I stared blankly at the doctor's face.
I could never lead a normal life I reiterated to myself. Never again."... Harris... Harris, are you listening...?"I didn't realize I had zoned out before the doctor was repeating my name (well at least out of my credulousness I wanted to believe it was my name)."Sorry." I apologized."Though I can't promise you a normal life again, at least you'll be able to get back to most of the normal things," Ines said."Can I ask something?"Ines narrowed her eyes."Sure." The doctor replied. "Go on.""You said that the diagnostics eventually point towards selective amnesia," I started, "what kind of memories would be most vulnerable?"The doctor stroked his chin. "For now, you're experiencing random blackouts; but in the future, when we have observed your case much better, we can finalize a few types of memories that are most vulnarable." He said, "Do note that it is hard to provide an accurate conclusion."I still couldn't believe what had happened. With selective amnesia, forget not to remember stuff before exams, I could forget anything that could be important from this point on. Names, directions, and perhaps even language!"So there's no way I'll be able to lead a normal life. Forget school, forget friends, what's..." I faltered."Oh honey," Ines said, "you still can go to school and have friends."A false glimmer of hope lifted my spirit.The doctor smiled. "Yes, but you need to be with a companion who knows about your case... you know, if anything happens." He said. "This might only be until we have ruled out and concluded what kind of selective amnesia you have."I can lead a normal life... but at what cost? I thought. What's the point of clinging on to life when I know that I need to be under constant supervision? Why didn't I just end... along with my parents?Tears collected in my eyes."Well," The doctor got up from his chair and gave Ines a silent nod, "I have to get going now. If you need anything, then let me know through Ines."With that, he was gone. I looked at Ines who smiled at me sympathetically."What will happen to me when my treatment ends?" I pondered out loud.It would've been a lot better if I could have stayed in my coma forever."We'll find a way," Ines replied, not trying to imply anything too certain."What way?! I don't have a home, I don't know if I have any relatives that I can depend on..." I faltered and tears rolled down my cheeks. "I've lost everything."With that realization striking me, I couldn't stop myself. I cried; cried harder and louder than I ever would have. All the pain that I was hiding, all the stoicism that I had been displaying up until now, everything, broke out through me and I was left devastated. I clenched my jaw in disgust at my situation. Clutching the sheets, I attempted to punch through the mattress, sending the monitors beeping faster and faster. Concerned, Ines tried to stop me but I struggled through her physical attempt of calming me. A frisson of emotions – rage, hopelessness, confusion – all of them built up in my chest, waiting to detonate with such a force that it was impossible to depict through words.I blacked out after that.