her if she had any masks that covered the entirety of the head. 

"Follow me please." like that, she took me to the third aisle of masks, all of which were masks that covered the entire head from all angles. 

Countless masks lined the display shelves, and picking out something would take a while. 

"Do you have any that follow the wild west style? Or something fancy?" 

"those should be near the middle of the aisle." 

Having then spent ten odd minutes looking at everything there and not finding anything, I was about to settle for a regal gold mask with floral patterns. While it didn't really convey wild west feeling, it was still somewhat fashionable. 

Suddenly, from the corner of my eye, in the halloween section, something struck me like lightning from the blue sky. 

"Customer?" she followed behind me, confused. 

Standing in front if the shelf my hand reached out and touched it. Like a invisible pull of fate, the pitch black mask, that was simply a skull wrapping around your head, was picked up by me. 

"How much is this thing?" i replied with a smile having formed on my lips. 

"That's not really western as you said but alright. 35 dollars for that one." 

After that, i kept looking around the store and buying two more items. The first one being a black cowboy duster, priced at two hundred, with a neat and clean look. And the second one was, once more, a black cowboy hat with a wide brim, casting a shadow over the face of the wearer. 

Leaving with four hundred dollars less to my name, i left the store completely satisfied, waving goodbye at the girl. 

Like that, i returned home. Spending the next hour carefully thinking about how I would call myself as a vigilante. The name needed to strike fear into anyone who was up to no good. A righteous name that would protect the innocent from the claws of the underworld. 

Yet no proper name came up that really struck me. 

Quick shot, Deadeye, Bullseye... Was taken. Dead shot? Maybe. The Wild Bull? The Great Gun??? Uhhh... Gun god? No no no no, all these suck, well they don't suck but they don't really strike me as good. Hmmm... Fireshot? Firespitter? Leadrain? Not bad...

 Slowly looking through my skills, I still kept trying to come up with something. The silver shotgun er? Nah doesn't Ring. Golden gun maybe? Skypiercer? The Dead Man... That sounds so good... actually? I died once already after all. Black powder also doesn't sound that bad. Honestly, bulletstorm doesn't sound half bad. The pistoleer... No. Crimson shot...more like crimson shit. Also no. 

Finally, having spent an hour mulling over my potential names, one randomly popped into my mind while I was looking at the mask itself. 

Bone? Skull? Wait... Mr. Bones? 

Looking at all the cool vigilante names I had come up with over the past hour, none of them seemed to stick as much as the simple Mister Bones. 

Still somewhat undecided, the next thing I needed to do was plan out where I was going to be purging evil. 

Taking out a map on new york I had bought today, I wrote down all the lairs of gangs that I knew of in the vicinity. 

Whether it was in Manhattan, Queens or Bronx, I marked down all their rough locations. Then I wrote the Intel that I already had on them, mostly their numbers that I remember. 

Looking at the expansive completed map of new york, showing me where roughly more than a few thousand criminals were concentrated at, I smiled. In the future, I wouldn't really be running out of work. 

Checking the time and seeing it was only 5 pm, I decided I would rest now, so i can be in my best condition for tonight. Hours passed, and the light of the sun kept growing dimmer and dimmer, until finally there was only darkness inside of my room. 

Standing up from my chair, I started putting on my new getup. The first thing was put on the black skull mask and , having it on my head now, I realised it was incredibly comfortable. Next thing, the black shirt and pants. The holsters carrying my pistols were placed at my hip. More specifically, my redhawk and my model 29 were placed there. 

My model 10 I placed on my ankle holster and hid it under the leg hem. Ammo pouches filled, I had more than 40 magnum shots ready for the night. An amount I probably needed as the next base I was planning my raid on had 20 people in it. 

Putting on my black boots next, and finally my cowboy duster. Looking in the mirror, it was quite fashionable. 

A man with a black cowboy duster, black boots, black pants... And a black skull mask... OK yeah I will need to come up with something more defining than just the color black. Overall not a bad fit but I will need to work on the mask itself...probably. 

Putting on my cowboy hat I got ready to head out for my second night raid. 

As for the reason I didn't mind putting on my costume and going on the streets like this? 

The sewage system! The place where the gang is located was less than a block away, so by going through the sewage system I can directly arrive next to their building without anyone spotting me. 

Or at least, that was my plan. Looking at the countless rats that looked at me while I was still descending, I fired a warning shot at them. I call it a warning shot, but I honestly aimed in the middle of the pack. 

Yet that seemed to have had the opposite reaction than fear, as they suddenly started running towards me. 

Back on the surface, I closed the manhole cover and went back to my drawing board, grumbling the entire while. A vigilante defeated by a group of rats, literal rats... If anyone ever hears of this im going to shoot them in the face. Or myself... 

An hour later, I stood next to the abandoned building, with a suitcase in hand.